Dirty Little Secret: Part 6 (Patreon)

Layers of Truth

-CW for self harm at the end-

The call had gone to ‘Julie’s’ answering service, as Ethan had expected. He’d left a simple message about the situation. All while trying to ignore that he’d definitely heard enough of Captain Wrecking Ball’s ringtone to know that it was a song he recognised. Ethan couldn’t name it, but it was an 80s pop song he’d definitely heard before.

Still, the Captain was a busy guy, right? He probably got loads of phone calls. It wasn’t implausible for him to get a call at the same time.

And Captain Wrecking Ball flew through the roof before he could have possibly answered it because…

Ok, so that didn’t make sense, but the alternative was… well… no. It couldn’t be. Surely?

Why did the police debriefing have to leave Ethan alone in waiting areas so much, giving him too much time to think about this? Obviously he just needed to see ‘Julie’ and they could laugh about how silly the idea was when ‘she’ showed up clear of any of the cuts and bandages on Captain Wrecking Ball. After all, the odds ‘she’ was a celebrity of any type, let alone a superhero, was just silly. It was improbable.

Having reassured himself, Ethan distracted himself with the questions from the police and dealing with work, getting them to agree he could count this as a sick day.

With all the bureaucracy done, Ethan went home from the to grab a shower and a change of clothes. He managed to clean up enough to look presentable for his date that evening. He grabbed his keys, walked out the door, and then… remembered the police had driven him home because the Gremlin’s goons had stolen his car.

Well, he had good insurance, so they’d replace it for him, but that did mean he had to call a cab right now. Which was annoying, but it didn’t throw him off too much. He was still able to get to the boardwalk roughly aligned with the newly arranged time.

It was a short walk to where they’d arranged to meet, and ‘Julie’ was there waiting for him as he arrived. He was initially taken aback by how cute ‘she’ looked. The plaid long skirted pinafore hugged ‘her’ figure well, while the white sweater underneath no doubt kept the redhead warm in the chilly air of the Northford waterfront. The outfit simply radiated coziness.

“Ethan!” ‘she’ said, lighting up and hurrying over. “I was so worried about you when I heard what happened.”

“It was certainly a day,” he replied while leaning down to hug ‘her’.

So much of his worry seemed to wash away as they spent a moment simply holding one another. Until something about ‘Julie’ ‘s outfit struck him as they broke off the hug.

“You’re dressed… modestly,” he said.

“W-well, it’s chilly out. And I wanted this date to be about spending time together as a couple, not… the usual priorities,” ‘she’ replied. “I kind of wanted something to cover the collar too, but… they’re just a little too bulky.”

Ethan nodded, while the back of his brain nagged about how it was also good for covering bandaging from where Captain Wrecking Ball had been hurt.

He tried to ignore that as he gave his reply. “There’s plenty of folks who wear those collars every day. I’m sure no one will think too much of it.”

‘Julie’ gave a nod, before they started walking along. ‘She’ wanted to know every detail of how he’d felt while being held hostage, and Ethan saw no reason to hide anything major. He’d had a few brief moments of panic he prefered to not dwell on too much, but generally he’d felt confident the supers would find a way to rescue him.

“It’s not like Captain Wrecking Ball would let someone get killed just because they’re a stranger after all,” he explained as they waited in line for some fried dough snacks. “Though finding out I was his type was a bit of a surprise.”

‘Julie’ blushed a bit when he said that, ‘her’ gaze drifting off for a moment. “Y-you are very handsome. I—I’m sure any gu—anyone who likes guys would think you’re cute too.”

Ethan replied with a smile, not sure what else to say.

He was saved for the moment by them reaching the front of the line. He ordered a maple flavoured fry bread while ‘Julie’ ordered both a caramel-chocolate-banana bread and a brownie topped doughs.

Which was a reminder of how much energy ‘she’ always seemed to need.

As they got their orders and headed over to a nearby table, Ethan wondered how he might try to probe his suspicions. If he even wanted an answer…

“Are you alright?” he asked, as he noticed ‘Julie’ struggling to eat one handed.

With ‘her’ left hand too, when he knew the petite ‘woman’ was right handed.

“Uhh… I just underestimated how big it was?” ‘she’ offered.

Ethan nodded. “You’re normally quite a bit taller, aren’t you?”

‘Julie’ blushed to the point ‘her’ cheeks matched ‘her’ crimson lipstick. “W-what? I—why? I… you don’t usually like to talk about my act—my other… side.”

“Just, if you thought you could eat these one handed… I need two hands for them,” Ethan replied.

“Uhh… that… w-would you be upset if I was?” ‘she’ asked, voice so very soft Ethan felt a wave of guilt for pressing the matter.

“I… it would… it would take some getting used to?” he half mumbled.

Sure, ‘Julie’ dodging the question was probably a yes, and therefore more evidence of Ethan’s going theory, but… having seen ‘her’ so cute just now, how could Ethan bring himself to push the matter? The way his heart was racing… he was sure he was hopelessly in love with ‘Julie’ and he didn’t really want to find a reason not to be.

Except, as ‘she’ moved ‘her’ other hand in to make eating easier he couldn’t ignore the wince that spread across that cute face from moving the same shoulder Captain Wrecking Ball had been stabbed in.

Maybe he could ignore it?

Pretend he hadn’t seen anything.

That seemed fair, didn’t it?

But he wanted to know. It was like when there was a string hanging off a sweater and you knew pulling at it was a bad idea, but the primal drive to yank on it ate at your resolve.

If he just…

If he just pulled out his phone, under the table. Just turned it on and went to the call log. Just… just pushed to call ‘Julie’ again. Would the same ringtone play?

Well, no. Surely… surely if ‘Julie’ was actually Captain Wrecking Ball then he’d have put the phone on vibrate or changed the ringtone or… or… something?

Ethan closed his eyes and shook his head, before resisting the idea and pulling his hand away from the phone. Away from a screen one push away from testing things. He focused on eating his fried dough, and enjoying how cute the redhead across from him was. He was here to have a date and that was what he was going to do. It would be a lovely time. He was certain of it.

The pair finished eating soon enough and headed off to explore the rest of the slightly chilly boardwalk area. There were plenty of shops around to browse. Some were beach related, for the particularly cold tolerant types who actually swam in the ocean around here. Or the brief wave of customers in July and August when it wasn’t asking for hypothermia.

A shop selling jewelry briefly Ethan’s eye, and he decided to offer to browse that.

“Hmm… outside of the club I don’t… I don’t actually wear much jewelry,” ‘Julie’ replied, blushing slightly.

“I guess that’s fair. I… let me know if I’m treating you too much like a woman,” Ethan said, keeping his voice quiet to avoid anyone overhearing.

“It’s fine. Honestly, I’m not sure where my boundaries are for some things. Away from work I’m rarely… like this,” ‘she’ replied. “I think I like skirts and dresses and makeup, but… jewelry just doesn’t grab my eye.”

“How about sunglasses?,” Ethan asked, nodding to the next shop over.

“Ooh. Those can be fun,” ‘Julie’ said.

The pair slipped in, finding an assortment of sunglasses. Most were fairly normal, a range of prices driven by the little brand logos on the arms more than anything else. A few were more fun, however.

“What do you think?” ‘Julie’ asked, putting on a thick rimmed pair with pale yellow lenses. “Do I look like a whole different person?”

Ethan blinked. “What?”

“N-nothing… it would take to long to explain,” ‘she’ half whispered, blushing again.

“Oh… ok… they did look cute on you,” Ethan replied. “Though, basically anything would look cute on you.”

“Flatterer,” ‘Julie’ replied, making a grumpy face while blushing furiously.

“It’s the truth, you just clearly can’t tell how adorable you are,” Ethan said with a grin.

‘Julie’ ‘s face shifted to a genuine smile as ‘she’ looked at him again. “I wish—“

“Hm?” he asked.

“N-nothing… let’s see if I can rock some men’s sunglasses, though. I wonder how I’d look as a tomboy,” ‘she’ said.

“I’m not sure men’s sunglasses are enough to count as a tomboy… or if you can technically be a tomboy,” Ethan replied, following ‘her’ over.

-

Another hour or so of browsing shops later, and the pair had kind of run out of places to visit on the boardwalk. They’d ended up wandering out to the end up the pier, the grey waters of James Bay around them and their only company the gulls. It had ended up being chillier than Ethan had expected, and ‘Julie’ had ended up huddling against him for warmth. Still, the privacy had benefits as he leaned in to give ‘her’ a kiss.

The kiss was long, and passionate, and… ended up just being the first of several. ‘Julie’ was soon pressed against a lamppost, let out a few moans of pleasure… and then something that sounded like a yelp of pain, which caused Ethan to jump back in surprise. A jump that led to his phone slipping out of his pocket. He fumbled to catch it before it could fall to the hard ground below, and accidentally placed his thumb against the biosensor. The phone unlocking while he still wasn’t sure about his grip meant the second hand he reached out to hold it saw his thumb brush against the button he’d left up.

The redial button.

Of course, ‘Julie’ ‘s phone went off. It was ‘her’ number. That wasn’t a surprise.

What was noteworthy was the fact it was the same ringtone. That same catchy 80s pop song.

Also noteworthy was ‘her’ response, scrambling to pull ‘her’ phone out to stop it… and crushing the phone in those small cute hands.

Ethan could only stare from the awkward position he’d ended up in while catching his phone.

‘Julie’ stared back at him, wearing a very forced smile.

“Can… can we pretend that didn’t just happen?” ‘she’ asked.

“You’re… you’re actually…” he stammered, having suspected it, but apparently not actually been ready for the truth.

“Would you believe… uh… um… something? Maybe you have a better excuse than I do?”

“You have super strength,” Ethan said, as that sank in. “Y-you could have snapped me in half…”

“I have very good self control,” ‘Julie’ said with a pout.

Which was cute. And so confusing. Because how could Ethan deny being in love with ‘her’ when ‘she’ was that cute… even though he now knew…

How was he supposed to deal with this?

At least he knew ‘Julie’ ‘s real face was as good looking as ‘her’ feminine one, but…

Well, firstly that felt shallow to admit, even if it was something he’d felt nervous about. But, secondly… should he ask to see that other face, now? It somehow felt like it would be more real of a conversation if he did, so…

“Can you take the collar off? Just so… just so everything’s in the open?” Ethan asked.

‘Julie’ looked at him with hurt in those large brown eyes. But ‘she’ nodded. “I’ll have to get changed, but… I can…”

Ethan couldn’t help feeling like the villain after asking, but… it made sense, didn’t it? Honesty was important. Surely showing your true face was honest?

Trying to ignore his growing guilt, he followed ‘Julie’ back to the main boardwalk. ‘She’ slipped into a gender neutral washroom, Ethan waiting outside for a few minutes, trying not to feel too guilty.

Then Captain Wrecking Ball—or, no, since he was wearing a sweater and some jeans, it probably made sense to call him his real name. Which had been… Ilya, right. It had stuck out due to the distinctiveness of it.

Ilya was wearing a weak smile, despite being over two metres tall and built like a brick. Adding in the softness of the sweater and… yep. Ethan could still see the ‘Julie’ in him. Which left him still definitely attracted to the mountain of a man in front of him.

Only… something about the attraction felt weirdly… feminine. He felt like the roles were reversed somehow. The Gremlin had been right, there was no way he could be the top in this, surely? Which… that meant something about relationship roles… didn’t it?

He didn’t know much about all that, but he’d seen things that seemed to say it did.

“So… yeah… this is my real face,” Ilya said, barely louder than a whisper, hugging himself.

Ethan gave a nod. “So it is.”

“You… you won’t have to see this side of me again,” Ilya said.

“I…” Ethan started, before he felt something almost like a whisper in his head.

This was not the Red Lady’s whispers, but something that felt deeper. And therefore more terrifying, for what it implied. An urge to try out the change collar himself, now. To see what the roles really being reversed was like.

This was why he’d never let himself think about attraction to men. He’d known it risked a slippery slope to something terrifying. Something… feminine.

He couldn’t. He couldn’t.

He shook his head.

Only to realise Ilya saw that, and seemed hurt by it. Which tugged at Ethan’s heart. And… he couldn’t break things off. He knew he loved ‘Julie’ and Ilya was ‘Julie’ but Ethan couldn’t handle…

“A bit of time,” he found himself saying, as his heart rate increased.

(‘There’s femininity coming from inside the house’, his subconscious phobia screamed.)

“I think I just need a bit of time to accept it,” Ethan said, almost more to himself than Ilya.

The taller man gave a slow nod, not looking fully sold. “Ok. I can wait.”

“I’m sorry,” Ethan mumbled, his heart feeling like it was in his throat now.

“I’m sorry too,” Ilya replied.

-

Ethan didn’t really remember going home. But he found himself tucked up on his couch, biting into the knuckle of his right hand.

All while flashes of his mother still danced in his head. He didn’t remember what she’d been doing to him, but the word ‘reprogramming’ bounced about in his mind.

He needed to take his medication. Yet the medication was behind the mirror in his bathroom. And… for some reason the idea of a mirror terrified him right now. His mother had used them, somehow…

So he kept biting his knuckle, hoping that wasn’t blood he was tasting.