Lessons in Lesbianism -12 (Patreon)

I Have Forsworn Her Company

What did not help Olivia’s stress levels was the fact that the final class of the day was the other one she shared with Eliza. There was, at least, the twin benefits that Jessica was not in that class while Kala was, but Olivia still wasn’t sure that would be enough. She did not want to deal with the guilt wracked heartache that came from being around Eliza now.

With that in mind, she walked towards the classroom like a woman moving towards a firing squad. She was glad the antacids she’d taken seemed to be settling her stomach, though.

That was something.

Kala had gotten to class before her, while Eliza was nowhere to be seen. That was another relief, allowing Olivia to slip over and sit beside her roommate.

“So,” she said in a quiet but slightly sharp whisper.

“Found out, then?” Kala said.

“Right before Dance Class,” Olivia hissed. “I could have used more prep time…”

“I—alright. I wanted you to have one good day before having to find out, though,” Kala muttered.

Olivia made a face.

“Ok, ok. I messed up. I’m sorry,” Kala replied. “I forgot you had dance class with both of them. And first thing in the morning.”

“I don’t really get the why, though,” Olivia muttered. “She didn’t seem to like Jessica. Why is she dating her?”

“From what I’ve heard, she got drunk and decided to let somewhere other than her brain do the thinking,” Kala said, still in hushed tones.

“As her friend, I feel bad saying it, but I don’t think they’re going to last.”

That got a raised eyebrow from Kala, though any further conversation was interrupted by Eliza finally arriving, Jessica practically clinging to her. Olivia dropped her eyes away quickly, turning away as she tried to ignore the sickenly sweet nothings Jessica was rambling about. She also tried not to put too much weight into the way Eliza sounded like she was trying to squirm out of things. That was probably just her own wishes weighing tones too heavily.

Before she could give any further thought to the issue, however, the rough voiced teacher shooed Jessica off so that she could start the class. They were being given their midterm presentation assignments. Which would be partnered…

Olivia let out a sigh of relief to not be partnered with Eliza. Instead she was matched up with another stage-maiden. A short and nervous mousy brunette named Candace Shiner. They were given a climactic scene from a Canadian play written in the 1970s that neither of them actually knew.

“At least everyone else is getting similarly obscure scenes?” Candace offered while Olivia found herself struggling to focus.

“Mhm… sorry. I have something else on my mind. But I will find the zone. Just give me a couple of minutes,” Olivia said, wearing a pleading sort of expression.

Candace didn’t protest, though Olivia wasn’t sure if she was capable of anything  quite so confrontational. Olivia did manage to get into the correct headspace for rehearsal, however. Soon she and Candace were feeling out their roles, coming to understandings of the characters.

They then exchanged numbers to plan further rehearsal times, knowing that they had only one other in-class practice session.

When the class ended, Olivia and Kala started heading back to their pod when they found Eliza hurrying after them. Olivia felt herself squirming internally, but she had no properly good reason to be upset. Holding onto her increasingly tattered air of hetersexuality was important. Especially when she was in such a thoroughly female space.

“Hey,” Eliza offered, slightly awkwardly.

“Hello,” Kala replied in a flat tone, while Olivia muttered something indistinct.

“You gals seemed like you were hurrying off rather quickly,” she said.

“We were just heading back to our room,” Kala replied, seeming to realise that Olivia wasn’t feeling up to much conversation at the moment.

“Yeah, and we’re neighbours… we usually walk back together?”

“We had guessed you were going to go hang out with Jessica.”

Eliza made a slight face. “She, uh… she has Improv class right now.”

“What sorrowful fates for the love birds, kept apart by cruel fortune,” Kala said.

That got a perturbed face out of Eliza and kept her quiet for a minute or so.

“I—just because I’m dating someone doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends, does it?” Eliza replied, her gaze making it clear she was asking Olivia.

“I suppose that depends on Jessica. She seemed like the type to be strict and jealous to me,” Olivia said, her tone coming across perhaps a little sharper than intended. “Honestly, I thought you had better taste.”

Eliza’s face dropped, a wounded expression upon it. “It was a party. I got a little drunk… It had been over a month since I’d had any sex. I was horny. She had a low cut dress.”

“How romantic,” Olivia found herself muttering.

“I was only planning a one night stand. Jessica… got other ideas.”

“Lucky you, finding such an enthusiastic girl,” Kala said, her sharp grin bringing a lull to the conversation. “You won’t have to worry about another dry spell.”

Olivia swore that Eliza kept stealing glances her way that left her deeply confused. Before she gave into the temptation to ask why, though, they reached their rooms and it was time to study.

And study Olivia did, as she had her History of Theatre midterm the next day.

-

The next week turned into something of a blur. Constant studying and rehearsing filled every available moment between classes. It was a slim comfort that her dance class evaluation was a solo dance, at least. It let her escape any awkwardness with Eliza that would have likely cost them both marks. Or having had to see even more of Jessica clinging to the tall woman with possessiveness that seemed to show she still considered Olivia a threat.

Just to avoid any further conflict, Olivia had made sure to leave extra early for the dance classes, so that Jessica wouldn’t catch her and Eliza walking together. Even if it was getting very cold to be in a leotard that early in the morning.

-

“That’s probably all the time I can spare today,” Candace said, after the pair had spent a good two hours rehearsing their scene in her room. “I have so much studying to do for History class.”

Olivia gave a small nod, before slumping back in the desk chair she was using. “I’m pretty near my limits too. The lines are beginning to just be noises, not actual words and sentences.”

“I will say, I’m impressed with how much you can focus, all things considered,” the mousy girl said.

“Hm?”

“Well, with Haliwell having… you know… and all of that. It can’t be fun,” Candace explained.

“It’s not really that big of a deal to find out my friend has terrible taste in women,” Olivia muttered, slowly spinning in a circle in the chair and ignoring how much it actually hurt.

“Friend? You two weren’t dating?” Candace squeaked in surprise.

“No? I’m—well, I’m trans. They make sure we’re straight before they give us HRT,” Olivia muttered.

Well, at least her therapist had, but he’d said it was standard practice.

“Why?”

“Um… to make sure there aren’t any straight guys who like breasts too much, I guess?” Olivia offered.

“Well that seems strange,” Candace mumbled. “I know that a bunch of the trans men who are alumni here are gay.”

Olivia blinked. “They… they are?”

The other girl nodded.

It felt as if the world were slipping away from Olivia as she said her farewells and left back to her own pod. The light drizzle of a British Columbian autumn did little to undo her daze as she wondered if that meant she could actually be attracted to women. Were the rules for trans men and trans women the same? She saw no good reason they shouldn’t be, but there were plenty of things that were different for men and women in general that made no sense to her. So, perhaps specifically trans members of both genders still had odd differences separating them.

Lost in thought as she was, she only half noticed there was a tie hanging on the handle of her dorm room’s door handle. She assumed someone was returning it to Kala (as she vaguely recognised it). So she pulled it off and then opened the door.

Only to close the door immediately.

She had… well, she had seen something. And heard things as well. Too much skin and happy moans and some part of her brain remembered what a tie on the door handle could mean.

Olivia quickly shoved it back on and then hurried downstairs. Barely managing not to trip in her hurried panic

The TV room was empty. So she grabbed the remote, sat on the rough textured and dated couches, and flicked the tv on. Channelling surfing aimlessly, she hunted for something to distract her from a day that was leaving her rather too frazzled to focus on anything in particular.

She found herself landing on an American 24hr news channel that provided such an overwhelming stream of stimulus it helped to shut a good chunk of her brain off. However, it gave her such an endless a wave of stories about shootings, war, plane crashes, murders, and other horrid things that it replaced her confused daze with rising anxiety. She was only able to handle a few minutes of it before she had to try to hunt for something soft and fluffy.

“Hey,” Kala said, making Olivia jump slightly.

“Um—I’m sorry!” she managed to stammer out. “I… well, I forgot what a tie on the door—I’ve never had a roommate before, so…”

“I forgive you. You closed the door again immediately. And let out a kind of adorable squeak of shock,” the other girl said, sitting down on another couch in the room.

“I did?”

“Mhm. Gave Laura a giggle fit over how cute it was. If we hadn’t been almost done anyway I would have been annoyed that she wasn’t able to get back in the—what’s with that look?” Kala said, trailing off to stare at her.

“Y—you… Laura…” Olivia mumbled.

“I didn’t think we were being subtle about dating?”

“Uh… but… you—she… girls…”

Kala’s stare intensified, causing Olivia to blush and begin to study the remote control in her hands.

“Are you not comfortable with a bisexual roommate?” Kala asked.

Olivia felt her cheeks grow hotter. “That’s not… it isn’t…”

“Then what’s the issue?” Kala said, moving to crouch in Olivia’s line of sight.

Despite her desire to look away, too embarrassed to want to meet anyone’s eyes, Olivia’s own gaze betrayed her. She found herself locking eyes with Kala, and then her deeply internalized confusion burst out on the force of the connection.

“We’re allowed to like girls?”

“‘We’?”

“Trans girls… we’re allowed to be gay?”

A confused blink was all Kala managed for a few moments.

“Who the heck told you otherwise?”

“My, uh… my therapist. He wanted to make sure my desire to transition was truly gender based instead of due to ‘misplaced attraction’.”

Kala’s one eye twitched. “What kind of a fossil were you being treated by!?”

“Uh… the only therapist who would see me in Woodstock?”

“Isn’t that in the States?”

“Oh. No. There’s a Woodstock in Ontario. It’s near Brantford… er, halfway between London and Berlin-Waterloo?” Olivia offered. “Um, that’s near Hammer City?”

“So, a small town that’s not even the biggest small town in the area… yeah, not surprised he was doing severely backwards standards,” Kala said, making a face. “But, yeah. We’re girls. Girls can be gay. So we can be gay.”

Olivia replied with a small nod.

“You really didn’t realise that?” Kala asked.

“N—no,” Olivia mumbled, her cheeks somehow growing hotter.

“Are you now realising that you’re of a similar persuasion to dear Sappho?”

“I—well, I was starting to think I liked girls already. I just didn’t think I was allowed to,” Olivia whispered.

“Oh… oh gosh. That could not have been fun,” Kala said, moving to sit on the couch next to her and offer a friendly hug.

Olivia leaned against her. Only to discover that she was rather more emotional than she realised, and she began to sob. She pulled her knees up to hug while Kala offered words of support.

“Is everything ok?” Laura asked in a soft voice.

Both Kala and Olivia turned to her, the latter with eyes red from tears.

“Someone had her internalised heteronormativity reinforced by a regressive therapist,” Kala explained.

“I don’t know if these are sad or happy tears… bittersweet melancholy, maybe?” Olivia added.

Laura nodded. “Oh gosh…”

“Is she alright?” an older stage-boy asked, a group of 3rd years arriving from an evening class.

Kala gave another quick explanation, and Olivia soon found herself overwhelmed by the attention of nearly a dozen handsome girls all trying to help her work through the emotional confusion. A number of them decided to share tales of their own obliviousness towards their sexualities to make her feel better, while others tried to offer to go get her snacks or something to help her mood.

It was quite a lot for Olivia to take in while still emotional… but it did manage to wash away any lingering traces of doubt regarding her lesbianism.