Bogan? I BARELY KNOW HIM! (Patreon)

I'm sorry! Wait, I don't wanna sound like Coco, I'M NOT SORRY. 

Happy Monday, Patrons! My apologies for the delayed post this week (and now I'll stop apologizing!)! I went to a friend's birthday at Universal Studios yesterday and WOW theme parks take a lot out of you. I guess that's why they're mostly for children. But I had a blast. But now on to THE REAL WORK. 

Let's talk about Drag Race Down Under episode 3! 

We start off with the shocking loss of Art Simone. Everyone is gooped, gagged, on edge, edging, you name it. Don't  things go in reverse in Australia so maybe that's relevant to the judging? Lol. But, we're over it! We have to move on to a new day in the werkroom and all the queens are sucking on helium balloons! Sure! Why not! This makes sense! it's time for a mini challenge! 

After some quick product placement the queens have to get themselves in quick lifeguard drag to do their best Baywatch slow mo beach runs. First we get to watch them shave their crotches for the sake of ad sales and then we watch them save an imaginary person for the sake of our entertainment. Two things stood out to me in this challenge:

1. Karen from Finance looks like she used the makeup gun from the Simpsons

2. I finally understood the pun of Kita Mean's name. IT ONLY TOOK ME THREE EPISODES. 

The single titty committee, Scarlet Adams, and our committed underdog, Elektra, win the mini challenge! They get to be team captains choosing their respective GIRL GROUPS for the maxi challenge this week! They'll be preforming "Queens Down Under" (the lack of creativity on this title made me lol). Also, I LOVE that Maxi got chosen last and said “I don’t give a rats ass.” It's safe to say my overall love for Maxi grew twice her tit size this week! 

The teams start brainstorming their lyrics and suddenly Elektra and Karen get in a huge fight and Karen storms away. I'd be lying if I said I didn't whisper "what the heck!?" in that moment until I found out I GOT PRANKED. They were just joshing us! And, TBH they got me. I was about to scream at the screen NO, ELEKTRA, YOU GO OUTSIDE AND YOU COLLECT YOURSELF AND YOUR HUMILITY BEFORE YOU GET IN ANOTHER SPAT LIKE THAT. I was rooting for you. WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU. 

Anyway, then they get another Rumail from TROOOOOYE (and Leland) but more importantly OUR SWEET BABY BOY TROYEEEEEE! Who's not a baby anymore and looked like a full time CUTIE with a NASTY mouth on this episode. He wishes the queens good luck and then we go to recording. 

Our first team is called "Three And A Half Men" and I love it. Kita is so cute! And Maxi's bluntness about her limitations are lovely... “I’m more of a drawer”. Then we get team "Outback FakeHoes" and I'm all for it. Wiggles is classically a sweet spaz but Coco gives us a tone deaf opera laced with constant apologies and it looks like she might be in trouble. 

We get to our choreo and it seeeeeeems like Elektra was really killing it for her team? But are we getting played? They seem too confident and content? That makes me nervous! Then we have a really nice heart-to-heart moment in the werkroom where Elektra confesses how she lost her dance studio, among other things, and had to live in a garage. UGH. I LOVE AN UNDERDOG STORY SO MUCH. Karen's support of her was incredibly sweet but it the plot seemed a little too sugary and optimistic. I had some doubts. The Outback Fakehoes seemed to struggle a little in their choreo rehearsal and it made me wonder if any of their onions were gonna bloom this episode. BA DUM BUMP. A double pun if we wanna make a Troye Bloom connection!

Moving on! It's elimination day and Coco has a weird letter on her station that says "Watch Out." It looks like a psychotic six year old wrote it and, honestly, I have no idea how I'm supposed to feel about it. Stupid? Is it stupid? Is that how I'm supposed to feel? Because that moment made me feel stupid. 

Anyway it's performance time! To my surprise the Outback FakeHoes kill it! I loved their color scheme and variety of textures in their wardrobes. It was chaotic but it all worked together. Wiggles gives us a pussy panty moment and I loved it while Etc give us Lisa Rinna and I wasn't so into it. But overall they were great! Which instantly made my heart sink for Three and a Half Men. That was a great performance to have to follow! 

But they tried their best! Elektra did amazing...unfortunately it's a team challenge. She stood out like a gorgeous thumb while Maxi dragged her body on the floor for her entire section. Ha! I mean, I thought it was so dumb and hilarious but I knew that wasn't gonna do it for the challenge. But, god, what I would pay to watch one of the Little Mix girls just writhe on her stomach for her whole verse during a concert! 

This week's runway category is Bogan Prom Realness. And after a quick google of what bogan meant I'm all in! 

Etc etc: Gave us trashy Paris Hilton, or me on a Sunday

Coco: Bush whacked! It's a cute idea but it seemed too simple

Wiggles: I think this is good? I really don't know but she is SELLING US ON IT - I mean, I can see halfway down her throat but I love that tin can purse!

Scarlet: OH HELL YES that cigarette necklace makes me wanna buy some Nicorette - AND IT'S A GOON BAG DRESS lololol I love this! AND THE WORD GOON. WHAT FUN! AND her purse has wine in it??? All of this is wonderful!

Elektra: Is giving us a little Kesha meets Madonna - and then see puts a full can in her mouth! Okay!

Kita: She looks like she came from Hot Topic - not my fav but not the worst 

Maxi: A bit Goldmember but her "she brings the edibles as well" line got me good!

Karen: Ohhh she’s doing the Rosé ruffle but a little bit better - cute!

Then we get our judging and Rhys' line to Wiggles "there’s a manicness to you that absolutely fucking terrifies me and I love it" wow I felt that on a spiritual level! 

Not too surprisingly, Scarlet wins and I love that everyone claps their hands while Maxi claps her tits. Uhh, I love her. Sadly, Elektra and Coco are in the bottom but, good news for us, they FUCKING kill the lip sync. Elektra pulled out every spin, split, side-eye available. And it took me way too long to realize there was one of Coco's branches laying on the stage...I thought someone shit themselves as soon as the music started. Ha. 

Elektra shantays while Coco sashays and I'm happy for Elektra but also nervous! I don't know if she has the elevated drag that the judges want to be competitive..and I also don't want her to loose her cool and become and unlikable hot headed villain. She seems too sweet for that! It doesn't help that people that Coco can't remember her name. Lol. Alexis was close. And now I guess we'll never find out the secrets behind that stupid note? Wow, that note was stupid. 

Anyway, let me know what you guys thought! Who are you rooting for? Who are you worried for? I love but am worried for Elektra and Maxi. I'm also rooting for Wiggles, who I'm just worried might have an actual stroke from excitement overload but no one would know if she's acting any different! Okay, I gotta go! Happy Monday, y'all! Have great weeks! ❤️G