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Hey folks!

Day one of my last month working here for this year. I'm definitely going to miss it, but for the moment I need to focus on getting everything finished off! So, first up, here's this month's story - another fine foray with our ever unfortunate adventurers Tanya and Elora!

I hope you enjoy!

-----

“That’s five!” Tanya swung, cleaving the skeletal swordsman’s skull from his spine, sending the rest of him tumbling down into a pile of broken bones. “My win!”

“You’re cheating!” Elora snapped back from her spot sitting on top of the covered wagon. “They’re undead, you have an unfair advantage!”

“I didn’t pick the monsters! This is just what attacked us today. Suck it up!” The blonde paladin was unusually jubilant, her blade shining as she scythed through the attacking hordes. Her step was light enough that even the uneven ground didn’t seem to trouble her as she zipped about the frozen forest tundra like a lightning bolt.

It wasn’t just that she was winning the bet with her friend – although that definitely played a big part in it – but it was also about who they were fighting. She’d always faced living creatures with a heavy heart, wishing that there could have been a way to avoid the battle without any bloodshed. Even orcs and goblins, while typically aligned with the forces of the Dark Lords, and thus enemies of the light, weren’t things she relished fighting.

But undead? Oh hell yes – they had no feelings or sympathetic stories, and you were doing the original soul a favour by putting them down. If undead attacked you, you were free to cut loose in your response. They were absolutely her favourite kind of enemy – and it didn’t hurt that they were weak to her holy enchanted weapons, either.

Elora, meanwhile, hated them. Haaated them. They were an afront to life and nature, a violation of the forces, and really, really unpleasant to look at, too. Plus, as an elf, she was quite sensitive to the wrongness of their existence – they made her itch whenever they were close, and brrr, unpleasant.

Plus they tended to be resistant to her magic, and that was just plain annoying.

So, when the last skeleton fell, and the battle was won, she had only one demand when she hopped down from her sniper den and stomped over to Tanya. “We start the count over tomorrow.”

The paladin chuckled, sheathing her sword. “Okay, okay, sure. Why not?” It wasn’t like it was an important contest or anything – there was no money riding on it. This was just something they did for fun, something to keep things interesting on mundane jobs like this.

The pair had been hired for a simple escort quest. A trader wanted to move his stock from the city of Elindrus, the jewel of the east coast, to his warehouse in Verdnin, closer to the heart of the Kingdom – and he wasn’t in the mood to wait for another merchant’s caravan to do it. Instead, he’d hired professional protection – them – to guard him and his wares as he made the journey.

They were going to be sticking to the main roads, and not going through any dangerous territory, so by the looks of things this was going to be a fairly mundane trip. In other words – a boring trip. Merchants never travelled quickly when it might damage their goods, so they were going to be on the road for a while. Small, weak monster encounters would likely be all the entertainment that they got.

Thus, they had their ways of making it interesting. Even if they both complained when they started losing.

“Well, I don’t know what the issue is,” an amused sounding voice called. There, at the front of the wagon, stood their employer – a merchant by the name of Thomas Reckler. He was a man who’d gotten quite far in life relying on his charm, and it showed. He wasn’t unattractive, though neither woman would normally say he was really their type, possessing a thin build with black hair and eyes that always seemed to indicate a joke was but a breath away. “I think you were both magnificent!”

“Why thank you.” Tanya bowed, grinning at the compliment. “Try to keep my performance in mind when it comes time to decide our bonuses.”

Elora, meanwhile, huffed. “Tommy, are you picking favourites? I mean really, taking the road right next to the cemetery? It’s like you were trying to give her points!”

“Now now, El, you know I could never pick a favourite between you two.” He grinned, walking up to the front of their little caravan and checking on the horses, making sure they weren’t injured or spooked. “This was just bad luck.”

“Bah.” She grumbled, but didn’t press the argument. Why bother, when it was so plainly clear that she was right?

Thomas, meanwhile, moved around to the back of the caravan and hissed in disappointment. “Looks like some of the stock fell out of the back during the attack. I don’t suppose you fine ladies would give me a hand loading them back up?”

Immediately, the elven sorceress’s eyes lit up. “Depends – are you paying overtime?”

“El!” Her friend shot her a glare.

She just shrugged ‘helplessly’. “Our contract is our contract, Tay. If he wanted manual labour, he could have hired a muscle head instead of a pair of pretty maidens. Well, a pretty maiden and her-”

“Okay, ignore her,” Tay said, slapping a hand over the elf’s mouth, before shooting her employer an apologetic look. “Though she is right – I’m afraid our contract doesn’t cover this kind of stuff. Still, I’m happy to lend a hand…”

But Thomas shook his head. “No, no, I understand. Here…” He dug into one of his many pockets and pulled something out. “How about I throw in a bonus for the overtime?”

“Oh?” El pulled away from her friend, leaning over to take a look. “What kiiiind of bonus?”

“These piercings.” He presented them on his palm, a small collection of metal pieces, with a confident grin. “They’re all the rage in the cities these days, so they’re worth a pretty penny, but I can spare a few. Very fashionable, very chic.”

Elora frowned at his offering. They looked like ordinary studs to her. But if they were fashionable, then she had a duty to collect them. And the merchant said they were. She felt like she could trust him, even if they’d only been travelling together a day. “Hmm… Okay, sure! Tay’ll help you out!”

The paladin folded her arms. “If I’m doing this alone then we’re counting my points in the contest.”

“Ugh.” She slumped. “Fine! We’ll both help. You’re all lucky I can move boxes with my mind.”

“At least it actually gets you to use your mind…”

-

They made good progress that day – once all of the boxes had been lifted or projected back into the back of the caravan. El had returned to her spot on top of the vehicle, enjoying the ride, while Tay had sat herself next to Thomas as he drove, ready to shield him from any sudden attacks at a moment’s notice if they came. Which they didn’t, fortunately, but you never knew for sure.

So the mood was bright as the sun finally set, and the night grew so dark that pressing on with a full caravan would have been the worst kind of folly. They drew up their cart, pitched their tents, and set up a fine meal to cook over the campfire as the hour drew late.

Perks of working with a merchant – they tended to not skimp on the food.

“So, really, why’d you pick the longest route?” Of course Elora was in a better mood, but she was still Elora. She didn’t let things go that easy.

For his part, Thomas didn’t seem to mind. He just shrugged as he took a bite of his chunk of meat. “I’ve always found good things come to those who wait. Taking your time, making sure you do the job right, it’s a personal philosophy.”

“Ah, a careful man. Who’dve thought.”

“Rare breed,” Tanya muttered around her own meal. “Thought they were extinct.”

“Crazy world, right?” She snorted – and then paused, looking at her employer, studying him in the firelight. “Say, Tommy, what’s that you’re wearing around your neck? Looks kind of clunky.”

“Oh, this?” He reached under his tunic and pulled out a rather large silver idol, hanging from a likewise silver chain. It depicted a long haired naked woman posed with her arms spread wide. “It’s my lucky trinket. Found her in a market a few years back for a steal. Brought her home, cleaned her up, and she’s brought me good luck ever since.”

“Your lucky trinket is a silver big booby lady?”

Tay spat out her drink, choking and patting her chest while shooting her friend an incredulous look.

The man just laughed. “Right, right – I imagine human gods aren’t of much interest to elves, are they? This is an icon of Merisa, the goddess of love that I follow. She’s never been too conservative when it comes to clothing.”

“Ahhh.” The redhead looked over to her religious expert. “That check out?”

The paladin was still clearing her throat. “It’s… close. She’s the goddess of a few things. Lust, for one. You’d like her.”

“Ohoho, I approve!” El clapped her hands together with excitement. “Here I thought all of your gods were boring old fuddy duddies like the ones she worships.” She jabbed her thumb towards the obvious suspect.

Tanya just rolled her eyes. “Careful, elf, don’t make me smite you.”

“Well they are!”

“Even so.”

Thomas laughed, amused to no end at their antics. A few seconds later both women joined him, happily relaxing in the merry fireside atmosphere.

And in the flickering, flaming firelight, neither woman noticed his idol’s eyes glowing pink as he slid it back under his tunic…

-

The following morning, both Adventurers felt groggy, putting it down to their early start to the day. The caravan was rolling the moment the sun rose over the hills, and by the time the dawn fog was starting to evaporate they were well underway. But the fog in their brains proved to be far more persistent.

It was only when the attack began that they really seemed to wake up.

Tanya grinned as she saw a familiar group of outlines emerge from the mist, accompanied by the telltale clack of bones. Undead again. More points for her. If El complained again, too bad! Unsheathing her sword, she started forward to meet the fiends in the middle, lamenting only that there wouldn’t be any blood to shed-

“Mine!”

- Only to jump back at the last moment as something tall, angry, and elf shaped jumped down in front of her, already swinging a gigantic club down on the enemy. The skeleton – who seemed just as surprised as she was – barely had time to look up at the attack crashing down on him before he was smashed into dust.

“By the forces, El,” Tay growled, grabbing her friend by the shoulder and hauling her backwards. “What the hells are you doing?”

The sorceress just flashed her a savage smile. “Winning!”

Then she yanked herself free and charged back into the fray with a savagery that the paladin had never dreamed she was capable of. It was such a stunning sight that she actually forgot to jump in herself until Elora had pulverised another skeleton.

“Damnit – those were my kills!” She charged in, her sword glowing with holy devotion – but the damage was done. Only five undead had risen to attack them, and by the time the dust settled…

“3 to me, 2 to you!” A viciously smug Elora raised her arms in victory. “I win!”

Tanya scowled. Of all the dirty… “Oh, so undead count now? Then I still have 5 points from yesterday!”

That wiped the smirk off the elf’s face. “What? Why you-!”

“Girls, girls!” Suddenly Thomas’ voice washed over them. “Please. No fighting. How about we just call this one a tie.”

The two paused, looking over at him, and then back at each other. It was clear they wanted to do anything but. And yet…

“Rgh. Fine…”

“Whatever you say, Tommy…”

The two shrugged, and stomped their way back over to the caravan.

-

Tensions remained somewhat high throughout the rest of the day. Sadly no further monsters showed up to let the two Adventurers vent their frustrations, and they were still glowering at each other over dinner.

But as ever, their employer didn’t seem to be bothered – or really even notice. So, in an attempt to prevent things from growing even worse, their attention moved on to him.

“So, boss,” Elora began, ripping seared meat off a bone with her teeth. “A handsome guy like you must have a lady in every town, right? Or is there a Misses Reckler waiting for you back at home?”

Hey, he was cute. She was within her rights to start testing the ground for future flirtation.

And his response was promising! He laughed! “Haha, no, no, no Misses for me. I haven’t found the right woman to settle down with yet.”

Perfect, perfect! Well then, maybe she could see about filling that void for him. She knew just what to say, opening her mouth-

“Oh Yeah? What would she be like then?”

- Only to taste the bitterest of betrayals, as Tanya got there first. How the hell was that even possible?!

But she didn’t have time to snarl at her friend. Thomas was already answering.

“Oh, I have very specific tastes,” he said with a shrug. “Nothing you want to hear.”

“Try me.” El shot in first this time, shooting the blonde a victorious glare.

But alas, the man had said all he intended to for now.

“Not tonight,” he chuckled with a shake of his head. “But hey, if this trip lasts long enough, I’m sure you’ll find out sooner or later. You seem like the determined types.”

Beneath his tunic, his idol continued to glow.

-

In the morning, Tanya woke feeling rougher than she had in a long time. In fact, she was feeling positively green. Literally.

She blinked, staring at her hands, noting the slight green discolouration of her normally pale skin, and the oddly sharp points to her nails. What was…

… Oh. Right. What was she acting so surprised for? She was a Half-Orc, she’d always had a bit of green about her. Ugh, she was always so dumb in the mornings.

Grunting, she rolled over and got to her feet, peering about into the pre-dawn darkness. Her eyes could see through the gloom easily, another benefit of her bloodline – though in this case, all it revealed to her were trees. No threats. Hmph. Shame.

Disappointed, but not surprised – beasts should know better than to attack her and her kin – she stripped out of her night clothes and pulled on her travel equipment, a collection of traditional leathers and furs that kept her protected, but allowed her mobility in a fight. And for a moment, just as she was pulling on her top – a furred leather wrap that kept her chest bound, but left her abs exposed – she paused.

This didn’t feel right. Too simple. Too easy. Didn’t she normally spend like, 10, 20 minutes pulling her armour on in the mornings? And it all felt so light. Where was her heavy breastplate, her metal gauntlets…?

Then she shook her head. Hng. She must have been still half dreaming. Stupid brain. She slapped herself – hard – and then got back to work. No time for that kind of nonsense.

By the time she got done, she saw that El was awake too, half way through getting dressed herself. The pair shared a nod – having been together for far too long to care about any level of nudity between them. The two of them were kin, as much as they fought with one another. Practically sisters.

Elven Half-Orcs were pretty rare in this part of the world, and struggled to find acceptance anywhere – even more than Human Half-Orcs, sometimes. It was part of the reason they got along so well – and why they got so competitive with each other.

Fortunately, Thomas hadn’t seemed to mind either of them when he hired them as guards. He was a sweetheart. And he treated them well! Cooked them good food, allowed them to share his camp. Yeah, he was a good catch. That was why they let him sleep in in the mornings while they set up the caravan to leave, only waking him when it was time to go.

Thus they were all in good spirits as they travelled today, with El finally joining Tay and their client up front. Neither of them were sure what they’d been thinking putting her on the roof – her bow skills weren’t that great, and what else was she going to do up there, throw rocks?

El had frowned at that joke when Tay made it, for some reason – as if there was something else she could have been doing up there… But that passed quickly, and she joined in the snorted laughter quickly.

Yes, spirits were high as they trundled down the road – and they got even higher when the goblin saboteurs jumped out from between the trees to ambush them. The two barbarians shared a grin over Thomas’s head – then jumped down, already screaming their war cries, and charged into the fray.

-

Attitudes were significantly cooler at dinner that evening.

“It was my kill.”

“No, mine!”

“I cut ‘im in two with my sword!”

“Yeah, after I knocked ‘is brains into punch with my club!”

“Girls, girls, please.” Once again, Tommy had to place peacemaker between them. “You both did very well in that fight. And all of the others.” It had been a busy day. “We’ll just call it a tie, okay?”

Both women grumbled, but nodded. If he said so, then fine. Besides… There was something about the glances he was giving them now that made them feel like this wasn’t the time to pick a fight. It was time to flirt.

El was going all out, flaunting her defined muscles and fat curves every time the man looked her way. And she’d taken to wearing her studs as plainly as she could, appreciating the ‘bonus’ gift. Her ears, her nose, her belly button… It was lucky she’d had all these piercings already, though it was strange she’d forgotten to bring anything to fill them. How lucky Tommy had helped her out!

Tay, meanwhile, was showing off her tattoos. They curled around both of her arms, old orcish script written in jagged lines, while her belly was where she kept track of her most impressive kills – raging beasts and powerful spellcasters, dotted in crude pictograms over her pale green skin.

The script showed off her origins - she wore her allegiance to the Darkcity clan plain. Though she could only wear half of the full tattoo. The full design was allowed only to those of pure blood, to her unending distain. Well fine, the half version looked better anyway.

And for his part, Thomas was looking impressed at both of them. “I’ve always appreciated orc women,” he was saying, to both lady’s delight. “Strong. Passionate. Maybe not the brightest, but they make up for it with moxie.”

“Oh I can do moxie,” El smirked, winking.

“An’ I can do far more than that~” Tay leaned forward, drawing close.

“Maybe soon,” he chuckled. “For now, though, we have an early start tomorrow – let’s get an early night.”

“Sure thing, Boss.”

“Whateva’ you say.”

-

The next battle was one of the most savage and bloodthirsty of the entire trip. An entire crew of bandits cut down by tree-shattering axe blows and boulder-cleaving club slams. But then, what did they expect, when they set up an ambush against a caravan guarded by two full blooded Orc Berserkers?

The real danger was what happened after, of course.

“I win!”

“No, I win!”

The two snarled at each other, red eyes blazing. The pair were practically impossible to tell apart – even most Orcs mistook them for twins, on occasion. Both of them were the exact same tint of green, a vibrant, foresty shade that stood out in all but the heartiest of foliage, save for their hair, which was dark blue verging on black, styled long and wild. Both of them were just as strong as one another, their bulging biceps and rock hard abs equal in every way. Both of them had tits bigger than their heads, proudly displayed by their furs with only the most basic of coverings, their nipples kept eternally stiff by their shining piercings. At moments like this one, where they were pressed together during a fight, you could hear the ‘clink!’ as they rubbed against one another.

Really, the only differences between them were their tattoos and piercings – with El favouring more metal studs in her ears, nose, and really anywhere you could fit them, while Tay used her skin as a sketchbook, carrying the full markings of her clan proudly. Of course, both of them had tattoos and piercings, so it took a sharp eye to tell which was which. Especially when they were right up in each other’s faces like this.

Fortunately, they had exactly this kind of person with them right now.

Thomas clapped his hands together. “How about we call it a tie?”

They both instantly deflated.

“’Kay Boss…”

“Whateva’ you’s want.”

Oh yes. That was another similarity. Both of them were utterly, completely, and absolutely smitten by their hunky human boss…

-

… Which was something they both made incredibly clear that evening, after a day of snuggling against his side while seated on the caravan.

“C’mon Boss, don’tcha got urges ta’ work out?”

“Lookit des titties. Dey could be all yers!”

This was considered subtle flirting – at least by these two. Thomas was pinned between two very hard women with rocks in their brains… And judging by his eager expression, he was loving every moment of it.

Especially as they got more insistant about it, once again immediately starting to argue with one another.

“He shud snu-snu wif me!”

“Wif me!”

“No wif me!”

This probably had to be handled quickly, before he got pulled apart by their feud, quite literally… Well, a few more moments… Little more… Okay, there we go.

“Well,” he said, his voice instantly silencing the two of them as they listened in rapt attention. “I’d like to, you’ve both incredibly beautiful…”

“D’awh~”

“Shuddup you charmer~”

Red on green made for a really cute blush, you know.

“But I’m afraid it just can’t work,” he said, giving them both a theatrical sigh that they were both far too dumb to see through.

“Wot?!”

“Why not?!”

The man tried not to laugh, managing to turn it into a forlorn pout. “I’m just not on the market for some short fling,” he explained. “I want to settle down, have some commitment.”

“Eh? Dat not problem!”

“Yeh! I can be commityed!”

It really wasn’t clear which one was which in the dim light of the fire – but it also really didn’t matter at all. Their feelings were the same. Utter putty in his hands.

“Really?” He feigned surprise. “Aren’t you both moving on after the end of your contract?”

“Bah! Stupid contract not mean anythin’!”

“Yeh. We just stay wif you.”

“My, that’d be nice.” Thomas made sure to use small words and a slow voice. Didn’t want to confuse them right now. “Oh, but I can’t pay you anything if you do…”

“Dat fine,” one nodded without hesitation.

“Dun need gold anyways. Want cock instead.” The other removed all pretence.

“Really?” He couldn’t stop himself from laughing now, watching the two dumb broads eagerly throw all of their independence away for him. “You’ll both stay serving me for free for as long as I like?”

“Yeh!”

“Yeh!”

The two orcs nodded in full agreement, their big tits jiggling in his face. He grinned.

“Well then…” He said, wrapping one arm each around their thickly muscled waists. “How about we make this new arrangement official…?”

-

The next morning was bright and sunny, made all the brighter for the good mood of the two orcs travelling on the caravan. They were all smiles and giggles, leaning up against their beloved Boss as they continued their long journey.

(Thomas was walking with a bit of a limp, by contrast, but it didn’t seem to dampen his mood any.)

The group were taking the fast route now, switching to roads that would take them to their destination much faster. No need to stall the trip out any longer – not that either (former) Adventurer noticed.

Instead, they were far more preoccupied with the latest gifts that the Boss had gotten them. A pair of spiked collars, already wrapped around their necks, with the symbol of Merisa handing from it, claiming both of them as worshipers. Which they were – so long as the Boss told them to be. They were both pretty stupid, they knew, so they were happy to let him do all the thinking and tell them what to do.

That was why theey were delighted with their presents, really. They were such a nice way to show just how loyal and obedient they were to their beloved Boss. It left no doubt in anyone’s minds about who owned these powerful, beautiful dumbasses~

Really, the only thing that excited them more was the possibility of another fight – and another chance to prove to him which one of them was better, and thus deserved more snu-snu. It was weird, though. Whenever they asked him who won, he always said it was a tie. Then both of them got the reward. Well, it wasn’t like they were complaining!

Honestly, they were both too dense to have noticed.

Thomas grinned as they ran their hands over their new collars again. Things were definitely looking up for his company now – two dumb, powerful brutes that could handle all of his physical labour for him? That was one hell of a get. Once again, taking his time had worked out just great for him – even if he’d never been honest to these two about why that was.

Around his neck, his silver idol of Merisa seemed to glow, just a little, for a brief, flicker of an instant. A spark of light in one eye, making it look like she was winking.

All hail the Goddess of Love, indeed~

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