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Oda Nobunaga was not the kind of person who has a large social circle, nor does she find it easily, Servant or not. Even in Chaldea, where she had spent a considerably long time, several weeks already, she hadn’t found a single person whom she could call a friend or at the very least someone that she could enjoy conversing with. The closest thing she could find that fits such a category was her master, Ainz. Nobunaga looked up to him with a mixture of feelings, as her commander and a sort of role model. But, she had found that, even with him, her interactions were generally limited to a few conversations here and there.

Ainz was not a man Nobunaga could approach with some mundane question like how he was doing and ask his opinion on some hobby.

In other words, it could be said that Oda Nobunaga had no friends. And so, it follows, her pastime in Chaldea was very limited. If she was not using the training grounds when they were not occupied by others, she would be reading the books she periodically pulled out of the library when no one saw her. If all else fails, she usually spends her time daydreaming.

In a way, one could even say that Nobunaga's behavior and lifestyle were sad, virtually without any meaningful social interaction, but this did not embarrass or bother Nobunaga. After all, she was a Servant, and while her past iteration would surely have found the title to be disagreeable, the title captured the essence. She was summoned, she would then serve her function, and then she would disappear, as a Ghost should.

Making friendships and having heart-to-heart talks were not on the list of actions required of her.

The problem with this way of thinking arose when her task, the most necessary function of Nobunaga as a Servant, includes making friends.

That is, of course, Ainz did not explicitly give her such an order, instead limiting himself to the rather vague order to ‘act on the situation’. But if the ‘situation’ involved Nobunaga infiltrating a group of Servants about to destroy two other groups of Servants? Then, Nobunaga saw only one way to ‘act on the situation’ in this case.

She has to integrate herself with the group of Servants she had found herself in.

Which meant, she had to somehow get acquainted with her entourage. But how? Of course, in her mind and personality, made up of thousands of great conquerors, was a repository of experiences in various kinds of communication. But mostly with subordinates, where her main method of communication was a command. And, still, perhaps, a small amount of times when she negotiated with her adversaries, but that was even further from trying to give the order to ‘become my friend’.

She doesn’t think a probable friend would appreciate being threatened to be burnt alive.

And while under normal circumstances the suggestion of ‘let's fight until one of us is almost dead’ was an odd way of making friends, for these two particular Servants, it was an appropriate way to start a conversation. Actually maybe with all Celtic Heroes actually, Nobunaga was pretty sure that the Cu Chulainns would try to kill you one moment, and be great friends after.

In that case, her occasional source of amusement, a spar, in this case coincidentally with Scáthach, played out just right. Seeing as she is allowed now to be present while the group of Servants she’s supposed to be infiltrating are discussing their plans, she seems to have succeeded very well.

“This is troubling news.” Scáthach thought for a moment as she listened to Caster's report, whose name Nobunaga never bothered to find out. And besides, he himself only replied that his real name was unusual and difficult to pronounce, so she followed his advice and didn’t bother to remember it. Scáthach then glanced at Nobunaga, who was listening in to the report with her, "So Edison had started moving…”

Nobunaga just rolled her eyes, showing that this information was clear even without the repetition made by Scáthach, before sighing and adding in her own two cents. “Will we finish off the survivors or try to attack Edison and his Servants in the turmoil?”

On Scáthach's part, it was very strange that the recent addition had even listened to the strategic situation report intended only for her ears. A Servant who had come out of nowhere along with a Master, which had made Scáthach irresistibly want to hit him with something sharp, long and enchanted, her spear would do. She had even spoken her thoughts on the subject, as if she had some influence and was her adviser. But Scáthach had let the matter pass.

On Nobunaga's part, it was strange for her to even deign to give advice, moreover, to ask questions without a predetermined answer. Usually, she would only give commands to those around her. But, in the unique situation between the two extremely powerful Servants, such a thing was  unquestioned by anyone.

No, they certainly hadn't become friends in a couple of days of sparring and peculiar interactions, often very passive-aggressive. But both Nobunaga and Scáthach had very, very limited knowledge of what passes as a normal social life, or even how to normally interact with people. And, excluding Ainz, with whom Nobunaga didn't particularly interact with, and Cu Chulainn, whom Scáthach would periodically intimidate, by appearing out of nowhere with a pointed comment about his Class, they don’t interact with anyone else at all.

You could tell that in the current situation, they were really the most ‘close’ to each other. Something in between regular sparring partners and respected opponents.

Besides, having blown off steam during a whole series of battles with each other, their attitude toward each other could even be called ‘welcoming’, or at least neutral. In a sense.

“Hmm…”  Anyway, after getting a comment from Nobunaga, Scáthach thought about the possibilities and what actions should be taken in the future. And here, Nobunaga could even support her, or at least understand the reason for her pensiveness.

Of course, the easiest thing to do was to kill the opposing forces when they were weakened by their battle with each other, to finish off all the survivors, ending the bloodshed in one fell swoop. After all, there were enough powerful Servants on both Edison's and Cu Chulainn Alter's sides, not excluding themselves, that could pose a threat for anyone on Scáthach's side, including herself and Nobunaga. So attacking at the moment of their enemy’s greatest weakness, were, from a military and tactical perspective, the most sensible course of action.

On the other hand, the oncoming battle between Edison and Cú Chulainn, especially since Edison had gone all out for one massive strike, including all remaining nuclear weapons, was bound to bring an untold amount of destruction to the Singularity. And while the Singularity itself has already been mutilated to the point where Chaldea will have to try very hard to convince reality that at least some of what happened here can be rationalized by humanity and history. The final battle between all forces, with powerful Servants on both sides can, no, is bound to turn into even more disastrous disturbances in common human history.

And while Nobunaga knew that in the most extreme case, Ainz could personally stitch up the most obvious bleeding wound on the body of human history, Nobunaga was wary of having to resort to such a thing. First was his reluctance to do so, which was her first priority. And second his own comments that he could simply misdate events, even misnaming names or locations, suggested to her that such an option remained far from being a preferred option.

In that case, right now, at a time when the army was most disorganized, with the Servants scattered and Edison himself in the most vulnerable position, was the best moment to attack Edison. With him gone, picking off the Servants one by one would be child’s play.

Of course, even with Edison gone, there was still the danger from Cú Chulainn Alter, he still had to be destroyed. But having neutralized some of the threats and even the most destructive weapons, they would probably be able, after some rest, to draw Cú Chulainn Alter himself and his Servants into the conventionally open terrain and begin eliminating them one by one.

Considering the fact that Cú Chulainn Alter couldn’t be bothered to lead or do anything else other than waiting for a fight, it shouldn’t be that hard. Oh, if only it were that easy.

While Edison might not be that powerful, there’s still the possibility of him keeping a hidden card under his sleeves. And even discounting the danger of Edison, there’s still Karna, and Nobunaga was not foolish enough not to regard the Hero as anything less than the most powerful of Heroes.

If they were to attack Edison now, without having him fight Cu Chulainn Alter first, then Karna, and whatever it is Edison has up his sleeves, at full strength. If they commit to their attack, and were forced to retreat, then they would have lost their most effective weapon. The element of surprise. As there is no way they would have a chance of beating Karna without going all out.

In other words, the first plan was more tactically sound but extremely heartless and might have unforeseen consequences, while the second plan was ‘adventurous’, in the worst sense of the word.

Of course, Nobunaga knew that Ainz had already fully infiltrated all sides of the upcoming battle, which meant it was logical to assume that he was planning to destroy not one side but all three at once. Although, even if Nobunaga didn't know Ainz’s plan, she would still choose to attack right now. Courage, daring, and surprise were what won wars and gave young commanders a chance to make their way in life and achieve glories.

He who dares, wins.

And even if she did not know that Ainz could rebuild the Singularity after its complete destruction, and that Ainz himself might well join the battle, should he feel the need to do so, it would not deter Nobunaga either. If they lose and can't fix human history by dying in battle, what difference does it make how human history is changed later?

They will already be dead anyway.

However, thinking the same thoughts, Scáthach came to the polar opposite opinion of Nobunaga’s. “We attack them the moment they will be the weakest.”

Unlike Nobunaga, who saw the current situation as an opportunity, to rise to the occasion or fall, Scáthach saw it more as a ‘mission’, the need to achieve a certain task.

After all, even if the battle of Edison and Cú Chulainn Alter were to cause enormous damage to human history, at least Scáthach would guarantee that that would be the final damage to human history in this Singularity. In case she risked everything right now and failed to accomplish her mission, it meant that the destruction in the future would be fait accompli. After all, she was the only one that was trying to fix the Singularity, right?

It was difficult to assume even that Alaya, the collective will of humanity, and Gaia, the collective will of Earth, would be able to somehow repair what had already happened in that Singularity. It would be even harder to imagine how they would repair the destruction should Scáthach fail.

If she chose to allow the two sides to clash, at least there would be a chance, no matter how small, that human history could still be restored, even if in an altered, maybe even mutilated form.

If Scáthach had only known about Ainz's capabilities…  No, even if she had known about it, she would still have selected this option. On the contrary, if she has the knowledge that Ainz was capable of such incredible feats, changing the Human Order as he pleased, she would probably attack him instead, all else be damned.

She had spent thousands of years killing the likes of Ainz, preventing Ghosts from escaping the Land of Shadows, there was absolutely no chance that she would allow Ainz to do as he pleases.

That Ainz needed no additional conditions to rewrite reality and could finish this Singularity from the beginning, however, was suspected only by the likes of Da Vinci. What that says about her is best left to one’s own thoughts.

“So we should start preparing,” Scáthach finally continued. “According to the information, it will take Edison two more days before he will arrive to Medb’s city… So, at the end of the third day the battle between him and Cú Chulainn Alter will be over, and by that time we should be ready to strike the final blow.”

“Okay,” Caster, the Indian with a calm expression, only listened to Scáthach's words, then glanced at Nobunaga, noticing her not so enthusiastic expression. Scáthach followed Caster's gaze and turned to Nobunaga as well. "Any objections?”

“Hmm…” Nobunaga thought for a moment, then shook her head. “I would have chosen another option, but…  it's not my army to command here, after all.”

Scáthach, who until a few days ago might have retorted with a venomous remark along the lines of ‘Yes, it isn't your army’, thought about Nobunaga’s remark silently. Pondering her point of view seriously, she then shook her head. “No, the stakes are too high, we can't afford to lose here, so we have to take every opportunity to win. Even if it leads to additional sacrifices.”

“In that case,” Nobunaga didn't mean it seriously, but she couldn't resist remarking. “If you need all the strength you can, why not ask my Master…”

At these words, Scáthach only threw a look of condemnation at Nobunaga, as if even in the format of a joke she could not bear the thought of asking Ainz anything. Still with a grimace, Scáthach managed to give an answer. “Only… only at the very last moment. And if all other options are useless before then…”

Nobunaga only rolled her eyes, showing with all her appearance what she thought of Scáthach’s reluctance, but did not bother voicing it out.

Caster, on the other hand, only smiled slightly as he watched the two’s antics.

Though the two girls across from him were, according to their legend, were many times older than him, he was the one who looked like a wise old man. Which was the farthest thing he could be based on his story. Watching the two aloof and arrogant, but unquestionably powerful Servants, act like awkward teenagers made for quite the entertainment. The two, for the first time, finding someone equal and similar, yet different from themselves, were very awkward. The two friendless Servants try to operate according to the laws of social life, their conflict turning to mutual respect. And, as one could judge from what might even be called in some ways a display of friendly banter, finally blooming into friendship.

Of course, it was a little sad for Caster himself to know that, at the end of Singularity, the two Servants’ relationship would probably end, before they could develop into a friendship. But that was the natural cycle of things, not every fruit ripens to its fullest.

Still, it was still something to be enjoyed.

Besides, though Caster could not boast of possessing great wisdom from decades past, he was self-aware enough not to think too hard, and enjoy the amusing and unexpected surprises the world gives out.

***

Cú Chulainn tapped his glass against Henry's, and then sipped its contents. “Quite good.”

“Of course, it’s from my personal stash!" Henry responded happily, smirking all the while. "For all the problems he doled out on the daily, your Alter version didn't seem to mind the inhabitants opening their own breweries at all. Actually, as long as we don’t make it obvious, he seems to be content ignoring the Servants going into his kingdom.”

“I knew that even my Alter Version couldn't be that much of an asshole!" Cú Chulainn grinned, then glanced at Saber, who was silently dangling a glass in his hand whose contents he didn't seem to be even sipping. "What’s wrong? Don't you like it, Saber?”

The red-haired Saber, hearing Cu’s question, just looked at Cú Chulainn, who had just guzzled the alcoholic drink, then at Archer, whose revolver was lying beside him, enjoying the same. He then looked at Nero, who was trying her best to show that she did enjoy the plebeian alcohol, trying to force it down her throat through effort. She was not very good at it.

Seeing the other imbibing the spirits, Saber himself could only sigh at his inability to do the same. "No, it’s nothing like that… I guess it is somewhat amusing, considering that I am one of the few from my country who actually could enjoy such a thing. The alcohol’s fine, I think, it’s just…”

Cu Chulainn, hearing Saber’s struggle, noted such an important tidbit for Saber’s identity. Huh, so alcohol is a big deal to him, is he from a religion that prohibits drinking? No, I think if it were so, he wouldn’t even bother pouring the drink in his cup… Maybe from India? China? The style of dress was distinctive enough… Oh well, it’s like he cared all that much in determining Saber’s identity, so Cú Chulainn just shrugged his shoulders at his strange antics.

“Then what? The pall hanging over your head kinda gives the image of wanting to drown yourself in alcohol. Actually, you've been like that the whole time from when we met…”

At these words, Saber only glanced at Cú Chulainn, and then set his glass of alcohol aside. “No, nothing… I should probably go, I need to prepare for the departure and the battle…”

After these hurried partings, Saber rose from his small chair, walked around the almost extinguished fire, and walked towards the darkness that led to the camp.

That was pretty much the end of all Cú Chulainn's attempts to have a dialogue with him.

With Henry, Cú Chulainn found a common language easily, both liked to drink, to compete in games of skills. Though, there were some difficulties with it as he doesn’t know how to shoot a gun, and Archer did not know magic. Still, they enjoyed throwing jokes at each other, so after barely a couple of minutes from their first conversation, they were close enough to be considered friends.

It was even easier with Nero, she was Nero, as strangely dressed as she is, but then again he’s repeating himself. Barely two words and three compliments later, and she was ready to appoint Cu the Proconsul of Britain… Never mind the fact that it would be very ironic to appoint one of the most famous of Irish heroes as the ruler of Roman Britain.

But then Nero probably didn’t care about that in the first place.

Besides, Cú Chulainn had experience, and quite the extensive one, with Nero in Chaldea. It didn’t take long for Cu to realize that this Nero was not much different from Nero in Chaldea. Barring perhaps that conversations about her, ahem, ineffable in the literal sense of the word, creative abilities with this Nero usually turned to discussing how Nero's song would please her lover, whom she was about to find.

Cú Chulainn was even a little ashamed to think that he had even attempted to proposition Nero on the subject, only to be swiftly shot down. What is it she said? ‘She did not think that Cú Chulainn was her lover… at all’. Surprisingly, Cú Chulainn had not yet managed to meet anyone with whom he could have a ‘closer conversation’ with. Medusa almost bit his head off at his insinuations then, and was understandably far out of his reach now. While Drake seemed to be accepting of the idea, had refused him with reluctance for some reason, though she did not seem to mind the idea. And the remaining Servants… Well, he was afraid to approach them about it, either for moral or safety reasons.

Cu don’t think that Serenity and Kiyohime would leave him with any identifiable parts if he were to even joke about such a thing.

For the other Servants here, though? Florence was out for quite objective reasons. Nobunaga, Cu was a little familiar with, so he might give it a shot. And then lastly there’s Scáthach… Yeah, her…

Cu Chulainn, remembering his stern teacher, had a brief panic attack, as if just thinking about her would summon her. With him relaxing, with a pint in hand, he really didn’t want to be given ‘extra’ lessons, especially because it’s not the ‘fun’ kind.

Luckily for him, after receiving the news that Edison had started moving, she had withdrawn with Nobunaga to their usual place and therefore would not be bothering him anytime soon.

In any case, having enough of the depressing thought that he had lost his touch as a Casanova, Cu finished off what alcohol remained in his cup. As he desperately gulped the contents of his cup, Cu spotted the lonely back of Saber slowly melting into the darkness, he found that the ale he’s drinking was uncharacteristically becoming more bitter. “Hey, Saber! Wait!”

Saber, hearing Cu’s shout, stopped, then turned to Cú Chulainn with a confused look on his face. “Yes, Is there anything else?”

Cú had managed to find some common ground with everyone in this camp, within limits of course, he’s no miracle worker, except for Saber that is. And, if they were going to fight together, shedding blood for the same side, they could at least share a drink!

“Come back here!”

“Cú.” Henry, who was sitting next to him, seeing the visible displeasure that showed on Saber's androgynous face, leaned toward Cú Chulainn himself and whispered hurried warnings in his ears. “Why are you picking a fight…”

Cú Chulainn didn't even bother reacting, quietly watching the displeased Saber making his way back, while Nero looked at everything going on around her, strangely anxious. “What?”

“I'm asking you," Cú Chulainn, however, only took another sip from his mug, "What's your problem?”

“I said I didn't want to talk about it," Saber's face flashed a hint of displeasure, as he shook his head, his long scarlet hair trailing in the air.

“And I insist," Cú Chulainn replied, not paying attention to the way Henry, sitting beside him, put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed it slightly in warning. "In a few days we will be fighting together, and there’s no small possibility that we will also be dying together. I'd hate to die side by side with a man about whom I know nothing at all. All the more so if we were to die because he was worried about a problem that might not be worth anything.”

“Oh," There was a note of surprise coming not out of Henry’s mouth, who was still squeezing Cú Chulainn's shoulder until he was in pain, but by Nero. Who apparently has now tried to hide her eyes behind the glass she was holding, for no discernible reason.

“Huh,” Saber, hearing Cú Chulainn's words, only blinked. A moment later, he then looked at Cú Chulainn with bare hostility. “You don’t even know and… ‘Nothing worth it’ huh? I suspected, of course, that a Celtic hero would have simple morals, but simple morals and idiocy I've never confused before…”

Cu Chulainn, if he were in his normal mood, after such words from Saber, would probably demand a duel… Cu Chulainn as a Lancer, that is, his form aimed at fighting and hunting. But Cu Chulainn as Caster was still, besides being Cu Chulainn, is also a Caster, and therefore capable of showing considerable wisdom, easily ignoring the insult.

Besides, that asshole Archer was more creative in his insults, Saber’s barely passed hostile banter territory. “Hey, don’t knock it till you try it, besides, it won't do any for you to share!”

Of course, that is if Saber didn't have the ‘never talk about your problem’ geass, which is a weird geass he wouldn’t lie, but then he can’t judge really. But then, if he did, then Saber would be a Hero of Celtic origin. And Cú would probably easily recognize one by sight.

“Huh, so that's your ‘wise’ suggestion!?” Saber recoiled, as if struck, crossing his arms over his chest. Then, with clenched teeth, Saber began speaking in a volume barely below shouting.  “OK, O wise hero Cú Chulainn, then tell me how to solve the problem I've been struggling with for thousands of years! What to do to return the love of my life back to my side, when I’m cursed never to meet her again as long as I love her! What if I, even being a direct embodiment of Vishnu, for all my actions, cannot meet my beloved Sita no matter what I do?! What to do with the knowledge that she is very near me, here in this world not even a stone's throw away, but I cannot even see her shadow?! Well, what do you suggest I do about that, O’ wise Caster?!”

‘Well… At least the question as to his identity has been settled,’ Cú Chulainn noted in his mind.

Rama, or Ramachandra. The great King of ancient India, the conqueror of the great demon Ravana, the incarnation of Vishnu, a wise king and ruler as well as a great warrior, one of the greatest heroes of India. As a Heroic Spirit, he was not at all inferior to Karna even in the prime of his powers. A hero who united the great vanar army, fought to free his kidnapped bride, Sita, and at the same time cursed to never see her again.

The legendary king who ruled for eleven thousand years over all of India.

Indeed, if Rama himself could not, in thousands of years, find a way to reunite with his beloved, then Cú Chulainn, for all his magic and Celtic wisdom, had no chance of helping him with this problem.

Thankfully, he has one simple solution to all difficulties that seems impossible.

“We can probably ask my Master for that," Cú Chulainn simply smiled and shrugged at Rama’s outburst.

Cú Chulainn certainly couldn't do anything about Rama's curse, and neither could Rama himself, but if there was any way to affect this curse, then Ainz must know a way.

After such words, Rama, who was clearly preparing to either continue his tirade or head away, depending on Cú Chulainn's answer. Or, in case Cú Chulainn tried to say something about his lack of capabilities or even an insult, to lash out at him, was flabbergasted. “What?”

“My Master, Ainz, Scáthach, has already met with him.” Cu smirked slightly, not paying attention to the shocked look the other Servants were giving him, continuing to speak. “I honestly do not know the limits of his powers and abilities, but if anyone can do anything about your curse, or at least have any information on how to dispel it, it is clearly a question for Ainz.”

“What?" Rama stumbled over his own words, clearly not fully in control of himself, before his expression began to darken. "If you think such a simple deception would…”

“Hey, hey, no deception here." Cú shrugged, then remembered an important fact that he should have mentioned. “My Master is an undead deity from another world… A very powerful one. Curses would probably be something straight up his alley.” Cu joked, not realizing that the others would probably not take the news that such a thing was quite literally in earshot of them.

Suddenly, the surrounding darkness didn’t seem so friendly anymore as the bonfire slowly petered out, making it seem as if the darkness was slithering closer.

Rama blinked, then closed his eyes and sucked in air as something entirely out of this world, literally, entered his picture of the world.

Of course, it couldn't be that simple… If the avatar of Vishnu himself couldn't find a solution to his problem in the whole world, who else then but an alien deity should he turn to? And who could lift the powerful curse other than a master of the dark arts? Of course, the only way to resolve the curse that had poisoned his life for thousands of years was to go into the service of an ancient god of evil from another world…

“He's not a bad guy, to be honest, you just need to know him better." Cú Chulainn quickly tried to calm the anxious atmosphere down, having correctly understood what worries had arisen in the minds of the surrounding Servants. "A little frightening maybe, and if you make him angry you will not have anything left to bury… But he’s spearheading the salvation of humanity! So at least give him a chance…”

Cu rather liked that Servants around him had trusted his words immediately, but then it’s not exactly a subject one would lie about. Besides, with Ainz around, the proof would be easy to acquire.

This information also settled in Rama's mind, but rather than assuring him, it spoke rather of Cú Chulainn himself, whose mind was clearly already altered by his proximity to the dark deity…

But even so, two emotions, two opposing impulses, rose instantly in Rama's soul.

His personality and emotions as Sita's husband, and ones as a valiant hero and ruler. Was he willing to go into the service of a dark deity in order to be reunited with his beloved?

As he watched Rama wrestle with this information, his face showing deep contemplation, Cú Chulainn leaned back and took a sip of alcohol from his mug, observing other Servants, who was looking at him, as if they had just seen him for the first time. The glint in Henry’s eyes was quite disturbing though…

“Are..." Henry slowly removed his hand from Cú Chulainn's shoulder, as if afraid to touch him now, "Are you… really in the service of a dark god?”

“Well, sort of?” Cú Chulainn shrugged, it took him a long time to come to terms with that information, so he certainly understood the others’ trepidation.

“Hmm… I've never really interacted with gods in my life, so… I really have to ask you something," Henry looked at Cú Chulainn seriously.

"Is the paycheck good?”

***

Report by a journalism student, subject "History of Journalism," page 8:

… As it often happens with all urban legends, including those created on purpose, an urban legend would soon develop and begin a life of its own. Each retelling adds more and more details and absurd capabilities independent of the journalists who originally created it, gradually transforming at the request of the people retelling this legend. Therefore, rather quickly, the ‘Black King’ acquired a horse, then wielded a spear instead of his sword. And then finally even a connection with the Wild Hunt as a representation of the Black King. And so, the Black King, already a knight possessing unseen power, then, became the main reason the weird mist appeared in the first place.

Well, how one could argue how exciting the story had become.

By the time the story had acquired more and more details, the head of the Wild Hunt had become either King Arthur, back from his Avalon in black guise. Or a powerful wizard from before all time, wielding terrifying magic and casting this fog over London, a kind of ‘evil twin brother’ of Merlin. The journalists who originally and launched the story began to sound the alarm, realizing that the legend they created was out of control and must now be destroyed. And so in their new issues,  the journalists found a new topic of discussion to direct the attention of their readers to. And so now, instead of the mystical Black King, still an urban legend to this day, they switched to a new, just as fantastic story.

The mysterious murders committed by who would later be dubbed Jack the Ripper…

Comments

Will

On a side note, this chapter reach exactly 1500 pages on my compiled file 👏🏼

Bob

Cu: wait, you are supposed to be getting paychecks!?