Original ending for System Finale (Patreon)

This was the original ending for System Finale.


“John…”

“It’s fine. No. It’s more fine. It’s what it is.” I laugh then, the humor of this situation, the damn situation hitting me. “This is for the best.”

“No. I can do it. I promised, I swore. To serve.”

“And you have. But this, this is my place. My time.” I put my hand on her shoulder, squeeze it as I offer her a smile. I try to keep it light, but there’s sadness in there, pain. Because the truth, the truth is too hard to face headlong. Not without some pain, some sadness.

“Lana…”

“Will understand. I think she knew, has always known. Why she left.” I squeeze her shoulder again, as I look over. Stare at the void that stands there, wrapped up in light. That web of possibilities, holding back, holding down the tear, but still leaking. Still hurting. “This is mine. Because it’s all I can offer.”

“That’s not true, boy-o.”

“And that’s a lie. What am I? Just a damn fool that has never chosen to grow up.” I release her shoulder, throw my hands up in the air and gesture around. “Look at us. Look at where we are. Look at what we sacrificed to get here. Who we sacrificed.

“For what? Because I couldn’t, I wouldn’t, let it go. Let my anger, let my hurt heal. I picked at the scab, again and again, refused to just. Move. On. They were right. We could have stepped aside, should have stepped aside, a million times. But I refused.”

And a good thing too. For my sake.

I look at him / at the System / at the notification and glare, and I watch as it flickers and disappears.

“All I am, Mikito. All I am is an angry man that doesn’t know how to stop. Doesn’t know how to move on.” I draw a deep breath and let it out, that bubble of morbid humor wrapping itself around me, making me smile even now.

“Good thing that’s what we need right now.”

“There’s no coming back from this,” Ali says softly.

“That’s fine. There’s nothing for me to go back to.”

“Damn it, you baka. You weren’t the only one who lost something, lost someone…” Mikito is getting angry now, angry at me trying to hog it all. The pain. The tragedy. Her hands clench around the shaft of her weapon, around Hitoshi.

“No. I wasn’t. But you’ve learnt to come to terms with it. You’ve learnt to laugh and love, learnt to find a world for yourself. You’ve made a life for yourself, and you’ll do it again.” I step towards Mikito and give her a hug before releasing her. “You best get moving.”

I watch her struggle, watch her look at me and try to decide if she has enough strength to hold me back. To stop me. Try to decide if she has the right to. And then I meet her eyes and let her see. All that I am, all the rage and disgust, the pain and pity that I hold within myself. I never learnt how to move past it. Never wanted to. Always found something more, something different.

And here…

“John…”

“Go.” I push her shoulders, sending her towards the door. And I stop watching, because the wound has my attention. I walk forward, and only when I’m halfway there do I sense his presence.

My oldest friend in this world. My oldest companion.

“So what happens to you when I go in?” I say. “What happens when we close it?”

Ali shrugs. “I guess we’ll find out.”

I eye him for a second, I eye the void and the lines of white. The tendrils of power that is the System, keeping the wound closed. Keeping it open.

“Thank you. For everything.” I say to Ali who shrugs again. There are more to say, maybe, but we’ve been together for so long. Seen so much. What we have to say to one another could take a year. Or two words. In the end, it’s the same thing. Because he knows. And I do.

“When you go in, you’ll need to hold, boy-o. It’ll hurt. Worse than anything ever. You’ll need…” Ali hesitates, his voice breaking a little in the middle. He tries for something more, before he shakes his head. “Just… be you.”

“Yeah.”

No more time. No more hesitation.

I take a step forward, and do what is necessary.

Because I’ve been on this path ever since the System came. Ever since the apocalypse. Because I can’t, I won’t let it go. And I won’t let it happen again. And if it takes the life of a foolish, stubborn and angry old man, well.

What is, is.

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The End