Legacy of the Blazers - Chapter Nine (Patreon)

CHAPTER NINE

The Panty Mafia headquarters sat lopsidedly on a hill in the distance. Its ramshackle antennas poked the clouds as its support beams, thin pipes, shook under the weight of the gargantuan ball it was forced to hold up. You could scarcely see its shell, though, because the metal was slathered with propaganda posters which announced that they were better than you. As Lux peered at it from her cabin window, she restrained a gag.

Bon and Kern. Just the thought of their name had her gritting her teeth—the last thing she wanted to do was plead to those two furballs. It was as if everyone had forgotten that they were responsible for Blowhole’s rampage! They had given the order that the Blazers needed to be eliminated! She dented the wall in front of her a third time, hoping to drive away some of her rage, and for the third time it did nothing.

She hoped her bloody knuckles would at least warn those stuffed bastards that if they started shit, she was ready for a fight.

The Nightmare finally skidded to a halt at the ‘castle’ gates, rustling the cabin and throwing things off the wall. Lux fled to the front of the tank, wandering past prodding Greaser eyes, and took a seat between Tegan and Derek. The crimson glow of the computer screens in front of them almost hid the gray bags dragging down their cheeks. A machine of this caliber needed an entire crew to man it—the Greasers only understood cars, so all the work was left to these two.

“How are you both holding up?”

“I need a beer,” Derek groaned. “And a girl.”

“Me too,” Tegan muttered, slouching against the keyboard in front of her. “Ten hours of driving and my back feels like I just fell down three flights of stairs all at once. But we’re finally here. Hard part’s over.”

For you, maybe, Lux thought.

Her eyes met the computer screen in front of her. It showed a camera attached to the end of the tanks cannon, and already a few of the Panty Mafia’s guards had stumbled away from their posts to inspect their arrival. Blowhole’s betrayal had likely left them weary of everyone.

“It’s time,” she said. “We don’t have a plan?”

“The plan is to get them on our side,” Derek said. “How we do that is up to you, pancake ass.”

She raised her fist to strike him, an involuntary reaction fostered through a lifetime of bickering. But a smirk spread across his face that told her the point he was making. If they wished to woo those who run an organization as ruthless as this, they needed to impress them, and there was only one way they were doing that.

She pulled the blunt out of her pocket and sparked it up. The smell would normally have Tegan coughing and complaining but she was already snoozing, rivulets of drool racing between the buttons of the keyboard. Derek’s head lolled—he’d be out of it soon too. She placed a hand on both their backs. “I’ll see you guys again soon,” she said. “Hopefully.”

“Don’t talk like that.”

She turned to see Cy standing there, shoulder against the wall as he grinned at her. He’d disappeared after delivering the bad news, giving her some time to herself, and her stomach shriveled at the thought that, if she failed, she’d never see him again. Her head fell against his chest easier than ever before.

“If things get too hectic in there, you let me know, okay?” he said, tapping his earpiece. “I don’t know how to drive this thing, but Tegan showed me how to man the gun. I can start blowing holes if you need me too.”

“Cy, I…”

She was cut off by the thud of a fist against the door, and the raspy, heckling voice of a stuffed animal shouting: State yer business!

“Tell me when you get back, we’ll have time.”

Lux couldn’t do that, though, because truthfully what she wanted to tell him was that she was goddamned scared. These bastards, they’re probably stronger than Blowhole, even with his Eternal Blunt, and there’s two of them, and she barely knows how to use her panties. And when she did use them…

Another round of banging emerged, and the raspy voice grew hoarse as it yelled: State yer business or we’re comin’ in gun’s blazin’!

Scared or not, she had to go out there and face them.

She had to pretend she was the baddest bitch on the entire planet. A stone-cold killer with not an ounce of remorse who wants nothing more than the rip the blubber off that whale and shove it back down his hole.

With that thought in mind, she marched toward the door with her bloody fist clenched and took a long hit off her blunt. “It’s been a while, wolves,” she said. “It’s time to feed.”

She kicked open the door, sending an unlucky anteater on the other side flying back, teeth spilling across the dirt before a piercing rock behind it tore through its stuffing. The other, a squirrel brandishing two knives, was challenged by the wolves. It was torn to shreds before it could even scream.

Lux wanted to look back, wanted to see if Cy was smiling and proud, but knew it risked psyching her out and so she charged toward the castle gates. Two animals, she couldn’t see which kind, manned machine guns meant to blow up cars and incinerate people. She sicced one wolf on each of them, and they danced around the bullets gracefully, ending the gunfire within seconds.

“Good boys,” she said when they returned to her, proudly licking their lips as bits of stuffing floated through their translucent insides. “You love being back in action, don’t you?”

There wasn’t time to gloat, though. Any chance she gave Bon or Kern to thwart her they would snag in a heartbeat. Were they already watching her? Probably. Were they furious or curious? That she didn’t know.

The gate loomed ahead of her, forged of a metal alloy her wolves wouldn’t be able to scratch. Needing some juice for a forceful entry, she called upon the power of the panties, not letting any of those nagging doubts stir her away. Immense power flushed through her veins and drove her forward, where a single punch was all it took to send that gate flying through one of the building’s walls, granting her entrance.

The inside was daunting. The walls stretched awkwardly to the ceiling, cluttered with pictures of the Panty Mafia’s leaders, Bon and Kern, along with many stains that she didn’t want to know the stories behind. A door on her left led to a laboratory; a door on her right led to restroom. Another door on her left led to a torture room; another door on her right led to a kitchen.

Seemingly half normal, half mad, she inspected these rooms thoroughly, glancing over her shoulder the entire time because, even with the wolves behind her, she couldn’t escape her worries. No more guards came to greet her as she walked, and she knew a group such as this wouldn’t take a bold attack lying down.

She got somewhat of an answer, though, after clambering up to the second floor.

Strewn across the floor were hundreds of stuffed animals of all varieties. They weren’t dead, though. No, each of them clutched a beer bottle, or a bong, and some even had crack pipes. She guessed what had gone down here was some sort of party for the ages.

“Simmer down, boys,” Lux said when the wolves, riled up by the sight of so many enemies, began growling. “I don’t know if we can take so many of them on at once.”

If they’re hungover, though…

No. It was too risky. More than a few of these members were still wearing their panties, and even if they were recovering from a bender they still probably knew how to use them better than she did. But she did have to impress Kern and Bon, and if beating an entire room full of assholes didn’t do it, she didn’t know what would…

But what if they’re snoozing too?

Then I’ll just have to wake them up.

Lux pressed the button on her earpiece. A distant buzz let her know her voice was being carried back to The Nightmare. “You listening, Cy?”

“Oh. Hey. Yeah. How are—”

“—No time. I need a favor.”

“I knew it.”

“Shut up,” she said, trying not to smirk. “Looks like these guys threw some sort of mega party last night and everyone is sleeping off their high. Why don’t you do me a favor and wake them up?”

“Say no more.”

And she didn’t have time to. As if he were sitting there, finger on the trigger, eagerly awaiting the call telling him to blow some shit up, the building was rocked by an explosion which almost sent Lux tumbling back down the stairs. Thankfully she was able to catch the railing and heave herself upright just as the room came alive. Those snoozing stuffed animals were now flurrying around, knocking each other over as they let out shrill screams.

Even allowing them a second to collect their heads might have been dangerous, so she plunged into the crowd and tore straight through, not aiming to kill, just immobilize, slicing limbs apart and sending stuffing into the air. As their numbers began to thin, some outright retreated, rushing through doors and leaping out windows. When it was over, she stood there, amid the chaos, having barely broken a sweat.

Is this the power of the Panty Mafia?

Was Blowhole merely an exception?

Her wolves paced around her, baring their teeth at any stuffed animal stupid enough to approach her. Eventually, once she was sure that was it and there would be no more surprises, she flexed her muscles and let free a mighty roar. “Bon! Kern! Leaders of the Panty Mafia! I, Lux, leader of the Blazers, demand to see you!”

A faint buzz flowed out of a speaker in the corner of the room. Then it rattled and sparked before finally spitting out a voice that sounded like it had been dragged through the depths of Hell. “There are no fucking Blazers,” it said. “And why are you blowing our shit up?”

Was that Bon, or Kern? She didn’t know, and, honestly, didn’t care. Both were rotten bastards who had turned this city into a cesspool of crime, and just hearing their voices and knowing they were close by brought Jess’ mangled face back into her mind. “The Panty Mafia won a battle against the Blazers,” Lux said, stomping her foot onto one of the stuffed animals beneath her. It squealed in pain. “But there’s still a whole war left to fight.”

“You think I’m gonna care about you stepping on him? I don’t know him. Killing him means one less person I gotta pay so HA! You’re helping me.” His enthusiasm was quickly drowned out by the disgusting sounds of him hurling up yesterday’s dinner. “Fuck. Fuuuuuck. Why did you have to attack us today? That’s no fair!”

“No fair…?” Lux said, and she was about to launch into the tirade of a lifetime when the speaker crackled its last breath before breaking off the wall and falling down onto a stuffed mouse below, electrocuting it. No matter. She’d see them soon enough.

And when she reached the top of this castle, they’d get what was coming to them.

She didn’t give a damn what Cy said.

END OF CHAPTER 9