Titanic Toon Troubles (Teen Titans Toonification) (Patreon)

Hey folks.

Okay, this is likely to be the last one for a while. I've got a lot to do, and I need to focus on that - though there are a few more fics I'd like to put up when I can. Hopefully they'll be soon, but who knows. For now, thank you for all your support, and I hope you enjoy.

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Some lives are just naturally chaotic. You never know what you’re going to get from day to day. Like, a firefighter was generally going to deal with more hectic situations and visit more locales than a librarian, just by average. And a sailor was probably going to see more of the wide world than a driving instructor. Probably.

But right near the top of the list had to be the life of your average superhero. You never knew what was going to happen next. You might have a quiet day in, or you might foil a bank robbery, or you might have to play hopscotch to prevent the end of the world. Every day came with its own brand new challenges that you’d likely never see coming, and you just had to adjust as best you could. Playing it by ear was how superheroes lived their entire lives.

Ugh. ‘Play it by ear’. Now there was a phrase that Raven didn’t even want to think about right now. Because right now, her life was even more chaotic than usual (yes, this was saying something). And the reason for that was staring her straight in the face.

She just wished that wasn’t because she was sat in front of a mirror.

Her own reflection was looking back at her from the other side of the glass – but it was a reflection that she barely recognised. The hair was fine. That was pretty much the same. Purple, straight, shoulder length, the classic look. The only real difference was the pair of long white bunny ears poking up through it. And if only that was her only problem! She’d dealt with that before. But alas, things got steadily worse from there.

Below her hair, her pale skin had been covered by a thin coating of white, fuzzy fur, from the top of her head to the bottom of her now pink padded paws. Her face had been stretched out into a rabbit’s snout, tipped by a pink little triangle of a nose… And she even had two shiny white buck-teeth poking out from under her top lip to really bring the bunny image home.

Her outfit was mostly the same dark leotard, but it clung to her body in a much tighter fashion – or would it be right to say, the body inside it was much harder to contain? Her bust had swollen up so that both of her breasts were now the size of her head, much to her disgust, and though it was harder to see in the mirror, she had no doubt that her ass had experienced a similar expansion. It was clear that the strange transformation she’d undergone had been aimed at an ‘adult’ audience. Bunch of perverts…

What else did she have to deal with… Hm. Big white gloves that wouldn’t come off… Oh, and a bunny tail poking out of her leotard just above her ass, of course she had one of those. But that just about… Ah, one other thing. The toon outline. Yes, that was so pervasive that she’d nearly forgotten to include it in her mental inventory. Everything in this dressing room had a thick black outline around it. The carpets, the drapes, the mirror – and, yes, even her. Especially her.

That was just what you got when you were trapped in a toon world, she guessed. She looked down at her toony gloved hands for a moment, stretching her fingers and wiggling her thumbs. It didn’t seem to impede her any – hell, she felt more flexible than ever. She couldn’t even feel the outline around her, so… Well, hopefully it wasn’t a big deal. She was just a cartoon right now. So what?

Yeah… So what…

“Come now, friend Raven.” Orange arms with black stripes wrapped around her shoulders from behind, a friendly face smiling at her in the mirror. “It is not so bad! We look cute! And I never knew it was so interesting to have a tail.”

“… Star, we’ve talked about personal space.”

“Oh right.” Her friend let go and retreated a step – though she still remained in the mirror’s gaze, studying her reflection with the kind of starstruck curiosity that only the alien princess could manage. It wasn’t even a Tamaranian thing! Raven had met her sister, she was nothing like this! (Granted she was also a generally terrible person.) This was just pure, 100% Starfire.

Of course she hadn’t been spared the transformation either. Right now Star was less ‘alien princess’ and more ‘scantily dressed tiger woman’. Her orange skin had been replaced by orange fur, with the occasional black stripe to break up her pattern. Her normal purple bodysuit had been turned into a purple leotard that seemed to be made out of latex or something for how closely it clung to her. Her face had shifted, much like Raven’s – though, obviously, instead of becoming bunny-like, she’d gone in a more cattish direction. Wide furred cheeks, whiskers, a black nose, slitted eyes, and little triangular ears poking up from the top of her head. Very definitely a tiger.

… And yes, her body had also gotten the same ‘upgrades’ that Raven had, because she didn’t have enough of a reputation as a walking wet dream already. Boobs bigger than her head, and incredible thick thighs that would steal every spotlight in town if she just gave them a shimmy. No one could have any doubt that the Tamaranian had been turned into a total cartoon sexpot…

“I look so adorable!” Except, naturally, Starfire herself. Who was currently spinning around on the spot, both admiring her new body, and trying to grab hold of her last addition, the long, orange striped limb that had grown out from the base of her spine.

“Star, stop chasing your own tail,” Raven groaned. “That’s a dog thing”

“Ah, apologies.” The alien-slash-tiger-toon paused and bowed, releasing her prey. “I suppose this must be how Beast Boy feels. Such a hard temptation to resist…”

Oh she really didn’t need to think about how Beast Boy would react if he saw them now. This situation needed to be handled, now, before he ever found out. Then they could just never speak of it again.

“Never mind about that,” the gothic bunny girl grunted, spinning around in her seat to face her friend directly. “We need to focus, Star. Fix our attention on getting out of here. Have you found any exits?”

But the tiger shook her head. “I’m afraid not. The only way out of this room seems to be the door we came in by. I’ve tried blasting through the walls or sneaking into the vents like in all of those movies, but nothing has any effect. Also…” She looked down at her ‘enhanced’ bust’. “I do not believe I would be able to fit in there as I am now.”

“Great.” Raven rubbed her face, and tried not to get too creeped out by how fuzzy it was. “One exit, and it leads through… That.”

They both looked towards the door. It was normal enough – exactly the kind of door you’d expect from a dressing room, even a toonish one. But they were more concerned about what was on the other side. The centre stage. It was a place that they’d both rather avoid, if possible. It was the first place they’d ended up when they’d been sucked into this bizarre cartoon world – and the place where they’d been transformed in the first place.

There had been rumours going around the city for weeks about some kind of ‘cursed cartoon’. Local legend had it that if you tuned into it, you’d turn into a cartoon yourself, and that then you’d never escape the show. Kind of standard creepy pasta really – someone was clearly trying to rip off Candle Cove or something. But then there had been a mysterious spike in disappearances…

Obviously the Teen Titans had investigated – namely by immediately hunting down Control Freak and trying to beat a confession out of him. Unfortunately he was innocent… Of the cartoon thing, anyway. He had been plotting a scheme to turn various heroes into posable action figures for his collection, so they’d busted him for that, but it hadn’t gotten them any progress on the actual case at hand.

So Robin had gone off to hunt down some leads, Cyborg had retreated to his lab to search the internet for clues, and Beast Boy… Well Beast Boy had locked himself in his room to play some games he’d stolen from Control Freak’s stash, and no one was eager to find out more. So that left the girls on active monitor duty, waiting for something to happen for the Titans to respond to.

Monitor duty was boring, though, so the pair had agreed to do it from the couch. While the TV was on. You know, to monitor the airwaves for anything specific. Like, say, during the broadcast of the boyband that Raven was (not so) secretly into.

Hey, the girls were generally more mature than the boys, but they were still teens.

And what do you know? It proved to be a very effective tactic. As soon as the TV switched on, they were able to monitor the supposed ‘cursed cartoon’ for themselves! A swirling cartoon spiral had appeared on the screen right then and there, sucking the surprised heroines right off the couch an straight into the TV itself.

Things had been a bit of a panicky blur after that, as the pair tried to break free with magic spells and energy blasts – but no force they could muster broke their fall into the screen. They’d been dragged downwards, crashing through a mob of cartoon props – top hats and hula-hoops and who knew what else – drawn into this other world. And they’d both felt something strange happening, as black lines spread over their skin and their proportions had begun to stretch…

By the time they’d landed, flat on their asses (which were decidedly no longer flat) on the centre of some cartoon theatre stage, they’d found themselves already transformed into these sexualised animal bodies. And they’d barely had time to react before someone else stepped out onto the stage. A man in a black suit and a top hat, who’d been holding a shiny gold pocket watch on the end of a chain.

It got rather… hazy, after that. The pair remembered something about a warm welcome for the ‘newest acts for the show’, someone telling them that they would be called to perform soon, but they could have a little time to rehearse first… And some strange whispers that they couldn’t quite recall the details of – but every time they thought about them, they felt this pleasant tickling sensation from the underside of their brains.

Then they’d been shoved into the dressing room and told to ‘get ready’. The slam of the door had awoken them from their daze, but by then it was far too late to run. And now going back out there unprepared felt like a really bad idea.

“Not much choice, though.” Raven slid to her feet. “If that’s the only exit, then the way out’s got to be through there.”

Star nodded, her pink ponytail waving in the air behind her head. “But how can we reach it? Our powers didn’t seem to do any good last time.”

It was true – or, Raven thought it was. Had they even had the chance to use their powers before? Ah, there was that tickling sensation again… “Right, they didn’t. So we’re going to have to do this another way. Can’t just blast our way out like the boys would.”

“Mmm.” The catgirl had to agree. “Do you have a plan?”

“Maybe.” Cogs were starting to turn in Raven’s mind. “Do you remember what they put us in here for?”

Star blinked – and then her eyes glazed, her slitted pupils transforming into spirals for a second. “Ah – to practice our acts, right?”

Raven was too deep in thought to notice anything strange. Or perhaps it was the hint of spirals in her own eyes. “Right. So, maybe we can use our act as a cover for escaping!”

Of course! It was the perfect plan. Both of them were absolutely certain of that. There was only one tiny issue with it. “Um. And what is our act supposed to be?”

Right. They were superheroes, not per-

The two froze in place, jaws going slack as their brains tickled again, spirals spinning in their eyes, drool dripping down their chins…

- They were totally performers! They could absolutely handle this!

“Well,” the bunnified Raven drew herself up, hand to her chest, proud smirk on her face. “You know they do call me the greatest stage magician in the entire city. We’ll put on a magic show!”

“Oh, of course!” Starfire clapped, but there was something insincere about her smile. “We could absolutely do that! But why don’t we do a dance show instead?” She posed with a hand behind her head, showing off her fabulous figure. “I am, after all, the best dancer in the quadrant!”

There was a short pause as the two glared at one another through narrowed eyes. Egos simmered, barely constrained under the surface.

“A magic show would make more sense. Then I could just make you disappear as part of the performance.” There. Professional and logical. Who could argue?

Apparently, Starfire could. “But your powers aren’t working right. If we do a dance act, then I can distract everyone, and you can sneak away while all eyes are on me!”

It was a standoff. Both women stepped closer, their hands firmly on their hips. Their breasts flattened against one another as the pair vied for dominance. The moment lasted for an awfully long time.

Finally…

“Both?”

“Both.”

Compromise! The plan could move forwards at last.

“Alright then. How about I do a magic act, and you can be my glamourous assistant? You strut your stuff, then I put you in the box, make you vanish, and you use that time to find a way out.”

Starfire stroked her whiskers, the faintest echo of a purr of consideration rumbling from her throat. “Very well, that should be sufficient. I shall make sure to blow off all of their socks before I go in, of course.”

“Sure, whatever.” It wasn’t like Raven cared. She just needed to… Just needed to… Uh…

“Friend Raven?” The catgirl’s voice called to her as if from the bottom of a well. “Friend Raven? Please respond. You are drooling most unsightfully, and it will be difficult to look sufficiently glamorous next to you like this.”

The bunny magician’s eyes were crossed and spiralling again. That tickling sensation was back, and now it was everywhere in her brain, making her feel all nice and…

Giggle!

“Huh?” She snapped out of it with a blink, shaking her head – a wobbly cartoon sound effect playing as her ears wiggled. “Like, what were you saying Star?”

The orange dancer rolled her eyes. “Please, Friend Raven, do try to focus. We have an act to plan!”

“Oh right. You mean an escape attempt, right?”

“Right, yes, that is what I said.” Star rolled her eyes at the magician’s confused pout. “Do try to use those big ears of yours to listen properly sometime, please.”

Raven wasn’t sure that it was, but the tickling sensation had evolved into a nice pleasant pink fluff on the inside of her brain, and it was making her memories… fuzzy. So instead of objection, she just gave a very jiggly shrug and nodded. “Sure thing! Okay, how about we start with, like, introductions? Y’know, announce me as the marvellous mystical Ravenini or something.”

“Very well. I will-Ooohhh…” This time it was Star’s turn to zone out, her lips curled into a surprised o shape as her eyes twisted into spirals for a second or two. Then she shook her head. “I mean, surely it should be you announcing me, yes? I am the star of the show after all.”

Her voice was positively dripping with ego and smarm, her smug grin saying more than words ever could as she looked down on her magical friend… Who seemed to be completely oblivious to all of it.

“Huh.” The bunny girl thought it over. “Well I guess?” It seemed wrong to her, but her head was far too fuzzy to pick out a reason why.

“Good. Then why don’t you start us off?”

“Sure!” Yeah, it was time to get this act on the road! All of her other concerns from before had evaporated, stroked out of her head, and she happily hopped out into the middle of the room, twirling her cloak around her in an effort at mystique – though it just got tangled around her feet and made her trip flat on her face instead. “Oof!”

She shouldn’t have been able to hear Star rolling her eyes, but her ears were very good now. Oh well!

“Introducing!” The magician drew up her voice and puffed up her chest – a move that was sure to delight any audience. “The great, the magnificent, the mesmerising… Ravenini!”

There was a pause, as if she’d forgotten that this was a rehearsal, and there wouldn’t actually be any applause, and then a ‘polite’ cough.

The bunny blinked. “Oh right. And her great assistant-”

“Dazzling assistant!”

“Oh, um, her dazzling assistant… Uh…” She drew a blank, giggling vapidly as that tickling sensation in her head grew even stronger for a moment. “Wait, like… What was your name again…?”

The catgirl stared at her like she’d grown a second head. “Of all the- You forgot my name? How do could you possibly forget a name like… L-like… Oooohhh…”

The pair stood there swaying, the spirals in their eyes thickening until they were completely consumed by colourful whirlpools… Then they both shook their heads, snapping out of their stupor together.

“I… I…” The dancer was the first to recover, wiping a patch of drool off of her top. “Like I was saying, my name is Sparklecat, remember?” She gave Ravenini a glare fierce enough to convince the dim-witted bun that it had always been so! “Now introduce me properly.”

“Oh, right.” The bunny nodded, ears wiggling and tits jiggling. “Okay, introducing my dizzying- I mean, uh, like, dazzling assistant… Sparklecat!”

And at last, Sparklecat spun onto stage, her long legs and cat-like reflexes giving her a fantastic pirouette to show herself off for the imaginary audience. She was the picture of (big breasted) poise and grace… Until she started talking again, anyway.

“You’d better get this all right when we do our real show!” She hissed, giving the magician another pointed look. “I don’t want my big night getting spoiled by your idiocy.”

Ravenini blinked. That sounded right, but… wrong? Something wasn’t right… Oh! “You mean when we’re… trying to escape… right?”

“.. Right. Yes, that’s what I said.” The catgirl nodded with complete confidence – though it also felt like she wasn’t really listening. She was too busy showing off, after all, dancing for the non-existent crowds, stretching her long legs and flashing her barely contained chest. Even through her inflated ego, anyone could see she was relishing the chance to strut her stuff before adoring fans

It was certainly being enjoyed by one fan, at least – as the ‘magnificent Ravenini’ drank in the show, practically – no, literally drooling over the dancer, her head bobbing up and down with every bounce and jiggle. Her eyes weren’t even spirals this time, just reflections of bountiful orange boobs, and yet she was still entranced. Which made it even easier when the spirals did slip back in and massaged away some more of her IQ.

But alas, all good things must come to an end – and that was true of a certain catgirl’s patience as well. Eventually she stopped in the middle of her dance, hands on her hips, ponytail flicking behind her. “Didn’t you have a part to play too, oh great Bimbini? I’m not doing all the work for you!”

The magical rabbit frowned, trying to shake her head free of the now quite thick haze inside it. “Huh? Hey, my name’s not-!”

Boing!

“… Like… I mean… Oh yeah.” Huh, what had she been thinking about again? Suddenly the only things in her head were bouncy and soft… “Right, it’s time for the great Bimbini’s magic show! So, like, first I’m gunna need a volunteer from the audience! Who wants to help me out, raise your hands!”

There was silence, and a lack of hands. Even Sparklecat was staring at her like she was an idiot.

Oh right.

“Well I guess it’ll just have to be you then!” Bimbini didn’t miss a beat, instead gesturing over to her dancing partner, bright smile on her face.

The catgirl rolled her eyes. “Fine, I suppose. That was the plan, wasn’t it?” Her whiskers twitched. “You make me disappear, and then I can finally find us an escape – since you’re clearly incapable.”

“Yeah!” The bunny nodded happily – the barely concealed insult flying right over her head, threading nicely between her ears. “Okay, just step in the box…”

She snapped her fingers, and a person sized black box appeared on stage – the typical sort for any magic show, just barely wide enough for the dancer’s curvaceous figure to squeeze into, and an open door on the front to allow her to do just that.

“… And I’ll handle the rest!”

“Very well.” Sparklecat rolled her eyes, but did as she was bid, sliding herself into the box backwards, her tail curling around one of her legs. “So how do I-”

Slam!

The magician didn’t wait for her to finish, still on a magical roll. “There we go! Alright, ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes! For as I speak the magical words, Hocus Pocus, and wave my magical wand…!” A wand had indeed appeared in the excited bunny’s hand, and she tapped it against the box with a flourish. “Now I’ll make my assistant.. disappear!”

There was a puff off smoke, and the grinning magician pulled open the door to reveal…!

… A very naked tiger woman, who squealed and tried to hide herself with her hands (not that she could cover much).

“My clothes!!!” She yelped, glaring. “You hare brained idiot, you screwed it up!”

“Oh. Oops.” The magician giggled with embarrassment – while happily enjoying the view – and only slammed the door shut again when the naked assistant looked ready to lunge at her. “Lemme try again.” She gave the imaginary audience a wink.

“Do it right this time!” A call came from inside the box as it rocked in place.

“Yeah yeah.” The bunny bimbo giggled, practicing preening for her adoring fans. “It’ll be fine, as long as I don’t get… distracted… Oooohhh…”

The box rocked again. “What was that? Hey, what are you doing? Answer me!”

But the great Bimbini had no answer to give – she was too busy drooling onto her fine leotard, as spirals spun in her eyes, thick, fast, and heavy. One last trigger left in her brain by the hypnotist she’d first seen on stage firing off to give her the best idea for a magic trick ever.

“Yeaaah…” Her lips quirked up into a brainless smile, and she lifted her wand once more. “Right! Hocus pocus… Make my assistant’s brains disappear!”

“Wha-Oooohhhh…”

The door to the box burst open as Sparklecat’s confused outrage melted into delighted confusion. A wide, stupid smile was spread over her face, her eyes spinning with hypnotic spirals just as bright as the magician’s, and smoke was trailing out of her ears. She didn’t even try to cover her naked body this time, just standing in place and starting to drool.

“And there you have it!” Bimbini gave her pretend watchers a proud flourish. “Now you see-Wah!”

Of course she didn’t get far before she found herself pinned beneath a soft, purring orange furball, a hungry look in her partner’s eyes. The spell may have gotten rid of the cat’s brains – but it hadn’t done anything about the dripping heat betwixt her nethers.

“S-sorry about this everyone,” the magician giggled nervously as the cat began to paw at her. “She gets really, uh, friendly like this- Oh! Ohhh… Mnnn…”

Sparklecat’s head had dropped down and caught her co-star’s lips in a kiss, gleefully putting and end to the bunny’s rambling – and giving a start to her moans, as the two began to tangle around one another, beginning a whole new type of show all together. One with a significantly higher content warning than just a silly little magic act. But they were happy to give it their all – all thoughts about their escape attempt, or their heroic careers, or even their original, real bodies, all completely forgotten.

So when a knock rang out from the door, and a familiar, mesmerising voice called through it, “Five minutes until showtime, girls! Are you ready with your act?”

… Both women immediately snapped upright, stupid smiles and swirling eyes still happily in place. “Yes Master!” They called together. “Would you like a preview?”

There was a chuckle from the doorway. “Maybe a little one as we get set up. Come on then – get out on stage. We’re going to broadcast your show to the entire city. I’m sure no one will be able to look away – not before it’s too late to escape being drawn in as well, anyway~”

“Yes sir!” The two saluted with pride, a new goal settling into the empty space between their ears. They were going to put on the best performance of all time!

The pair slipped into a new set of uniforms, and skipped out the door, ready to begin their new lives as toon pornstars – and their old lives thrown away forever. After all, some lives may just be naturally chaotic... But no life was ever as chaotic as the life of a cartoon circus performer!