The Panty Mafia is a ruthless gang currently in control of Panty’s Landing. Through a mixture of violence and fear-mongering, they dominate every aspect of its citizen’s lives.

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WHAT DO THEY DO?

Since their origins have been covered pretty heavily throughout this omnibus, I think it would be better to just focus on the here and now. How they work, what their rankings are, and who is involved.

The Panty Mafia serves as the de-facto government of Panty’s Landing. They make the “laws” and they keep “order” and they definitely take taxes. In fact, more so than protecting or assisting its people, that’s what they care about—robbing them blind. They’re leeching the city of all its resources, hoping one day to be able to expand off the island to somewhere more “desirable.”

Upon seizing power, the Panty Mafia reached out to every gang in the city, and their command was simple: Extort businesses, rob people, and just gather as much dough as you can. Kick most of it up to them and keep the chump-change for yourself and you’ll still exist. At first, few obliged. But after some gangs were wiped off the map, everyone realized they had no choice and bowed down.

They have human spies in every gang, and at this point exist as more of a mythological sort of thing. Their castle always looms in the distance, a reminder of who controls them, but it’s very seldom that anyone other than a few foot soldiers ever makes an appearance anymore.

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SO HOW DOES IT WORK?

The Panty Mafia follows a very strict “food chain” style of command. What I mean by that is that anyone who’s above anyone else has the power to dominate them entirely. If a higher-ranking member wants a foot soldier killed, they are, no questions asked. If that foot soldier fights back and wins? They’ll be given the person who gave the order’s job. It’s a chaotic system that leads to much shifting around and many people trying to battle each other for no reason other than to move up the ladder.

At the tip-top of the gang there’s the leader, and that’s Bon. Panty-Chief, he likes to call himself, though that’s an unofficial title. While there was a time early in the group’s lifetime when he was constantly doing “grunt-work” and going out in the field, he now makes himself scarce. Everything’s going so well that all he has to do is sit there and point fingers and blame others for their mistakes.

The second-in-command is known as the Pantyman. There’s typically only ever one of these, with maybe one or two in training. This is currently G.Raffe. They are the ones who do most of the ordering around, telling the generals what needs done, and how. When things are at their worst and the dirtiest of work needs done, that’s the only time they head into the field—they are the ultimate front-line soldier, capable of slaughtering hundreds of enemies at once. This position was originally Kern’s.

Third in line are the Generals. Their job is simple—follow the Pantyman’s orders and hand out orders to all of the foot soldiers. Basically they’re the ones who actually make things happen. They also communicate with the gangs, checking in with the various leaders weekly and collecting taxes. Each one governs a different section of Panty’s Landing, with their own set of troops and everything. Currently this title belongs to three members: Shelly, Humpy, and Tubby.

Fourth in line are Pantied Foot Soldiers. This role is incredibly simple. When you’ve worked as a foot soldier for long enough and gained enough respect(or killed somebody else and stolen their panties), you’re given a pair of Panties. This makes you stronger, faster, and just generally more capable in the field. There’s no real difference in superiority between them and the normal foot soldiers aside from strength.

And, finally, there’s the Foot Soldiers. The least respected members of the Panty Mafia, these are the freshest stuffed animals created by the snakes who haven’t seen much, if any, combat. They’re cannon fodder, sent out to die and make the lives of those behind them easier. Surviving this role is challenging, and a fair amount of them defect.

There’s also the Assistants. But don’t let that name, or their placement here on this list, fool you. They’re not bottom of the food change or just weaklings who help out. This is just a title given to anyone with special privileges, like the Snakes(allowed to experiment on, and create, foot soldiers), Hen-Tie(Kern’s personal backup), and Griswold(…anything).

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IMPORTANT MEMBERS

Finally, let’s actually take a closer look at some of the more important members of the Panty Mafia, going in order of rank.

G.RAFFE: The current Pantyman of Panty Mafia, G.Raffe is a sassy asshole who believes himself stronger than anyone and hasn’t made any attempt to hide his desire to one day rule the gang. Kern is his lifelong enemy do to them having battled a dozen times when he was vying for his current position. He was one of Daring Derek’s last creations, and is the tallest Panty Mafia member.

SHELLY: One of the Panty Mafia’s Generals, Shelly is a turtle and the oldest member in the entire gang, having lived on this island for over a hundred years. He’s seen it turn from a prison into Danger’s Cove into Panty’s Land and know why? It’s because he isn’t a stuffed animal. That’s right. He’s a real turtle—but nobody’s noticed yet.

HUMPY: One of the Panty Mafia’s Generals, Humpy is a camel who doesn’t really care about anything but toking up until his vision’s blurred. He was one of the first stuffed animals created and brought to life by Derek after Kern and Bon!

TUBBY: One of the Panty Mafia’s Generals, Tubby is a walrus, and a timid one at that. He’s often left at the mercy of his wife, who may or may not be real. Nobody’s ever seen her or heard her voice and he’s never mentioned a name. Most members just assume that he’s absolutely bonkers.

THE SNAKES: Assistants in the Panty Mafia, these two snakes, conjoined at what used to be their tails after accidentally pissing off Griswold and getting shoved into radioactive waste, are two sadistic bastards who care only about experimenting on things in the name of science. Their main job is keeping the panties updated and finding ways to make them stronger and stronger.

THE COW AND THE TIGER: Two Pantied Foot Soldiers. They’re tough wannabe gangsters who weren’t created by Derek, but instead the snakes, and want nothing more than to become generals one day. They’re utterly loyal to Bon unlike most members and revere him as their great leader.