Chaldea and Staff: ?f (169) (Patreon)

Chaldea, being the top-of the line scientific institute funded by the most wasteful of byzantine organizations filled with people whose taste if luxury of unmatched, the UN, was filled with a myriad of entertainment sources. With facilities supporting a multitude of scientific research, to an area large enough to support several private gardens for high-ranking employees.

Not overly large, but enough for a hobby.

In the face of the apocalypse, Chaldea just added a significant number of services for the remaining employees to waste their time.

For example, the employees could watch with bated breath for the slow, crumb-by-crumb drain of energy still left in Chaldea's main reactor, its draining marking their impending deaths. Or maybe even try to clear the rubble, either to find resources under the rubble, or at least find someone they had not yet been buried with honors. The latter happened quite often, even long after the explosion.

To the Servants, though, Chaldea was mostly like a nursing home for old people. A small room with a comfortable bed for the inhabitants to languish with idleness, with activities that old people would enjoy.

For Kiyohime, the nursing home comparison was perhaps too apt, seeing as she was currently crocheting.

She didn’t interact much with the other Servants in Chaldea, she was never really one for social niceties in the first place. At most, it boils down to simple greetings, after which she happily forgot about the other's existence. Kiyohime was not the most sociable of all the Servants, nor was she the easiest person for anyone to find reasons to talk to, so her lack of friends was to be expected, really.

Logic would suggest that Kiyohime was making a scarf of sorts. But if one considered the way the plaid was crumpled, never mind its size. Add in the huge figure that even sitting on the floor with its horns towering higher than Kiyohime would have managed to jump, one could also guess that the huge product was nothing more than a warm sweater for Asterios. Who watched mesmerized as Kiyohime turned yarn into clothing by deft manipulation of two iron spokes.

For Kiyohime she was doing nothing strange.

After all, Kiyohime was rightfully the only REAL wife of Ainz! There was no need to justify or confirm this, it was axiomatic to any human or Servant just by looking at Kiyohime and Ainz. How could anyone not see their absolute love for each other!?

And so, what Kiyohime was doing right now would be clear to anyone watching, if Kiyohime is a wife and Ainz is a husband, then they are family! And family means children!

Unfortunately, Kiyohime understood that while they could not have children right now, Ainz's business of saving the world did somewhat interfere with such a development, but that did not mean that they had no children in Chaldea!

After all, just look at Asterios, that sweet boy, with his horned three meters tall when he stood to his full height, was indeed a wonderful child!

And what better training for Kiyohime for her future children, than to interact with this sweet child? Even more, Kiyohime also realized that this way she could show Ainz her readiness to start a family!

And Asterios himself was a remarkable child, he did not even have to invent games to occupy his attention, he watched with pleasure and even interest as Kiyohime continued to create a gift for him.

Perhaps the only detail in the current circumstances that stood out from the routine of the beautiful family with some proportional-height discrepancy were the occasional throwing knives flying out of nowhere. The blades crashing into the painted targets on the other side of the room. Well, it was more like a warehouse than a room, okay it was actually a hangar for Chaldea’s various airships.

Much to Kiyohime's dismay, the only problem with Asterios was that he was… not small at all. No matter how you looked at it, and no matter how much he acted like a small child, he wasn't small at all.

For him to stay in a normal room would be impossible, he even had to constantly duck to avoid scratching even the high ceilings of Chaldea with his horns! There weren’t even enough chairs and armchairs in Chaldea to fit a three-meter-long block of muscle! Even on the largest sofa in the lounge, Asterios could ‘fit’ only with his legs tucked up and lying on his side, as the wooden furniture creaked ominously beneath him.

Unfortunately, the hangar was the most logical place for Asterios to stay, where he could stand at full height and stretch out on the floor if she wanted to. Kiyohime was even a little sorry about that, but for all her domestic skills she still lacked the skill to design and build houses, so she had to make do with what she could get.

It was only by a strange coincidence that a series of events lined up to get on Kiyohime’s nerves, leading to her here, making some kind of clothes for Asterios while enduring the constant sounds of knives impacting something.

Mordred and the two Jeannes had locked themselves away at the training ground, forcing Serenity and Jack to look for another place to practice their knife throwing. Which, by coincidence, was the same place that Kiyohime herself had chosen as her place to knit Asterios’ clothes.

Of course, Kiyohime had actually intruded on their practice and not the other way around, but if otherwise she would simply apologize and leave to find another place, with Serenity here, it was impossible. Kiyohime could only pretend proudly to keep knitting, as if she knew that Serenity was here.

It wasn't that Kiyohime actually disliked Serenity, but as the argument about something as important as Ainz's official wife's position had dragged on for so long, it must have left a mark on their relationship.

And Jack? Well, while Kiyohime would’ve liked to also ‘adopt’ and pamper her, she was a bit off limits.

Why? Well, Jack likes to hang out with Angrboda. And Angrboda was a little scary to Kiyohime.

Okay, I mean, she was a dragon, a Servant, nothing frightened her at all… Just maybe…  a little unnerved?

Dragons, and especially the Servant Kiyohime, were perfectly reasonable Servants, but looking at Angrboda, something that could be called instincts seemed to whisper in her ear, quietly but firmly, just stay away from her.

And, ahem… Besides, Kiyohime couldn't handle two children at once, of course, especially not an excitable kid like Jack, so she made the sensible decision not to confront Angrboda… purely out of logic, of course.

On Serenity's part, though, on why she was hanging with Jack, things were much simpler.

Jack didn't die at her touch.

As a matter of fact, Serenity didn't need any other reason. Jack had one day accidentally bumped into her at one point, and was perfectly fine. From that second, one could begin to see the unbreakable bond between the two Assassins.

Serenity, of course, had no idea why this had happened or how exactly Jack had survived the touch of the deadly poison that made up her body, but she had very little interest in that either.

If Ainz had been here, though, he would have easily said that it was purely because the Undead were immune to all poisons and diseases, except for some of the highest level exceptions. Which Serenity’s poison, unfortunately or fortunately, was not up to par. So it was no surprise that Jack, who was undead and is the highest form of ghosts, had not reacted at all to Serenity’s poison.

If any other mage had tried to answer the question, he would have been confused by the conceptual and metaphorical layers of the Servants. But with the information that the undead were immune to poison, it was only natural to conclude that Jack was immune to poison, leaving out of the equation whether Jack was actually an undead. If Ainz called her an undead, then logically she was undead. Ainz was not wrong, even if his knowledge went against the established law of the universe.

After all, if humans hadn't fully studied human structure - why should the universe know everything about itself, shouldn't it?

In any case, an eternal friendship was made between Jack and Serenity. And, since neither Serenity nor Jack had much experience in how friends behave, it was only natural that Serenity should try to appeal to the child in the way she herself might normally be amused. And since books didn't appeal to Jack, but the suggestion of learning to throw knives did, here they are.

Jack had knives and were handy with them, but she was definitely an amateur with knives when compared to a former leader of a legendary Assassin sect. And so the current situation was one in which two children and their two hapless guardians were forced to share the playgrounds, devoting time to their hobbies and child-rearing.

“Hoo!" Jack's voice almost made Kiyohime miss another loop. "I got it! I hit it! Right between the eyes!”

“Well done," Serenity smiled, seeing Jack about to jump for joy, she couldn't resist running her hand over her head, ruffling her hair. Jack responded to this by stopping on the spot, picture-perfectly pouting her cheeks and turning around on the spot trying to escape, not that Serenity would let her. Physical contact was the thing she longed for more than anything, so she couldn't keep herself completely under control, trying her best to keep touching the Servant who wasn't dying from her touch.

“Do you want to do it again? You're getting better at this, aren't you?" Serenity instantly made Jack, forgetting all her deadly childish resentment, turn around on the spot and stare at the Assassin with innocent childlike curiosity, "Can I?”

“Yes, but you'll have to bring the knives back first." Serenity pointed at the knives jammed into the wooden target, then got a ready nod from Jack before she dashed across the hangar for them.

Kiyohime, looking at such an idyllic picture, could not help herself but to quip. “Hmm, don't touch Jack too much just yet, I have yet to knit her clothes, it would be hard to clearly see her sizes if you keep blocking the view. Watching her in what she is constantly wearing is intolerable to any good wife and mother, isn't it?”

Serenity paused for a moment before turning to Kiyohime. And to Asterios, who looked from Kiyohime to Serenity with interest and smiled at her, then shyly waved his hand, which in his case still looked rather threatening, Serenity stood still for a moment.

Sure, Jack didn’t react to Serenity's venom, but Asterios, who was staring at her with childlike directness right now, clearly wouldn't be able to ignore her venom that easily. So even ruling out the fact that Serenity herself had no such skills suitable for creating man-made gifts, and even if she could make something like that, she couldn't give it to Asterios.

Serenity hesitated for a second, and even her mood, considerably lifted by the fact that she had found another Servant not dying from her touch, went down a bit.

Kiyohime, on the other hand, only smiled with a look of triumph.

Yet another reason to add to the piggy bank of why she is Ainz's true wife, while Serenity is at best relegated to the position of concubine and…

“But I can make you a present, Kiyohime,” Kiyohime paused for a moment when she heard Serenity's answer. “Do you want me to make you coffee?”

Kiyohime blinked and looked at Serenity, who was frowning her eyebrows and looking at Kiyohime in a rather hostile manner.

Um, perhaps her teasing was hurting Serenity a lot more than Kiyohime thought? If Serenity was now actually threatening to poison her…  and there was no other way to take her words in any other way.

“I'm afraid that I don’t really like coffee…" She couldn't help but let go of her knitted sweater, and replied in kind. "But I do feel a bit peckish, how would you like me to roast a chicken?”

“Careful with that," Serenity didn't let up. "I'm afraid that with your skills, you might get food poisoning…”

For a second or two the Servants stood still, staring into each other's eyes, as if trying to appraise each other, before Jack's voice came from Serenity's side. “I brought the knives back! I can throw them again, right!?”

With the return of the cheerful Jack, the stand-off broke, Serenity taking her eyes off of Kiyohime, turning back to Jack and watching her happy face, smiling at her. Kiyohime, watching this, also went back to the unfinished sweater she had put away, but the tension that hung in the air didn't evaporate.

With the reminder of her fight for Ainz affection, Kiyohime began thinking on how to win the fight.

Serenity, if only Serenity were her only problem!

Ainz first kissed, and had even slept with, Olga-Marie! To think, not even with a Servant, but with a human being!

About her youth, though, Kiyohime wasn't going to say anything, not that she had anything to say about the age difference, considering that she herself had been quite young at the time she had met Anchin. But Olga-Marie? A human, a magus, was the one who had dared to take a lead in winning Anchin’s affection, was what really bothered her.

And even more, there was Medusa, another unexpected concern that Kiyohime had never thought of before.

In total, three girls that really seriously threatened Kiyohime's position as the main wife!

And that's just listing the most important ones, with the most developed relationships. What position Mashu, Da Vinci or Jalter played in all this, Kiyohime preferred not to even think about it.

And, unlike Olga-Marie or Medusa, Kiyohime herself was not at all happy with her lack of relationship points with Ainz.

I mean, it would be more accurate to say, of course, that no one was completely happy about the position they’re in.

Even Ainz himself, which is unknown to the other Servants except Hector, was quite confused about what he was even supposed to do in the current situation. All he knew was that at least Medusa and Olga-Marie themselves were at least willing to put up with… more than a special relationship with Ainz.

Not that Kiyohime knows this. Really, all she had to do was push Ainz down, and he would probably fold like a house of cards.

Serenity, by and large, was the only one who didn't care at all about her position, though of course, she would prefer being the main wife. She had a Master, and she didn't really care about everyone else’s relationship with the Master.

On Jalter though… Well, she was unexpectedly pure, so even thinking about doing something with Ainz would probably just have her head bursting at the moment if she ever realized how advanced Ainz’s relationship with the girls around him. Perhaps, even literally.

Ahem, anyway, getting back to the topic, Kiyohime would have been happy to deal with the other contenders for Ainz's heart. And for a Berserker like her, no final price would be too high, and no action would seem forbidden to her.

The only problem in this case was that Ainz would clearly not appreciate such moves on Kiyohime's part.

And even though she was a Berserker, that didn't mean that she wasn't capable of constructing very simple chains of logic from known facts.

There were, in fact, no Servants that Kiyohime in her current form could kill easily and unnoticed. And if she used Noble Phantasm, all the other Servants would instantly interfere in her battle.

Her plan would instantly fail.

Not to mention the fact that even if she did succeed, the slain Servants could just be summoned again. If he didn't know immediately that Kiyohime was to blame for their disappearance in the first place, no, killing the competition is not possible.

In other words, Kiyohime didn't so much agree with the harem created around Ainz, as she was forced to agree with it.

But that did not mean that she was at all happy about it, and being reminded of it time after time was not at all conducive to the Berserker's sanity.

Oh, how she wished she could just deal with Serenity, once and for all.

In dragon form, she wouldn't even need to touch her. One breath, one wave of fire, and there would be no trace of her. No bones, no ashes, only a burnt-out earth that would never be touched again BY ONE MORE MISERABLE CREATURE WHO DARED TO STEAL HER…

“Madam, are you all right?” Kiyohime blinked, what was she thinking again?

For a second, her thoughts were in disarray.

Huh, what? It seems that she had begun to go into a downward spiral of her Berserker madness. And her thoughts went off on a curve, bringing her attention back?

Kiyohime blinked at the strangeness of what had happened, before remembering that someone seemed to have said something to her and touched her shoulder. Realizing that she had felt the touch on her shoulder until now, Kiyohime perked up, and then abruptly dropped her hand and turned to the speaker.

The speaker was a short man of androgynous appearance, dressed in an ordinary technician's uniform. Huh, an ordinary man? Kiyohime only saw a couple of ordinary people trying to avoid crossing paths with Chaldean Servants and especially Berserkers, out of the corner of her eye, seeing them suddenly change their trajectory as soon as they saw Kiyohime.

For one to interact with her when she was almost in the throes of her madness was… normal, right?

Kiyohime jerked her shoulder, causing the technician to immediately step back with a smile. “I'm sorry if I’m bothering you, I just wanted to let you know that I need to do some repairs in this hangar, so if you don't mind… Would you mind moving it to another location?”

Kiyohime, confused, frowned at the unpleasant news, then glanced at the other Servants around her.

Serenity was in the corner of the hangar, already packing her throwing knives and folding the target made of a large sheet of metal.

Jack continued to have fun, no longer throwing knives, but riding on Asterios' shoulders instead, laughing with delight as her new ride walked around. She was holding onto Asterios horns like a rudder, indicating where she wanted to go.

Asterios was only too happy to play along, responding to the actions of his little rider on his shoulders throughout the hangar, taking full advantage of his huge but surprisingly fast and hardy Berserker body, much to Jack's delight.

Kiyohime blinked, then shifted her gaze to the unfinished sweater lying next to her, and finally back to the technician, and exhaled. "Okay,”

The technician, after watching Kiyohime gather her belongings with obvious reluctance and displeasure, sighed. “Excuse me if I’m prying into your business, but is something bothering you?”

“You are right," Kiyohime looked at him blankly. “You are prying into my business.”

“Then I'm sorry," the technician held up his hands in a conciliatory gesture. “I thought I may help.”

“No you may not," Kiyohime cut her off in a straightforward manner, not listening to the technician's words, "There’s nothing you can do, not to my problem.”

"That's too bad," The technician said with a sigh, "I always thought I was quite good at talking, and I would like to help you, if I can.”

“But you can't," Kiyohime reacted with only more irritation at the technician's words, "and I didn't ask you to.”

“But if it would make you feel any better, I can only share a Confucian thought, ‘If you sit long enough on the river bank, you can see the corpses of your enemies floating by.’ Despite the anecdotal nature, and morbidity of the saying, that, and it being a mistranslated quote, it has sufficient wisdom in itself. Good things come to those who wait.”

After that, the technician distanced himself from the dangerous Berserker, causing her to roll her eyes.

Huh, not only was the saying somewhat morbid, though she wouldn’t say no to her adversary dying, how exactly was the thought of patience supposed to help her in her current situation?

Although…

Kiyohime suddenly stopped for a second.

Although…  Yes, hmm…

Indeed, after all, Kiyohime was, strictly speaking, a Servant, an immortal spirit.

And with Ainz being who he is, she really doesn’t need to worry about him disappearing one day. It was likely that there is an eternity ahead of her life with Anchin. And, even if someone dared to take some of Anchin's time that he could devote to her, the point of eternity was that it was, well, eternal.

That is, no matter how many years passed, there was still eternity ahead. Which meant that she would spend eternity with Anchin anyway. So what if some hussy has his affection now, she didn't have to worry about it if she got what she had promised anyway at the end.

She had loved and waited for Anchin forever, why does she need to worry about it now that she has found her Anchin?

Even in the past, Anchin, who had left her temple, was hardly maintaining absolute celibacy then. If she could wait for him then, why couldn't she wait for him now?

Kiyohime thought for a moment before she called out to the boy, "What's your name, technician?”

“Lancel," He answered without thinking, before turning to her with a smile.

“Since when are Technicians not afraid to mingle with Servants?" She frowned.

“Oh, no," Lancel smiled, "It's not a feature that all technicians share, it's solely mine.”

“And where did such confidence come from?” Kiyohime asked, before thinking for a moment. Not that she was interested in the technician, but the epiphany she had found, though accidentally born from his words, the meaning of which at the moment he probably did not understand, greatly lifted her spirits. It even made her ask with a certain mental elation.

“I have never seen a Servant before, so I wanted to investigate. Who knows, maybe I might find it useful later on if I ever need to interact with another Servant not of Chaldea later.”

“I doubt it," Kiyohime replied coolly to the technician's enthusiasm. "Summoning a Servant is a rare event. And the mere fact that my Master can continue to do such things only suggests that Ainz is even more unique, not lessening the uniqueness of summoning a Servant.

“Well, I confess that I once even tried to summon a Servant I knew of, but that was… Hmm, only partially successful.”

Kiyohime arched an eyebrow at this information.

Summoning Servants was a great ritual for which magi need decades of preparations to even attempt, and even then, failure followed them more often than success. Even then, such a feat was only possible for powerful and influential mages.

The very idea that an ordinary man, a technician even, even if he knew something of magecraft by right of work in Chaldea, attempted to do such a thing was ludicrous. It was even more ludicrous that he had ‘partially’ succeeded. What partially meant in such a case was anyone's guess, but Kiyohime's assumption was cold and rational enough in such a case.

Most likely the technician had managed, by some miracle, to create a facsimile of a Command Spell, which was technically possible even for a non-magus. It must have reacted slightly, which the technician had already counted as a ‘partial success’ so as not to hurt his ego too much.

In any case, Kiyohime felt it her duty to at least inform the technician honestly of the impossibility of his endeavor. "A mere human would be better off just forgetting about summoning Servants. “

“Of course," Lancel replied calmly. "Anyway, I'm just a technician having fun in my free time.”

Then, glancing at the Servants as they left the hangar, he added, “While waiting for the time to do my job.”

***

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