Aces with Love - Episode 1 [2/2] (Patreon)

Masterfully written by M.R. Wonderful artwork by Milkibar00,
and original concept created by truly yours YogurP.
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Every time the nerdy girl said something, Sid was impressed with just how much she knew. “I bet you learned a lot from his books, but less from ‘im ‘imself, eh?” She still had a lot to learn, he’d be in the wrong if he didn’t help her even a little bit. “Luckily, I got lots of knowledge too. You do too - ya just haven’t found the right way to apply it yet.”

“So that is true? Wooden figures can attract spirits?” Mati asked, placing the sewing kit in the box and sealing it all nice and tight. Hopefully, they would not need to open it again any time soon. “I know in Slavic Rodnovery and Japanese Shinto - wood has a strong prevalence for… maintaining spiritual bodies. Which is why so many idols and images from the East of gods and guardians are carved out of wood.”

“Hell, girlie, some ghosts like Jade too - like in Korea.” Nostalgia was written on Sid’s face as he closed his eyes, but right, right - the task at hand. Distractions were becoming abundant and almost overwhelming. “The dead are attracted to anything of value in our world. Anything that is merely believedto have powa’, well, can get pretty damn powa’ful, ya hearin’ me?”

Having hopped off of the table to stretch his little wooden legs, Sid allowed himself a little stroll around the workshop. “Wood is one thing that is easy to maintain and also restore… but also, can burn, ya know? If ya ever got somethin’ bad in a wooden figure, ya can exorcise that greaseball demon or whatever with fire. Fire - is a force of nature.” His thumbs pointed back at himself triumphantly. “Like me, a force a’ nature. Not bad, nor evil, but not always good. Fire can heat ya food and keep ya warm, but fire can also burn down ya whole block.”

Mati found it enduring but also very silly, for a man trapped in such a small body to say such things. But she did get the gist of what he was saying. “Mr. De Ascanio was preparing a large puppet body for himself. He wanted to transfer his soul to a pure body free of illness, that would take onh is shape and eventually turn to flesh… I thought it was too much, even coming from him. But now…” She remembered the blood from the glass shard she pulled from Sid’s head. “I think it is possible. If we do it right.”

“He was that desperate? That is some really wicked nutjob stuff. Lost a few marbles in the end, did he? Or was he guzzling giggle juice all night when he thought that up?” In all his years, it had been a bit since he heard of such a dark attempt to extend a life. But Sid also knew that people were very desperate to live. Hell, he look at him now and his resilience toward all normalcy in his own situation. “So - he has that puppet body, ready to be possessed somewhere, human sized and everything? Wait - was that the ritual he was trying?”

“I don’t think so. He attempted it before and it didn’t work.” Mati astutely claimed, which rang a few bells for Sid in return.

Almost impatiently, he tapped a foot to his own rhythm he hummed before it all came together and he was able to conspire a theory. “I think I know what happened… He tried to perform a ritual but there was already a wooden vessel with a spirit conveniently inside of it…” As Sid spoke, Mati scooted her chair closely and sat down, listening intently - rather interested in all of this from a supposed ‘pro’s’ perspective. “Ritual has a lot of grandiose words, if ya ain’t sayin’ it fluently and just fibbin’ it, ya need to at least be specific. So it seems, I was an accidental conduit for his little wood-to-flesh act…”

Unbelievable, but it made sense. He flexed his little fingers and could feel some vague sensations. “I used to feel a bit of my old self when I was first trapped in this looneybin of a slammer - this wooden big house, this prison. But now, its da opposite. I am forgettin’ what my real body felt like and now - I’m starten to feel a bit hollow.” Pointing a finger at her accusingly, Sid let out another joke to ease her. “So think twice before ya start sticking ya hands anywhere near me!”

She laughed. “No, no, I would never!” The laugh wasn’t because it was funny, but because it was lewd and embarrassing. “Besides, I don’t think I could be seen carrying you around anywhere like that… people make fun of me enough as it is.”

“Kids and the youth - the realtyrants of society. Some fancy greek guy said that once.”

“You mean… Socrates?”

“Yeah, that’s the cat and frankly, that cat’s scratch was hardly inaccurate. He knew what was up.” Sid let out a sigh, or at least pretended to. His body was not necessarily able to breathe, let alone even do something as subtle as that. So it was entirely a dramatic heave of his stiff shoulders and some auditory, dramatic overacting. “Aaghhhh…”

He was super odd, literally from a different era, Mati had to remind herself. For a guy made of wood, there was something magnetizing about him though. “Something on your mind?” She asked him.

It was hardly a retort, but he did reply somewhat callously. “Ye, I need new body, a proper shag and the right to die in the arms of a beautiful hard-body lady on my 150th birthday…” Dreams aside, the body was still a very possible goal. “We gonna find that de Ascanio’s wooden-body substitute and whatever book of incantations he had. But there’s more to it…”

“You mean the fact his murder scene is just next door?” Stated Mati rather blankly. It was a good point.

Undeniably, Sid had to say that was exactly what he was thinking. “Kind of hard to ignore that. If he accidentally tried to summon somethin’ to work for ‘im or do a favour for ‘im and it didn’t even offer a low down… This whole campus is not safe until we figure out what happened to ol’ de Ascanio.”

“That… might prove difficult. That part of his private study is sealed off for police investigation, right now… the deen of the campus is also very careful as to not let anyone in or even talk about it.” Mati cleared the air on that, reminding Sid that there was more than just a small conspiracy afoot with the death of de Ascanio.

“But…?” He interrupted bluntly.

“But?” She had no idea where he was going with this, but maybe she should have given it some thought before asking.

“But - there is always another way in. Guys like this, wannabe necro-joe or not, de Ascanio had a secret passageway to his quarters from here, didn’t he…?” Sid prided himself on the assessment, because it was true - the fact Mati didn’t have to say anything but nod slowly was enough for him to pat his own back over it. “I am guessing it is behind… that bookshelf, right?”

The bookshelf was hand carved out of some gorgeous cherry-red wood. Rosewood paneling, something you’d see on a guitar fretboard, made the backdrop and the shelves themselves were sturdy but with some light reading material on it. All of the books were hardly related to intellectual pursuits or occult studies.

It was a hobby-shelf. Full of fiction. Some authors even ol’ Sid recognized. Like that strange cat Lovecraft.

“H-how did you figure out Mr. de Ascanio’s secret entrance so quickly?!” Mati was almost mad, for it took her ages to even get the privilege of knowing from de Ascanio himself.

“Easy! When ya have a keen eye like me and been around the biggest of apples of demon activity, this stuff is elementary. Nah, its kindergarten!” Sid flexed his prowess as a detective and a demon hunter a bit, knowing that Mati was probably admiring it quietly.

Just the fact that this wet sock named De Ascanio has a library of his own books was enough I needed to know about him. He started out as a fiction writer when his research took him too deep. In a way, his personal study being blocked by a literal shelf, acting as a door - of the very gateway-books that introduces him to his own cosmic insignificance… it made sense. In an artsy, fancy pants sort of way.

He held his chin with his little fingers, letting it jabber loosely for a moment as he examined which ‘book’ likely would activate a secret lever of some sort to open the door.

These esoteric eccentric types - they are cornballs. Everythin’ they do is straight off of the cobb. They got nothin’ to lose but their own respect for their own intellectual processes. Bunch of ego driven mama’s boys. The types who always play with fire, play with demons and had to call in a hard dick like me to fix the problem. Sew or staple the rift in reality they kept cuttin’ into so casually like someone filleting a fish.

“If you are wondering… if there is a book to activate a secret door, it is a lot more simple.” A defeated Mati finally stood up and moved toward the bookshelf with some quick steps, while having to hop over a recently shipped box with other supposedly haunted merchandise inside. She pressed herself against the shelf and held onto it tightly, while she mustered a surprising amount of effort-driven strength. From there, she began to forcefully shift the book shelf away from the concealed door behind it.

It was nice seeing the book worm exert herself a bit, Sid had to admit. “Sorry there ain’t much I can do with this frame o’ mine, currently.” There was genuinely nothing he could do, but watch and simply look at her skirt. At least the dress code at the school let them pick whatever panties they wanted. She was not wearing anything too hot and tawty, but it was a precious view regardless.

“Almost there, keep goin’!” He motivated as he stepped closer, dipping down some to get a glimpse at the legs she had mostly covered up with high socks. He was glad they weren’t stockings after all, the girl had some meanlegs. Or maybe he just had what the boys called ‘prison goggles’. After not seeing much dames in the past unknown decades since he was conscious and sentient - anyone seemed positively smoking in certain ways.

The girl had a fine ass beneath that skirt, even if she did not know it. It was such a shame she dressed somewhat baggy, maybe to hide that little bit of pudge at her abdomen. A little extra on the stomach didn’t bother Sid too much. As he used to say in the ol’ days, I don’t mind a few extra pounds - I like to pound ‘em.

While Sid was still completely eyeing her panties, eventually, Matilde managed to scoot the shelf out of the way - skidding it across the floor, damaging the wooden surface. “Oops…” Sheepishly, she nudged the scrapes with her foot. Not like there was anything de Ascanio could do about it, even if he were to come back from the grave - as the whole world likely knew him as one of many death authors, gone before their time now. “Sorry, Mr. de Ascanio…” And yet, she still apologized…

“Don’t worry about the dead, gal - the dead don’t need any apologies.” Sid walked up to the now, not-so-hidden door. “Had a feeling this would be too easy…” It was sealed, in more ways than one. It also lacked a handle or doorknob, which probably was what allowed it to be hidden behind the shelf in the first place. It was very blatantly a door, reinforced with some light steel stamped over wood - but actually getting in would prove difficult.

Largely because it was also shackled shut, apparently. Chains and padlocks, all marked with a strange red paint as well. Even Mati was surprised about this. “Mr. de Ascanio would never do this… I am curious why he would suddenly lock this entrance just before the ritual…”

“To keep something inside, I am guessing… He must have anticipated something was going to go wrong.” Sid looked down at himself, feeling something strange on his end too. “Oh, uhhh…” Jeez, don’t let the girl see, come on man - have some decency!

“Is everything alright, Sid?” Averting her attention from the door to the dummy, Mati saw as Sid suddenly turned away - his back facing her. At first, it looked like he was simply being dramatic and brooding. “...”

“Heh, looks like this will be harderthan I thought.” Sid stated, with a poor choice of words. The reason he was turning away was to hide that he had somehow, managed to get an erection from staring at her panties when he peeped underneath her skirt. Making himself flustered, he fumbled his next words. “I am sure we have something in here that can… break those chains off, easy as sliced cheese.”

Yeah, that is right, if I play it cool, I should be fine. Not like she saw anything, Sid. Just keep ya back to her for a moment and just think about the job ahead of you two’s. Ignore everything else. Just, I wish I had some muscles still. If ya ever had a hard day and found yourself with some morning wood, in this case literally, if ya flexed your leg or somethin’ for a minute - the erection would calm down like a tame dog. But damn, I ain’t got anythin’ to flex right now!

A long drawn out sigh came from Mati. “If it is about your… erection. You had it for a while. I’ve just been ignoring it.” She was so terribly embarrassed to admit this. Mati wanted to just dig herself a hole and hide in it like a trench in a world war. Anything but to have to confront this awkward fact ever again.

“Oh, uhh... sorry. It is just uhh, mornin’ wood, just woke up not too long ago and-”

“No! I get it! No need to elaborate further, please!”

“It is a bit weird… ain’t it…?” Sid was distraught, his condition was more serious than he realized. “This body is becoming more and more human… and we’re running out of time.” The serious of the conversation finally killed the boner. Confidentally, he faced the locked door again.

“How long… before you think the humanization process will be complete?” Mati asked, now actually scared about what might just happen and if this was on the tamer side of something that would end up becoming completely grotesque. Would he end up being some terrible chimera? A flesh and wood hybrid?

“A few days, just a couple… meaning we have to act fast.” Sid walked up to the door, giving it a kick out of frustration. “Sturdy. And I think the red paint on the locks definitely means something.”

“Actually, I think that is from when we were painting the archway outside of the museum… we painted it red and it landed on some of the fencing we used to keep intruders out.” Mati corrected - although she felt bad for doing such.

“Oh, well that is a good thing then - just means we don’t have to play any fancy magical card games with the damn things.” Something like a good hammer could even break the padlock off, but then again - picking it would be the most gentlemanly way to go about it. Sid went through all the possibilities. “Wait, I got it…”

The plan was formulated. The dye was caste. It was time to put his little wooden brain to the races and take home the whole train. Badabing. “That tweezer kit… open it up and get some needles and use the tweezers give ‘em a bend. We are gonna lock pick this like we were a Robin hood, robbin’ the neighborhood. Easy in and out, like a doctor!” The idea was discrete, calculated. Not necessarily his style, but in these circumstances, improvisation was king.

That was one when Mati had emerged with a pair of bolt cutters. Furious ones. “Let’s hope these chains aren’t enchanted.” The steel mandibles were widened and then tightly forced to bite the chain link, just below one of the main padlocks. “One snip… should be all it takes…”

“Where the hell ya get that, dolly?” It wasn’t even loud, Sid realized. A metallic snap later and the chains began to dangle off the door, one by one, before they fell to the ground with a thud that only resonated within the workshop. “Just when ya can’t surprise me anymore, ya bring out the jaws of life…”

“Oh, these things…?” Nonchalantly, Mati shrugged and wiped some beads of sweat from her forehead, before readjusting her glasses with a single nudge of her finger at the nose-bridge. “Mr. de Ascanio used to get these huge crates delivered here, full of books, sometimes statues and other things… He was scared of the University Deen having them removed, so he requested they be shipped chained up…”

Triumphantly, the already exhausted and out of shape Mati tossed the bolt cutters aside. Admiring the door that was now free to be opened. Stomping up to it, Sid gave it a push - but no luck. “Uhhh… This is a pull door, isn’t it?” He felt only a little bit stupid.

“I’ll grab the crowbar, the door was never meant to be opened from this side, it was always more of an emergency exit - or rather… It's less a secret door to his study and more a secret door to his workshop.” All of this was said with an exhausted sigh. It didn’t take long for Mati to find a chipped and worn crowbar in the assortment of tools, likely used to pry open the crates and boxes that she mentioned earlier. “I know, I know, secret doors in his secret study to a not-so-secret workshop. It's complicated but he said it had to do with… Kung Fu?”

“Feng Shui.” Corrected Sid, as he meekly watched her stab the slab of steel between the door and the nearly flat frame with his arms crossed. “Thought ya would have known that one, or did ya get that wrong so that I’d feel smarta by correctin’ ya, toots?”

“Something like that.” Mati cringed as the door finally was forced open. “Here we go…”

To be continued...

Next entry will come soon!