I Hate This Dog (Patreon)

Found a lost dog today! I was walking Daisy and this tiny lad dashed at us from nowhere. Nobody else was around, and he was walking with a prominent limp in his hind leg. I didn't have any treats to lure him with, so I made a grab at his collar. He dodged, and ran off a few feet......before creeping closer to continue harassing Daisy. Tried to grab him again, failed. Grab, fail. Grab, fail. This went on for a good few minutes.

Finally, Idiot Dog had enough of my antics and darted off......into the road. With traffic. For fuck's sake. Commence me somewhat stupidly trying to halt an oncoming SUV. Got cussed out by the driver, fair enough. Idiot dog continued his merry frolic in the street. Cars slowing and beeping. Me getting very embarrassed, people glaring at me because they assume it's my dog. Daisy's having a pretty great time.

I chased Idiot Dog for a good block and a half. He kept stopping to piddle on every pole and porch, taunting me with proximity.....before darting away. I whistled, I called, I talked to him. He did a poop and ran away. I swore at him. 

So fuck it. I can't wrangle this dumbass on my own. Good try though! I'll call animal control when I get home. Somebody else can deal with this, I'm out.

So I turn to leave. We make it about a block when I hear grass rustling. Daisy yaps.

Idiot Dog is following us.

Not too closely, though. I still can't grab him. Maybe he finds this amusing. If a car doesn't kill him at this point, I think I will.

So we keep walking. I pretend not to notice him. I don't even care. Do you? I don't. And Idiot Dog finally creeps just a little. Too. Close.

Gotcha, bitch.

He didn't bite me, which was nice. He did cry bloody murder though. 

There's a number on his collar. I dial it, no answer. Text message fails to send. I'm going to have a conniption.

There's an address. It's.....not super close. But hey, we're already walking, right? I'm so glad I wore my shittiest sandals for this.

I find the address. I knock on the door. No answer. I yell "I found your dog!". The window blinds shift. I know you see me.

The door opens. An old man answers. He doesn't speak much English. That's cool, my Spanish is atrocious. He takes one look at Idiot Dog, and his wrinkly face pulls into a frown. There's an eruption of what I believe is scolding. Idiot Dog doesn't care. He wags his tail, and Old Man drags him inside with much fussing. The door closes.

Do I.....Do I leave?

The door swings back open. Old Man clasps my hand and says a whole lot of words I don't even remotely understand, though I definitely catch "muchas gracias" said an awful lot. "No problem man." I say. I'm awkward and Daisy is yapping her head off. The old guy goes back inside. He's put something in my hand.

It's a piece of hard candy with a crinkly wrapper. It may be older than me.

Happy Holidays, everyone~