Unintended Cultivator V6: Chapter 38 – I Don’t Glower (Patreon)

After he finished coughing and wheezing, Sen threw the fox a death glare.

“Why would you even ask me that?”

The fox arched an eyebrow at Sen. “My amusement.”

Sen opened his mouth to say something with acid in it, paused, and then nodded. “Yeah, I guess that was a stupid question. Still, what if I had seduced her?”

The fox shrugged. “You probably would have choked a bit more? I’d say congratulations? I’m not really sure what you’re getting at.”

At an utter loss, Sen stood up and said, “I have a formation to finish.”

He got most of the way to the door before it opened and Misty Peak stalked in looking annoyed. Sen paused long enough to nod at her before he slipped past her and out the door.

“You’re leaving?” she asked to the empty air.

“Yep,” Sen shouted back over his shoulder.

“Wait!” she shouted. “I have questions.”

“Nope,” said Sen. “We did that part already. It’s formation building time now.”

Sen heard the fox woman grumble something to her grandfather and then the telltale sound of very light footsteps racing to catch up to him. The fox woman came alongside him and leveled a hard look his way. Sen ignored it. He’d already been through one round of questions and wasn’t feeling especially filled with joy at the prospect of another.

“If you keep glaring like that, your illusion’s face will get stuck that way,” observed Sen.

“I’m not glaring,” said Misty Peak.

“Fine. Glowering.”

“I am a fox. I don’t glower. I give penetrating looks,” she said while glowering at him a little harder.

“Uh huh,” said Sen.

“You’re doing that whole be aggravating so I’ll leave thing again, aren’t you?”

“Is it working?”

“No,” declared Misty Peak.

“Then, I definitely wasn’t doing that.”

“Very amusing.”

“See,” said Sen, pointing at her. “Look at me being all funny and not aggravating.”

The pair fell into an awkward silence for a little while. Sen waited until they got to a particular rough patch of terrain.

“Your grandfather thinks I should seduce you,” said Sen in an offhand manner.

“Wha-” Misty Peak started to say before she tripped over a root and fell down.

“Watch your step there,” said Sen without breaking stride. “Lots of exposed roots around here.”

Sen caught a bit of Misty Peak cursing under her breath as she got to her feet and caught up. She tried to push him while she thought he wasn’t paying attention. Sen sidestepped and the fox woman very nearly went down again. He turned to look as she caught herself on root that was so thick it stuck out of the ground nearly as high as the woman’s waist. He lifted an eyebrow.

“I thought you foxes were supposed to be all sensual grace,” said Sen while shaking his head in feigned disappointment. “Oh, your ancestors must be weeping blood in their shame.”

Misty Peak’s mouth dropped open and her eyes went wide with fury. Then, to add insult to injury, Sen stuck out his tongue at her and took off at a run.

“Don’t you run away from me, you bastard!” she all but screamed at Sen.

Way to announce our location to everything in the forest, thought Sen. He almost immediately took his run up into the trees. With daylight as his ally, he was able to venture far higher than he’d dared when she’d been chasing him. Plus, it was a good way to get a feel for what his advancement meant in practical terms. That test very nearly got him killed when his qinggong technique shot him nearly a hundred feet farther than he meant to go and at speeds would have meant serious injury if he’d hit anything. He managed to slow himself down and bounce off another tree. For a few minutes, all Sen did was move in straight lines and try to figure out how to control his speed better. I guess a flying sword or just flying on a qi platform is firmly in the you can do this as much as you want area now, thought Sen. Between his already extremely efficient management of the technique and the staggering boost in power the augmented qi in his dantian gave him, the drain was almost negligible. Sen made a mental note to thank Master Feng for teaching him that particular qinggong technique the next time they saw each other.

Smirking a little to himself, he slowed down enough that Misty Peaks gained a bit ground on him. It looked like she was working harder than he was to stay up in the trees, so the only thing to do was mess with her a little. He stopped on a thick limb and ate a piece of fruit while he watched her close the distance. When she looked like she was about two leaps away, he took off like a shot and hid. He spent the next five minutes keeping her just in sight before he slipped away and circled back. He ghosted along behind her until she finally drew to a stop on a limb. He had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing at the thoroughly frustrated look on her face. He formed a qi platform and floated over toward her until he less than five feet away.

“What are you looking at?” Sen asked.

Misty Peak whirled around, gasped, and fell off the branch. Well, hells, thought Sen. I didn’t want that to happen. He figured that she could probably catch herself but didn’t want to run the risk that she couldn’t. The idea of trying to explain to Laughing River that he’d accidentally gotten the elder fox’s granddaughter killed did not sound strike Sen as a great way to improve his chances of a long life. He anchored his feet to the qi platform and then flipped the whole thing upside down. He bent his legs at the knees and launched himself after her. A few quick applications of wind qi let Sen redirect his body so he’d get close enough to grab her or let her grab him. It only took him a second or two to realized he was moving way too fast. Another fast use of wind qi slowed him down enough that he wouldn’t yank her arm out of the socket. He extended a hand toward her, and when he got close enough, her hand clamped down on his. Sen pulled her over to him, where she promptly locked her arms and legs around him.

While the idea of the ground rushing toward him at speed would have terror inducing at one point, now it was just one more hassle to deal with. He used wind qi one last time to turn them so they were falling feet first and made the widest qi platform he could. The platform caught the air and they slowed down so fast that Sen briefly worried Misty Peak might lose her grip. By the time they reached ground level again, they were floating as gently as a piece of dandelion fluff. After a second or two, he frowned as the fox woman remained wrapped around him.

“You can get down now,” he said.

“After all that effort you put into saving me,” she said, pulling back enough that Sen could see the wicked gleam in her eye. “I mean, you were such a big, strong, manly hero. Aren’t you going to ravish me now?”

Sen’s eyes narrowed. “You fell on purpose.”

“And you dove right after me. My heart is just all aquiver. Or is it my loins? I get those mixed up sometimes.”

“Oh, get off me.”

Misty Peaks got a sad look in her eyes. “Don’t you want your hero’s kiss?”

“I’m going to let you fall next time.”

She gave Sen a huge smile and shook her head. “I don’t think you will. Your secret is out. You’re one of those loyal, heroic types. I could just eat you right up.”

“That would probably sound more appealing if you weren’t a fox who might actually eat me if you got hungry enough.”

Misty Peak made a disgruntled noise. “There you go, ruining the mood with petty facts.”

Sen blinked that. “Wait. Seriously?”

The fox woman threw back her head and laughed at that. “I’ll never tell.”

“Well, do you think that you could never tell from the ground? I’m not furniture, you know.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. I expect you’d made a delightful bed. But, fine, I’ll get down. After you pay the fee.”

“What fee?” asked Sen, narrowing his eyes at the woman.

The fox woman grinned at him and pointed at her lips. “You owe me a kiss, you dastardly man.”

“For what?”

“Making me fall off that tree, of course. Or the wicked things you said about my ancestors. Or making me run through this awful place. You decide which.”

“Oh, for the gods’ sake,” muttered Sen.

“Don’t bring them into it. Now, pay up.”

Sen thought about arguing, but he had the feeling that the fox woman would enjoy that just as much as extracting a kiss from him. And he had actual work to do. He took the path of least resistance and just kissed her. She made a happy little noise and untangled herself from him.

“Now,” said Misty Peak, “about my questions.”

Sen just looked at her for a moment, before he snorted and started walking toward where he’d left off with the formation. She trotted after him and, when he didn’t even try to engage her in conversation, she elbowed him.

“Does that ever work?” asked Sen.

“Sometimes.”

“Really?”

“No. Why won’t you answer any of my questions about your advancement?”

“How about because it’s personal.”

“That’s a terrible reason,” complained Misty Peak.

“Why is that a terrible reason?”

“Because it’s really inconvenient for me. Plus, keeping secrets after you kissed me like that. Very unchivalrous.”

“You made me kiss you,” objected Sen.

“Made you? Please. From what I hear, nobody makes you do anything, even when it’s the sanest course of action. Besides, why get all hung on trivial details.”

“Somehow I doubt you’d call them trivial details if I made you kiss me.”

Misty Peaks came to stop, turned to Sen and tilted her head back. “I’m ready. You can make me kiss you now.”

Sen reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I need to meet new people.”

“I am new people.”

“I need to meet new, new people.”

“Well, talk like that is no way to get a kiss. Why are we out here anyway?”

“I’m out here to work on that formation,” said Sen. “I’m not sure why you’re out here, other than to pester me with questions I don’t plan on answering.”

“Oh, that sounds boring. We should do something else.”

“Like what?” asked Sen, throwing the fox woman an exasperated look.

“I don’t know. Fight that thing, maybe,” said Misty Peak, pointing ahead of them.

Sen closed his eyes and muttered. “I really, really need to meet new people.”