The Devil you Know 1.2 - Administration .2 (Patreon)

Obviously there is something else I should be doing right now but I wanted to get this out of my system.

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Theo awoke sometime later, stretched out on a narrow bed that he was certain had not existed when he first entered the room.

"I should apologise for my secretary, Mr Holt" Adelaide's voice came from the other side of the room.

Still muddled, Theo turned his head to see Adelaide stood looking out of the window in her office which was now distinctly not covered by the venetian blinds, once again revealing the writhing nightmare space that seemed to nibble at his mind the more he stared.

He dragged his eyes away and Adelaide continued to speak with her back to him.

"He likes to have a little fun, you see, with the new people. He doesn't really look like that, he doesn't really look like anything, to be frank, doesn't have a body in any real sense of the word. But when a new hire comes in he can't resist dressing up as a hellish figure from that individuals mythology, just trying to bait a reaction out really. I'd have banned the practice, but it does serve the purpose of expediting my own meeting by giving a solid clue as to where exactly we are."

"… hell?" Theo croaked weakly from his bed.

Adelaide scoffed.

"Please. That may be what this place is referred to as in your own culture, but do understand that across the entire multiverse there is an infinite number of names and labels that all refer to here. To those of us who live here, we call it 'The Endless Chaos', or just, 'The Chaos'."

She turned away from the window and returned to her desk, sat down and pulled the keyboard toward herself before tapping away at it.

"According to the records, you world has many different faith based conceptual mappings of the Chaos. Hell, Naraka, Hades, Jahannam, Duat, Hel, Yomi among others. Looks like we've been busy on your world."

She sighed.

"It's a little tough to grasp but what you envision as 'hell' and 'the afterlife' are not exactly what the Endless Chaos represents."

That perked Theo up a little. "So it doesn't mean torture and suffering for all eternity?"

"Of course not" Adelaide laughed lightly, "not for eternity."

Oh no.

"Look, no need to panic, nobody in this room is going to be tortured" Adelaide flicked a wrist and Theo found himself sat once again in a chair that faced her over the desk. "You did in fact die. You died from …" her eyes flicked to her screen and back, "a traffic helicopter crashing into your office whilst you worked late alone… really?  After your death your 'soul', was weighed by the multiverse and out of the uncountable trillions of souls that sweep through every second, yours was selected to perform a function in the Chaos other than suffering."

She smiled warmly.

"Congratulations."

He should have felt relieved at that, he supposed but he couldn't help but ask a question.

"Since there's a … hell… Does that mean?"

"Of course there is also a 'heaven'."

Theo's eyes lit up. "Then shouldn't I be … ?"

Adelaide maintained her smile and just shook her head side to side.

"Oh" Theo slumped.

Adelaide turned back to her computer and chuckled. "Everyone thinks they should go up, even the very worst. I'm not trying to say you lived a bad life Theo, but I'm sure when you've had some for your memory to return and ruminate on things, you'll agree that you have ended up where you belong."

"But who decides?" Theo asked as he leant forward in his seat, "who is it that makes the decision? God?"

"As far as I'm aware, there is no 'god' as such, unless you are referring to the god in the Judaeo-Christian faiths, in which case, he for sure exists but has absolutely no authority over who goes where."

Theo blinked. 

"He exists?!"

"She does, yes" Adelaide said, but waved away his shock. "Let's not get too side-tracked. All in good time. We need to go over a bit more general information before we drill down to the specifics."

She gestured toward the window but Theo resolutely refused to turn his head.

"The Endless Chaos came into existence along with the first slice of the Multiverse. It has always existed, and always will exist. Our counterpart came into being, just like we did, and we have each served the same purpose for all of time. When a creature with sufficient sapience dies, don't ask me on what scale that gets measured, I just work here, its soul is measure by the multiverse and is either sent here, pulled down by the weight of its transgressions, or sent up, buoyed by its good deeds. With me so far?"

Theo swallowed and nodded. It all seemed ridiculous to his 'educated' human mind, but if he doubted her for one second he could just turn his head and look the window for a second or two, that would set him straight.

"Excellent" she smiled, "I know it's difficult to grasp. Imagine if you were from a space-faring civilisation, they tend to think they have things so worked out" she rolled her eyes at the supposed puffed up ignorance of space faring aliens.

Theo didn't think he could take any more revelations. 

She held up her hands in a gesture of peace.

"Okay, we'll tone it down" she settled herself back into her chair for a moment.

"So, those souls weighed down with guilt come here. Before they can be recycled back into the universe, to be born once again, they must expunge the impurity. That process, could aptly be described as the horrific torture you were mentioning earlier."

"Right" Theo agreed as his mind bubbled internally.

He gripped the arms of his seat tight, his forearms straining hard as he tried to puzzle out what exactly he was doing here. Adelaide said they didn't want to torture him, great. In fact, that's fantastic, Theo was a big fan of that. But, according to the supposed rules of the universe, he was supposed to have his negative karma squeezed out of him so he could be reborn?

"Now we get to the crux of the issue" Adelaide agreed.

Theo froze.

You can read my mind can't you?

"I sure can" she smiled.

FUCK!

"It's not a big deal. I've done this many times Theo, you're doing fine" she spoke as if he were a skittish foal.

Which he may as well be. 

"Surprising at it may be, but I genuinely have dealt with much worse than what you've presented me with so far. Now look, in interests of providing some relief, let's discuss the nature of you role here in the Chaos."

Adelaide turned her chair to face the uncovered window and gestured for Theo to do the same. He shook his head, no. She flicked a wrist and a he found himself staring out the window into the howling abyss. 

Holy crap my eyes!

He tried to glance away, but to his rising horror he found that he was unable to. The twisting madness, the sky of endless fire, seemed to reach out and burn themselves into his retina.

"Oh pish" Adelaide muttered and Theo felt something shift in his perception.

It was all still there, the chaos, the rendered threads of reality, but it didn't seem to have the same effect on him as it had only moments before.

"Why am I having to do that? Somebody fucked up down the line" Adelaide growled. "I apologise for that Theo, it appears as though your soul has not finished adapting to its new shell. Something that should have been ensured before you arrived at my office. Not to worry, I've taken care of it now. Back to the Chaos."

She gestured once more to the … chaos occurring outside her window.

"The Chaos is not one unified place. Rather than one giant hell, if you want to call it that, there are many, small hells, each governed and controlled by… I suppose you would call them a Devil or Demon Lord. The term we tend to use in the Chaos is Demiurge."

Oh no.

"Oh yes. You see there is an infinite number of universes and an infinite number of souls, roughly half of which come to the Chaos. Now as I'm sure you're aware, half of an infinite number is still an infinite number, and what with the high turnover of Demiurges, there are positions to be filled all the time."

She turned to face Theo and leaned back in her chair as she looked him in the eye.

"Congratulations Theo. Are you ready to rule your own personal hell?"

No I'm fucking not!

Theo wasn't built for this. He just wasn't. He liked things neat, he liked things to be orderly. He liked to wake up in the morning, knowing what was going to happen that day, possibly with an itemised schedule, like any sane person. What was he supposed to do, pick up a pitchfork and start poking people? He wasn't sure he could even do that much.

Slowly, but with increasing momentum, Theo sunk forward until his head rested his hands. This was all happening too fast, he couldn't process it, he couldn't think.

"Well, we're nearly out of time here Theo" Adelaide chirped, which caused Theo to snap his head up again and he stared at her in disbelief.

She shrugged apologetically. "I'm sorry but we have many appointments to get through, and to be honest, we have something of a sink or swim approach here the Chaos."

"But… but!" Theo spluttered, unable to form a coherent thought.

"Not to worry. Just a few more details we need to iron out" she began rapidly typing as she spoke, eyes affixed to the screen, "the previous owner of your demesne has applied to stay on as your advisor. If you don't accept them we can have a Home Office advisor provided. Will you keep them on?"

"Yes?" Theo asked.

"Great!" she punched a few keys in, "We've been able to get your credit approved, your demesne has been granted an initial balance of one hundred au."

"Ow?"

"That's right, au. This is a loan of course, we will need you to pay that back" Adelaide smiled, "nothing is for free in the Endless Chaos."

"Ok?"

"If you need to access the Home Office market, talk to your advisor about how to manipulate your Realm Stone" she punched a few more keys, "and we're just about done here Theo, how are you doing."

"I …"

"Sounds great. You'll be able to ask to follow up with your advisor once you arrive at your demesne and I'm sure they'll be able to answer any further questions you might have."

"Hang on a moment" Theo burst out with an energy that surprised even himself, "I don't understand, is that really it? I'm not prepared for this!"

Adelaide took her hands from the keyboard, clasped them together and leant forward to rest her chin on them. 

"I'm sympathetic to your plight Theo, I really am. Your memory is all fuzzy, you have to come to terms with your own death, the reality of the structure of the multiverse and your very new place in it, all in a very short span of time. But I hope that you can appreciate the lesson that I'm trying to communicate to you right now."

"Which is?" Theo asked reluctantly.

Adelaide smiled with too many teeth, her eyes burned a bright, bright red.

"You're in the Endless Chaos now Theo, and nobody here gives a fuck."

Theo blinked.

He was standing on a small rocky outcrop that was surrounded by the swirling madness of Chaos. On his right side a dark stone the size of his clenched fist rested on a crumbling stone plinth and on his left was a small, brightly coloured crab.

The crab scuttled toward Theo, stretched out both claws, and hugged his leg tight.

"Thank you fleshball!" the crab sobbed, "thank your hideous furry head!"