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I made a few changes.
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Hiros The great

Heya~ Love the Ap here~ But i think you mixed together two different sentences on panel 3, in the second speech bubble. I still love Shamiko~ She deserves this body~

Hiros The great

You have mixed two sentences. You wrote "You are becoming into your future self", which is a mix out of "You are becoming your future self" and "You are turning into your future self."