Essence d'bimbo (Konosuba Bimbofication fic!) (Patreon)

Hi folks!

Well, the weather out here is still pretty crazy, but at least it's crazy with water pouring from the sky instead of the incredible heatwave we've been having. Makes a change, you know?

As I've mentioned before, I'll be taking September off to recharge my writing batteries (after several people I know very unrelated to each other basically demanded I do so, some getting pretty close to blackmail in their insistence!) and then I'll be back in October to go whole hog once again. Here's hoping it results in more stories, and in better stories!

(I'll also be looking to move around when I schedule things like short requests - in their original form it made sense to have them at the end of the month, but now too often it requires people to stay subbed an extra month to see their requests, and that's just not on. I'll probably be moving short requests to the first Wednesday of the month once I return - lemme know in comments or DMs if that's an issue, please.)

As for the real reason everyone's here, I have a fun one for you all this week! A commissioned fic requested just before I got ill back in April, who was then incredibly patient with me as I recovered and then caught up with all the work I was behind on here. And now, the result - Konosuba bimbos!

... What do you mean they're not that different from their regular selves? Damnit, this is all Aqua's fault...

-

As adventurers go, Kazuma Satou was unbelievably lucky. He won every game of rock-paper-scissors he entered, he could steal the panties right off a skilled thief with her being unable to stop him, and with only the barest hint of an effort, combined with a snarky personality, he’d managed to assemble a team of some of the most powerful adventurers in Axel! Yes, the man was incredibly lucky.

Now, he might personally disagree with this notion – and he’d especially disagree with the idea that he’d been in some way ‘lucky’ to get a party consisting of a crybaby goddess, a masochistic tank with no ability to hit things, and a wizard who only knew and would only ever learn one spell… But this was just a misunderstanding. For you see, while his luck stat was incredible, it was still just that – luck. And luck, at the end of the day, can be good or bad. It’s not a reliable superpower. And since it was the main thing Kazuma had going for him…

Well, sometimes he just ended up dead.

But not to fear! Because, as useless a goddess as Aqua could be, she was a literal godsend when it came to healing magic. For her, casting a high-level spell like resurrection was as easy as sneezing. Nothing to it! Kazuma would be back up and running in no time, with nothing to show for it but maybe a slightly stiff neck. Say what you like about the lady, but there were times when she was every bit the broken cheat item Kazuma had asked for when he was sent down to this world.

That said, the process wasn’t instant – his body had to be, ah, recovered and… reassembled… – so in the meantime, the adventurer found himself waiting in the usual space between worlds, the divine waiting room of the recently deceased. And with him, of course, sitting across from him with a serene smile on her face, was Eris, goddess of fortune and chief divinity of this world. She had a church and everything – way better, in Kazuma’s opinion, than the goddess he’d been stuck with.

“Hey,” he greeted her sheepishly. It was always difficult to know what to say in these kinds of circumstances. “So, uh. Fancy meeting you here…”

Eris, for her part, giggled good naturedly. “We really must stop meeting like this, Kazuma. I’m starting to think you’re looking for excuses to see me.”

Well now there was an idea… Uh, wait. No. Maybe rethink that one. “Aheh, sorry. Had a bit of an accident exploring a dungeon…”

The goddess smiled. “Yes, I saw some of the details. You really need to be more careful – dungeons are quite dangerous places.”

“No kidding.” The adventurer rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess I just let my guard down because it was supposed to be low level – uh, I- I mean, beeeeecause we’d already defeated all of the enemies! Yeah.”

“I’m sure.” Ever good natured, Eris none the less seemed to see right through him. “Please be cautious though, even in low level dungeons. Though I admit, I’m surprised that you’d waste- Uh, I mean, sssspend your time in a beginner zone!”

Oh dear – even the responsible voice of serenity in this setting thought this trip was a dumb idea.

Kazuma sighed. “Well, it was a new discovery and we were kind of hoping there’d be some good loot – which’d be really helpful right now, because you-know-who’s blown all our money and then some on booze… Again…”

The pale haired goddess coughed and looked awkwardly sympathetic. Oh yes, she too knew the pain of having to deal with a certain blue haired menace.

“And everyone said that low-level dungeons were a waste of time, but…” The adventurer groaned and leaned back in his chair. “I dunno, I thought we might get lucky. There really was nothing here, though – except that crusher trap. Who randomly builds those all over the place?!”

“Ahh, I see. Well, greed is often the first step on the route to folly.” Eris looked serious for a moment, waggling her finger chidingly before giggling again. “Although that may be a bit rich coming from a goddess of fortune like me. I suppose I can understand your thinking.”

From above, a light began to shine – the beckoning ‘grace’ of Aqua’s resurrection spell. And the beckoning voice of Aqua. “Hey, Kazuma, hurry and wake up already! This dungeon’s spooky and I wanna leave!”

Ahh, the peace had only existed for a short time, but it had been nice while it lasted. “Duty calls, I guess. Thank you for your hospitality, Eris.” He bowed politely even as he started to float back to the real world. After all, it made sense to be polite to the woman who controlled whether you lived or died, kinda literally…

“No problem. Oh, where is the new dungeon you’re exploring? I might be able to take a peak at the loot table and nudge things a bit for you.” The goddess put a finger against her lips and winked conspiratorially.

Now there was an opportunity you would be foolish to walk away from. “Oh, could you? That’d be great! Yeah, we’re in some new place down by the river in the Fledgling Fairy Glade. Can’t miss it!”

Eris blinked. “The Fledgling Fairy… W-wait, wait a sec, you don’t mean-”

“Enough wasting time already! Come on, I wanna get home!” Kazuma’s graceful flight back to life became a markedly less graceful zoom, as the force of Aqua’s spell seized him by the back of the neck and yanked him up into the light like a fisherman hauling a fish from the river.

As the light faded, and quiet returned to the realm between realms, Eris’s normally demure expression slowly morphed into one of wide-eyed horror – not actually too dissimilar from the one she wore whenever Aqua threatened to expose her greatest secret.

“Oh shit,” she muttered, her curse echoing quietly through eternity.

-

Back in the dungeon, Kazuma woke up, his eyes fluttering as they adjusted back to the darkness. And to Darkness, who was helping him sit up. “Hey. Easy does it – you were out for a while there…”

“Yeah…” He stretched. “I was just having a talk with… Uh.” He paused, eyeing the crusader’s Eris crest, and rethinking the idea of saying he was having a sit down with her god. That was an awkward conversation that he just didn’t need to have. “… Myself?”

“That would make sense with the hit you just took to your head.” The blonde patted him on the shoulder, before standing up and dropping him. “Next time, let me go first across unchecked territory. I’m supposed to be the party shield after all.” She rapped her knuckles against her metal breastplate.

Kazuma grunted as he got to his feet, and eyes her suspiciously. “… Hey, you’re not jealous that I was the one hit by that trap, right?”

“O-of course not! Don’t be ridiculous.” Yep. That was it. She absolutely was. Goddamnit, his party was crazy.

“Well whatever.” He shrugged and looked around. “What did I miss?”

“Not much. We looked around while Aqua was resurrecting you, but there isn’t anything special down here. Just the end of dungeon chest.” Darkness gave him a side eye. “Perhaps you’d like to open that as well?”

Kazuma spent a moment thinking of all the potential traps that could have been left on such a chest. “Uh. No no, all yours. I like my head attacked to my shoulders.”

“Good.” The crusader nodded to herself, a small pout on her lips as she walked over to said chest, hidden behind the dead guy’s throne. Megumin had been examining it, apparently, and shook her head as the pair approached.

“No magical traps,” she said, her tone utterly bored. “Can we go already?”

“Yeah, I have a party at the guild hall to get to tonight.” Aqua was just as impatient. “Let’s just leave already…”

“Not until we get what we came for, you idiot,” Kazuma growled at her, before looking to Darkness, and gesturing to the chest. “Well? Go ahead. Let’s see if we’ll make any money off this trip.”

The blonde knight nodded and stepped forward, the others clustering around behind her curiously. There could be anything in this box after all. A deadly trap – or untold riches! Both were unlikely, but none of the party actually trusted one another not to try to steal it for themselves if it was valuable. Slowly, the crusader’s fingers wrapped under the edge of the lid and pulled up…

… And a cloud of pink gas immediately burst out into her face.

“Poison?!” Kazuma and the others jumped back so fast you’d swear that they’d teleported. “Darkness, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Surprisingly, the blonde didn’t seem that distressed. In fact, she was sniffing the air, the pink cloud still dissipating around her. “It isn’t poison – at least, I don’t think it is. Actually, it smells rather… sweet…”

“Okay then!” Suddenly, she was shoved aside by the rest of the group, Kazuma in the lead. “Let’s see what we’ve got in… here.” He paused, staring. “Huh. Is that…?”

“A bottle of perfume,” Megumin said, lifting said bottle out of the chest. It was an unexpectedly elegant looking item to find in a dungeon like this – with a crystalline decanter and a golden lid, complete with a fancy pump mechanism. “It actually might be worth a little money.”

Both Kazuma and Aqua blinked, sharing a look, before cheering. “Awesome! Then this trip might not have been a huge waste of time after all!”

“I can buy at least a round of drinks with that!”

“See? It wasn’t such a bad idea to come out here after all!”

The pair’s happy dancing was sadly interrupted, though. “Uh, guys?” Megumin’s voice cut through their joy. “I think something’s up with Darkness…”

Indeed, the crusader wasn’t looking so hot. Or rather, she was looking a lot hotter than she should have been. Sweat was pouring down the blonde’s brow, her breathing quick and heavy as she knelt on the stone floor just beside the chest, her face as red as a tomato. Honestly, you could practically see steam coming off her!

Kazuma looked at the other two. “What happened? She hasn’t looked like that since she thought the mansion was being attacked by a horde of tentacle demons…”

Megumin shrugged, as wide eyed and confused as he was. “I don’t know! One moment she was fine, and then…”

“Ooohhh!” Darkness’s loud moan interrupted her, the crusader panting lewdly, her hands pawing uselessly at her breastplate. Her eyes had taken on a slightly pink tint, wide and mildly swirling. “I can’t… I mustn’t… I need…!”

Hoo boy, this was a bad one. It had been a while since the party tank had had one of her episodes this extreme. The normal method of ignoring her because no one wanted to deal with her being perverted might not work that well here…

“Haaah… Haaaah… Oh, mn… A-a strong knight being, like, overcome with these feelings…! S-so dis- dis… Um… This, this is… totally…!” Her eyes were swirling quickly with pink spirals now, a wide, steamy grin spreading over her face. “I… I can’t- Ahhh!!!”

Suddenly, the crusader sat upright, her head and arms thrown backwards her expression rapturous. At the same time, there was a quiet pop sound from… somewhere, echoing through the chamber, and for a moment Kazuma thought he saw pink smoke streaming from the blonde’s ears. Her eyes, gazing blankly up at the ceiling, had turned a solid pink shade.

Silence filled the boss room. Darkness was still, her only movement her deeply heaving breaths rocking her breastplate up and down, the armour rising and falling surprisingly firmly. The other three adventurers looked at one another.

Oh. No, wait. Kazuma looked at the empty air where his companions were supposed to be, and then looked around behind him to where they actually were, hiding behind him. Typical.

“Do something, Kazuma!” Aqua hissed up at him, peering out from around his cloak. “Darkness is acting weird, even for her.”

“Me!?” He almost snarled back. “Why do I have to do it? You’re the healer – you check up on her! And… Wait, what’s Megumin…”

“Ancient forces, heed my call, I summon darkness to smother all, grant me power ‘neath your pall, now I’ll make our enemies fall, EXPLO-MMPH!” Two pairs of hands clamped over a muttering Crimson Demon’s mouth and firmly wrestled her staff away from her before her spell could finish. “Hey!”

“I thought we agreed no magic underground!”

The wizard huffed. “We never agreed! I just tried to get out of work with that excuse!”

“So it was an excuse!”

“Of course it was an excuse!”

“I knew it!”

A low moan echoing through the chamber brought a sudden stop to the bickering, and as one, the three turned back to look at Darkness, who seemed to be coming out of her stupor. Once again, Kazuma shared a look with his companions-

- And, of course, once again, they weren’t there, having hidden behind him once more. “Gah, fine!”

The adventurer took a deep breath, and stepped forward. How bad could it be? It was just Darkness, after all…

“Uh, hey…” He called, somewhat nervously. “Everything okay over there, Darkness?”

And to his surprise, her response was instant. “Oh, I’m, like, totally fine, Kaaazumaaa~” The blonde purred, her voice light and airy, trailing off on his name with a sigh. With a giggle on her lips, she slowly got to her feet, head lowering so that her glazed pink eyes could focus on him. “Here, why don’t you come see how fine I am~”

Eep. Yep. She had it bad – whatever it was. “Nah, that’s okay, just- wait, what are you doing?”

Clang!

Kazuma’s jaw dropped – as did Aqua’s and Megumin’s, though their expressions were a little angrier about what they were seeing. Darkness had never managed to get her breastplate off so quickly before…

And her breasts definitely hadn’t been that big before, either! Which was saying something, because Kazuma was well aware (for reasons we don’t really need to go into right now) that Darkness was incredibly stacked. But now they were ridiculous! Even with her palms up under them, her dress pulled down so that she could offer them proudly, it was easy to see that they were both bigger than her head!

“Wha- Wha- Wha-…” Kazuma stammered, trying to back up – but a pair of quietly fuming teammates behind him left him with nowhere to run.

“Like, what’s the matter?” The blonde giggled, sashaying forward, her chest jiggling with every step. “Don’t you want to touch them? You’re always staring at them so hard…”

And just like that, the angry glares that had been directed at Darkness’s chest were now directed at his back. Thank you, Darkness. Thank you for that.

Normally, it had to be said, Kazuma would have been delighted by this turn of events. A beautiful woman, suddenly showing off the goods and drooling over him? Hell yes! He was as hot blooded a male as the next guy! He could worry about charm magic or whatever later, what were the odds he’d get a chance to enjoy an experience like this a second time?

But all of those normal instincts ran into the fact that this was Darkness. And honestly, Kazuma knew all of his teammates way too well to ever actually be into any of them. It was just an instant no. So, for once, when confronted with a busty half naked girl who was clearly crazy for him… He did the sensible thing.

He ran like hell.

“Heeeey!” Darkness, alas, gave chase. “Like, come back Kazuma, I wanna suck your cock!”

In the middle of the room, staring blankly as an all-too-lucky adventurer was pursued around by an entirely too lusty crusader, Aqua and Megumin were honestly considering just going home. This was obviously none of their business – or, at the very least, they didn’t want to think too hard about any of it. However, two things stopped them.

One, was Megumin feeling just the slightest twinges of jealousy, although she’d absolutely deny it…

And two, was Aqua looking down at the perfume bottle in her hands, her brow wrinkling as she studied it in deep (for her) thought. There was something strange about this little thing. Something… familiar.

“Oh!” She suddenly yelled, raising the bottle up over her head and pointing to it. “Kazuma! I know what this is!”

“That’s great, I don’t care!” The almost scream she got back in response was no encouraging. “Do something about the tank before she catches me!”

It was a reasonable concern. Despite the fact that Kazuma was outright sprinting, and the vapid crusader chasing him was merely skipping, she was definitely catching up. There were some advantages to having really great physical stats, you know?

Aqua, though, displayed her usual degree of empathy and understanding – by ignoring her partner’s crisis and preening to boast about her own achievements. “It’s a cheat item! One I made personally~” The goddess’s grin was sly – ever proud of her abilities as a muse of the arts. “I haven’t seen it in centuries!”

If you were wondering how Megumin and Darkness were taking Aqua blatantly talking about her divine origins… They were ignoring it. Megumin was still dealing with being jealous – mostly by planning to blow something up – and Darkness was also planning to blow something, which was using up her even-more-limited-than-Aqua supply of braincells right now.

Kazuma, alas, didn’t have that luxury, since he knew full well that she was serious. Still, a cheat item? Those were powerful things! A sword that could defeat any foe, a spell that could create any device, a goddess who could heal any wound… Two out of three of those were incredibly strong! Maybe it could help? “What does it - Gah! – Do?!” He called, diving to avoid his pursuer’s grab.

“Oh, uh…” Aqua looked back at the perfume, trying to remember. “What did… Oh yeah! It changes your stats around a bit and puts all your Intelligence in your Charisma! Ha!” She started laughing. “Hilarious!”

“That’s what it does?” The adventurer almost stumbled in shock. “Who would want a useless item like that?!?”

“Some guy…” Aqua shrugged, never very good at details like that. “It wasn’t even supposed to be something he could pick, actually. I made it as a prank for Eris…” The blue haired priestess’s grin turned savagely dark. “Then she wouldn’t need to pad her chest for followers all the time~” Sometimes, this woman’s evil chuckling could be downright scary. “But before I could give it to her, someone I was sending down here took it instead. Weird.” She shrugged.

But the cogs were turning in Kazuma’s head. “Wait… You made bimbo perfume?!” A few things he’d seen on the internet back in his old life popped into the adventurer’s head. “YOU GAVE SOME PERVERT BIMBO PERFUME?!?”

“Oh, it would have worn off on its own after a while,” Aqua said, not seeing the problem. “Just after a few centuries or so…”

Of course, when it came to her own flaws, Aqua wouldn’t see the problem even if it came dressed as the fanciest bottle of bubbly that had ever existed. She was quite talented in this regard.

“You-!!” He was going to kill her, he was going to actually kill her. “Well can you undo it?”

“Huh? Oh, sure, easy.” The goddess’s smug was reaching critical levels now. “It takes a reeaaallly high level dispel magic to do it, but lucky for you, I’m-“

“Just do it already!”

“Tch. Fine…” The arch-priest set the bottle down and raised a palm, summoning forth her mana…

Poof!

“H-huh…?” Darkness stumbled to a stop, suddenly very confused. Or, rather, the thick fog of confusion, which had rather filled her head until a moment ago, had suddenly lifted – and this, in turn, left her rather confused. “Why am I…”

She felt a draft, and looked down. Then she froze. Her top, still shredded by her earlier growth, and now left hanging completely loose by her comparatively smaller chest, flopped down, leaving her topless. Slowly, her face turned cherry red.

Darkness, you see, was an odd duck. Yes, anyone could tell you that, but they wouldn’t mean it in the same way. Her perverted, masochistic tendencies ran strong, certainly, but despite constantly craving to be taken advantage of by a lewd villain or a monstrous beast, she had one critical weakness that bypassed them all.

She really couldn’t take being humiliated. It hit right past her defences and struck her straight to the core. It was why she went by the name ‘Darkness’ instead of ‘Lalatina’, for example (though if you had to ask why she didn’t find the former embarrassing at all, well, then you hadn’t gotten to know the girl very well). So, if you were expecting her to react with delight to finding herself half stripped and jiggling in front of her teammates... Well, you’d be surprised!

“Aiiiiie!” She screamed and immediately dropped into a fetal position crouch. “Wha-Wha-Wha-Wha?!?!”

“It’s okay.” Suddenly, Aqua was at her side, gently rubbing the crusader’s back and offering back her armour. “You were afflicted by a terrible status condition, but it’s been cured now. And Kazuma didn’t even dare look at your boobs. Relax. It’s all alright.”

It was scary how good she could be at this sort of thing when she focused on her role as a healer and priest, rather than… Well, her being herself. Like she was a completely different person! Why Kazuma didn’t get to adventure with this version of Aqua was unknown to him, but the fact that he didn’t definitely pissed him off.

“A-are you sure he didn’t look…?” Darkness rubbed her fingers together anxiously, not quite pouting. Ah, good, she was back to her normal self already.

“Well, maybe a bit.” The priestess rubbed her chin. “Want me to slap him for you?” And Aqua was back to her normal self as well. Great.

“Alright everyone, group huddle!” Best to nip that little alliance in the bud right now. “We need to work this out.”

The group gathered – Darkness refusing to meet anyone’s eye, but occasionally glancing towards Kazuma with a blush on her cheeks. Aqua, meanwhile, just looked entirely too proud of herself, and Megumin was giving the perfume bottle between them a worryingly considerate stare.

“Okay, what are we doing with this stuff? How common are stat changing items like this?” The party leader jumped right to the important questions – namely, how much could they sell this junk for!

It was the wizard who answered, still looking scarily thoughtful. “Not common. Actually I don’t think I’ve heard of anything that can do this kind of stat alteration outside of the most powerful divine relics…”

Aqua made a smug noise and puffed her chest up even further.

“… Though I’ve never heard of a god this perverse…”

Aqua made a choking sound, and deflated a little.

“… If this gets out, the reputation whichever god that made it is going to crater…”

Aqua made a squeaking sound, and deflated a lot.

“… The only worshipers they’ll be able to get will be perverts and bimbos across the land!”

“NO!” The goddess broke, seizing Megumin by the collar, her eyes wide and teary. “That wouldn’t happen! That can’t happen! Everyone would understand it was just a joke, right?!! Just a joke that got out of hand!!!”

“Hey, hey, Aqua.” Kazuma reached in to pull her off – the poor crimson demon had been shaken so much that she looked like she was about to pass out. “Maybe calm down a bit…”

Mistake.

“CALM?!?” And now she was latched on to him, and good god could she shake. “HOW CAN I BE CALM?! She’s saying my cult might- that my cult might…!” She burst into tears. “Waaaahhhh, Kazumaaaa help meeeeee!!!”

“It’s fine, it’s fine…” At least he was used to her doing this. “I mean it’ll only be a problem if we let this get out, right?”

“That… That’s true, Kazuma!” Finally, the light of hope returned to Aqua’s eyes. “As- as long as no one finds out about this, there’d never be a problem, would there?”

“Exactly.” And then the adventurer’s face grew sinister. “Of course, you’re going to have to do us a lot of favours to make sure we don’t spill any details about what we found down here…”

“F- Favours…?” The goddess released him, backing up a step with fear in her eyes. “W-w-what kind of favours? K-Kazuma, you wouldn’t try to get me to, to service you-”

“Oh hell no.” He cut that off right there with the finality of an executioner’s axe. “I wouldn’t touch you with a ten-foot bargepole. I really thought I’d made that clear already. Nah, I’m just thinking we actually make you work.”

“Work?!?” Somehow, this suggestion horrified Aqua even more than the thought of being sexually exploited.

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m thinking that the best way to make some money off this trip and settle all those debts you’ve gotten us into? Hard. Labour.”

The goddess’s shriek could have woken the dead. “Hard labour?!?”

“That’s right. Making you do some actual work to earn a few eris around town… Unless you want your little secret getting out…”

The blue haired priestess had never looked more horrified. Off to the side and still trying to recover from her brush with brainlessness, Darkness was quietly trying to work out why she was feeling so envious of her right now.

“How could you…” Frustrated tears were again gathering in the goddess’s eyes. “To take advantage of me in this way…”

That just got a dark laugh from her partner. “It’s your own damn fault for making such an awful item in the first place! But hey, if you don’t wanna do it, that’s fine.” He pointed at the bottle of perfume on the floor. “We’ll just go sell this to cover our debts instead! Hahaha- Huh? Wait.”

He blinked, and looked at where he was pointing. It was just empty space. He could almost see the dotted outline of where the bottle wasn’t. Which was weird, he could have sworn they’d left it right there…

“Uh…” It was Aqua who spotted where it had gotten off to. “Megumin, what- what are you planning on doing with that?”

Indeed, the party wizard was the one holding the golden topped bottle in her hands, examining it with a sinister sort of interest. “I was thinking of giving it to Yunyun,” she said, with the kind of feigned innocence that no one – except probably Yunyun herself – would believe.

“Why?!?” Hoo, both Kazuma and Aqua were in complete sync with that yell. What a terrible omen.

But Megumin just shrugged. “Well, I figured I’d tell her it’d help her make more friends. A charisma boosting perfume.” Then her grin turned truly sinister, her eyes glinting red in the dungeon gloom. “And then once she uses it, I’ll never risk losing another duel again. My rival will be completely and utterly defeated for good!”

Her look was surprisingly intense – both the goddess and the adventurer found themselves backing up from it, before sharing a look. “… Sometimes she scares me, Kazuma…” Aqua admitted. He just nodded in return.

“But, wait…” Surprisingly, it was Darkness who spoke up. “Are you sure you want to do that?”

“Eh?” The wizard paused, looking at the crusader curiously. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well…” Darkness rubbed the back of her neck, shifting uncomfortably in her armour. “My memories of what happened to me when that perfume hit me aren’t very clear, but the state of my clothing…” She blushed, fidgeting a little. “Wouldn’t Yunyun using that item give her a definitive advantage over you?”

The party blinked, all looking between one another. Then, in unison, they thought about what changes the bimbo perfume might cause in poor, sweet, innocent Yunyun…

“Oh wow, thanks for the super awesome gift, Meggy! Look at how big it made my yumyums! I’mma get lots and lots of friends now!”

“Huh,” Kazuma rubbed his chin. “She’d be pretty cute.”

“I wonder if she’d help me entertain at parties. She could be my magician’s assistant…!” Aqua, too, was captivated by the image.

“Meggy…?” Megumin, however, had gone pale. And then very, very red. “Yumyums?!? No! I can’t let this happen! I won’t let her defeat me with those stupid knockers again!” Ah. Apparently Yunyun’s more mature development was a bit of a sore point for the much more… aerodynamic wizard. “In fact, I’ll beat her on that, too, once and for all!”

Another group blink. Kazuma cautiously stepped forward. “Wait, what are you-”

It was too late – the wizard had already turned the nozzle on herself, and grabbed the trigger. “God of perverts, give me my desire – boobs to crush my rival completely!”

Yeah, she was still a crimson demon.

Puff!

“Oh wow…” Megumin swayed. “That really does small pretty nice…”

“Holy crap!” Kazuma and the others stared in shock – staying back lest they to be swallowed in the cloud of pink mist that had just sprayed into their wizard’s face. “Megumin, why?!”

“Heh heh heh…” Even as she laughed, the small mage’s voice was lightening the sound into a giggle. “This is it! Now, finally, I’ll be able to beat Yunyun on all levels~”

“But, if you turn your Int into Cha, won’t that stop you being able to cast spells?”

Megumin froze in place. “… Shit,” she muttered. “Didn’t think of that. Wait, I-”

Boing!

The front of the crimson demon’s tunic suddenly inflated like she’d shoved a pair of balloons down there. The fabric strained, pushed almost to breaking point, as the wizard’s eyes crossed, her protest stumbling to a confused halt.

“I… Was… Wait, what was I saying? It was… kinda important, right…?”

Boooiiing!!

But the perfume wasn’t done with her yet, and before she could work that out, her top finally burst open, shoving her breasts out into the world, large and proud. She didn’t really seem to notice, aside from going spiral eyed for a moment, pink flashing in her irises as she put a finger to her lips.

“I mean, I can totally still cast spells, it’s fine! I have, like, lots and lots of Int to spare! Watch!”

Swirling winds suddenly sprung up around her, twisting with the pink mist and making everyone jump back a step. Magical runes soon sketched themselves on the floor around her, a definite sign of magic about to activate. And since there was only one spell Megumin ever used…

“Hey, hey, wait a sec, don’t cast that down here!”

She wasn’t listening. “Fluffy bunnies and rays of light, it’s totally time to gimme might! With ancient chant I call to you, and speak your words: Bibbidi, uh, boobity… Boobs?” There was a pause, and she shook her head. “Whatever. EXPLO-!!!”

BOOOOIIINNNG!!!

“Nnnghn!” The wizard’s eyes filled with thick pink spirals as yet more intelligence was sucked right out of her head. A moment later and her breasts expanded out another gallop of cup sizes, drinking down those new stat-points with gusto.

“Esp… Exu… Excali… Uh, guys, what’s the name of that spell I always cast…?”

The dramatic winds died down and the runes fell apart, leaving a wizard with very big melons standing sucking on a single pink fingernail, her eyes thickly glazed, and almost totally pink. And then, just to make sure that her head was completely cleaned out…

Boing!

After that, all that was left was a very bouncy brown-haired bimbo. Her eyes were pink, her chest was huge, and her head was as empty as a bottle of bubbly left in Aqua’s presence for longer than five minutes. Even her hat had turned pink, somehow.

“Heehee, don’t you think it’s weird to, like, spell stuff that’s, like, totally hard to spell?”

“Oh boy…” Aqua winced, then stepped forward and plucked the perfume out of Megumin’s dazed grasp, keeping it safe from any further accidental uses. “Okay, gimme a sec, I can dispel this again no problem.” She raised her hand, already gathering mana. “It’s as easy as one two- Mmph!”

Suddenly, two pairs of hands seized her and dragged her back, yanking her away from the confused bimbo mage. She struggled, glaring furiously at her assailants – the other two members of her party, before pulling her mouth free. “Hey, what gives?! I was about to heal her!”

“Yeah. We know.” Kazuma gave her a flat look. “And what do you think happens the second after you do that?”

Aqua paused to think about it.

“I can’t let anyone who’s seen me like that live! May the underworld have mercy on your souls – EXPLOSION!”

“… Okay maybe we leave her like that for a bit,” she allowed.

“Until we’re out of the big underground dungeon, yeah.” Kazuma finally allowed himself to breathe again – only to get the breath knocked straight back out of his lungs as her was tackled by a busty blob in a wizard’s hat.

“Kazuma, Kazuma! I wanna ride your dick!”

Oh damnit, not again. At least Megumin was too weak to actually be a danger to him. If Darkness had gotten her hands on him, he would have been in serious trouble. With Megumin, it just felt like a toothless zombie was trying to chomp him. Still not fun, but a bit less perilous.

“C’mon, let’s make an explosion in your pants!”

Although having a chunni bimbo glomping you might be its own kind of peril…

Salvation was only going to come from one place. He looked to Darkness. “Could you make her stop? Please?”

“Uh… Sure.” Still a bit nervous – perhaps reminded a little too keenly of her own perfumed plunge – the crusader stepped forward and easily plucked the struggling bimbo mage off of Kazuma, holding her easily under one arm (“Hey!”).

“Alright. Come on – let’s get out of here. The sooner we’re out of this dungeon, the sooner we can forget that all of this happened.”

There were general nods and grunts of ascent (and one “Sure, come on me!” which was ignored), and the four were soon making their way back to the entrance. Which meant climbing up all of the stairs again, ugh, they’d forgotten about the stairs.

Darkness handled it without complaint at least, even while keeping a tight grip on her bimboed party member. Thank god for those physical stats.

Well, a god, anyway. Eris, maybe. Certainly not the god who was snickering at him as they climbed. “It’s weird seeing you be such a hit with the ladies,” Aqua giggled, her eyes taunting him. “Normally a perverted neet like you wouldn’t stand a chance, but now you’ve had both Darkness and Megumin after that noodle of yours!”

“H-Hey, Aqua, that’s not-” And Darkness was bright red again, while Megumin continued to helplessly squirm under her arm.

“Hey, I don’t want to be hearing any of that from the person who’s responsible for this entire mess!” Kazuma, however, was far too annoyed to just overlook his partner’s comments. Damnit, this entire day had been wasted all thanks to her, was she really going to make fun of him now?

“What? I had nothing to do with any of this!” Oh yes, you could tell that Aqua was the goddess of taking responsibility for one’s actions. “I mean sure, that guy may have taken that perfume, but I didn’t seal it down here! And I didn’t make this dungeon! None of this has anything to do with me!”

“It’s all to do with you! You made such a ridiculous cheat item in the first place!”

“I told you it was supposed to be a joke on Eris!”

“You have the worst sense of humour ever!”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Yuh-huh!”

This kind of thing continued on for several minutes of climbing.

“Don’t they ever, like, get bored of this, do you think?” Even Megumin thought this was silly, and her head was full of air.

“You really would think so…” Darkness sighed. At least their bickering was distracting them from the strain of the climb.

But finally, the argument came to a conclusion. “You know, I really should thank you, actually.”

“Huh? Really? Well you’re welcome, my foolish follower. I’m glad that you finally acknowledge my… Uh… Wait, what are you thanking me for?”

Kazuma snorted. “Well, up until now, I thought it was impossible to get a worse cheat item than me, but you sure proved me wrong!”

The dungeon had always been a rather cold place – underground environments are rarely all that warm – but now the temperature plunged. Aqua herself looked literally frozen. “You… What?”

And naturally, her partner didn’t care. “You heard me. I thought it’d be tough to be more useless than you, but getting one of your homemade arts and crafts projects instead sure takes the cake!”

Aqua twitched, and even Darkness took a step back nervously. The blue haired priestess was very, very proud of her artistic skills – justifiably so, in fact. So Kazuma so brazenly insulting not just her, but her creations? That was going to anger her more than anything else he could have possibly said.

As for her and Kazuma so brazenly admitting her divine origins and that she created one of the most powerful divine artifacts they’d ever seen… Okay, fine, both Darkness and Megumin were well aware of who Aqua was. They just ignored that information, because… Well, wouldn’t you? Seriously, what would admitting it accomplish? She’d just demand more worship.

“You… You heretic!” The goddess in question growled, her shoulders shaking. “Fine! If you want to see how useful my perfume is, why don’t you see for yourself!”

Kazuma, who had been ignoring all the warning signs with a heinously wilful smugness, processed what she’d said a moment too late. “Huh? Wait, wha-?”

Puff!

He spluttered, coughing on the sudden cloud of pink mist that enveloped him – and immediately felt a tingling feeling running through his skin. “You- You dumb mother- What did you just do?!”

“I gave you a taste of my ‘useless’ cheat item!” The goddess turned her nose up, still pouting over the insults. “Now you get to see just how useless it really- huh?”

Now, what happened next was a combination of a few factors. One was a quick onset of dulling wits – this would not be an especially smart thing to do, and there was a reason for that. Bimbo perfume was involved, after all. But another, and a more important, more relevant motivator, was simple, incredible pettiness.

“Steal!”

There was a shining light, and then the bottle of perfume was in Kazuma’s hands – which were already starting to grow long, pink nails. Aqua’s haughty expression immediately shattered into a quiet panic. “W-wait, Kazuma, let’s not be too hasty…”

Puff!

“Nooooo!!!” The priestess tried to dodge, but there was nowhere to dodge too – and before she knew it, another cloud of pink, sweet smelling mist had swallowed her as well. “You- You idiot!”

“Well…” Kazuma gasped, doubling over as the tingling intensified. “Takes one to know one!”

He wasn’t really sure what was happening. By Aqua’s description, he should have been getting handsomer or something, right? Prettier, anyway. But the feeling of magic wasn’t focusing on his muscles or anything – instead it was sweeping in between his legs. And it was getting quite warm.

For a second, he felt his little Kazuma go stiffer than he’d ever felt in his life, horny as though he’d just spent months without relief, absolutely making a very visible tent in his pants… Before that tent started to deflate. It was the weirdest feeling – his face taking on a curious pout as all that tense, horny energy just… sucked itself inwards, until, with a warm pop, it slid inside him completely, and she found herself on the fairer side of the gender barrier.

Which wasn’t to say that that horny energy went away, either. No, no sooner had her shaft become a crevice than her pants immediately started to grow damp, an unfamiliar feeling of slick wetness making its home between her legs, and her breath began to grow heated. Unable to stop herself, she found her hands reaching down and starting to rub. “What… What’s…?”

Her voice suddenly hitched, rising in pitch from a low masculine to a high feminine, just as her hair began to grow down past her ears to her shoulder blades, developing into nice, wavey locks. She almost looked kinda cute!

But that was hardly the change that drew the most notice. No, even as her hips cracked and widened, her ass gaining a bit more plump cushioning with every rub, it was her chest that stole all the attention. Kazuma’s tunic had always been pretty loose, but now was drawing a lot tighter, and with a much deeper neckline. Her once flat chest had already begun to bulge outwards, and now they were picking up speed. Mass from everywhere else was flowing into them, sapping her healthy muscles into slim curves to feed her development. Soon, she was looking pretty stacked indeed, just as her hair reached the small of her back.

But for a moment, that was where things paused. She certainly made for a cute girl, with medium length brown hair, a nice ass, decent tits, and a sweet face… But not what anyone would call a bimbo.

“Okay…” She gasped, kind of freaked out, but still in control of her own mind. “Okay, I can work with this. The guys at the adventurer’s guild will be weird about it, but I’m sure I can find a cure and… Wh-why can’t I stop rubbing?”

Indeed, for as Kazuma had discovered – more through the rising pleasure than any observational skills, to be honest – her hands had not stopped toying with her newest set of lips. No, in fact, now they had managed to fully infiltrated her pants, and were working on exploring the full range of pleasant sensations they could bombard her brain with from down here. It was quite a novel experience for the former man – a very different kind of feeling from what he usually got playing around in this area. A wetter, slicker, hungrier feeling…

And that was actually getting pretty hard to resist! Her cute face twitched, her teeth gritting as her body heated up. Her eyes were starting to flutter, faint pink spirals flickering through them, the pink mist flowing in through her ears as the heat began to leak into her brain. Something was starting to build – something she really, really wanted to stop. She could feel her mind starting to stumble and slow, and knew that if she didn’t put an end to this now, then her brains were going to pop right out of her head. But…

… But it just felt too good!

Then her fingers slid in, and her thumb found her clit, and even wanting to stop became a distant memory. “Ah! Oh, wha-what is-Oh wow! Does it always- always feel this good? I’m- I’m gunna- I’m gunna- CUM!”

Pop!

Several things happened at once, and since they all happened to Kazuma, her knees hit the floor with a solid thump as her body caught up. First, she came, climax rushing through her system and slamming into her brain in the biggest burst of pleasure she’d ever experienced, dwarfing everything else into obscurity. Second, her brains took the chance to pop completely, melting away under the onslaught, leaving her eyes to turn a solid, vapid, pink. And third, all of that intelligence, now no longer needed in her head, flowed down into her tits instead, swelling them up even bigger, and finally ripping her tunic in two.

And with that, Kazuma the adventurer had left the building – and Kazumi the bimbo was here to stay. Kneeling, her tongue hanging out, the wind whistling between her ears, she made a strong first impression…

But she wasn’t alone.

“Hey sexy~” The blue haired bimbo in front of her giggled. “Wanna fuck?”

Yes, the transition from grounded goddess to brainless bimbo had been a bit quicker for Aqua. She might have said that was because her divine form was more fluid, and capable of change. Everyone else, however, would agree that it was because her Int stat was lower, and she had much less to lose. Her desperate attempts to dispel the effect before it hit her too badly had failed nigh instantly, when the first breath of mist had erased all memory of her dispel spell from her mind, along with… pretty much everything else she had in there. The second breath had finished the job, and the third had set her curves swelling, her ass plumping and her boobs bouncing. By the time Kazumi found her, she was a bimbo through and through, and nothing else.

Essentially, the mist had gone poof!, she’d gone giggle!, and that was all there was to it!

Naturally, once you put two bimbos together with no cock in sight to distract them, there was only one way that things would go. In seconds, both women were all over each other, their lips locked around one another’s, their tongues tangoing, hands rubbing up and down one another’s bodies… All of their resentments and problems with one another were forgotten, and now there was only brainless bimbo bliss.

… A few feet away, Darkness stared at them with the flattest expression ever.

“Bunch of perverts,” she muttered (prompting many, many questions about why it had just started snowing in hell). “How am I supposed to… Damnit, I’m going to have to carry all of them aren’t I? Eris give me strength…”

Honestly, part of her reaction was just pure jealousy. At this point everyone had been hit by the bimbo curse, so it wasn’t as humiliating anyone – which just left the exhibitionism and the curves, and the mind melting… Obviously, it wasn’t as good as a proper curse, but it was still kind of hot. And now she was the only one not affected. How unfair was that?

Grumbling, she marched over and gathered everyone up, taking the perfume bottle as she went. Eyeing it, she could see that the liquid within didn’t seem to have gone down at all, despite the many misty clouds it had produced. Yep, this thing was definitely a powerful relic. It’d be a shame if it… slipped out of her hands here… And gave them all another dose. How terrible it would be to spare her from having to carry everyone else out of the dungeon…

…

The crusader sighed, and then grudgingly shoved the bottle into one of her pockets. No, despite her libido’s temptation, she couldn’t do it. Someone needed to sort this mess out, or they were all pretty thoroughly screwed (in more ways than one). And she had apparently drawn the short straw. Son of a bitch.

Rounding up the others took a little longer, since carrying three people instead of one is rather difficult, logistically. She didn’t have that many arms, strength stat be damned. Plus as soon as she started trying to separate Aqua and Kazuma – Kazumi? – she lost her grip on Megumin, and then had to spend a good few minutes wrangling all three.

Fortunately for her, they were all dumb as rocks, so tricking them, while generally not her style, wasn’t hard. “Oh hey,” she pointed behind them. “Is that Kazuma’s dick?”

“Where?!?” All three turned instantly – even Kazumi - and then spent far longer looking around in empty space than anyone could possibly need. Grabbing them all up after that had been easy, even with her horrifyingly low accuracy.

Alas, that just meant she had to climb back up the rest of the dungeon with three squirmy, gropey bimbos in her grasp – which, again, ordinarily might not have been a bad day out for her, but at this point the girl was just too irritated to enjoy herself. Somewhere, a certain masked demon wondered why he felt a sudden surge of vindication…

But eventually, she reached the entrance.

“Darkness!”

And to her shock, there was someone there waiting for her. “Chris?”

The crusader’s oldest friend was stood at the door, leaning against the frame and gasping for breath. She looked like she’d run the entire way here from Axel.

“Hey,” she finally managed, cursing the disadvantages of a high Agility, low Stamina build. “Uh, so I guess you guys found the thing in here…”

She was looking at the rest of Darkness’s party, who had stopped squirming only because they were making out. Boobs, butts, and tongues galore – it was possibly the most embarrassing thing the crusader could have been caught carrying ever, even for a woman with no shame.

Naturally, she turned bright red. “Uh… Th-this isn’t…”

But the thief waved her off. “No… no, it’s okay. I get it. After I heard you guys had taken this quest, I, uh… I had a divine vision? Or something?” She scratched her cheek, looking nervous, before carrying on. “Anyway, I found out that this place was originally the home of some evil jackass who used powerful charm magic to turn anyone who stood against him into his harem – until he was sealed away by the goddess herself centuries ago. In a totally cool and awesome divine battle! … Uh, so, yeah, I guess the seal broke after all this time, and this place became a dungeon, but the stuff in here’s way too dangerous to let out.”

That drew a rueful sigh from the blonde. “You’re telling me…”

“Uh… Yeah. Wow, is that Ka- Oh boy.” Chris swallowed, and then tried to avert her eyes. “Okay, okay, I was hoping I could get here before any of this happened, but it’s fine. We can get them back home and then go find someone who can cast a high level dispel. I’m sure Eris will give us a discount on it, she’s generous like that!”

This was definitely not true – the Eris church was infamous for charging incredibly high prices for services like that, since miracles from the goddess of fortune needed to prove a little luck to function… Or so they said. Still, the confidence that Chris exuded on the subject was pretty convincing, and Darkness couldn’t help but smile at her help.

“Right… Thanks Chris, you’re a miracle worker. But what do we do with this?” She dropped her party mates – who instantly fell upon one another in a curvy orgy – and pulled out the cursed bottle of perfume from her pocket, holding it in the same way one might grip a live grenade.

“That’s what did all this? Huh, it reminds me of something Lady A- uh, nevermind. Anyway, I’ve got this sealing pouch for stuff like this. That should keep it safe until the church can destroy it or something. Just give it here, and-”

Something must be mentioned here, and that’s Luck. Luck is an incredibly important stat for a thief – the more Luck you have, the better the loot you can steal, the more critical hits you deal, and the more it powers your skills. While other stats are definitely important, Luck is the main one you want to put your points in when you’re a thief. And Chris’s Luck stat was so high that her Adventurer Card literally didn’t have room to display its full number.

But, as previously mentioned, luck can be both good and bad. And while her fortunes were generally pretty good, sometimes, with a Luck stat that high, sometimes, a disaster was inevitable…

Which is to say that when Darkness handed the perfume bottle over, it slipped through Chris’s fingers like she was covered in oil, dropped to the stone floor, and then shattered into a thousand pieces.

Aqua brand craftsmanship. Very pretty, but kind of fragile.

The two stared down at the pink puddle spreading beneath their feet, pink mist already starting to rise around them. Chris’s eyes widening with pure horror, while Darkness… Darkness just looked resigned.

Then the mist consumed them, and the moans began.

“Ooohh… Guess I won’t need those pads anymore~”

Giggle!

-

It was a quiet day in Axel, the starter town of the Adventurer’s Guild. In fact, things had been pretty calm for weeks now, after the mysterious disappearance of some of the more notable members of the guild. It had been a surprise when Kazuma’s team hadn’t returned from that low level dungeon, especially after Chris had bolted off after them – but those five were probably okay, having an adventure somewhere off in the world. That kind of thing happened to that bunch from time to time.

No, most of the gossip these days was about the new group of whores who’d wandered into town a few days after Kazuma and co’s disappearances. They’d been dressed in incredible weaves – apparently one of their number was literally a seamstress as well acting as one – and had finer curves than anyone short of the magic shop owner! Oh, and they were also as dumb as a box of bricks. If it wasn’t for the silver haired one amongst their number (who was surprisingly greedy) they probably wouldn’t have even remembered to charge for their services once they set up shop in town.

Some thought they might be related to the missing adventurers – especially the blue haired and blonde haired ones – and some rumours spread that the adventuring party had somehow been turned into a group of airheaded sluts… But that was ridiculous. That kind of transformation would take an incredibly powerful divine ranked artifact, and where would they have found that? It was much more likely to all be a coincidence.

The new arrivals had come at just the right time though. It wasn’t long after their entrance to the city that Eris herself started making… odd… proclamations. Ones requiring a whole new kind of sensual worship and rituals – which, honestly, a lot of her church were happy to go along with. Apparently she’d added fertility to her portfolio or something. And the new whores were all too happy to take part in her services. Hell, they might have been responsible for them, given how much time they spent in the church.

All in all, things were very quiet in Axel. Morale was even up by a good 50% with the new business in town. Everyone hoped that Kazuma and the rest were doing well out there, of course, but if they had to go to get these five beauties in, it was a worthy trade – at least, in a lot of the male population’s eyes.

And the five empty headed sluts? Well they were very, very happy with how things had turned out. As far as they were concerned, they’d all been very, very lucky indeed.

To think everyone had said such a low level quest wouldn’t be rewarding~