Boonmee, and a Brief Pause (Patreon)

I am going to take a few days off from posting any writing. Yesterday my dear cat Boonmee died very suddenly. I'm still in shock. And although I know that I will start to find pleasure in all the things I cherish about this season -- cold weather, Matt's birthday, screeners, year-end polls, Christmas, lights and decorations, New Year's, and my own birthday -- right now I am having a hard time figuring out how I will do it without him.

I live with quite a few cats, but Boonie was more than a cat to me, which speaks perhaps to my own pathologies, but also to his unique personality. He and I would have actual arguments, where we would grumpily talk / meow back and forth. This would usually end with Boonie giving me a firm but mostly painless bite, and me replying "fuck you, Boonie."

He would not let me eat shrimp without sharing. He slept in the crook of my legs and butt. He sat on my lap when I worked or watched movies at my desk. (I am typing this on my laptop in bed. I have not yet been able to sit at my desk.) He was a loving but occasionally aggressive "husband" to our fattest, weirdest cat, Gilda. (Boonmee liked big butts, and he was incapable of dishonesty on the matter.) He was starting to take his thyroid medicine with much less drama. (It was ocean fish flavor.) And until now, he was always there.

His insistence that he should be an indoor / outdoor cat, against my wishes and despite Jen's and my vigilance, led to his undoing. And I know that I will feel joy again, but it seems distant. It seems silly to be so broken up over a nonhuman companion with everything happening in our world. But he was at the center of my world, and now I need to figure out how to be grounded, without a center.

Thank you for your indulgence. And I will hopefully be up to reviewing Human Surge 3 by next week. And as always, thanks for your support of my work. It means more than you know.