Blitz: An Update (Patreon)

TLDR: Feeling good and things are starting to look up. My doctor believes IU have everything under control. Returning to procreate as it meets my current needs. Personal projects on hold indefinitely. My long term goals are more bonus pictures as long as it doesn’t interfere with my health. Will be making efforts to reconnect with my art by making it more vibrant, dynamic, expressive and fun.

This is a bit of a rant, but just wanted to update you all on where I’m at right now.

It can be challenging to be an artist on the internet in this age of social media. I feel like people want to know the real me, which is the one thing I’m afraid to ever be.

The real me is opinionated, political, damaged, frustrated and isolated. I felt for a long time that there are parts of me that I should keep offline, so that my social media platforms are welcoming to a variety of people, regardless of their opinions. In short, we’re all here because we like men depicted in art. So, I don’t share my feelings publicly when certain things happening around the world start to weigh on me and get me down. Sure, I should always feel free to be me. But I can’t let myself forget that people come to me and artists like me for fantasies, for fiction, for fun and unrealistic depictions of worlds that can never be. In many ways, I got into art because of superheroes, and what is the world of superheroes if not a place with people who set a standard that is unattainable?

Not so long ago, Joe (my other half) and I used every bit of money and trick at our disposal to buy me the equipment that I needed to work on my own comic projects, only for me to discover that for me that is an unattainable goal. It’s not that I’m not capable, but I’ve always stated that the moment something happens that threatens my mental health, that I have to re-evaluate the situation.

During February, I had one of the worst setbacks in my mental health that I’ve ever experienced, and this was not only due to past traumas, but largely due to exhaustion caused by working on Ankhrux/Astray, and a computer game.

I’ve gone to see my doctor, I’ve stopped playing the game, and I’ve stopped working on Astray, and my mental state has improved greatly already, to the point where my doctor is not even considering medication at this time.

In the wake of this nasty scare, and after pulling back on activities I considered contributing factors to my poor mental state, I have had to completely reevaluate my current situation. When I was starting work on personal projects, I made choices based on the question, “What would be best for making comics, and what would be right for me as a comic artist?”. Now I must make changes based on the question, “How can I take care of my mental health while continuing to create art for Patreon and interact on social media?”.

1. I have the tools of a professional, but that is not what I currently need, so for the time being, I will be returning to working on the iPad Pro with the art program Procreate. This will allow me to work anywhere at any time, in any manner I see fit and will allow me to return to the calming, relaxing feeling that I experience when I am sketching on a notepad.
2. Procreate is a very different program to Clip Studio. It’s differences must be respected and that means changing how I approach my images, so for the time being I will be taking a more “paintbrush” approach rather than my usual “lasso & gradient tool”. Early versions of this were seen last month but will be seen in force starting with Moon Knight. It may take me a few weeks to get to grips with the brushes, program and techniques again, so please bear with me.
3. There will be no personal projects of any kind moving forward for the foreseeable future. As soon as that changes and I believe it is safe to do so, I will let you know immediately. It is my hope that once I become fast enough with my new colouring method on procreate, that I will instead be able to produce more “Bonus” images - obviously I cannot commit to that at this time as I’m still gauging my mental health and the effect that these changes will have on it.
4. As someone who has experienced SA and identifies as DemiSexual, possibly DemiGrey, I have a complicated history and connection to sex and sexual attraction. My work on Patreon helps me organise and filter my thoughts on these topics, but sometimes I feel so disconnected from them. Often I feel like I need an intense connection to the character I’m drawing to be able to enjoy the process. Working on a personal project like Astray was my way of creating complex, quirky and sexy characters that I could understand intimately and relate to. Now that it is gone, I have to find a way to be able to channel that same energy into the weekly Patreon illustrations. This might seem like a confusing problem to people who don’t experience it like I do, and I understand that. So I won’t discuss the problem further, I will simply discuss what I’m intending to do about it.
   
   Firstly, I want the images I work on to be either funny, artistic or p0rn.
   Funny illustrations should involve embarrassing, unlikely or hilarious situations, costumes or dialogue (like that picture I did of Deadpool at the beach hanging onto Colossus’s leg 😝).
   Artistic pics should be something similar to the recent Peter Hale picture where I was working with liquids and negative space to achieve unusual effects.
   P0rn images are simply of characters f#@king, m@sturbating  etc. - Not every picture needs to have a lofty goal.
   
   Secondly, I will be transitioning to simpler backgrounds with a more stylised feel. The main attraction here are the men. Backgrounds can be time consuming and I find them personally exhausting… sacrifices must be made. Of course, if it’s right for the picture I will create one, but that won’t be the standard moving forward.
   
   Thirdly, I want my images to feel fun, colourful, full of energy… I tried to keep that in mind when I started working on Moon Knight, and I did not achieve those goals, in my mind. But I’m going to continue to try moving forward.
   
   Lastly, sometimes I feel like I spend so much time trying to get a character to look like the character that I do not allow myself to create dynamic and appealing facial expressions. While it’s important to me that characters look like themselves, I will be devoting more time to making them more expressive and, in cases where the two are not compatible, expressiveness will be favoured.

With all that in mind, the above images are a "Technique Test" just really to give you an example of the kind of style I’m playing around with now and give you a feel for what I’m exploring. (Also, for you Beasts, I've done a little extra playing around with this guy which you'll find in your packs).

Thank you all as ever,

Blitz xoxo