LEGACY OF THE BLAZERS - CHAPTER TEN (Patreon)

CHAPTER TEN

More stuffed bastards came, and more stuffed bastards fell. Dozens of them scurried out of every crack in the wall and hole in the floor, carrying knives and guns and all wearing panties—there were cats, dogs, rats, walruses, penguins, zebras. To Lux, though, they were just bugs, and she flicked each one of them away with ease.

She kicked skulls. She kneed groins. She rung necks. Stuffing stuck to her sweat-soaked skin as the wolves circled around her, ruining the day of every straggler by biting them to pieces. Eventually the onslaught ceased, and she waited around a field of beaten bodies for another batch to arrive. When none did, she straightened her back and took a deep breath.

What were Kern and Bon doing?

Their castle was being invaded, and they only send out foot soldiers? She didn’t understand how the hell these two had seized control of Panty’s Landing so effortlessly! Everything about them and their organization, including this damned castle, was a shoddy mess that felt like it had been thrown together in ten minutes and taped up each time it started falling apart.

Speaking of falling apart—the staircase she was on, which led to two towering metal doors with the bears’ ugly mugs stamped onto them, swayed with the wind, threatening to collapse each time it ka’thunked the wall. She wanted to move slowly up it, but worried that would make it fall faster. She ran.

Has to be some kind of sick joke, she thought as the steps cracked beneath her feet. Something sick way to raze new recruits.

Were they sitting up there, behind those closed doors, and laughing at her? Probably. She bet they were kicked back, leisurely drinking beers and anticipating her arrival and that lackadaisical attitude had her pounding up the stairs, her wolves barely able to keep up, just dissipating into smoke clouds, floating to the top, and waiting for her there.

When she reached those doors, Cy’s voice broke through. “Lux?” he said. “You there?”

She knew what he was going to say and knew she needed to hear it but honestly didn’t care. She flicked her earpiece off. He was being swallowed by static anyway. If she was going to fight these two assholes, she couldn’t have someone screaming in her ear about how she shouldn’t. She’d live. Even if it was with broken bones and a battered body, she’d drag herself back to him.

Be mad at me then, Cy. But right now, I need to do this.

She put her hands against the door handles, and let their chill ease her bones. She’d heard countless stories about these two and couldn’t believe a damn one of them now that she’d seen them. But she’d also seen their reckoning. The suffering they’d caused. They were people who got their rocks off by ruining the lives of others and she knew that, despite their joking attitude, despite their silly gimmicks, they were brutal bastards who wanted to bend the world to their sick will.

“Ready, boys?” she said, patting the wolves’ heads. They were sat on their butts, waiting patiently for their next mission. “It’s time to feed.”

With that, she heaved the doors open, revealing to herself a room that was far unlike Cheese’s mess of depravity. It wasn’t swallowed by filth, and didn’t stink to high hell. Instead it looked like what Lux imagine a high school idiot’s dream of a bachelor pad would be—complete with stripper poles, poker tables, and too many empty beer bottles. Sitting across from her, at one of the tables, nonchalantly playing cards, were the two bears of the hour.

They paid her arrival no mind. They didn’t spare her a look, or even stop their game. One of them, the one missing a chunk of his ear, was so focused on his cards that he had his nose pressed against them.

“Kern,” she hissed. “Bon.”

The one missing a chunk of his ear pulled his attention away from his cards to glare at her while he scrubbed this wound like it was still too fresh. “Oh. You actually came. You were serious about all that beating our ass stuff?”

“I bet the idiot walked up the stairs, too,” the other one said, still not looking at her. “Now c’mon, Kern! Show me what you got!”

With a smirk, Kern set his cards down on the table and chuckled. “Full house, motherfucker.”

The other one, Bon, just blinked. Then he yanked a pistol out from under the table and crammed it in his brother’s face! “I’ll fucking shoot you, Kern, you cheating bastard!”

“I’m not wearing any clothes, dumbass. Where would I hide it, my panties?”

“I’ve hidden plenty of things in my panties!” Bon snapped. “Like this fucking gun.”

Kern reached his finger out, put it against the barrel of the gun, and lowered it. “I don’t want to me shot with a gun that was shoved up your ass, dude.”

“It wasn’t—”

“—It’s totally an ass gun, dude, just admit it.”

Bon’s face bloomed a fiery red, but Lux didn’t have time for their shit. They might be ignoring her, might be acting like she isn’t even close to a goddamn threat, but she was going to prove them wrong. Already her wolves were sneaking around the sides of the building, and she took a long hit off her blunt, hoping to make them pick up the pace.

“Kern! Bon!” she screamed once again.

This time they both looked back at her, though they seemed more bothered than they were ready for a fight. “What?” Bon groaned. “Can’t you see that we’re in the middle of something here? And what’s with those ratty ass panties? You get them from the bargain bin or some shit?”

They cackled in sync like that was funniest joke anyone’s ever told.

It is just like high school all over again, Lux thought.

She couldn’t let them get to her, though. They could say whatever they want and act however they want but it didn’t matter to her so long as, by the end of the day, they were suffering. “Do you even know who I am?”

“Should we?” Bon asked.

“Probably not,” Kern said, laying down another card. “She just looks like some bozo who found a pair of panties and started thinking

“Do you even know who I am?”

“Should we?” Bon asked.

“Probably not,” Kern said, laying down another card. “She just looks like some bozo who found a pair of panties and started thinking herself bigger than she actually is. Which, girlie, you’re not. You know how many people have tried this trick?”

She puffed her blunt again, and this time blew a few smoke rings into the air.

Both their faces were riddled with offense.

“You gettin’ high?” Kern said.

“And she ain’t sharing!” Bon said.

“I think you two had more than enough to drink last night,” she said. Her wolves were within striking distance, all she had to do was snap her fingers and they’d be at the neck of those two bastards. This spread a smirk across her face. “You know, for all the rumors I’ve heard about you two, and all the horrible things I’ve seen happen because of you two, I really thought you’d be more badass. But you aren’t as tough as you look.”

“And your wolves will only get you so far,” Bon said.

Realizing the jig was up, Lux threw her arm out and commanded her wolves to go forward—but it was too last. The moment they leaped out of hiding Bon and Kern were there and slashed their hands through the wolves, causing them to melt away into nothingness. After a few seconds they re-materialized by her side, hanging their heads in shame.

“So you do have some brains,” Lux said.

“And you don’t,” Kern said.

“I’d call you ass for brains, but with a pancake ass like that…”

The two teddy bears descended into a raucous round of laughter.

Lux tried not to let this get to her. She puffed her blunt, hoping it would take some of the edge off, because if she was going to beat them, she had to keep up appearances. No, more importantly, she had to stop doubting them—they might act like dumbasses, but they had captured this city for a reason.

They didn’t even activate their panties for that…

Lux activated hers, though. She took a wide stance, flexed her muscles, and let the energy swarm around her as she transformed into the skin-tight and too-skimpy suit that she utterly despised. She wanted to rush forward. She wanted to pummel them into the ground—but Cy’s voice kept floating into her mind, telling her that they needed their help and that there was no way they could kill Blowhole without them. After a few seconds of silent deliberation, she let her power flair down.

“Aw, what’s wrong?” Bon said. “Can’t keep it up? Don’t worry, it happens to some of us. Kern, here, actually, hasn’t ever had sex in his life. Pin-dick. Can’t even get hard. Shame, really.”

Now it was Kern’s turn to produce a gun out of nowhere. He pointed it at his brother’s head. “Stop telling girls lies about me, bastard! You’re the one who had a chick puke on you while giving you a blowjob!”

Expecting another round of bickering to occur, Lux stamped her foot forward. “Would you both just shut up?” she snapped. “I came here to ask you both for your goddamned help defeating Blowhole!”

The mention of his name got them both to serious up. Bon cocked a brow at her. “And why would we work with you? We can handle Blowhole on our own.”

But Kern didn’t seem so sure. He scratched his bitten ear.. “Blowhole’s only getting tougher, though, bro. Some extra muscle wouldn’t hurt.” She briefly thought he was on her side, but then a devious smirk spread across his face. “Though we could always kill her, take her Eternal Blunt, and use that shit for ourselves. That was always the plan, wasn’t it? Until that bastard betrayed us.”

Lux clenched her fists, trying to think about not those she had already lost but instead those who were back on the Nightmare and still depending on her. “I’ll fight you, then,” she said. “And if I win, we work together, we beat Blowhole.”

“And if we win?” Bon asked, cocking a brow.

Lux took a long hit off her blunt, knowing it could be one of her last. “Then I die, you get this Eternal Blunt, and you two go fight Blowhole yourselves.”

END OF CHAPTER TEN