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Buffy 5X16.mp4

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Hannah Lintott

I love that you get Dawn. I was 13 when this first aired and i have a 13 year old daughter of my own now. Anyone who doesn't understand Dawn doesn't remember what being a teenager is like!

Chess Red Eagle

Oh man. This is gonna be rough. I hate how damn good this episode is considering how many times it punches you right in the gut. Even Joss cries at certain points of this episode and he wrote the damn thing.

Tia

🙏🏽 sorry you had to go through watching this episode. One of the most painful episodes I ever watched in television history because of how true to life it tragically is. The performances were amazing but the two standouts were SMG (Buffy) and Emma (Anya) for me. Also the moment between Tara and Buffy was nice because it gave us a little more backstory about Tara’s past. Dawn reaction when she found out just broke me... This episode was too true to life which is why it hurt so much to watch. Now let me go ahead to be sad with you as I watch your reaction to it.

Miss Timi Fantastico

Gosh. I’m happy to see this pop up but very not ready even after all of these years.

Patrick Sullivan

I have told this story enough that my fellow watchers could probably tell it better than I. So. I watched this episode the day after being told by my doctor that my intense vertigo spells were very likely the result of an aggressive brain tumor. It would be another day before I got in for an MRI. Sigh. Darn early enter. Long story short, it wasn't a brain tumor. But what stuck with me about this episode is not the fear of death I had. It was how my dying would impact those around me. It is the space around the body as the art teacher said.

Chess Red Eagle

And just got to the fake out scene. That may be the hardest scene to watch. It's always the same. Elation that she's alive, realizing it's probably fake, and then just absolute soul crusher. Brutal shit. Brutal.

Collete L

Anya made a wish...

Ashley

Anya's speech is probably my favorite monologue in all of Buffyverse.

liamcatterson

It hurts more when you associate her to the spectrum and she asks these questions. Sometimes we ask these questions not out of ignorance but we can't click to the world around us on what this means and how we move forward from here. These speech will always make sure she is forever a favourite

CeNedra

Just out of curiosity and if it’s not too personal, what was the cause of the vertigo? I started getting it very suddenly a couple of months ago, so bad I’m violently sick then ill the rest of the day 🙁

liamcatterson

As a writer myself, I know how it's like to make an episode with these moments that break even the writers and given this episode, I can't blame him. This episode really aced it!

CeNedra

I’m finding reasons not to press play 😞 here we go 🤞

liamcatterson

Mood. It was a couple of hours for me. Honestly, this was the equivalent to a funeral to a close relative for me. Something you do not want to face but have to

TheyCallMeJeff

This is a masterpiece of episodic television. A heartwrenching and realistically look at the moments after the death of a loved one. Everything from Buffy using an alternate fantasy as a temporary escape from the devastation at hand and the guilt she felt because she could not save Joyce to Dawn's denial that any of this is actually happening to Willow's inability make the most mundane decision due to immense grief to Xander's anger and desperately trying to find someone to blame to Anya's inability to understand mortality and death. It's the most realistic portrayal of death I have ever seen on any medium. GRADE: A+

Erik Nilsson

If we are talking about pulling on the heart strings, you are correct this is the pinnacle of Buffy. There's a few gems left though. ;)

Chess Red Eagle

So, a fun fact just to break up all the sorrow of this episode. This is James Marsters favorite episode and he finds it hilarious how he found out about it. Joss came up to him saying I think I've just written a great episode...you aren't in it. Fucking Joss lol

Jarrod Wild

The highlight for me is not Anya's speech or Willow and Tara's first onscreen kiss, it's the scene in the hospital of Buffy and Tara alone on the sofa. That little conversation is everything to me. "Was it sudden?" "No...and yes. It's always sudden." I was impacted emotionally by this episode when it first aired, but only after I watched my father die did this episode hit me on a whole other level.

Keith Gow

Joss Whedon lost his mother in a similar way and he wrote this based on his own experience. It really captures loss and how things are hard to fathom in a brutal and honest way. Sarah Michelle Gellar is the best she's ever been here. The whole cast is stunning, though. I hope you're doing okay, Liam. This is a tough watch - and I've watche two reactors react to this within 24 hours. *cries*

Tammy L. Faulkner

Just woke up... about to watch this reaction... GeekedOutNation just posted his reaction to this episode too early this morning, as I said on his comments and everyone who has watched THIS epyfor the very first time... so very sorry. Sending big hugs your way Liam.

Raven Dark

Usually, I leave a very long comment on reactions to this one, since there is so much to explore and delve into, but you and the other commenters covered a lot of it. So I will leave you with some additional thoughts. The Christmas Scene Writing-wise, that scene was meant to prevent the opening credits from distracting from the scene where Buffy is first dealing with finding her mother and trying to revive her. But in-universe, it was as you mentioned. Buffy's mind was trying to cope with Joyce's death by going to a happy place. She was in denial. The way in which Joss chose to separate the credits from the more critical scene with a flashback was brilliant, because that's how the mind works. We retreat to a safe place where everything is happy and normal, and the one we've lost is still alive. Oh, and I always forget to mention this when it comes to the Christmas scene, but about Anya's reveal that Santa Clause is real. This show is known for creating it's own mythos and grounding them in reality, but in this case, some of what Anya said is based on original folklore. According to the original folklore, he didn't leave presents, he left coal, which is where the idea of his leaving coal for bad children comes from. And according to the same folklore, at least in some versions I've read, he did disembowel children. The Fakeout For some, this scene probably feels like a cheap trick, but it wasn't. In this case, it's meant to convey the way our minds sometimes cope with loss. The shock pushes us into denial. Again, Buffy's mind was trying to make it not real. The Kiss According to what I've seen in specials on this episode, Joss had to fight tooth and claw to get the kiss in. They told him not to put it in, and he did it anyway, saying he dared them to make him take it out. They let him leave it in. For me, it was a beautiful scene, and extremely well done, but it was also kind of like, OMG, really, Joss, you're giving this to us now?? LOL Strong Like An Amazon Willow's line, "Strong like an Amazon," is an homage to the show Xena Warrior Princess, a show set in ancient Greece, in which gods and the all woman society, the Amazons, play a huge role. The show aired at the same time as Buffy and Angel, alongside Hercules: The legendary Journeys. All four of them were part of a Thursday night lineup called The Acton Pack. Xena was a spinoff of Hercules. It was to Herc what Angel is to Buffy. While Buffy broke a lot of ground, allowing other shows that came after to tackle issues that hitherto were not permitted on prime time, Xena, in some ways, paved the road for Buffy. It showed producers and viewers that we could represent a strong female lead who kicked ass, but wasn't a bitch, or ice cold, or without making her masculine. Producers knew the crossover between the fandoms would be huge, and that viewers would watch both franchises, and would therefore get the reference. Anya's Speech To me, Anya's speach works so well on multiple levels, not just because it makes sense for her as a vengeance demon who struggles to understand humans. And it doesn't only work because it also fits well with the theory of her being on the spectrum, something I have always thought as well. It also works beautifully because while at the start, she appears to be just being tactless and asking questions that society deems inappropriate, as the speech progresses, we see there is something much deeper going on. She isn't being rude, as Willow believes, or tactless or insensitive. Anya is asking the same question that all of us ask when faced with death, and a question for which there is no good answer--why. How deeply ironic that the ex-vengeance demon who never fully understands humans makes the most human statement of all. The Doctor When Buffy was talking to the doctor, you might have missed an interesting touch in that scene. Buffy asked the doctor if he was sure her mother didn't suffer. The doctor's mouth moved with the words, "I DON'T have to lie to make you feel better." But Buffy heard, "I HAVE to lie to make you feel better." The first several times I saw that part, I thought there was something wrong with the audio, that it was out of sinc with the image. It wasn't. Buffy's mind processed his words in a way that indicated her fear, that he was lying to make her feel better. The Vampire I've heard some people complain that the vampire at the end felt out of place. While I can see how some can feel that way, here's how I see it. Yes, the vampire's presence is meant to remind us that we are still watching a supernatural show about vampires. This is still Buffy The Vampire Slayer. But in-universe, it's also meant to show us that, even in times of great loss, the show must go one. Life must continue. Evil is not considerate of people's like circumstances or feelings, and, like it or not, Buffy still has a job to do. A job, whether its working at McDonalds or slaying vampires, has no compassion. It does not care about your loss, and one still has to deal with life even when we grieve. And a final thought on the episode before I share something personal. Do you remember in season four, when Buffy first met Riley, when she was buying her books for school? She was putting them in the basket and complaining about how expensive they were and that her mother would freak when she saw the bill or whatever. She says, "I hope it's a funny aneurysm." And by the way, Joss has said in commentary that he planned to kill Joyce off as early as season three. He told Kristina Sutherland she was going to die in season 5. The comment Buffy makes about the books just goes to show us how sick and twisted and truly brilliant Joss truly is. Okay, now I''ll tell you a little something about me. When I first saw this episode, I didn't get a lot of it. Most of it went over my head. For a lot of reasons, I've been recently exploring the theory that I too am on the spectrum. I have behavioral patterns that only started to make sense once I looked into it, and I have always, always had a lot of weird issues relating to people that never made sense until I looked at it through that lens. If I am, that could be why so much of this episode escaped me, but it's also because at the time, I hadn't ever had anyone die who was close to me. The second time I watched this episode, I had the misfortune--or perhaps the fortune--of watching it the day after my best friend died. My husband and I had been watching the show for a while, and this episode just happened to be where we were in the series the day after James died, and this time, so much of it made sense. I saw myself in so much of this episode, going through all the things the characters did. The part of Anya's speech where she says Joyce will never have eggs or brush her hair, ect, is so incredibly real. James and I both loved Buffy, and we always wanted to watch it together, but never got the time. His favorite series of all time was a long epic fantasy series called Wheel of Time. At the time that we became close, the series was up to the second to last book. He always joked that he would end up dying before the series ended and he would never see it. He died before the last book was released. When he passed, one of the first things I thought of was that he would never get to read the last book, and we would never get to watch Buffy together, and it broke me. I have the last Wheel of Time book. James died 6 years ago now. I still haven't read it. And every time I see this episode, I think of him. The thing is, I say that perhaps my watching this episode the day after he died is fortunate because I think it helped me to cope. It helped me to realize that all the thoughts and feeling and reactions I had were normal and that there was nothing wrong with me. It helped me to grieve him and deal with losing him in a way that nothing else has. And here's the real kicker though. A week later, we found out how James died. He had cancer, but that wasn't what killed him. He died of an aneurysm. Great reaction as always. So many hugs. We love you Liam. We love you.

Tammy L. Faulkner

Anyas words always hit hard... I have seen this episode more times than I can remember but her words always hit me right in the gut. When I was 13 my mom passed away... it was a lot like Buffys reaction, out of it. I think I spent about 2 full weeks just in a trance, no tears no thought... guess you could call it shock. of course this was before this episode when my mom passed, but it hits just as hard. My mom found out she had cervical cancer 2 years before she got pregnant with me... I didn't know about the cancer until it was too late. We spent her last few month on this earth just trying to make her more comfy while she slowly got worse... a few weeks before she passed she went into a 'mindless' state, but it was the night before I will never forget, or forgive myself for. I had an argument with her for something as dumb as wanting to stay up and hang with our visiting family... she told me to go to bed... something her and my dad never worried about while I was growing up and I was never told to do anything like that so I got angry, I thought she was just trying to act tough infront of family, but now I think back... she was more than likely feeling the situation getting worse and didn't want me to see it happen. I told her as I was stomping to my room that I hated her... of course I didn't mean it... that was the first and last time I was a pain in the ass teenager with a bad attitude and an even worse mouth. She passed one week before Thanksgiving... needless to say, for the pass 22 yrs I have disliked the holiday, but I indure it for my family. My mom passed Novenber 1998... Charmed aired one month before and I watched it for the first time one month after. For 8 yrs Charmed was my escape from the loss of my mother, along with Smallville, Supernatural and just about anything else I could get addicted too that wasn't drugs later. I am reminded og my mom a lot, and I mourn her still, but its not until I watch THIS specific episode that I cry while thinking of her.

Matt E.

Everyone always talks about Tara and Anya, deservedly so, those moments are extremely powerful and are delivered perfectly, but for me the scene that gets me the most emotional every time I watch the episode is Dawn outside the classroom. I think michelle is such a talented physical actor, showing her emotions through her whole body. Watching her when she realizes something has happened but is refusing to believe it, and the staging watching through the glass of the art room, hearing nothing except Dawn's muffled denials and screams as she collapses to the floor. It just wrecks me every single time.

Rachel Espiritu

"I can't wait till Mom gets the bill for these books. I hope it's a funny aneurism..." -Buffy, 4x01 "The Freshman" Narrator: It was not. For real though, seven years, no Emmy. Sarah Michelle Gellar deserved a damn truckload of Emmys for her performance as Buffy. But BTVS walked so that so many other "genre" shows could run. Here's to simultaneously the best and the worst television episode of all time.

Claire Eyles

I will always remain forever grateful for this episode, because it was the first time I had ever seen my own experience of grief after a sudden loss reflected in any sort of creative media. My grandmother, who I was very, very close to, dropped dead in front of me, from a massive heart attack, when I was 8. At the time the only real frame of reference regarding that level of loss and grief that I had was the stereotypical 'misty watercoloured memories' type stuff that they'd show on tv or in films - you know, where people are coming together, and the grief is all cathartic & touching. My own experience was absolutely nothing like that, so for years after, even as an adult when I knew better, I carried around this nagging voice in the back of my mind that made me think I'd somehow gotten the whole 'grieving' thing wrong, like there was a right and wrong way to respond to a sudden death and my response had just been all wrong. Then this episode aired, and the opening sequence was so damn close to my own experience that I was watching it with this really weird mix of happiness & relief mixed in with sadness. It was just so damn good to finally see my experience reflected like that, it was this moment of 'OMG, I didn't get it wrong, look, this episode of Buffy is showing me I didn't get it wrong'. It meant a lot.

Sharon Owen

Even after seeing this many times parts of it still make me cry. I had to make sure I had an hour where I knew I wouldn't be interrupted to watch your reaction! It's an episode I sometimes skip on re-watches as I don't want to go through all of those emotions again! I think we all expected your reaction to be like it was, few words and crying. The other Liam's reaction was also very similar!

UTU49

Liam, I've been trying to decide what to say about your reaction to this. I think the main thing I need to say is just that I watched it and I'm glad I watched it. This episode... and your reaction (and the other reactors I've watched: Alex, Shan, Van, Liam D, Amber) have enriched my life. I've been having a rough time recently, like almost everyone else in the world in 2020, so I was more emotional than usual. I cried hard for big chunks of this reaction. I think I needed it.

UTU49

I also wanted to say that I read all of the comments here, and the Buffy fandom is one of the best communities anywhere. We are not perfect, but we are a more empathetic group of people than most fandoms. Buffy is not about the monsters and vampires and magic. Is it truly about characters and relationships? I often think that the true subject of Buffy the Vampire Slayer is actually even more general than that: ... empathy.

Thom Purdy

People often overlook the significance of Anya's "I wish that Joyce didn't die." As a creature that had the power of the wish for 1000 years, it was a sweet moment.

Glorie Bluestein

This was one of Sarah's favorite episodes to make as well. However I know a lot of people interpert the vampire as her struggling. I see it differently. Vampires are part of THEIR real world and just a few minutes earlier Buffy said she didn't even know if she was really there. I think the vampire was there to remind her that yes this is in fact real, snap out of the shock. I do like that she already kinda sensed the need to go to the morgue though, like Dawn was in trouble. That it mostly focused on the scoobies, at the hospital ben could have even easily showed up if not glory and they kept it focused. Anya's speech though, that gets me every time. I kinda also wanna punch Xander a little though at the hospital because Anya was saying something sweet and sentimental even if she didn't quite know the tone to use and I felt he kind of mocked her there.

Sisnerdly

This is too epic not to watch the full reaction.

Phoenix Dawn

Sorry Liam, sending hugs! This one is so hard to go through but also a brilliant episode!

Karsten Hase

be hionest who was just waiting for that monologue?