The Path (Patreon)

This is a small excerpt from the 'Original' I was working on since we reached the 100 patrons mark. Thanks to 'Kabu' for being the 100th person <3.

*Finis Part 1*

I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point I just got too tired. As I lay on my bed, I can feel a deep pain spreading throughout my body. I let my conscience roam between the individual aches, each invoking a memory or experience that has evolved into a burden on my physique, and a shackle on my mentality. I adjust my posture in a vain hope that I might find some comfort only to have my focus shift to a different ache in another area of my body.

“Dammit, I just want to sleep…”

I inhale several deep breaths in an attempt to relax my body, an exercise that has become almost a spiritual support for me over the years. I count each breath to distract myself, focusing on the process of inhalation and exhalation... After fifty breathes my mind begins to become fuzzy as the abundance of oxygens pervades my brain. To finish the exercise I take one last deep breath and hold it. The cool state of my mind begins to cease as my consciousness slowly fades. As darkness encompasses my vision, I release the pent of oxygen and sharply exhale. The darkness is spontaneously replaced by freezing, tingling sensation as all the nerves in my body seem to instantly fire and transition into a relaxed state. It’s moments like this I crave, when the pain fades away to be replaced by a gentle numbness...However, it’s just a momentary reprieve. After the sensation fades and my heartbeat returns to normal, the pain slowly begins to return. Once again, I affirm my decision and a rare, genuine smile appears on my lips.

*beep beep beep* *beep beep beep* *beep beep bee-* *clack*

I awaken to the sound of my alarm and quickly silence it. I look at my phone to check the time. It is now 0430. Uncharacteristically, I’ve awoken early today, seemingly in spite of myself if the protests of my body are any indication. 

“Man, I’m getting too old for this.”

I unwillingly pull myself from the same bed that causes me so much torment. As I move into the nearby bathroom, I manage to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. A somewhat pale face stares back at me. My complexion has been growing worse over the years, a stark contrast to my once healthy body. This disparity causes me to stall for a moment, as I begin to evaluate my current appearance. The body I had once painstakingly sculpted was now a testament to excess and indulgence. Where once the line of my muscles could be clearly drawn, now only stretch marks remain, a perpetual reminder of my complacency and failure. Perhaps in shame, I’m not sure myself anymore, I draw my eyes away from my body and stare into my face. Even though I’m only 26 this year, I can see the signs of early aging appearing in the features of my face. There are bags perpetually accompanying my now muddy brown eyes which seem to emit a subtle sense of solemnity. My unkempt brown hair seems to accent my lacking features, making me appear reminiscent of a homeless person.

*siiiigh*

I let out a long breath I didn’t realize I had been holding in. Suddenly the lines of my face seem to be drawn even deeper as my time of reflection comes to an end. I mechanically go through the motions of preparing for my day and leave the bathroom. Upon exiting, I look around my small apartment. It’s almost as unkempt as myself, with trash littering the space around the computer which serves as both my workstation and emotional support. The setup itself is maintained rather well, if you don’t mind the small buildup of dirt and grime in the frequently used areas. I can hardly imagine what life would be like if my computer had broken down, so I periodically perform maintenance to keep it in working order. I move the chair behind the plastic folding table which supports the entire setup. I login into my email.

“Student loan notices...notice of late payments...and spam.”

I mindlessly scroll through the repetitive emails and pay little attention to their urgent undertones. I have long grown desensitized to such forms of bureaucratic accosting. There was a time when I tried keeping up with the payments, but after a year I realized I hadn’t even impacted the overall balance. In fact, even though I had been making the “recommended” payments, the overall amount owed had increased! 

After impatience gets the better of me, I do a quick inquiry through my emails search function and finally find the email I’m looking for. It’s a plane ticket for later this morning. A few months ago I had talked to a few of my remaining friends and we had all agreed to attend PAX this year in Seattle, WA. I confirm the time and gate listed and key the details into my phone. Lastly I login to my messenger app and text my friends that I’m looking forward to the trip, and can’t wait to hang out for the first time in a while. For what feels like an adequate amount of time, I stare at my phone waiting for a response...after a few minutes I close out of the app and prepare to set out for the airport. 

For the last time, I lock my apartment and board the taxi I had called. The cab driver is an older chinese man who speaks broken english. For a moment I imagine how he has lived till this point. What kind of past he might have had, and what events transpired that lead him to this moment where he is shuttling me to the airport. I wonder if he had dreams of his own when he was younger, if he had come to the states in the hopes of pursuing something greater than his homebound aspirations…

*brrrm* *brrrm* *brrrm*

My small reverie is broken as the phone in my pocket vibrates. Recognizing it as a text, I quickly unlock the phone to see who sent it. Tom, a friend of mine I had known for more than a decade, had responded to my earlier messages. He too claimed to be looking forward to the coming trip, which prompted another friend of mine, Dave, to immediately respond in kind. 

“...”

I pause for a moment before contemplating my response. I send them the information about my itinerary and confirm the time and place of our meeting. We agree to meet at a cafe near the airport that is outside the hotel we’ll be staying at. As we continue to converse the final member of our group Xander, known colloquially as “Z” joins the conversation. We reaffirm the details with Z and talk about arbitrary things until I finally arrive at the airport. I let the group know I’ve arrived at the airport, so I close the app and proceed to check-in for my flight.

After finally making my way through the ‘wonderful’ TSA security, I find a spot to sit near my boarding gate. I still have a few hours until my actual flight, so I pull out the old tablet I had received from my periodic stay in college. It’s a dated piece of hardware, but it is more than necessary to suit my needs. I check out various anime related news, and see if any of the manga I periodically read have been updated. After performing that ritual habit, I logged in to one of the novel websites I often patronize. Reading has become one of the only things I do during my free time as of late. After a series of events had chiseled away the remainder of my motivation, it was one of the only things I found as an adequate distraction to break away from the monotony of everyday life. I’ve become quite fond of anything related to fantasy, and liked to imagine myself in the role of the protagonist of each world. This time I was reading a novel where the MC had reincarnated into a world of swords and magic. It had some light hearted elements and was very reminiscent of a slice-of-life comedy anime I had seen in the past. As I continued to read, it felt as if my spirits were lifted somewhat as the character went about on his various adventures and meet several companions who aided him along the way.

“We are now boarding for flight 3853 to Seattle, WA. If you’re in boarding group…”

My immersion is suddenly broken by the announcement over the intercom. Suddenly a powerful melancholy overtakes me as I put away my tablet and prepare to board. I can’t help but think about what it would be like to be reborn similar to the MC in the novel I was just reading. Having the opportunity to reincarnate into a fantasy world and live freely without the inhibitions of society... 

As I continue to muse about such a scenario, I suddenly break away from that train of thought and mock my own capriciousness. I quickly board the plane once my boarding group is called and find my seat near the middle of the plane. It seems that I had a mix of both fortune and misfortune as my seat was located in the center, between the A and C sections. However, even though I was in the most uncomfortable seat, my seatmates were both relatively attractive young women. One seemed to be in her mid-twenties, with light brown hair neatly arranged to frame her face. She looked like a young office woman traveling on business given the suit she was attired in. The adjacent young lady looked like a college student in the prime of her life. She had a vibrancy in her actions and an expression which seemed to brighten her surroundings. As I approached the two women to take my seat, I noticed both of them visibly tense at my presence. Though I can feel my face harden a bit, I try to smile and address the two of them.

“Pardon me, I’m supposed to be sitting in 15B.”

Immediately, I can feel the air in the cabin stagnate a bit as both of their expressions falter slightly. The young college girl quickly ejects from her seat whilst apologizing. I feel a little guilty seeing how startled she is, and realize it was not in fact my luck to be seated between the two of them. It was their misfortune to have to share a row of seats with me…

“Sorry…”

I apologize while taking my seat and do my best to make myself as small as possible. Though it would typically be appropriate to take both armrests in the middle seat, I abandon that line of thought and cross my arms so as not to accidentally distress the two women. As the younger woman takes her seat, I can feel that the atmosphere is still a bit tense so I pretend to try and sleep whilst ignoring my surroundings. As my thoughts wander, I recall a time when I would have been able to sit confidently between the two girls without ruining the atmosphere. Back when I was still actively serving with the armed forces and proudly served my country. Once again I affirm my beliefs and do my best to respect their space for the remainder of the four hour flight.

After what seemed like an inordinately long period of time, the plane finally lands in Seattle. I extricate myself from my seat and hear an audible popping sound emitted from my joints. Staying motionless for such a long time seems to have aggravated the various aches and pains I usually only have to deal with while laying down. I exit the plane in a much worse mood than I boarded, and quickly move to recieve my luggage from the baggage claim. I remove my phone from my pocket and open my messenger app to check for any updates in the conversation I had earlier. It seems I’m the last to arrive, so the others had already met up and dropped their luggage at the hotel. I let them know my flight landed, and we all agreed to meet up at the cafe at 1430. 

I make my way to the light rail, and follow it a few stops until I arrive at my destination. After walking a few blocks more, I finally arrive at the hotel and managed to check-in to my room with relative ease. At this point my mood has improved a bit as I try to psyche myself up for the coming meeting between my friends and I. As I approach my room and swipe the key, the door suddenly opens and a rather large man scoops me up into a bear hug.

“Hahahaha! Long time no see!”

After my initial surprise, I look at the man who is now holding me in an apparent death grip. I identify the ‘attacker’ as Xander, the person I consider my best friend from childhood. 

“Hey, long time no see Z. It’s been, what? Two years?”

Z releases his grip and I finally manage to recover my bearings.

“Yeah. I invited you over for Christmas last year, but you said you were busy with work. It’s really nice to see you man. I haven’t heard from you much lately, so if you didn’t get us all together for PAX I was planning on breaking into your apartment to drag you outside for some fresh air.”

As he speaks, I notice him look me up and down contemplatively. It seems as if he wants to comment on my appearance, but after a moment of deliberation decides against it. It’s things like this that have made our relationship as friends so close. We have always had a mutual respect for each other, and focused more on the positive aspects when communicating rather than bring up any potentially contentious subjects.

I smile at his consideration as I make my excuse.

“I really wanted to go, but I had to finish a project for a client. You know I don’t really get that much free time these days. Gotta pay the bills and all that crap.”

“Yeah, I know how that can be. I was working a lot of overtime before the holidays myself. But we really should try to get together and hang out like in the old days. I still have all the cards we collected, and I know a really good shop where we can do some drafts.”

I recall that we did used to play at card shops every Friday when I was younger. Those were good days, and there was even a time where I tried to break into the competitive scene. Z always focused more on the collection side of things, and he made a lot of effort trying to support me as a player. After I quit playing the game, I ended up giving all my cards to him but he said it was just “consolidating” “our” collection and I was free to use not only the cards I left him, but any of the cards if I wanted.

“It’s been a while since I’ve played, but doing a draft every now and then would be pretty cool. I’ll consider it if I find time in the future. Who knows though, you can’t really know what’ll happen tomorrow, much less a few weeks or months from now. I might end up getting busy again, and I don’t really want to inconvenience anyone.”

I smile apologetically, but my expression freezes a bit with his response.

“Oh, thats some bullshit man. We’re like brothers, I’m not going to be inconvenienced if you want to hang out with me. Hell, I’d rather call in sick and get my ass chewed out than miss out on spending time with my bro! Once we get back, I’ll arrange my schedule to try and free up a day every week. You don’t really have to change your work and stuff, but if you end up getting that day off you know you can always call me and I’ll come right over.”

For a moment I’m taken aback by his apparent sincerity. I feel a twist in my throat as I close my previously gaping mouth.

“Okay, Okay. It’s my bad for being so reclusive lately. I’ll try to increase my online presence a little when we get back and if I find time I’ll make sure to give you a call-”

Before I’m able to continue, he interrupts me.

“That’s a promise! If you end up going radio silent again, expect me to come over to your house on my day off. I can help you out with work. I might not be as good as you when it comes to art and stuff, but I can still help out with some of the minor things.”

Yet again I’m brought to silence by his words. I start to worry if he understands my intentions, so I try to change the subject a bit.

“You don’t have to be so nosy. We both know I don’t like to work around others, it would be more of a distraction than anything. Anyways, we’ve only got about 20 minutes before we need to meet up with Tom and Dave. We should get going, you know I hate being late.”

“Yeah, I haven’t eaten all day. I need to get some food in my belly before I start eating my own legs just to survive! Hahahaha!”

He laughs while holding his large stomach. As we walk down the elevator I take a better look at his overall appearance. It had been about two years since our last meeting, and it seems as if he had put on even more weight in that time. Z was never a small person, and he always had a big appetite to apparently “fuel” his ambitions. Like me, he also had brown hair, but to contrast my own unkempt appearance his hair looked “free”. Though he had a chubby face, he always had an amicable, almost silly smile plastered on his face. When he got excited, his smile would spread all the way to his eyes making them look like small beady indentations that were about to disappear into his flesh. There was a time when we were younger where I would compare him to a laughing buddha, and it became a joke within our circle for a while. I remember him trying to lose weight at some point, but it ended up becoming a mysterious situation where the less he ate, the fatter he got! After awhile he gave up and decided to let fate take its course. Now he spends his time eating freely and enjoying life...a truly enviable lifestyle.

“Feel free to eat whatever you like. Since it was my idea to have everyone come out this time, it’ll be my treat for all the meals we eat as a group. I worked my ass off to save up money, so I might as well use it on something worthwhile.”

“Hahaha, thanks for the offer, but I’m afraid you’d go bankrupt trying to feed me! Go ahead and pay for the other two on team skinny. I’ll pay for my own food.”

Team skinny is how Z liked to refer to Tom and Dave. After I put on a little weight, he laughingly said I had been converted successfully to team fatty. I wasn’t too fond of the distinction myself, since it made me more aware of my own discrepancies, but I didn’t want to really separate myself from the group by trying to force the issue. It’s my own fault for my current appearance, so I can’t really hold it against anyone else for objectively pointing out my flaws.

We made our way to the cafe which was near the light rail station. It would serve as our rally point before we made our way to PAX the following day. Upon entering the cafe, we quickly noticed our two comrades sitting in a large booth near the aft end of the dining room floor. Dave quickly noticed our presence and signaled our approach to Tom. I watched Tom stand up whilst Dave continued to sit within the booth.

“Aloha~”

Tom jokingly greeted us with his customary greeting. A few years ago he had joined our raid group while at work in Hawaii. When a customer would enter the store, he would always immediately afk and greet the customer by loudly shouting “Aloha!”. When he returned, we would reiterate the greeting until it became a habit in our circle.

“Aloha.”

“Yo.”

I returned the greeting while Z gave a curt response. Though our group had been together for over a decade at this point, there were still some frictions between some of the members. Z had conflict with Tom a long time ago, and they never really reconciled. Tom and Dave got along really well, to the point that it was very annoying at times, and I tried my best to keep everyone together. I was never really the leader of the group, but I liked to feel as if I kept everything running when I thought about it.

“You got fatter.”

Dave gave his greeting with a bit of a sardonic smile. He liked to give little quips and barbs, but was generally a good guy. I wasn’t sure if he was talking to Z or myself, but he wasn’t really wrong to address either of us like that, so I kept my words. Z however…

“Eeeeeeh, be careful or I might sit on you. You look like you’re about to disappear into that seat.”

Dave’s smile froze a bit, until it turned into his characteristic neutral expression. Tom smiled at this interaction and invited everyone to sit at the booth. We all found seats and placed simple orders as we began our conversation.

“It’s been forever since we all got together like this.”

Tom opened the conversation. It really had been a long time since our whole group had met up in real life. Most of the time we were only able to meet up online since we now lived in different States.

“Now it’s September, so it’s been about three years and five months since we were all together.”

Dave responded. He was someone that focused on the details. When we worked together he managed all the spreadsheets and pooled the data for later review.

“Man, I don’t even want to remember the gaming house. That was a literal nightmare. I wonder what happened to that kid who went off to that crazy garden cult.”

Z jumped into the conversation after Dave mentioned the time between our last gathering. About four years ago we had gotten our group together with a bunch of other players to establish a gaming house and try to break into the eSports scene. Though things started out well, after various financial difficulties we had to break up the house and go our separate ways. One of our players by the name of Justin ended up “going off the grid” and joined a small community known as the Garden. We haven’t really heard from him ever since then, but I would hope he ended up wising up to the situation before something bad happened.

“I think he ended up bailing out of that. I remember him emailing me asking for a mouse and keyboard that he had left behind. If he was at that cult place he wouldn’t really be able to use the internet.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. I half expected to see him on the news after drinking some of that ‘special punch’.”

Dave responded to Tom in such a manner causing a spontaneous lull in the conversation. After a few seconds, Z ended up trying to clear the mood. He gave a look at Dave and squinted his eyes a bit.

“Fortunately he ended up getting out before things got to that point. But who cares about that guy, we should focus on our stuff since we’re all together like this again. We don’t get enough opportunities to hang out, so we should plan things out and optimize our time.”

“Hmm, that’s something we can agree on. I’ve never been to PAX before, so it’s a good opportunity. I’ve already looked at the floor plans for all the vendor locations, so I have an idea of where I want to visit.”

It seems the conversation was making a smooth transition, so I interjected with my own ideas.

“A few of my colleagues are going to be vendors this year, and they told me I can bring some friends around and they’d give us some minor benefits.”

“Oh, that sounds pretty cool. You and Dave should try and coordinate things so we can visit the most places.”

“I agree. I have all the documents drawn up in the hotel room, so I can send you the info and we can write up a schedule for the group chat tomorrow.”

It seems everything was going smoothly, so I lay out my intentions. I don’t want the group to feel obligated to stay together, but I’d still like everyone to hang out periodically…

“Yeah, that would be a good idea. I was thinking for the first day we can visit all my vendor friends, and then enjoy our own stuff after that. For the remainder of PAX we can just do our own stuff, but should still meet up for Lunch to discuss how things are going. I also have some ideas for the final day, so we should all get together for that.”

“Sounds good.”

“Yeah.”

“Agreed.”

Everyone responded in affirmation, so I was relatively pleased. Hopefully everything goes well.

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