play your cards right (Patreon)
Content
some days you win
other days you loose it all
taking a random trip for my head
and it was usual
had to reschedule my flight the night before to a different destination but still great
gunna jut be me in a cabin for three nights - two full days to go hike a bit
do some self photography
sketch if i feel it
be alone
cry if i need it
be alone wit my energy
truly alone
nothing to influence me but myself
i need it
i already want to return to my work
a random sense of guilt fills me up
do i even deserve a break
always
play hard
you work hard
why is it sometimes hard to even give myself all of things i push for others to give themselves?
take your own advice
put yourself first
i need to schedule time blocks of energy expending
i need a certain amount of time just for myself
for my craft
for my dogs
for my lover
for my family
for my chores
for my training
for my self care
for my job
for my doing nothing
for my rest
for my mental health
for my spiritual health
for my nutritional health
ranting ranting
i want to start a blog and talk about how hard i am on myself and how lonely it can feel. how much my pain greets me . morning and night. i want to talk about how much i shame myself but challenge to break it. to open it. to let it go. i want to be clear. i want to know myself.
shadow self doesn’t always want that
it wants to hide
i thought i should hide it
it’s dark
but wow -
so much creativity lies here
lies in the ashes
in my broken ligaments
i bleed
i weep
i feel
all and nothing
i’ve got it all
for myself