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It was surprisingly hard to kill a demon king.

Okay, when put like that, devoid of context and perspective, it didn’t sound like such an easy thing to do. But one must remember, the idea of slaying the big bad evil guy has become a lot more common place than it used to be. Once upon a time, such concepts were the ground of the grandest epics, of tales told by bards in taverns, or preserved in tomes that only few could read. Even when literacy became more common place, the amount of books with such plots was limited, and the deed could only be done by the truest of heroes, aside from the odd exception that proved the rule. The tales were, by and large, about the struggle of the hero to reach that goal.

But then came video games. And customisable characters. And stat building, and min-maxing, and speed running, and…

Well, now it’s gotten to the point where your average RPG aficionado has beaten the demon king a good few dozen times, and feels they’ve gotten quite good at it. Slain by sword, by magic, by blade in the dark, look, it’s easy. It’s just a matter of levelling up until not even the hidden super super boss can stand up to you. Sure, mapping out the most efficient route for the quickest playtime is the fastest way of getting things done, or if you really want you can hit every side quest along the way to get yourself 100% completion, but in the end, the safest and simplest way of winning is brute force. Power, and lots of it. Simple, right?

Well… Yeah, no. No, obviously not. That logic was all well and good in an RPG, but when you found yourself sent to another world with a demon kind problem, even one that actually worked by RPG mechanics to an extent, then it turned out things were a lot more complicated than that. Duh. Who would ever think they weren’t? Come on, you’d have to be some kind of super NEET to think that life could ever work that way…

“How have we not killed this guy yet?!?” Kazuma banged his head against the table, the thump echoing through the guild hall. No one paid it any mind – they were pretty used to that sort of thing happening at this table. “We’ve been at this for yeeeeaaars…”

“W-well…” Darkness and Megumin shared a look, the two natural inhabitants of this world silently sharing a moment of wondering why the party lead was being weird this time, before the mage shrugged and the crusader tried to reassure him. “It’s not unexpected, is it? You’re trying to kill the demon king himself. Considering how many of his generals we’ve defeated…”

Okay, defeated was a pretty strong word for some of them, but whatever.

“… I’d say we’ve made a lot of progress. It’s quite impressive, considering.”

“Uuugghhh…” The adventurer didn’t seem comforted. “This should be done by now. Main quests aren’t supposed to take this long…”

Another side glance. Another shrug. Oh well, whatever. Kazuma got like this sometimes. The only cure was waiting it out. That, or…

“Fufufufufu~”

Or waiting for Aqua to say/do something stupid and getting him out of his funk that way. It seemed they’d be going down route B this time.

“Poor, insignificant, stupid Kazuma.” The blue haired priestess cackled; her hand curled up by her mouth in a ludicrously ineffective attempt to hide her laughter. “So pathetic. So useless. Luckily, you have the wonderful me to step in and help you out!”

Her words didn’t seem to inspire much confidence. He didn’t even raise his head up off the table. “You are the worst cheat item anyone’s ever had, ever.”

“HEY THAT’S JUST MEAN WHY WOULD YOU SAY THA- I mean.” She coughed into her hand and tried to look like she hadn’t just been about to strange her partner. “Well fine, be that way. Then I guess I won’t tell you about the fantastic instant win super sure kill ultra method I’ve secretly been constructing over the last few months to kill the demon king after all, then!”

“…”

The table waited in poised silence. Aqua was eagerly awaiting the praise she was sure was about to come. Kazuma was just trying to decide if he could get out of this without going through the headache of an Aqua plan. Maybe he could lurk out of here? No, no good – she knew where he lived.

Damnit. Fine. “What did you do?” He groaned without raising his head from the table.

Fortunately, the priestess was far too caught up in her own ego to care about his lack of enthusiasm. “Why, since you ask so kindly, I’ll admit it. For the past few years, I’ve secretly been secreting away funds from the party coffers…”

“So that’s why you were stealing all that money…”

“I just assumed she was spending it on drink…”

“It kept her quiet so I figured it was worth leaving alone…”

“Quiet!” The goddess pouted and folded her arms, straining to be dignified and to ignore her party’s comments on her embezzling skills. “Anyway, I’ve been using all that saved money – well, most of it – to construct the ultimate demon king slaying device! Crafted by the gods themselves to smite evil!”

“You mean you made it.”

“I’m a goddess and I crafted it, that means it was crafted by the gods!”

“I’dve preferred it if it was made by Eris…”

“Are you kidding?!? She doesn’t even have an art portfolio, she couldn’t make a coaster if her pads depended on it!”

Darkness, who had been (wisely) staying out of the familiar bickering between Kazuma and Aqua, sent a silent prayer to her goddess apologising for her party’s blasphemies. Her goddess, who wasn’t nearly as far away as she thought, appreciated the sentiment.

“Fine, whatever. You made a super weapon. I bet it’ll explode in our faces the first time we try to use it. Where is it?”

At this, the priestess winked. “It’s in a secret location where the forces of darkness will never even think of looking for it, ready for our final assault on the demon king’s fortress!” Her smile was smug and self-satisfied, as if she expected worshipers to appear out of thin air any moment now to hail her for her greatness. “I’ve been keeping it to myself for so long, but now it’s finally ready! I’ll be able to go back home at last!”

“Hmmm.” Kazuma still didn’t get up, instead closing his eyes and thinking. “Let me see. A place that you would hide something, where you think that the forces of darkness would never think of…” Ponder, ponder, ponder… Ah. “You hid it in that weird headless guy’s castle, didn’t you?”

“Huh. Verdia’s old place?” Megumin took a swig of her drink.

“That does sound like her,” Darkness nodded.

“Yeah.” The explosion mage agreed. “Well that explains all those fireworks last week.”

Aqua, who had been in the middle of flustered and utterly transparent denials, froze in place. Slowly, like her neck was a rusty hinge, her head turned to face the party wizard. “F-fireworks? M-Me-Megumin, you- you aren’t still using that old ruin for target practice, right? Right?!”

The mage didn’t answer – aside from whistling innocently while pulling down the brim of her hat to hide her eyes, at least.

“Well, that went out the window quicker than I expected,” Kazuma sighed, sitting back up at last to stretch. “But no harm no foul, right?”

“K-Kazmua…”

“I mean let’s face it, that plan was never going to work in the first place.”

“K-Kazuma!”

“Disposing of it like that was probably the best-”

“Kazuma!”

He rolled his eyes. “Alright, yes, I’m Kazuma, what’s…” He turned to look at Aqua, only to now realise she’d gone awfully pale. “… What? What’s wrong?”

The priestess swallowed, her hands clutching her knees tightly as she looked down at the ground. “I… Ah… I didn’t… Just use party funds to make the weapon…”

Uh oh. “Wait… Where did you get the money from?”

And like that, she was on him, clutching the front of his tunic with manic desperation. “It’s not my fault! They said there’d be no interest for the first five months, and I thought we’d have killed the demon king by then so of course that’d be fine, I’d be back home by then! And the adventuring work’s been going so slowly lately, so we weren’t getting enough funds, and I thought it was going to take forever to finish so I was desperate, and-”

“Oh holy shit, how much money did you just burn?!”

She told him. He swallowed. He hadn’t known you could put that many zeros in a number. An ice-cold silence fell over the table. As one, everyone turned to the rich noble of the party for salvation.

Lalatina Dustiness Ford – who very understandably did not want to go by that name in public - shook her head, drinking a cup of tea. “Sorry,” she said quietly, looking very much like she wanted nothing to do with this entire conversation. “Even I can’t help with that kind of debt.”

Aqua’s crying grew louder, and she shook Kazuma a few more times before he broke free.

“Okay, well, good luck with that!” He yelped, straightening his clothes. “I mean, kinda sucks, but hey, maybe we’ll be able to get a new, better priestess once you’re in jail or something.”

“So cruel,” Aqua growled, the goddess giving him an intense stare. “But if I go down, I’m not going alone! You’ll be in just as much trouble as me!”

That drew him up short. “Why?”

And she raised a hand to cover her mouth again, this time hiding a sadistic smirk of scorn. “You know your signature is really easy to forge for a god of the arts, right?”

“You bitch!”

“Save me Kazuma-sama!”

Yep – just another regular day at the adventurer’s guild! It sure had gotten rowdy ever since those two had arrived~

…

Later that afternoon, the adventurer from another world was trying to forget his frustrations with a walk around town. It was, after all, a lovely day, with clear skies, a crisp breeze, and the fresh scent of flowers on the wind.

It also didn’t work at all. “God damnit, how am I supposed to deal with this?!” He was at the point of pulling his hair out already. “How do they cause so much trouble? Even if I cleared this debt, I bet they’d run up something ten times worse by next week! Argh!”

“Um, Kazuma?”

“Huh?”

“C-can you not… um… scream in my face?”

“Eh?” He blinked – and suddenly realised where his wandering feet had taken him while he was lost in his own head. “Ah! I’m so sorry Wiz – I didn’t see you there.”

“It’s fine.” The brown-haired lich gave him a warm smile, letting him know that all was forgiven. “It seems that you have quite a lot on your mind today. Is something wrong?”

“Ugh, the usual,” he sighed, before looking around. The pair were standing outside Wiz’s magic shop – which, now that he was actually paying attention, looked pretty different from the last time he’d seen it. The windows full of (cursed) magical gear were gone, now replaced with clear glass panes that showed off a few (busty) mannequins, and little else. They weren’t even wearing anything the shop could be selling. “Huh, what’s going on here? Are you clearing out your inventory?”

“Huh?” Wiz blinked and followed his gaze, before realizing what he was talking about. Judging by her expression, whatever was going on had slipped her mind… despite it being her shop. “Oh, no, no. Not exactly. We’re, ah, moving the magical items to a new location. Apparently this store has a bad reputation…”

Well, yes, that was to be expected. Wiz was a lovely girl, but people who bought from her stock tended to get a real monkey’s paw kind of deal, if they were lucky. Someone as high level as her, with class resistant to pretty much all damage and curses, just kind of didn’t notice how dangerous some of the things she was selling could be sometimes.

“Anyway, since we’re opening another shop, and we still have the lease on this one, Vanir had an idea for a new kind of business…”

“One that will show those intolerable succubi at the café who the real demons of this town are!” Bombastic as ever, the masked demon in a black suit stepped out of the ship beside Wiz, arms raised to the heavens as he made his declaration. Passerbys ignored him – this too, was pretty typical behaviour these days.

Kazuma, however, saw straight to the core of the issue. “They kicked you out, huh?”

Vanir grumbled and folded his arms. “‘We can’t make such depraved dreams’ this, ‘You’re worse than the crusader’ that,” he muttered, his voice mockingly high. “I have never been so personally insulted in all my years! And if that is how they want to treat a reasonable paying customer, who just wants the joy of feeding on a few adventurers’ shame and disappointment like the old days, then they don’t deserve to be in business. Obviously.”

Yeah, that sounded about right. Vanir played the part of a perfect gentlemen… sorta… but his tastes could be pretty spicy. Although, that in mind, just what kind of scheme was he planning here?

“Wait.” Kazuma blinked, the puzzle pieces starting to connect in his head. “You mean you’re… making a brothel?”

Wiz’s face flushed bright red, and she fidgeted with her hands. “I, w-well, I mean, not quite, but…”

The masked demon leaned forward, an arm wrapping around his business partner’s shoulders. “A magical brothel, my good adventuring friend! Far superior to the regular kind – and one that gives actual satisfaction, rather than just a fading wet dream.” He winked.

“Uh… huh. A magical brothel.” Okay, now people were starting to look over and listen in. They’d gone a bit past the norm with this. Glancing about, the isekai protagonist ushered the two shopkeepers inside to privacy. “Magical how, exactly?”

“It’s simple!” Naturally, Vanir was happy to explain with a flourish. “You see those mannequins in the window? Enchanted objects, each and all. Once rented by a customer, they’ll take the form of said customer’s deepest desire, and work to please them in every regard – until their allotted time runs out, naturally. All the fun of a lady of the evening, but none of the risk or mess! An improvement in every way, much as it ails my devious soul to do something so… beneficial.”

“Huh.” Kazuma took all that in. Now, he was as perverted as the next man, but he had learned enough to be cautious with this kind of thing. “So, those mannequins right there are magical items…?” He peered at them suspiciously.

“Well… No. No, those are display pieces.” Vanir coughed, apparently uncomfortable being caught out.

Wiz came to the rescue. “The actual merchandise will take some preparation, and, uh, assistance.” She was still blushing quite badly, mind.

Aha. Yep, something was up here. The adventurer raised an eyebrow. “Assistance? Why, what’s the big deal?”

“Ah… So, you see…” Wiz looked like she was about to explode. Fortunately, she had someone willing to step in.

“Well now, Kazuma.” Suddenly, Vanir was right beside him, arm around his shoulders and bent over like they were having a private chat. “You’re a discerning man, aren’t you? Open minded, a traveller of the world. I think we can let someone like you in on the big secret. You see, the real mannequins are rather difficult to produce. They require specific materials to construct. Specifically, the best ones… are made from powerful magic users.”

“Eh?! What?!” Kazuma’s hair stood on end. “That sounds pretty damn sinister!”

Vanir raised his open palms in a calming gesture. “Relax, relax. It’s not as bad as it sounds. You see, these kinds of magical objects need a lot of magical power in order to function. More than you can get from the standard methods. Even ones her and I made would run out of power pretty quickly. It’s an issue. But one that can be solved by giving our creations the magical cores of living mages. They’d practically charge themselves!”

“Right.” The adventurer nodded calmly. Then, “Still sounds like you’re talking about human sacrifice though.”

The demon shook his head. “No no, that’d ruin the vibe of the whole place. Things always get so messy once you pull someone’s actual heart out.” He sighed at some memories that Kazuma really didn’t want to inquire about. “No, this is more like… a temporary transformation deal. An enchantment. Wiz casts it on a magic user of sufficient power, and they turn into one of our products for the night, then turn back at dawn with no memory of what happened, and plenty of eris on their pockets for their services. We’re running a fair business here. Unlike that café!”

“Huh. Temporary transformation.”

Vanir nodded. “That’s right.”

“And the ladies won’t be harmed?”

Wiz clenched her fist to her chest. “Not at all!”

“… Not even a little bit? If they deserve it maybe?”

“Kazuma!”

At his side, Vanir laughed and patted him on the back. “It sounds like you have an offer for us, Mr. Adventurer! Could it be that those rumours I’ve heard about your debts are true?”

“Maybe…” Kazuma looked off to the side, his eyes shifty. “I think I might have a few volunteers that could help out. As long as you’re paying a finders fee, I mean.”

The demon grinned. “I think we can work something out.”

The adventurer matched his expression. Time to see if Aqua’s signature was any harder to copy than his own…

…

“Just don’t bring the crusader. Seriously, she’s too much for us.”

“Deal.”

…

It was a much later hour when Kazuma returned to the shop, with the sun starting to set behind the wall surrounding town, casting everything in golden orange light. He didn’t come alone.

“Really? You think the answer to all of our problems is going to be found in that undead girl’s shop?” Aqua was predictably huffy. “Why, is she paying us to exorcise her? Because that’s the only way I can see her being useful to us…”

“Oh it’ll definitely be the answer to all of my problems,” Kazuma muttered quietly, before, louder, “It’s simple, you know? You’ll just be helping her move some merchandise. Handle a little sales work at night and she’ll pay a ton. She’s stupidly high level so she’s got a ton of money lying around. It’s the easiest way to get out of the debt that you got us into.”

Naturally, he’d told Wiz he’d explain everything that they needed to know when he was bringing them over. And he had! He just had a different idea of what they needed to know from the good-natured wizard. It was the best was to handle it for everyone.

“Ugh, you mean I’m going to be making her even more money? No way! Never! I’m a goddess, I can’t be working for a lich!”

Because Aqua was going to complain whatever she was told, and it was just easier to give her as little to whine about as possible. “Look, I don’t want to hear any of that coming from you after you blew all of our money on a hairbrained scheme to-”

“I was just trying to help, why are you saying that I was at fault, it’s not fair that-”

“See this is why I’m always having to clean up after-”

“Well maybe if you weren’t always complaining about-”

“Uh, guys?” Megumin, the much quieter companion, knocked the pair on the head with her staff. “We’re here.”

Indeed, they found themselves outside Wiz’s shop – though, with the late hour, it was harder to tell about the remodelling. Kazuma and Aqua immediately broke apart, their bickering fading into joint self-righteous pouts.

“Good.”

“Great!”

“Uh huh. Uh, Kazuma…” The wizard rubbed the back of her neck. “Are you sure you want me for this? I mean, wouldn’t Darkness be a better saleswoman…?”

Some might have taken this question as shyness, or having some issues of confidence towards her looks. Kazuma, however, knew it to be the minimum stamina mage trying to get out of work. Which, nope, he would not allow, since she was the one who blew up most of their funds, even if it was mostly Aqua’s fault.

“You’ll be fine! Besides, she said she said some of her stock might be dangerous, and she didn’t want to risk Darkness having an ‘accident’…”

All three of them paused, imagining their missing party member dealing with such a situation. Then, as one, they shuddered. Yep, no one wanted that. They were deep enough in debt as it was.

“Anyways, don’t worry about it. You really won’t have to do all that much. You’ll see once you get started.” He pushed open the shop door and gestured for the other two to enter behind him. The three crossed into the empty store, walking just far enough that the two women began to get suspicious…

And then -

“Transmutation – Begin!” Wiz’s incantation finished with a clap, light flashing as the spell circles on the floor flared with blue light. She had, after all, expected the girls to be fully briefed, and knew that business hours would be starting soon.

“Eh? Kazuma, what-?” Megumin blinked as intricate magic circles appeared beneath her feet, but she didn’t have much time to react.

“Huh. This looks like-” That was as far as Aqua got. The goddess had been peering at the magical runes curiously, but as the blue light washed over her it enveloped her whole, wrapping her in a glowing blue cocoon from head to toe. The resulting blob was vaguely human shaped, and twitched and struggled a little as its contents tried to squirm her way free, before going still as the rest of the spell started to soak into her.

Megumin was in a pretty similar boat – red light swirled around her like spinning threads, then pulled in tight, immediately trapping her in a similar body binding. The mage twitched and jumped, but managed even less of a struggle than Aqua – she had far less points in her physical stats, after all.

Then they were both still, the magic still shimmering around them.

To the eyes of those watching, nothing seemed to be happening – the two glowing people pods just standing in place. But inside those webs of magical light, a lot was going on. To Aqua and Megumin, the experience was… unique. It started with a haze falling over their minds – their thoughts slowing down, stumbling to a halt. It was a painless process, much like falling asleep, or sliding into a relaxing bath. Their concern and building panic just dropped away, their expressions turning completely neutral, as their minds emptied, thoughts flowing out of their ears, carried on threads of magic.

Indeed, they were so relaxed that, had it not been for their cocoons, they might have fallen over – their arms and legs going wobbly and limp. But that wasn’t to last. Soon, the threads wrapped around them were pulling their limbs into a new position, puppeting them into new poses. Aqua was set into a come-thither stance, her back bent to shove out her ass and lean her chest down, one hand on her hips while the other mimed blowing a kiss. Megumin, meanwhile, found herself being positioned much more shyly, her hands clasped behind her back, her feet nervously rubbed together, her face looking down at the ground – a cute and bashful look that would have made anyone who actually knew her incredibly nervous.

Then, with the two adventurers properly posed, the magic began to seep into them fully, infusing into their flesh and hardening them to glistening plastic. Their limbs stiffened, their joints becoming hinges and balls. Imperfections, marks, scars, all of it faded away, replaced by an artificial sheen. Even their faces, still expressionless and empty, smoothed out into blank, featureless planes.

And at last, the spell ended, the glowing cocoons unravelling and fading away, carrying the pair’s clothes with them, leaving behind two very clearly artificial, very obviously naked, women behind. In a matter of moments, the two lively (and, in Kazuma’s opinion, troublesome) magic users had been totally replaced by simple mannequins in their likeness.

“That was awesome!” Kazuma was, at heart, still a neet who dreamed of playing with powerful magic. Seeing a friend of his do so was the next best thing! … Though, yeah, he had gotten pretty tired of explosions and water magic… “I had no idea you could do stuff like this, Wiz!”

The shopkeeper smiled, embarrassed, as she took a deep breath. “It’s a difficult spell, but it can be useful from time to time. Ah, Kazuma… You, um, you did get their permission for this, right?” And now she looked nervous. “They seemed… surprised…?”

Crap. Kazuma coughed, looking away. “Uh, yeah! I told them everything they needed to know. Don’t worry about that, they were just surprised by how flashy it all was. And you know Aqua, she probably just got distracted by something when we came in…”

Things were tense for a long moment, the archmage clearly weighing up his words… Before her expression finally cleared with a relieved look. “Oh, of course. That makes sense then!”

Ah, Wiz. Such a good girl. Kazuma almost felt guilty for tricking her. Almost.

…

With a little quick work, the new mannequins were on display in the window just in time for shop opening time. Kazuma had hoped that that would be it as far as he was concerned – aside from the payment, of course – but after Wiz had spent so much of her mana on her spell, he’d ended up volunteering to run the till for a few hours until she recovered. There was an anonymity charm on the counter so no one would recognise him over here, so really it was just a little bit of an inconvenience before payment. Oh well.

Or, he’d thought so, but the instant the shop opened people started to come in. Apparently the people of this world were more familiar with this kind of shop than he was – though, obviously, all were trying to hide their own identities while they inquired about prices. Some more successfully than others…

But this did mean he got to see the mannequins in action, and they weren’t exactly like he expected…

His first glimpse was when someone mustered up both the courage and the coin to purchase half an hour with the Megumin mannequin – the Meguquin, if you will. They walked over and tapped her on the shoulder, pulling her out of the window, and suddenly she was glowing again, red light shining around her like an aura. It was a bit bright, but it quickly started shrinking down. Suddenly, the buyer wasn’t holding a mannequin anymore – he was holding a small, red plastic sex toy, sculpted in the shape of a limbless, curvy body, with a very familiar head on top – and a wide brimmed wizard’s hat on top of that. Several lubricated holes waited down below, making it very clear just what the new toy’s purpose was.

They quickly departed for a room at the back for a little privacy, and Kazuma was left to deal with the next customer…

Who dumped an entire sack full of eris onto the counter.

“That one,” said a mask wearing thief who Kazuma definitely didn’t recognise and certainly hadn’t taught him the steal skill, pointing at the Aquin. “For as long as this much buys me.”

That would be for the rest of the night. Huh! Well, since he was getting a cut of the profits, Kazuma certainly wasn’t going to complain. He just nodded and watched as she sauntered over to the plastic priestess in the window and tapped her shoulder. A shimmer of blue light later, and she stepped away holding an inflatable sex doll under one arm, the doll’s painted on eyes blankly staring off towards nothing, positioned over a wide open mouth that matched the hole between her legs.

“Finally,” he heard her mutter as she stalked off towards the back rooms. “I have a few centuries worth of frustration to work out – right, Lady Aqua?”

… Okay, he wasn’t gunna touch any of whatever the hell was going on there. Best to just remain blessedly ignorant and not think about it for one second more!

Fortunately, the rest of his shift was pretty peaceful. People were content to queue up and wait their turn with the new merchandise, and all had good coin. After every customer was done, the mannequins – well, the Megumin – would march back into her place in the window, already magically cleaned, and await her next customer. It really didn’t need much supervision – Kazuma could just wait for the coin to roll in.

…

When dawn finally rolled in, a very tired trio stumbled out of Wiz’s shop, Megumin and Aqua returned to human form and slumped against one another. The lich had assured Kazuma that the other two would turn back to mannequins and return to the shop on their own when the sun next set, but for now, all three were welcome to return home and live their lives as normal.

Which, unfortunately, meant complaining for Aqua.

“Kazuuumaaa,” she whined/yawned, glaring at him suspiciously. “What were we doing all night in there? My head feels all cloudy…”

He shrugged. “Oh, you know, selling your goods, making money… Don’t you remember?” Supposedly, part of Wiz’s spell left the mannequins memories rather hazy and suggestible.

She peered at him for a long moment, then yawned again. “Oh yeah. Guess I do…”

“Zzzzz…” And naturally, Megumin was asleep on her feet – those terrible physical stats had struck again.

As the three headed home, Kazume sighed with relief, a small smirk slipping over his face. Everything was going to work out. And best of all? He’d finally found a use for his useless goddess.

“Oh hey, the bar’s open! Let’s go get a drink to celebrate!”

“Huh? No, wait, we need that money to pay off your debts!”

“Kazummaaaaa!!!”

Or maybe not.