Romeo - 7 (Patreon)

Chapter 7: the Talk and the Walk

CW: transphobia, drugged beverage

It did not take Logan long to arrive. Romeo had barely had time to try to get their thoughts in order when he buzzed to show he was in the lobby. They let him in, then looked in the mirror again.

At their reflection, standing there in a dress. Looking cute.

They weren’t sure what Logan was going to say. Well, they also weren’t sure what they were going to say, and that was probably the bigger issue.

Logan’s knock on the door shook them from their thoughts. They hurried over, letting him in while, once again, hiding behind the door as they did so.

“Is every—you’re wearing a dress?” Logan said as Romeo closed the door.

They nodded. “I am. I… I think I have gender going on.”

“You… have gen—what type?” Logan asked.

“That’s the thing,” Romeo said, feeling shy. “I don’t know. Just… something.”

There was a pause as Logan stared at them. “I’m going to need more to go on before I can give you advice.”

“It’s—yesterday I was a guy. I’m certain of it. But… today I’m not. I don’t think I can say I’m a girl, but… I can definitely say I’m not a guy. But I feel like I was probably a girl the day we caught our flights? Maybe… I… I’m lost.”

“Sooo… you might be genderfluid?” Logan offered.

Romeo blinked. “Right. That’s… but… I didn’t feel this mixed up before, so… could it just be hormones?”

“May—well, they probably contribute? Also, knowing what you’re missing,” Logan replied. “Like how realising you’re trans can make living the life you lived before harder. You know where the itch is, and you want to scratch it. In your case, though, rather than being societal dysphoria driven, it’s physical?”

“Ah... so there’s a chance fixing this will instead just leave me with dysphoria the other way,” Romeo muttered, flopping gracelessly down onto their couch.

“I suppose that’s plausible, yeah,” Logan replied, sitting down on a nearby chair.

Romeo sighed. That just made the whole mess seem even worse. Sure, at least they’d get their career back by fixing this, but the idea they’d be left with this much of a gendered mess thanks to having gotten to explore things outside of being a guy…

They weren’t even sure how to put into words the way that felt. It was confusing and unpleasant, though.

“I guess there’s a chance you might have something else going on, though. It could just be days of varying dysphoria,” Logan said, having given them a moment to think things over. “And it’s enough of a shift from your normal that you don’t quite know how to handle it?”

“That… no. This isn’t just feeling acceptance… I think I honestly don’t want to be a guy right now.”

Logan nodded, but didn’t say anything.

Romeo needed to fill the silence, however. “I just… I don’t understand how I never figured this out before? Being friends with you and Frankie and all that…”

“Gender is hard,” Logan said with a shrug. “It’s complicated and messy and you can’t easily compare how you feel to how anyone else feels.”

“Still… you’d think having two—one… one and a half,” Romeo said, a questioning tone for the last offer, which got another shrug from Logan. “Having one and a half trans friends from high school… it should have made me a bit better at understanding everything. And figuring myself out.”

Another silence lingered in the air for a moment. Romeo didn’t know what else to say. Dwelling on mistakes wasn’t really their style. They usually just rolled with things, smiling and nodding. Which was probably also why Logan didn’t have anything to say to comfort them. They’d never really needed comfort.

The rare times they were frustrated they usually just got drunk, did something stupid, and then got lectured by people.

Which maybe wasn’t the healthiest of forms of self expression, but it had worked for the past twenty three or so years and they hadn’t seen much need to change. At least before now.

“Do you think you’d still like a binder, though?” Logan asked, drawing Romeo out of their thoughts.

“Hmm? I… oh. Yeah. I think so,” Romeo replied. “I’m sure there’ll be more days where I need one.”

“I’ll call a cab then.”

-

Romeo followed Logan on the sidewalk down Church Street, from where the cab had dropped them off. They’re been to this part of town plenty on their own, being thoroughly bi they’d looked for cute guys to hook up with at some of the clubs. What they’d not done, however, was go into the more trans oriented stores that existed here.

The one they went into was rather nice, basically just a clothing store with things divided by sizes in a unisex way. There were a few things that stuck out, however. The binders on the one side of the store were the most initially obvious thing. A bit of poking around out of curiosity showed Romeo there was also a back area with an attendant that sold packers and various types of breast forms.

“Two things I don’t need,” Romeo mumbled to themself, before swinging back around to the binders.

Logan had been getting a handle on the organisation, and soon directed them to roughly the sizes he thought would best fit, based on their current frame.

“You’re sure I don’t need bigger? I know it’s about going flat, but that spring was fairly generous to me and I don’t want this to hurt,” Romeo mumbled, picking up one of them.

“It’s supposed to be tight,” Logan replied in a flat tone.

Romeo scrunched their face up a little, but had to admit that at least binders looked pretty sleek. So that was a plus.

They also had a few colours, which was nice. Romeo had figured they were black only based on Logan’s preferences.

“E—excuse me,” a teenager said, approaching the pair with nervous body language. “Are you—are you Logan Novak?”

“Mhm, yes,” Logan replied with a smile.

“Oh gosh. I—I just want to say I really love you music. As does my boyfriend,” the person said, gesturing over to another teen.

“Ah, thank you,” Logan replied.

Romeo gave a slight nod, holding their breath a little as they waited for the fan to say something to them. Only for the young teen to hurry back to their boyfriend, the two whispering excitedly a few racks of clothing away. Romeo listened in just enough to hear a ‘I can’t believe you actually asked him’, but… nothing about themself.

They really…

“I thought I was just harder to recognise, not totally different,” Romeo mumbled to themself.

“You’re wearing a sundress. Put something more your normal style and that binder on and you’ll probably have some people recognise you.”

They nodded. They were not, however, sure which direction to go with this. People not recognising them felt so weird. It hammered home they were changed.

But it was also liberating. They could just exist.

That could be a bit of fun. Especially when there eyes drifted over to an area with some dresses that were rather less… wholesome than their current outfit.

Maybe it was time to embrace a little femininity on this shopping trip too.

Was that weird, or just how genderfluidity worked? They supposed they’d find out based on the cashier’s reaction to them buying a clubbing dress and a couple binders at the same time.

-

Logan didn’t look impressed as Romeo scrolled through their phone for which gay clubs downtown were the best. Things changed quickly in hogtown, after all.

Did anyone even call Toronto that anymore? Romeo wasn’t sure… but they were sure Logan was still watching them, judgement in his eyes.

“What?” they asked, feeling defensive.

“I’m just worried about you, going out to get drunk again this quickly. It’s not like you,” Logan replied, before taking another sip from an overpriced Italian soda.

“I’m not going to a club to get drunk,” Romeo muttered. “I just want the music and the crowd and all of that.”

He stared at them for a moment. “And you’re not going to sleep with anyone?”

“Not if they’re drunk and I’m sober,” Romeo replied, crossing their arms defensively. “Now, if we’re both sober, maybe that’s different, but… probably not happening.”

“Mhm. And did you want me to take your clothes back to your condo for you, your majesty?” Logan asked with a smirk.

That prompted an eye roll from Romeo. “The clubs aren’t even open yet. I’ll take my stuff back, get ready, then head out.”

-

Right. Normal people had to wait in line to get into clubs. Romeo, thankfully, remembered that before trying to stroll right in, and pulled out their phone to pass the time as they waited. The wonders of modern technology made the wait quite bearable.

Walking into a club alone probably made them seem a bit lame, but they didn’t have anything to prove to anyone.

They didn’t really feel like dancing alone, though, so they slipped over to the bar, ordering a mocktail for a bit of hydration. Then they waited. Between their amazing good looks that followed them whatever sex their body was, and the way the dress left very little to the imagination, they knew it wouldn’t be long for someone to approach them.

Their confidence proved right. A short haired woman came up to them about halfway through their drink, a hungry look in her eyes.

Not their first expectation at a gay bar, but, hey, they probably weren’t the only bi person here.

“Now what’s a cute thing like you doing being a wallflower?” the woman asked, leaning into Romeo’s personal space.

“Waiting for someone to dance with,” Romeo replied, smiling back.

They put their drink down and followed the woman out onto the dance floor. They started out dancing with some distance between them. More simply dancing near each other than really with each other. However, after a few songs the other woman came closer, until, as one of Romeo’s own songs came on, the pair were all but interlocking.

Romeo was happy to embrace the proximity, pressing back against the woman as they moved to the music.

And then the woman stopped, stepping back a few steps. “What was that?”

“What was what?” Romeo asked back, half shouting over the music.

“Does your dress have pockets?”

“Uh… no?”

“Then what was… I felt something…” the woman replied, eyes drifting down.

Down to Romeo’s groin. They stared down for a moment, then looked up again.

“Are you wearing something down there?” the woman asked, her tone seeming to get a bit confrontational to Romeo’s ear (as best as they could tell over the music).

“Uh… underwear?” Romeo replied.

The woman’s face scrunched up in revulsion. “How much work have you had done to look like that? Ugh!”

She began to storm off before Romeo properly processed what she’d said. However, processing the words didn’t quite parse the meaning, so they hurried after her, feeling confused.

“What are you talking about?” they asked.

The woman spun around, glaring at them. “I’m here to dance with a woman. A female! Not… not participate in whatever social experiment you’re up to!”

“… What?” Romeo shouted back, confused.

“Ugh! This is why no one likes people li—”

Whatever she’d been about to say was cut off by the sharp ‘ahem’ of a large woman behind her. She was taller than Romeo’s current height, though probably not as tall as they used to be. But height wasn’t the end all of calling her ‘large’. She was built like a weightlifter, solidly muscled and with a decent amount of body fat to add to her imposing frame. Her black hair buzzed to little more than a crew cut added to her commanding presence.

She was also wearing dark sunglasses, black jeans, and a black t-shirt with security written on the front in white blocky letters. That rounded out her intimidation factor nicely.

“A reminder that this club is welcoming to all queer identities,” the bouncer said, her voice deep and rough, no doubt from yelling over loud music as much as she did.

The woman Romeo had been dancing with paled for a moment, then turned red and stormed off towards the exit.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that,” the bouncer said with a kind smile.

“Uh, n—no worries. Thank you for the support,” Romeo replied, wondering at how there seemed to be a little more to that smile than they were used to getting from such intimidating women.

And how it seemed to be getting to them.

However, as a bouncer, the woman had other duties and headed off, leaving Romeo alone with their racing heart.

After a moment they regained their senses and headed back to the bar. Another mocktail would probably do them nicely right about now. They were a bit thirsty from all the dancing.

Unfortunately they realised they needed to use the washroom part way through the drink and asked the girl beside them to watch their drink before hurrying off to pee.

Thankfully there wasn’t really a line at the time, so it wasn’t long until they were back at the bar, thanking the woman for the help.

Only, finishing the drink, they suddenly felt rather dizzy. Another woman, all smiles, approached them to be someone to lean on. Which Romeo appreciated.

“Here, we’ll get you out for some fresh air,” the woman said, arms shifting as she supported Romeo.

Except… weren’t her hands moving places they didn’t need to go? Nothing quite wrong just yet, but they felt like they were getting a little close.

“I’ll help her,” a rough voice said.

Romeo blinked and looked up. The bouncer from before. They smiled at her, giving a little wave.

“I’ve got her,” the woman supporting them said.

“I can put her in a staff break room. That’s probably better for her right now,” the bouncer said, her tone making it clear this wasn’t for debate.

Romeo didn’t quite follow what happened next. The lights and music filled their head as they clung to whoever was next to them, fully disoriented.

Until they came to on a couch, the bouncer kneeled beside them with a glass of water in her hand. Oh, and someone else in a club uniform in the room, looking concerned. Definitely not another bouncer, he was too small for that, but it was good to not be alone with anyone while Romeo’s head was still spinning a little.

“You’ve not used to clubbing are you?” the woman asked. “At least, not when you look like a woman?”

“Huh? Oh… I guess I do…” Romeo mumbled, looking down at themself.

“Mhm… Well, Jeremy here is going to keep an eye on you for a bit. I’ve got to look over security tapes,” the bouncer said. “If you start feeling worse, let him know. Hopefully they didn’t give you anything major, but we’ll call an ambulance if we need to.”