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Pokemon Journey, Episode 40 (Patreon)

Published:
2017-05-12 11:41:21
Imported:
2021-08

Content

Things have been a little rough lately, so once again the video is out later than I would like. Big apologies to Noah Davison and David31 for not speaking your names out loud, it was due to a glitch in the script. I'll be sure to say your names extra loud in the next one!

I've been struggling a lot lately with feelings of inadequacy... The strike was part of it, hammering home that my livelihood and platform could be taken away in an instant if a big company decides to make an example of me, but I've had many strikes before and none of them stuck. I was able to pull through. But I've gotten to a point where I feel like I'm not good enough to stay in this business model.

That's not to say that I don't appreciate every single one of you, that's the farthest thing from my mind. I'm amazed every day that enough of you support me so I'm able to scrape together a meager living for me and my family. But my subs and patreon haven't increased that much in months, and at times I even feel like I don't actually deserve more.

I got a tweet the other day saying that Philip Bartlett, the original voice of Mewtwo, was still alive (I mistakenly mentioned he was dead in my Mewtwo Returns review). I corrected it with an edited description and an annotation right away, and the guy's reply was "Sticking by what he says he'll do. This is why people shove money into Suede's bank account."

I don't, though. I still haven't reviewed the anime I promised for people who backed my short film from years ago, Calling It Now still hasn't officially happened and I haven't even started on my $500 goal of doing Pokemon Journey Origins. I've always wanted to be a man of my word and a trustworthy producer, but it seems the only thing I can do is put out Journey consistently, which isn't nothing but it's not what I promised. I've let down so many people and even if I do manage to keep my promises, they'll all come far too late.

I watch people like Lindsay Ellis and Digibro and Moviebob and I feel like a clown in a science lab, not as an experiment or anything but just standing in the corner, honking a horn whenever a scientest says something clever. Even among my more-comedy-than-info peers such as Superbutterbuns, Linkara, or Phelous I still feel like the guy who snuck in the back.

Now, I'm completely aware that I don't have to be this super-famous, playbutton-getting  megatuber. I don't think I even really want to be. I'm OK with being someone that makes something I know a few people will love, rather than something I think most people will like. But I don't make enough from this to support my family, the part-time job I take on top leaves me very little time to get the videos done consistently and that job is only for three months. After that... I don't have any qualifications, there are no editing or graphic design jobs in my part of the country and the ones that do show up are snatched up immediately by people with more traditional experience or qualifications or social networking skills or charisma.

Is this the end? NO. Pokemon Journey is the first time I've been able to make consistent weekly content in years and I'm not letting go of it now. To be brutally honest it's all I have to hold on to at the moment, the one thing I haven't screwed up. But these are the things that weigh on me, and I just hope I'll be able to get past it... somehow.

Sorry for the wall, I think I just needed to get my thoughts out. Thanks for indulging. PLEASE don't up your pledges because you feel sorry for me, just get more people to watch or subscribe on YT if you can, get the word out about the channel. Again, thanks for just listening.


 



Files

Suede's Pokémon Journey, Ep.40: The Battling Eevee Brothers

These brothers must have some stones to take on Ash! (sorry...) Support Suede on PATREON: http://www.patreon.com/Suede Follow Suede, leave comments, ask questions, get exclusive info and more by stalking him on the following social media: TWITTER: https://twitter.com/SuedeBlade

Comments

Anonymous

I can understand your frustrations fully and clearly, Suede, and just know, no matter how long it takes for you to get content out, no matter how rough things get down the line, keep this in mind: We're here on your Patreon, offering what sheckles and dollary-doos we can, because we genuinely feel you're worth it, and are honestly happy to offer you what we can, to help you. I originally found you back on ThatGuyWithTheGlasses, during your appearance via his "Ask That Guy" fan-episode, and once I saw you start doing reviews, I was hooked. You've always made great content, big or small, and honestly, I've never minded the wait, because when it does come out, it's always 100% worth it. My only "regret", so to speak, is that I can't offer you MORE each month than I currently do, because much like the first person I ever became a Patron of, Jirard Khalil (The Completionist.), you're both a great content creator, and a darn fine person as well. I wouldn't just randomly throw my money at people I don't truly enjoy and appreciate, . That'd just be a waste of money. But you sir, are not. I'll never regret even a single penny I've sent you, whether it be for Pokemon Journey episodes, anime reviews, Calling it Now test pilots, or even a vlog, because at the end of the day, I come to hear your thoughts and opinions on matters. The context of how you distribute those doesn't matter to me. I'd keep donating even if you switched to text reviews, because to me, it'd still be worth it. Always stay you, Suede, because that's exactly the way we love you, sir. =)

Anonymous

I, like other people, give what I feel you deserve because of the person you are. The amount you put out is definitely something, but more important to me is the fact that when it comes down to it, I can actually make a dent and make sure that you can work on your stuff. Not just because you put out quality and enjoyable material (although you do!) but because you, as a human being, are someone I want to support for a variety of reasons.

Anonymous

i've heard it said that everybody in the creative business feels like they are a fake while everybody else is real. you make great content, and that is all.

Anonymous

Rest assured Suede, I can understand how you feel and it's good that your getting all this stuff off your chest. But always know that there are people who greatly appreciate your work. BTW, sorry to say this, but there appears to be some error with the link, YouTube on my computer is working fine, so maybe it's something wrong with the link itself?

Anonymous

Your amazing Suede and I don't mind waiting for episodes. I actually kind of like it, reminds me of childhood waiting for that next great episode. Your videos have character and that's why we like them enough to give. Also, in this instant gratification society it really helps to ma

Anonymous

Dang it... make people appreciate it more and exercises patience. God bless man. I'll be praying for you and keep spreading the word about the channel.

Anonymous

Link is fixed now and hey you didn't mention my name in the last video either Suede, that must be the thing for this month, last month I was mentioned by name and got no avatar, but this month I have an avatar, but I haven't been mentioned by name. Hahahaha, There is a reason why I asked to hold a chess pawn Suede. 'loads a rocket launcher with a large net'.

Suede
>>5150697

Sorry, it was due to a glitch in the script and I'll be sure to say your names extra loud in the next one!

Malory Zajdel

Funks are difficult to pull yourself out of, that' way you need people around you to support you. Not only your devoted fans but you wife and baby who I'm sure will be proud to call you his dad when he can. Not a lot of people can make me laugh but you have a special humor that seems to always work. I love you videos and will continue to watch them. You have accomplished so much by just putting out your videos. I use to love to write stories but I haven't been able to write for years out of fear they won't be any good. So you are already a success in my eyes. Keep up the good work and I look forward to the next journey ^_^

Anonymous

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, honestly venting your concerns like that really shows how much you care about all of this. Good on you.

Anonymous

I'm going through much the same thing Suede, and it sucks. Here's hoping we can get through this together.

De

Hold on, you're doing that thing everyone does where you look at the world and your situation in it and think all your problems (or successes but that's another matter) are down to failings on your part. Let's get a little perspective here, okay? You can't compare your success to that of other people: you, Lindsay, and Linkara may all be old timers from TGWTG but you've all come to this life from different directions. I've followed the three of you for ages and you've all had different challenges and experiences. (Though sadly, I think you've all struggled with depression and constant financial worries and platform issues.) You have very different styles and audiences. You (Suede) started a family when you were still (by American standards) young and took time off for religious/cultural duties, that changed the whole arc of your twenties and the expectations placed on you. I don’t want to downplay the things other Youtubers have gone through, but I don’t think you can use the lives of people who don’t have spouses or children as a benchmark for yours. Neither way is better or worse, they’re just different, too different for direct comparison. Also, your style (or voice as some would term it) is very different from the Youtubers you mentioned. Moviebob’s thing is that he’s a schmuck from Boston who really likes dorky movies and videogames. His episodes of Really That Good might be complex but his shtick is simple and comes across easily to a wide audience. Linkara is good at skits, which is why they’re still a part of his show even though the audience for skit-based review humor seems to have declined. He understands comic book style storylines to such a great extent that he can work them into his show in a way that underlines his critique of bad comic books. It’s distinctive and memorable and rewards people who have watched his show for years. Lindsay Ellis’s style has changed drastically over the years. She started out with skit based humor because that’s what TGWTG was for, and she produced good work but was never comfortable with it. She always wanted to do longer more analytical work, but until recently there didn’t seem to be an audience for that. These days people shout their desire for more analytical and substantive internet shows and thus her work has started to gain some of the attention it always deserved. She has done many different shows under many different names, always refining her style until she found something that really seemed to hit home with audiences and that she could also enjoy making. I don’t doubt that she’ll change things up again as her interests and the audience’s tastes continue to evolve. Point being, it can take a long time to figure out what it is you’re good at and how to share it. You might be really good at something but at the wrong time and have to wait for an audience to develop. I’ve heard everyone from Hank Green to Jim Sterling complaining about Youtube. It’s a very unstable platform, basically a monopoly, and constantly under threat from larger corporations and old media giants. I don’t even want to think about what will happen if Verizon and co succeed in their latest bid to do away with net neutrality here in the states. It’s a dangerous world and everyone is scared and seeing their earnings decline; none of that is related to whether or not your videos are any good. Honestly, you have no control whatsoever over how well you will or will not do as an internet personality. Even if you made the best work you could possibly imagine you might never find your audience. You could make lazy Let’s Play videos where you shout “rape” at the screen at random moments and gain millions of viewers. It really comes down to luck and timing and persistence. I know that’s scary, but it’s the truth, so stop blaming yourself for everything. What it all comes down to is two questions: Are you able to do the work? Do you want to do the work? The answers to those questions are probably going to be pretty nuanced and subject to change, and that’s okay. It’s okay not to know the answers and to need to hear yourself thinking them over. You’re not missing out on having a huge audience because you’re somehow doing this wrong, there’s no one right way that’s guaranteed success. And “success”, especially on the internet, is an ever-shifting setting goal posts anyway. Whatever you decide will be “right”, and if it’s not you can decide to do something else.

De
>>5155554

Okay, so that is a freaking long wall of text I'm now staring at. Sorry about that. Something short and practical: are there any websites (anime based or otherwise) that you like to visit? Have you looked around for places you could submit essays or other work to? Some place where when people scroll down the bottom of a screen there will be a little bio linking to your channel? You haven't been consistent, but you have a sizeable body of work at this point and that's not nothing.

Anonymous

I finally got to watch the episode (I've been sick; Oxycontin doesn't make for good analytical watching and I wanted to wait until I was head-clear to actually *see* it). Your episodes, as far as I'm concerned, continue to be great. As with the last one, you were right on point, the jokes hit perfectly well, and your timing's impeccable. Yes, it's a different voice than you started with, but that doesn't mean it's the wrong one. It just means it's one that, I would like to hope, you feel comfortable with. If you *don't* feel comfortable with it, frankly I'd be amazed; you do it incredibly well. The whole setup is really well laid out, and you seem to have such incredible fun with your translations and 'voiceovers'. And they're often *so* freaking hilarious they'll have me laughing out loud. Add in to that the interesting points of information you find both through your research and your past knowledge, and you add great stuff to the episode(s) every time. Basically, the main problem I see isn't with the episodes. It's that you are trying to stack too much on your shoulders. It's part of why people made recommendations the way they did on your other chart: people *want* to see you continue, but we want you to do so in a way that is sustainable. In other words, a way that makes you happy, as well as helping to tickle your creative juices. Instead of comparing yourself to others, I recommend connecting with others. Make friends. Don't try to 'be them'. Don't try to 'be as good as or better than them'. Aim to 'be yourself' and simply take general tips that they have learned through their life and time. A lot of them have nothing to do with *exactly* what they do, but the way in which they do it and the like. Different people will give you different ideas, and above all, they'll continue to be friends (as I would hope). I'm talking from a biased point of view. I always will be. You have always been an inspiration for me in a way that has nothing to do with your videos (although don't get me wrong: I loved what you did with them) but your own personal *you*. You, as a person, are harder on yourself than anyone can ever be, but you, as a person, have a lot that you can't see because you're looking from the inside.

Anonymous

If anything, I think it should say something that one of the favorite videos that you ever did was your 'Return Of Suede' video. I can only hope that it still exists somewhere out there. :)

Anonymous

hey suede sorry to see you stressed out to due to various things like youtubes terrible system. i dont know if this is helps but some megayoutubers as you called them have also been affected. heres some examples from megayoutubers i sub to. IHE,cryaotic,theRPGminx and cinnamontoastken (who is friends with the biggest youtuber pewdiepie). have all come to the same conclusion you have youtube is unstable and have all been looking at other platforms for there content vid.me and twitch are currently the best ones.

Anonymous

Poor Mikey is going to be disappointed. He wanted to keep Eevee the way it is, but is going to wake up one day to find it evolved into an Espeon, Umbreon, or Sylveon. Or maybe that's the reason he left it in the woods; he was trying to lower its friendship so it wouldn't evolve!