Titan Academy - Intro (A Teen Titans TF fic) (Patreon)

The South Jump City food court had seen out its share of supervillain-based troubles. Honestly, it's situation was better than most. It was built on the second level of the mall, not far from the stairs, but still deep enough within the complex that it wasn't often bothered by the occasional giant monsters stomping down the street outside, and its open plan seating meant it never held a big enough crowd, even during lunch, to be worth a visit by any professional muggers. Not to mention they never carried much money in the first place, and the only secrets they held here were the list of ingredients that went into making south side secret sauce - though that one had gotten them quite a bit of grief from the Condiment King...

Yes, all told, the food court was quite lucky when it came to villain attacks. They just weren't worth the bother. But that didn't mean that luck would always hold true...

"Yes! Yes! Advance, my minions! Make the fools rue the day they ever denied my two-for-one coupon!" Because ultimately, one had to realize that some of the villains that troubled the fair city were just plain petty.

Little glowing stick figures were advancing between the aisles, marching in small squads of five or six. Every now and then a squad of them would break away from the main formation to jump up onto tables and start swiping at people's meals, stealing the food and scaring the customers. Indeed, there was already plenty of screaming and fleeing civilians - the people in this town knew that even small packages could contain big trouble.

Striding though the middle of it all, one hand holding a crackling control pad, and the other a dripping slice of stolen pepperoni pizza, was a slowly balding young man with a rotund build, and an outfit that looked like it had been stolen from the set of a seventies sci-fi tv show. To the people of the city, he was known as a menace. To the law enforcement agents, he was known as Control Freak. And he was certainly enjoying himself.

"Haha, yeeesss. Magnificent! You see? This is what happens when you refuse to honor your commitments!" His laughter filled the court, even over the sounds of panic. "No one denies Control Freak his delicious discounts!"

Of course, just like people knew to take villains seriously, they also knew that there was only one inevitable result when one started causing chaos in the city...

A sharp whistling sound was the only warning the laughing madman got. A moment later, a signature birdarang was embedded in the fiendish invader's control pad, forcing him to drop the device as it began to spark menacingly. The army of minions it commanded paused in their rampage, suddenly lost without their master’s guidance.

"Your coupons were expired, Control Freak," spoke a voice from up above. There, on the roof of the food shack, were the city's defenders - The Teen Titans! And their leader, Robin, had just the right greeting. "Just like time on your rampage. Titans, go!"

"You know," the villain grumbled, reaching into his jacket, "it's exactly because of stuff like this that I've started carrying spare remotes." As he spoke, he withdrew a new control pad, and his tiny army rose to life once more. A dark grin settled on his face. "Come on then, heroes! Let's see if you can stand against the might of my exact replica of the invading army from Space Invaders Three - Invaders from Earth's Core!"

"Oh hey, I knew I'd seen those little guys somewhere before!" All eyes turned to the hero in green - Beast Boy, who was currently enthusing over the opposing forces. "Wow, you got everything - they even have those awesome little ray guns!"

"Oh yeah!" Control Freak nodded proudly. "Do you see the paint job? I was up all night for weeks working on those. You know that pattern is actually alien text written in their own language specifically developed for the film?"

"Uh, of course?" The hero grinned, his teeth flashing. "Who doesn't know that? Mekch Ruk Doht, eresh."

The sound of the pudgy villain's shocked gasp echoed through the food court - or it would have, had the battle between heroes and fully armed movie props not drowned it out. "You mean you're-"

"That's right, Baby!" Beast Boy struck a bold pose. "I'm completely fluent in Invadese."

"Amazing!" You could hear the delighted squee in the Freak's vice as he pirouetted through the court. "I never thought I'd meet another! Reshkem ho, Foyar besk!"

"Wow." A dry, female voice interrupted the two fan's excitement. "Congratulations Beast Boy. You've finally found someone who's wasted just as much of their lives watching this junk as you have." Raven, empath and magic user, was as cheerful as ever as she threw out a wave of dark energy that ripped through the tiny army's ranks. “You must be so proud.”

"Hey!" Both men squawked indignantly. It was Control Freak who offered a proper response, though, as Beast Boy became distracted by a horde of tiny robots equipped with electric tridents swarming over him. "The Space Invaders series is not junk! Those films revolutionized the entire industry! They pioneered special effects so clean and crisp you can't even tell the difference in high def! They formed the foundation of an entire genre of storytelling! Those films are masterpieces, literally untouchable!" He paused, clicking a few buttons on his remote. "Except Space Invaders Five - Galactic Super Love on the Interstellar Battlefield. That one was kind of meh."

"I do not wish to discourage your love of the medias..." Starfire, orange-skinned alien princess and adorable sweet tempered badass, was on air support, currently engaged with a number of disk-shaped Invader UFOs. "But I must say that this expression of your interests is needlessly violent and perhaps also flagrantly insulting to other worldly races!" Green energy shot out from her hands and eyes, blasting through multiple alien craft. "What would your beloved creators say about you using their ideas to commit these crimes?!"

Control Freak's eyes slid to the side, and he punched more buttons on his controller. "Well if they want to complain about that then they should make more sequels."

"That does not make any-Eep!" Star ducked as a new swarm of UFOs came charging out of the wings, blasters firing.

"Don't bother, Star." Cyborg was already firing back, trying to keep the miniature army in check. "He's not gunna listen. That guy is one of the worst kind of fans - the kind that thinks only their opinion matters!"

"Oh, you wound me." The villain fired a few remote blasts at the cybernetic hero, before dancing behind cover. "Other people's opinions matter too! Mine just matter more! I care about the series the most, even more than the creators! I'm the only true fan!"

With a roar, Beast Boy - now in the form of a gorilla - burst free from the wave of robots attacking him, hurling a pair of them across the room before reverting back to human form. "That's not true! All fans are equal - no one's opinion matters more than anyone else's! You've no true fan! You're just a jerk!"

"A jerk, huh?" Control Freak laughed, and then sprang to his feet, firing a spray of red energy blasts from his remote. "Well could a jerk do this?"

"Probably!" BB yelped, before diving under a table. He wasn't done yet though, calling out from his improvised cover even as the robot horde surrounded him. "But you know what a real true fan would say?!"

"Yeah?" Freak grinned, leveling his remote in preparation for his next attack. "What would that be?"

"Glick Na Nog!"

"... Huh?" Even a master of pop culture can be caught off guard. This was immediately clear. It was even clearer a moment later, when the villain's jaw dropped as his robots suddenly stopped moving - each and every one of them frozen in place. "W-wait, what's going on?"

"Oh, you know..." The green skinned boy rose back to his feet, rubbing his nose, a triumphant smile on his face. "Your troops just got ordered to stand down in their native language. I thought they might listen. Just like the ending to episode five - one of my favorites, by the way!"

Control Freak's face turned an interesting shade of purple. "Why- You- That's not possible! I won't stand for this!" He thrust his hand back into his jacket, digging for a new device. "I'll- ow!"

The end of Robin's bo-staff smacked down on the back of the villain's hand, forcing him to drop whatever he was reaching for. "You won't have to stand at all where you're going, Control Freak." Uneasily, he began to realize he had been disarmed, his army had been defeated, and he was now surrounded by five irritated looking teens with super powers – all off whom looked ready and willing to kick his ass given the slightest excuse. "It's over."

"... Awh man..."

---

In many ways, clean-up was the worst part of the superhero gig. It wasn't something that got a lot of media attention - that usually went to the big flashy battles - and if anything, it tended to be more work than just fighting bad guys. Sure, running about dodging laser fire was a threat to life and limb, but lifting and repairing, say, a collapsed roof was pretty damn strenuous, even if you had super strength. And there was less adrenaline involved to get you through the experience.

Still, super powers were incredibly useful when it came to fixing the damage that supervillains just loved to inflict. And so, being the responsible and well adjusted, if somewhat grumbly, heroes that they were, the Titans often tried to hang around at the scene of a battle for a bit, just to fix any major issues, and to make sure everyone was okay. That was true this time as well. Even as the cops were sorting out what they'd do with the loony fan, the heroes were at work. Starfire was moving all the tables back into position, Cyborg was fixing up the wiring that had been damaged in the alien attack, Raven was repairing holes in the roof with some quiet spells, and Robin was talking with the civilians who had been caught up in the attack.

As for Beast Boy, he had ended up on clean-up duty, after he'd ordered the robots to dismantle themselves. It had seemed like a time saver when he'd thought of it, until he saw just how many parts the little army had split itself up into. Then it had seemed more like a reason to cry - especially when the rest of the team had looked at each other, nodded silently, and then handed him a dustpan and brush. Oh, the regrets had come quickly then.

Never the less, the stern looks from his comrades - especially a particularly pointed one from the team's resident hooded goth - had dissuaded him from trying to get out of his share of the work. Though it didn't stop him from cutting corners like sweeping parts under rugs or hiding them behind counters whenever no one was looking. He was still Beast Boy, after all! But he diligently did his bit to sweep up the mess, until...

"Huh?" If it had been a cartoon, you would have seen a question mark spring up over the green boy's head as he bent down, his broom set aside for a moment. "What's this?"

It was a peculiar discovery. Laying there on the floor of the food court was a strange looking device that didn't fit with the rest of the decor, villainous or otherwise. It was nothing like the robot tech Control Freak had been marching around. Instead it was a smooth, sleek design, a slim box, with one side a cool glass touch screen, and neat hand-grips for holding it on the other. Inscribed into the plastic on the back were the words 'Date Academy'.

"Did you find something Beast Boy?" Robin's voice was quick to call as the hero in question stood up, puzzling over his find. The team leader was looking over to him from his spot by the crowd of civilians. The other Titans were all looking around curiously as well.

"Uh, dunno." He waved the device in the air. "Did someone lose this?"

"Ah!" There was a sudden cry - But not from any of the civilians. No, it came from the direction of the small-time supervillain who was currently being led away by the authorities. "Hey, wait, give that back! That was a gift from my cousin out in Japan, I was going to play it after I got done with the latest session of CSI Gotham!"

The team shared another look as the villain fumed. An amused look. As one, they decided Robin would be the one to respond. He always managed to make his one-liners sounds the most official, no matter what he said. Privately, most of them were sure he practiced in the mirror when they weren't watching.

"Sorry, Control Freak - they don't do binge watching where you're going. You can have it back after you're fine serving your sentence.” Maybe it was petty to smile at the villain’s howls as he was dragged away, but they’d earned that much – and teens will be teens. “BB, throw it in the evidence room."

"Aye aye, Captain!" The green hero saluted and slid the device into one of his many pockets, before setting back to sweeping. He thought no more about it as the raging villain was hauled off over the horizon.

---

As luck would have it, the device never quite made it to the evidence room, though that was hardly Beast Boy's fault. No matter how shiny the item, nor how interesting the game might have looked, even he (despite his well-earned reputation) wasn't going to start playing about with weird villain tech. No, he truly meant to do exactly as Robin asked.

It was just that half way back home Cinderblock broke out of containment again...

... And then HIVE started some weird robot dance party on top of a skyscraper. Apparently, they were celebrating their school being closed for the day...

... And then when they finally did reach the tower, Slade had hacked all of their view screens to deliver some challenge or threat or something that, honestly? All of them were too exhausted to care about. But, ever the heroes, they dutifully set out to foil whatever evil scheme he had set up. Because that was what heroes did.

By the time the team got home for good, not a single one of them was capable of more than a grunted “Goodnight”, and a swift retreat to their bedrooms. BB barely made it into his bed before passing out. The strange digital device he'd been carrying? It was on the floor, buried under a pile of clothes, camouflaged amongst the rest of the junk in his room.

By the next morning, he'd forgotten all about it...

---

And, indeed, Date Academy would lay unnoticed and unseen on the floor for many, many months, one victim among many of a very erratic cleaning schedule. Eventually it was swept up into a pile - which was then swiftly deposited in a handy closet, out of sight and out of mind. It then spent many more months buried in the dark, only seeing the light of day occasionally - when B.B took a moment to add more junk to the pile.

Until, one day...

"Stupid house meetings with their stupid votes and their stupid cleaning policy," the dashing hero in green grumbled as he yanked open the closet door. "Stupid democracy. What you do for Beast Boy? Nothin’, that’s whaaahhhh!!!"

Unfortunately for the beastly titan, it turned out that throwing heap after heap of untidy junk in a vaguely tower-like pile for the better part of a year didn't result in a particularly stable structure. A fact that became all too readily apparent when the mere act of opening the closet door was enough to send a tidal wave of mess crashing down upon him, and upon everything that he loved. Perhaps he'd learn a lesson from the experience, at least...

"Blehh..." A green head popped up from under the sea of garbage, looking around. "See? I told them! Tidying my room properly only made the mess worse!"

... Or perhaps not. Oh well.

The junk shifted as BB transformed into a gorilla and then back, freeing himself from the heap. "Alright Beast Boy," he muttered, rolling up his sleeves. "You've got a job to do. I may not like it, but if it's this or no video games for a month, then I- Oh hey, what's this?"

He bent down and snatched up the strange device that had once again landed at his feet. "Huh. Where'd this come from? I don't remember picking it up. Date Academy? Weird." He shook it. "What is this, a console? Where's the on button... Oh there we go."

With a click, the front of the slim data pad lit up. Bright lights began to dance over the revealed screen, and jaunty music started to play. "Huh. Neat! Alright little guy..." Mission to tidy room: Completely forgotten. "Let's see what you've got."

It started simply enough. The bright lights faded into a welcoming title screen - Date Academy: Harem Maker was the name displayed in elegant calligraphy, with a small start button hovering below it. He shrugged and tapped it. A new dialogue box opened immediately, displaying words that were then read out in a smooth female voice.

"Welcome, User! It looks like this is your first time playing - Would you like to make a new account?"

"I guess?" BB shrugged. "Kinda hard to play otherwise."

"Wonderful! Please enter your name, and we'll get rolling!"

An interactive touch keypad flashed up, and the hero diligently punched in his username.

The pad chimed pleasantly. "Details logged. Welcome to Date Academy, Beast Boy! We hope you enjoy your stay."

"Oh yeah? Well we'll see. I'm something of a video game connoisseur, I'll have you know." He rubbed his nose smugly. "It's going to take a lot to impress me, little lady."

"Oh, don't worry..." The woman's voice sounded oddly pleased. "You won't be disappointed. This game well be unlike any you've ever played before."

...

"So, you mean like one of those picture puzzle games? I haven't tried any of those."

"Actually, this is more like a dating sim!"

"Oh neat! I've never tried one of those either."

"Trust me, you're in for a treat~"