Year of the Rabbit (Patreon)

.....Dumb bunny.

Happy New Year, everyone. I wanted to draw something fun and festive, but my 2023 resolution was to draw/post more, so alas, this means that sometimes my real world feelings will bleed into my art. Lately I've been particularly frustrated by my chronic anxiety, which quite enjoys taking the form of intrusive thoughts and perpetual nightmares. Growing up I always knew it wasn't normal to feel on the edge of panic at nearly every moment, so I thought getting an official diagnosis as an adult would offer at least a little relief. But nah, it turns out knowing your brain is wired wrong doesn't really make it much easier to ignore. You know all (?) your fears are unfounded, yet you cannot help feeling afraid, all the time.

Marnie Hutchworth suffers from Generalized Anxiety Disorder. As an adult she's gotten fairly good at hiding it, but oftentimes, just beneath the schoolteacher smile, Marnie is a nervous wreck. Besides causing her excessive worrying (about nearly everything), Marnie's disorder manifests as tense muscles, constant fidgeting, headaches, difficulty sleeping, and anxiety attacks. Rabbits, like many prey animals, have an instinct to "freeze" when frightened (a leftover reflex to hopefully go unnoticed by predators), so on Marnie's very worst days, she can literally be paralyzed by her anxiety, unable to eat or even leave her home. This particular attack is the result of a depressive spiral, in which Marnie feels bad, then feels guilty for feeling bad, then feels ungrateful for daring to feel bad when she has so many people who love her and count on her, then feels terrified that she has somehow tricked her friends and family into tolerating her when in actuality she is unlovable, worthless, and damaged beyond repair. Dumb bunny....