Henny, I Shrunk ... my perception of reality (Patreon)

...because this week's episode of Drag Race was a bit of a fever dream. Was it not? Maybe it wasn't, and maybe I should drink more water and be more careful about those tens of minutes I spent sitting near the sun today. 🙃

Happy Saturday, Patrons! How is everyone doing? I'm doing my claaaaassic Saturday mix of finishing this week's Drag Race episode and watching NCAA March Madness. Turns out there's a lot of similarities between the two. It's a bunch of passionate men running around like looney tunes chasing their dreams! And I root for all of them! 

Let's get into this week's episode "Henny, I Shrunk The Drag Queens." We start with Symone cleaning up sweet Utica's mess from last episode saying "I ate my twin." Which is probably a healthier meal than what their covid-safe kraft services is providing. Meanwhile, Kandy is pumped because she's the first of the House of Aja to win a challenge...which warms my heart and also gives me Hogwart's Triwizard Tournament undertones when they're so proud to represent their respective house. (And yes, for those wondering, I did google "what the heck was the harry potter wizard tournament stuff?"... I don't have "Hogwart's Triwizard Tournament" on deck in my brain cave)

The next day in the werkroom we have our top five! And what a great top five it is, imho! Everyone brings something a little different to the table. GotMik's GOT lewks and light-heartedness in spades, Symone has a  full perfectionist's package, Rosé has professional entertainer oozing off her big bad eyebrows, Kandy has a big ass personality popping out of her teeny tiny shorts and Olivia has a smile you can weaponize. 

Ru saunters in looking like Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast came to life in a full candle-burnt velour suit. I don't hate it.  This week's challenge has the queens starring in the film "Henny, I Shrunk the Drag Queens." It's an acting challenge where these big personalities are gonna have to go small or go home! 

The queens read their "THICK script" and divide up their thirsty characters...Ginger Ale, Brandy, Chardonnay, Dominique Perignon and Margarita. Which sounds like the bar receipt I find in my purse after a TERRIBLE Friday night at a Chili's. All the queens find the characters they vibe with, except Kandy and Symone tussle over wanting Dominique Perignon until Symone finally settles for Margarita. If you have to settle for a margarita you know it's going to be a challenge. 

Side note: Kandy brushing Rose’s facial hair while trying to show how butch she could be was a type of ASMR that caught me ALL THE WAY OFF GUARD as I listened to this episode in my headphones!! I'm not an ASMR person but that gave me chills all the way into my armpits and beyond. 

At this point we get our Symone is spiraling narrative. She is a perfectionist to her perfect core and doesn't want to disappoint her House of Avalon. I mean, Gigi Goode is affiliated with the House of Avalon... Goode God (who is, still, not a bitch) those are some perfect shoes to perfectly fill. But I love Symone because she's NOT perfect...she does perfect with a gritty twist...and we all know how much I love Gritty. Perhaps I should become a member of the House of Gritty??? That's a post for another time! 

Symone's spiral is broken up with a video chat from Scarlett Johansson because WHY NOT!? The queens and Scarlett have a wonderfully scripted back and forth and she gives them some not so profound knowledge and then Colin Jost pops in and makes a size queen joke that, to me, reads like he literally can't not try to be the center of attention but hey, that's just the opinion of me... Grace Helbig, from the House of Gritty.  

Now they move on to shoot the movie! 1. I appreciated the transparency of them showing the struggle of the queens being out of drag options for a green screen situation and 2. I appreciated that it resulted in Rosé looking like the pink power ranger grew up and became and butch lesbian and 3. I could listen to a full sleep meditation of Kandy's run of "Nooooo my wicked beauty.... Nooooo my beautiful wickedness...Nooooo my wicked beauty....Nooooo my wicked beauty...." I don’t even know if that was a Freudian slip but that sequence was its own genre of ASMR and 4. Mik's ability to find joy in every challenge is truly INFECTIOUS. That's the virus I want and 5. Symone saying Olivia doesn't realize that she's the Urkel of the group SENT ME. "um, excuse me, may I ask a question...DID I DO THAT?!" WOW THAT GOT ME GOOD. 

Okay moving on! It's elimination day! While they're getting runway ready they talk about their growth and their connection/disconnection to people they saw on screen growing up. 1. Rosé's self awareness about her intense self awareness is some kind of mind fuckery, but I'm just glad she's letting her self aware walls down in a very self aware way 2. Mik talking about the trans community being held to a barbie or ken and nothing-in-between standard is gorgeously put sentiment and 3. When one of the queens mentioned doing their eyebrows and said “Will they be sisters or will they be twins?” and Kandy responded with “They’ll be neighbors, baby” ... that's possibly the best beauty advice I’ve ever heard!

We get to the runway and category is Haute Pockets. Y'all. I had to put on the closed captioning because I rewound the episode FOUR TIMES and thought Ru said OAT pockets and I could not for the life of me understand what was happening. That Rosé chin scrub ASMR really fucked my ears up. AND THEN, like 10 minutes later when the judges were giving their critiques did I realize it was a freaking play on HOT POCKETS. My brain was on fully idiOAT mode. 

My runway rundown:

Symone: Is a giant denim pocket and I LOVE IT - that’s one LEAN POCKET

Olivia: Looks like a character from “Frozen” got a drag makeover. It didn’t read as “pockets” to me (oat or haute)... it read as a big ol bow on her body that she hid her hands behind? I mean, she looked stunning but it didn't fit the memo.

Rose: My first impression was a Humpty Dumpty shaped Pocket Posey ...but it's a reveal?! PHFEW! I LOVE this whole mod pocket fantasy! 

Kandy: I think it’s cool?? But it also looks a little like a “unconventional objects” challenge … Like she made this dress from dollar store items?… but I like her hair?… I think? I really don't understand how I feel about the thing but I love her makeup! I think?

Gottmik: Okay we have an ill fitting trench…what’s underneath? A flasher with watches everywhere!? LOVE IT … inspired by Hercules!? … I love that I can’t EVER guess what Mik will do! AND HER WHOLE BODICE IS MADE OF WATCHES WTF... her effortless attention to detail is beyond my comprehension. I just love it! 

Then we have our premiere of "Henny, I Shrunk the Drag Queens"...and y'all...I have no idea what I just watched. That film sent me into an intense furrowed-brow-fever-dream state and I don't know if I've actually recovered yet. These are the exact notes I took while watching it:

Watching this whole movie makes me feel like I ate more of that questionable edible I had a couple weeks ago that made me feel high for 2 days straight. THAT SHIT WAS CRAZY?! WHAT DID I ACTUALLY JUST WATCH ARE WE ALL GETTING PRANKED!?

And there you have it. The judges critiques are really no surprise, until they AGAIN ask the queens who they think should go home. Do they normally ask them this question more than once a season? It feels a little much to me? But maybe I was still recovering from that award winning film I just witnessed?

Regardless, Olivia stalls saying “I am conflicted because I cannot say myself and I cannot say any of them” which is a cool new take on Valentina's "I'd like to keep it on, please!" lol But  we get to our bottom two...Kandy and Olivia and ohhhh what a match up! And having watched Untucked and knowing Kandy had been having a full blown panic attack behind the scenes OHHH WHAT A HEART RATE REGULATED MATCH UP.

They perform to Cher's STRONG ENOUGH! Which is SUCH A SONG TO LIP SYNC TO! Kandy’s subtle gesture to Olivia during “was she worth it..” OHHHHH GIRL And those “You gotta go!” moments, I LOVED THEM. And then Kandy had some glitter and I am so easily entertained that I fell for the gag. Olivia sahsays and Kandy shantays and originally I noted that I thought Kandy didn't even seem surprised by the result, but then knowing she was having panic backstage I'm sure she was just trying to literally breathe in that moment. Good for her! 

Though I think the polite divalicious diva is amazing I do agree that she's got so much of that good growing to do. Which leaves us with our top 4! I think it's a pretty freaking fierce top four! And with the way they've been portraying Rosé's growth and momentum and Mik's consistent capabilities alongside Symone's outright outstanding-ness and Kandy's amusing musings...it's a tough competition! I have no idea what's going to happen. But that's partially because I still don't know where I am after watch Henny, I Shrunk the Drag Queens. 

As always, let me know your thoughts, conspiracy theories, opinions, guesses, messes, and whatever else comes to mind! I'm gonna go hydrate! Enjoy the rest of your weekends, y'all! ❤️G