play your cards right (Patreon)

some days you win

other days you loose it all

taking a random trip for my head

and it was usual

had to reschedule my flight the night before to a different destination but still great

gunna jut be me in a cabin for three nights - two full days to go hike a bit

do some self photography

sketch if i feel it

be alone

cry if i need it

be alone wit my energy

truly alone

nothing to influence me but myself

i need it

i already want to return to my work

a random sense of guilt fills me up

do i even deserve a break

always

play hard

you work hard

why is it sometimes hard to even give myself all of things i push for others to give themselves?

take your own advice

put yourself first

i need to schedule time blocks of energy expending

i need a certain amount of time just for myself

for my craft

for my dogs

for my lover

for my family

for my chores

for my training

for my self care

for my job

for my doing nothing

for my rest

for my mental health

for my spiritual health

for my nutritional health

ranting ranting

i want to start a blog and talk about how hard i am on myself and how lonely it can feel. how much my pain greets me . morning and night. i want to talk about how much i shame myself but challenge to break it. to open it. to let it go. i want to be clear. i want to know myself.

shadow self doesn’t always want that

it wants to hide

i thought i should hide it

it’s dark

but wow -

so much creativity lies here

lies in the ashes

in my broken ligaments

i bleed

i weep

i feel

all and nothing

i’ve got it all

for myself