Transformative Tea Time - Metroid Meals (TF fic) (Patreon)

Right! The results are in, and the votes have been counted. Here's the result of February's voter based story! I tried to make sure that every vote counted, and the popular options got more representation, which resulted in... Well. You'll see. Enjoy the read, and remember - March's story vote campaign begins tomorrow!

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“Really?” The Hunter looked unimpressed. Dressed in an unflattering but practical overcoat which fully hid the zero suit beneath and dark shades over her eyes, the only recognizable thing about Samus Aran were her human features – features that half the galaxy were sure she didn’t possess. She was essentially anonymous, her reputation as a fearsome bounty hunter unlikely to be associated with a normal looking human (even if she was admittedly tall).

Of course that didn’t mean much, because the woman beside her was exactly the kind of person most people would nod and say “Yeah, that’s Samus” about. The varia suit was a dead giveaway.

“Yeah, this is the place,” Samus’s double nodded, her helmet bobbing. “I’ve scoped it out. Quiet and private. Just what we want, right?”

“It would be quieter if you weren’t wearing that form, Gandrayda. You realise that the space pirates are active in this sector, right? The whole reason why we’re here? You’re going to draw them right to us.”

“Well so much the better, right? That’ll make it even easier to hunt them down!” The shape-shifter giggled, stepping forward and letting the door slide open to welcome her. “Besides, it’ll never happen. They’re way too scared of the big bad hunter to actually attack. You know what they say about you in their little dive bars? They’re not even sure you exist – they figure you’re just a cover for some Federation mobile strike force, or an excuse for Kraid sitting on the planetary self destruct button or whatever.” She shrugged as the pair entered the shop. “They still give me free drinks out of sheer terror when I use this form though.”

“Which I’d appreciate you not doing, thank you.” Samus sighed as they walked in, looking around. Gan was right, at least, in that the place would offer privacy. It seemed like a fairly traditional tea house, with secluded booths… and no other customers besides themselves, come to that. “At the very least could you look like yourself while we talk?”

“Ahh, you’re no fun.” But despite her whine, the armor vanished in a swirl of purple energy, and the real Gandrayda emerged, smirking with amusement. “Better?”

“Better. Thank you.” The blonde nodded as the server came over to greet them. “Table for two, please. Somewhere private.”

“Right this way, ladies.”

The woman led them through a modern looking room, typical space station fair. White polished metal walls with artificial natural lighting to give it that ‘homey’ flare. All in all it seemed like your average kind of spacer’s den, soaked in nostalgia for the home worlds and filled with enough grease to fuel a supernova. The only thing missing, in fact, were the customers.

That thought tickled at Samus, her instincts drawing attention to it. The station outside was bustling, after all. Why was it so quiet in here. Could this be a trap?

Her suit – her actual suit, not Gandrayda’s simple, unauthorized knockoff – sensed her unease, and hovered close, currently stored around her as energy, ready to materialize at the first sign of a threat. It anyone was hoping to ambush her, they would be disappointed to find that she wasn’t nearly as vulnerable as she looked.

“Why is it so quiet in here?” She asked the server, her waist length blonde hair flicking through the air as she turned her head.

“Oh, you know how it is…” The server shrugged. “We only just opened up the other week. We’re still working on building up a regular crowd.”

Hm. Reasonable enough. Samus nodded in understanding, though she still felt a touch uneasy. Her instincts were on edge, and she couldn’t quite place why.

Well, if there really was a problem, she would deal with it. Like Gan said, if anyone was stupid enough to try to ambush them here, it would be their funeral.

“So,” Gandrayda said as Samus slid into a rounded, comfortable chair, which matched with the retro-homeworld chic of the rest of the café nicely. “Where shall we start? How about-“ But then she paused as the blonde raised a finger. “What?”

Rolling her eyes, the hunter looked to her right, where the server still stood, an easy smile on her face. “I think we should order first,” she said, “and then talk about all of this in private.”

Gan snorted. “Oh fine. I’ll have… cake. You do cake here, right?”

“Of course,” the server replied, her sunny smile never leaving her face.

“Yeah, cool.” Gan was ignoring her even as she responded. “Happy now?”

The server’s expression didn’t even flicker. “I’ll put you down for a nice Secretary Slice, bitch.” And then she turned to Samus. “And the same for you?”

The blonde blinked. She felt like she’d heard something off there. Hadn’t the server said something strange? But… No, no, she must have been imagining things. The memory vanished from her head, dissolving into background haze. “Sure,” she said instead. “And maybe some tea, please. Whichever blend you like.”

“Oh thank you! I’ll get you the nicest Triplet tea we have. So nice you’ll try it thrice!”

“Um. Okay. Thank you.” The Hunter smiled and nodded as the woman walked away, and then turned back to her companion with a shrug. “Okay. Now we can talk. Let’s start with what you’ve learned while you’ve been undercover. Are the pirates on the move?”

Gan nodded, thinking back. “Yeah, no question. They’ve got some big new project, all resources are pouring into it. I couldn’t get too much – a code-name, Project Dread, as if that didn’t just say it all, and it’s being led by your favourite general.”

The blonde’s eyes narrowed and her lips thinned. “Ridley is back?”

“Got it in one.” Gandrayda mimed shooting a pair of finger guns. “Probably another clone, given what you did to the bastard last time, but… Well, you know him better than anyone.”

Didn’t she just? The evil dragon had more lives than a cast. The two had encountered one another ore times than she wanted to think about – which was especially impressive, given how often those encounters had led to the fiend’s death. “I’ll just have to put him down even harder then. Though it you could find out where they’re making all these clones for me, I wouldn’t mind putting an end to this once and for all...”

Gan chuckled. “Working on it, but that’s top clearance level stuff. They’re not handing that info out to anyone short of general rank, I think. Sorry, for now you’re just going to have to keep kicking his ass. Unless someone else beats you to it~”

Ahh, there was the Gandrayda that she knew. The girl really did fancy herself as the galaxy’s best bounty hunter, and making everyone else acknowledge that was her number one goal – which was going to mean, sooner or later, beating a few other people out for the spot. People like Samus. Which meant she could be a real pain in the neck when she wanted to be. But still, they’d been paired together by the federation for this mission, and she’d managed to put up with worse in the past.

Not that much worse, though…

“If you get the shot, you’re welcome to take it,” Samus sighed, removing her sunglasses and setting them aside. “I’ll share what I know of his capabilities, but be careful. He’s a monster, but a strong one. Don’t take him lightly.”

“Yeah yeah.” The shape-shifter wave a hand dismissively. “I can handle myself, Sammy. Oh, but there is something else that might catch your attention. It’s just a rumor, but I did hear a little something about this ‘Dread’ project, and you’re going to love it. Guess what other little friend of yours might be floating around?”

“… Oh not again.” The blonde’s shoulders slumped. “They cloned another Met-?”

“Your tea!” Suddenly there was a cup placed down on the table in front of them. “And your cake!” A pair of creamy looking slices were set down as well, topped with… “I gave you some extra Lesbian lemons as an apology for the wait!”

How the hell?! Gah! Samus tried to settle from her near heart attack. She’d completely missed the woman coming over – was she really that distracted today? “Th-thanks…”

“No problem!” The server smiled brightly. “Enjoy your food, and call me over if you need any more! I’ll be waiting~”

“Right.” The pair nodded, and then waited as the woman retreated, more than a little spooked. Trying to calm her nerves, Samus reached for her tea. Her sensors were still active even while in storage, and they didn’t detect anything untoward – she was just feeling jumpy, that was all. The taste was… unusual. She couldn’t think of anything else quite like it. Not bad, no – quite delicious, in fact. A little busy, perhaps, but she couldn’t stop herself from gulping it all down just the same.

Then her vision split, and she felt a sudden spin of vertigo, as if she was in multiple places at once. Blinking, she tried to push the feeling away…

“Are you okay there Samus?” An oddly familiar voice came from her left. Surprised, she turned, and found herself face to face with… herself? “You look a little out of it. Is the tea alright?”

“We might as well call the server back either way.” That same voice once again, but this time from her right. Turning again, she was confronted with another duplicate, identical right down to the last detail - save that this one was paying her no attention whatsoever. “She only brought enough for one of us, and I’m not sharing!”

“Seriously,” Gan muttered, pulling her cake over and stabbing into it with her spoon, making sure to get a good helping of the lemon topping. “Did all three of you have to show up? I know you sisters work together but you don’t have to – Mm! Mm, oh, thish ish great!”

Samus blinked. Her confusion popped like a bubble. Huh, weird. Why had she been staring at her sisters like they were strangers? Ugh, she was having such an off day. At least the tea had been nice.

“You deal with one of us, you deal with all three of us,” the sister on the left, Sam, said with a roll of her eyes. “There’s no point in complaining about that now.”

Gan swallowed before answering, and a haze seemed to pass over her eyes for a moment. When it cleared there was a lot less annoyance and a hell of a lot more leer to her gaze. “Who’s complaining? It’s not every day I get to spend time in the company of three of the galaxy’s most beautiful ladies.” She scooped up another spoonful of cake and toyed with it on her lips, her tongue emerging to lick slowly along its length. “You know, after this is all done, maybe we could celebrate back at my place. Just me and the three of you. Or, perhaps…” She smiled and shimmered with purple energy, and then there was a fourth Samus at the table, this one dressed in a purple zero suit. “… The four of you~”

Annnnd this was why none of the triplets liked working with Gandrayda. The girl was lusty with a capital L, and had no hesitation about sharing just how much she… appreciated her female work colleagues. The Aran sisters especially. Samus just tried to block her out and took a spoonful of her own cake slice, piling it high with lemons and pudding both, while the sister on the right, Sammy, leaned forward to rebuke.

“Look, Gan. You may be our-“

Both Samus and Gan swallowed, and the world unconsciously flickered.

“-Sister’s co-worker, but we really don’t appreciate that kind of language from a Federation secretary, alright?”

“Ah, o-of course, Miss Aran.” Gan’s face flushed red, and she bowed her head in apology. Samus felt a stab of sympathy, her own cheeks heating. The shape-shifting secretary had forgotten her place for a moment. That kind of talk was fine when it was just the two secretaries around – and oh yes, Samus was definitely looking forward to having a private moment with her fellow typist and getting a bit more ‘familiar’ with her -  but it was a complete no-no around official contractors like her sisters. Rookie mistake. The blonde sighed, taking another bite of her slice and then checking her white blouse and black pencil skirt for crumbs. Across from her she noticed that Gan was doing the same.

“Just don’t let it- Ah, there you are.” Sammy’s irritation vanished as the server returned. “Hi, I think there’s some kind of mistake – we didn’t get most of our order?”

“Oh! I’m so sorry Miss – there must have been some kind of mishap in the kitchens. We’re still getting set up and all, this doesn’t usually happen… I’m so sorry. To make it up to you, the rest of your mean will be on the house! What were your orders again?”

Well now! With an offer like that, who could resist? There was a brief flurry of activity as all four woman studied the menu and made new orders – because hey, fee food! All embarrassment was swiftly forgotten, new hungers eagerly discovered, and a rather extortionate order was made – wit the eternally smiling server never so much as blinking at their increasing list of demands.

Finally, they were done, and she had spun away. It was time to return to the business at hand. “Alright.” Sam took the lead, and Samus quickly opened up her notepad to record anything that might be useful. “So, Gan, I don’t know how they do things in the Federation Sec core, but if you’re assigned to us, you’ll be doing things our way. Just listen to Samus here,” she said, clapping her sister on the shoulder, “and you’ll do fine.”

“I’ll do my best, Miss Aran,” the federation certified secretary nodded, adjusting her glasses and getting her own pad out. “So how shall we start?”

“Well, let’s go over what we know. Samus?”

“Ah, yes.” Samus nodded and began to read. “The Federation contacted us to investigate this sector of space and eliminate any space pirate strongholds, as we’ve previously proven very effective at dealing with their forces. To this end we were told to meet with you and discuss relevant information. Does that all fit with you?”

“Ah, yes.” Gandrayda nodded just as Samus had and flipped through a few pages. “Well, I’ve been assigned as your federation liaison, so I’ll be working with you to coordinate and reinforce your investigation. Obviously, I’ll be staying away from the front lines, but I’ll be able to supply intelligence and handle resupplying you, that kind of thing.”

“The usual then?” Sammy was leaning back and checking for the return of the server.”

“The usual,” Gan confirmed. And then, lowering her glasses for a moment, she smiled “Also, it’s good to see you again, Samus.”

“You too,” the blonde secretary grinned in response. “I’m glad to see you landed on your feet after training. You’re the Sec liaison to this entire sector?”

“For the moment!” Gan chuckled. “But what about you? You just vanished after graduation – I had no idea you were out here with the infamous Aran twins-“

“Triplets, actually. Obviously.” Sam interrupted, patting her sister on the back. “Yeah, the three of us are a team, even if Samus prefer to keep out of the limelight.”

“A secretary isn’t supposed to-“

“Yeah yeah, hush.” The sister waved a hand to silence her. “Neither me or Sammy would be anything without her running ops, keeping us supplied, finding our escape routes and planning our operations. She’s the heart of this hunting machine, make no mistake.”

Oh hell, if Samus’s cheeks could get any redder she would have caught fire. She needed a distraction before they started-

“Here you go! One full course meal for all, on the house!” Oh thank the Great Bird, just in time! The server had returned, arms laden with dishes and drinks in an impressive display of dexterity. “Let’s see, I’ve got a full helping of Amazon Tart toffee apple pudding, I’ll put that in the middle… And here are your drinks, let’s set them down quick, you got a nice selection. I got you a few of our other house specialty blends of tea this time – Tsundere tea, Techno tea, you try out what you like the look of, Yeah you guys are going to turn out interesting. Oh, and some Witchy wine as a little bonus. Now, who wants what snacks? I’ve got some ohhh, some Big Boob bonbons and Big Butt buttercups, and a few cans of, wow, Pornstar pop? This table is going to get fun. I’ll just put these down by you Miss, remember to share! Oh, and this nice Futa-aide, you can have that dear, You seem like the stiff type, and a Maid malt for you, So someone other than me can clean this all up. And here, a nice Slutty sundae to round you off, and a bowl of Statue pistachios and Catgirl crunch for extra. Can I get you anything else?”

The four women looked at the massive array of food in front of them. “N-no, I think we’ll be fine,” Sam managed eventually.

“Then I’m just a call away! Enjoy, Sluts~”

“Thank you” The Aran sisters nodded as she walked away, and slowly reached for their orders. Gan quietly took a small helping of the toffee apple pudding, and shot Samus another smile as they split the two cans of pop between them. Samus, of course, returned the look, while also grabbing the sundae to go with the pop – hey, she had a sweet tooth, okay? Just like, on her right, Sammy was already drinking the glass of wine that she’d poured herself, looking rather smug about getting there first, and on her left Same was testing out one of the dark looking teas – and when the taste didn’t suit her, washing it down with the lemon(?)aide. Everything seemed normal enough – so why did she feel so strange?

The middle blonde shrugged the feeling off and dug into her sundae.

Reality paused and flickered as several changes hit it all at once.

Her spoon tinked against empty glass, her sundae consumed, and Samus leaned back with a pleased sigh. “That was wonderful,” she said, patting her belly. And then her eyes focused on the treat across form her, and she leered. “Hey, Gan, if you like you can come with me back to our ship and try another kind of deser-oof!”

“Ignore our sister,” Sammy sighed, retracting her elbow. “She’s a slut – she flirts with everyone.” She shrugged by way of apology, which did a nice job of emphasizing her chest in the tight black dress she wore, but somehow utterly failed to dislodge the pointed hat she wore.

“Not everyone. Just the good-looking babes.” It was why she had her regulation blouse unbuttoned and her skirt was as short as she could get away with – which was a lot, because she worked for her sisters. Yay nepotism!

There was a snort from her left. “And the fact that she looks just like you has nothing to do with it, I’m sure.” Sam turned her nose up. “You’re just an unbelievable narcissist, Samus.”

“Oh nooo…” The middle sister purred, leaning out of her seat to drape herself over Sam. “I don’t like her because she looks like me – I like her because she reminds me of my adorable sister~”

The left sister turned bright red. “O-oh, that, um… you shouldn’t…” She stuttered, close physical affection shorting her tsun and pushing her into dere – perfectly exposed for Samus’s next attack!

“Even if…” she said, her hand creeping down her sister’s stomach and towards her crotch,” she doesn’t have my sister’s most special trea-“

With a shriek, Sam batted her hand away. “Samus! N-not in public!” Well and truly overheated now, the blonde scooted away from her laughing sister and grabbed a bowl of toffee apple pudding and shoving it in her mouth, trying to ignore the burning stiffness between her legs. I-idiot sister!”

“Are you three always like this?” Gandrayda asked, herself just finishing that very pudding, and adopting a much more serious demeanour. It was true that she looked quite a lot like the sisters, but she’d definitely say she was the strongest of the bunch. Her muscles spoke for themselves – she may have only been a secretary, but she hadn’t put all that time in at the gym for nothing!

W-well, maybe Sam could compare. On closer inspection, that one was definitely packing some muscle on her, clearly the strongest of the trio. She was probably the one that did the heavy lifting in combat – after all, Samus was just a secretary, and Sammy was well known for practicing Chozo mysticism rather than physical fighting.

“I’m afraid so,” said mystic nodded, sounding rather tired. “Sometimes I think about casting a few spells on them just to look presentable at m-mmph!”

“Oh hush!” Samus rolled her eyes, having shoved a handful of bites, buttercups and bonbons into her sister’s face. “You’re always too serious about this stuff. We’re all friends here, right?” She raised her can of pop to Gan. “Cheers!”

Shrugging, the amazonesque secretary raised how own can, and then took a gulp, just as Sam raised her cup of tea to do the same, and Sammy swallowed. Reality buckled again as it was quickly revised.

“Mmmn,” Sammy moaned happily, her pink witch’s hat and pink latex clad breasts jiggling. “Thanks Samus! Those treats were like, totally tasty!”

“No problem Sammy.” Samus grinned and raised her hand. “I think I got some on my fingers though. Clean them for me?”

“Oh sure!” She leaned in and took the fingers into her mouth, sliding them between her big, thick pink lips and sucking each clean with a loud ‘Pop!’

There were times when Samus was jealous of her sister’s figure. The woman was stacked better than a well rigged deck of cards, with tits as large as her head and an ass that bounced with the best of them. But then she’d always remember what a gullible ditz Sammy was, and how easy it was to get her to do anything, and somehow she always ended up feeling better. “Say, Gan and I have a new video to shoot soon. How would you like to-“

There was a cough from her left. “No thank you, Samus.” Sam said, throwing a handful of pistachios into her mouth. “Sammy and I are here on a mission, and we’re not- Error. Error. Reality deviation detected.”

Suddenly, the amazonian triplet sat bolt upright in her chair, arms held stiffly at her sides, her gaze locked straight forwards as her clothes vanished. “Inanimation cascade occurring. Unable to divert.”

Her lips turned solid red, and then so did the rest of her face, a stiff shine spreading out through her cheeks and brows as soft flesh was replaced with hardened metal. The only exceptions were her nose and eyes, which turned neon green, linking up and becoming tinted, transparent glass.

“Error. Error.” The voice came from her, somehow, but her lips never moved. The red completely enveloped her head and hair, and then spread down her neck, sliding over her chest and hardening her breasts into a tough red plate. The change overtook her shoulders as well, inflating them into giant pads and coloring them orange. From there it all swept downwards, solidifying her arms, her torso, and her legs in a light yellow, before joints and hinges began to develop along every limb. Her right arm swelled, turning green and becoming cylindrical, her hand vanishing completely into the mouth of the growing cannon.

“Error. Error.”

Then it was over, and a copy of the Aran triplets famous power armor suit was sitting in Sam’s place, with some minor changes that shaped it more like a naked woman rather than the androgynous built it had previously possessed.

“Error. Data anomalies detected. Reformatting and returning to standby mode.” There was a flash of light as the hollow suit folded in on itself and then vanished back into pure energy. A small hexagonal device clattered down onto the table where it had been sitting.

“Rebooting. Initializing Sentient Armor Manager.”

The device flickered on, and a small blue hologram of a naked woman appeared hovering over it.

“S.A.M. engaged,” she said. And then she glared at Samus. “Ugh, stupid reboots. Anyway, leave Sammy alone. There are only two people in the galaxy who are capable of wearing my suit, and unless you’re volunteering then she has a mission tomorrow.”

“Hmph.” Samus folded her arms under her far-from-unimpressive chest. “The only reason you get her to agree to the missions in the first place is because she gets to spend the entire time you’re running around riding your-“

But whatever the middle sister was about to say was lost as a great crash echoed through the whole tea house, shaking it from top to bottom as the front door exploded.

“Hunter!” From the dust cloud and billowing flames, a shape began to emerge. “I know you’re here! Show yourself, so that I might finally rend you limb from pathetic limb! The smoke cleared as gigantic dark wings flapped, and Ridley, the draconic general of the space pirates, stood revealed.

Back at the table, Samus swore. “You brought your work home with you again, SAM – clean this up!”

“Ugh. It’s hardly my fault he’s here. He could have followed any of you." The holohgraphic woman frowned. “But fine. Sammy, activate my armor so that I can fight him.”

“Okay!” The bimbo beamed, and then hesitated. “Uh, like, how do I do that again?”

“Oh for-“ SAM sighed. “I don’t have time to walk you through this again. Assuming Direct Control!”

“Assumiwha-Oh!” Sammy blinked, and then gasped as SAM’s armor materialized around her, replacing her tight pink witch outfit with heavy, tightly sculpted metal that wrapped her from head to toe.

“There we go.” SAM’s voice echoed around her head. “Now, let’s go grant that overgrown lizard his moronic death wish.”

“Uh. Can’t we just, like, go talk to him or whatever?”

“Oh right.” SAM paused. “I forgot to shut you up. Hold on a sec.”

“Huhmmph!” Behind the helmet a thick, rubbery tendril slid out and plunged into the bimbo’s mouth, while down below, two longer, firmer shafts rose up between her legs and began to pump into her slit and ass, quickly starting to vibrate away.

“There,” SAM nodded as Sammy went tense for a moment, and then relaxed, her simple mind overwhelmed by pleasure and easily bent to the AI’s will. “Now-“

“Still kind of scummy that you do that to her, y’know Sis.” Samus was still annoyed, clearly. “I mean, I know she’s dumb, but turning into your mindless meatbag filling whenever you want to- Hey, what are you doing?”

SAM snapped her fingers, another red helmet materializing around Samus’s head. “Assuming direct control.”

“H-hey, wait, sssttssssuming direct control. Editing biological memory databanks and personality. 24%. 57%. 82%. 100%. Modifications complete.” The helmet vanished, and Samus smiled. “You go Sis!”

“Thank you.” In cyberspace, SAM smirked, while in reality she guided Sammy to turn around, and began to match towards her draconic opponent.

And back at the table, the two pornstar secretaries looked at one another.

“How is a living suit of armor your sister, anyway?” Gan asked, taking a bite out of the last of the crunch snack she’d been munching on while the trio talked. Neither of the pair noticed the purple cat ears that rose out of her hair, or the tail that snakes out of the back of her skirt. Honestly those changes were nothing compared to the meal they’d all just shared.

Samus just shrugged. “Eh. It’s a long story.” And then she slid around the booth and curled a hand around her companion’s head, the other toying with her tail. “Wanna go rehearse for our next shoot instead?”

That got an easy grin. “Nyah~” Her co-star purred.

Then a purple dragon slammed down through their table.

The women looked down with pursed lips. “I think we should switch seats.”

“Nyep.” Gan nodded.

“Oh! Perhaps you would like to use one of our private rooms?” Both pornstars jumped as the server suddenly appeared beside them. “They’re comfortable and discrete! Also, I brought some Gothic grapes to make up for the disturb-“

“Hunter, I will not be defeated so easily! This time, I will-Grak!” The dragon rose from the debris, roaring – which meant his mouth was open when he collided with the server, and every single grape went bouncing down his throat, swallowed with a choking gasp. And then, to add to the indignity, a metal foot smashed him back into the mess, courtesy of an unmerciful Huntress.

Reality stuttered, lost its place, rewound, fast forwarded, and flickered through the frames until things kind of made sense again.

“Grrrr! Hah!” Once again, the rubble that had been the girl’s table erupted, but this time it was a very different figure who emerged from the dust. The wings that flapped were smaller, the roar that echoed was weaker, and higher pitched. “Damnit you stupid AI! Quit fighting me already! You’re destined to be mine!”

And stepping out from the cloud was…

… Well, reality had clearly had trouble with this one. It seemed Ridley had ingested far more than just a few grapes .For one thing, aside from the purple wings, purple tail, and purple skin, he wasn’t really a dragon anymore. For another, he wasn’t really a he anymore, either.

The maid stomped her foot, dusting off her apron and pausing for a moment to check her gothic makeup and her secretary glasses, before straightening her witch’s hat, lined with white lace maid frills, and glared with all the fire of an enraged tsundere. She was tall and well-muscled, a good match for her metallic opponent, though she seemed quite incapable of recognizing that SAM just plain wasn’t interested.

“If I’ve told you once, Maid Queen,” The AI said, charging her cannon, “then I’ve told you a million times. I belong to the Aran family, and only they can wear me. No matter what you do, I will never be yours.”

“Hmph.” The Maid Witch held out a hand and began to summon spells to block and blast her opponent. “We’ll see about that. You underestimate the power of my magic. Once I defeat you and strip you off of your host, I’ll finally be able to add your strength to my own, and conquer the galaxy!”

“… Yeah, a private room sounds great, thanks.” Samus nodded to the server, who’s expression finally shifted into something more of a sinister grin – not that anyone noticed.

“Right this way…” She said, bowing, and then leading the pair of pornstars towards the back of the shop, where their lusty energies could be released, harvested and used to create even more transformative foods – even though the two wouldn’t really notice, being far more interested in fucking one another’s brains out.

Gandrayda hesitated though. “Are you sure that we should leave those two? Or three? They sound like they’re going to tear this place apart…”

“Eh.” Samus shrugged, not looking back. “That’s just the way they flirt. Trust me, in a few minutes they’re going to be all over one another. Rid talks a big game, but she knows she’s never getting SAM for real, and SAM enjoys playing hard to get anyway. Just be glad Rid didn’t bring a fleet this time or we’d probably have to evacuate the station.”

“What, seriously?”

“Villain! How dare you damage my beautiful uniform!”

“Hah! If you didn’t want those big tits of yours out on display you should have learned a better shielding spell!”

“Oh yeah.” Samus shook her head. “Those two have no chill. When they really get into it they blow up planets. They’re just like that.”

“Uh…”

“Ngh! What kind of spell is this?!”

“Muahahahaha! Do you feel it? Even an AI can be tempered by magical lust! Soon you’ll be so desperate for a taste of me that you’ll willingly hand yourself over to my every whim!”

“I see I’ll have to fuck the counter spell out of you then!”

“Ahh! O-oh, you think it’ll be that e-e-easy! Oh, wow, yeah right there babe~”

“…” Gan resolutely turned her back on the scene playing out in the ruins of their meal. “Okay, myeah, I’m just ignoring all of that.”

“Good idea.” Smirking, Samus slipped her arm around her lover’s waist and walked her forwards towards the back. “We have much more fun things to focus on than those three weirdoes. Let’s go practice for Slutty Space Secretaries V~”

“Ohhh…” The catgirl practically melted in her arms as they stepped through the door to the private rooms. “How did that one start? Emergency Order: Fuck the catgirls of the Planet Sexion and defeat their secretary overlords in the great games of sex, for the fate of the Galaxy?” She trailed a finger down the open V of her slutty secretary companion's blouse.

“Heh~” Samus giggled as she closed the door behind them and pulled her close. “Sounds corny. I think I’ll stick to my line – Mission Complete~”