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Feedback Thread! (no chapter today) (Patreon)

Published:
2024-06-11 16:30:31
Imported:
2024-06

Content

Hey all! Sorry I don't have a chapter today, but I did have some questions I wanted your input on. As my patrons, I value your opinions and want to give you an opportunity to guide my approach (for Book 1 edits and going into Book 2).

I'll have some seed questions, but feel free to simply throw out any comment, thing you loved, thing you disliked, or things you want to see more/less of!

Seed Questions:

  • HeroWatch entries

    • I fell off on writing more of these because frankly they take a bit of work and I have to be careful not to inadvertently write myself into a corner with the lore and history. But what are your opinions? Happy to write out 5-10 more to flesh out book one and keep them going in book two if people enjoy them.

  • Time Skips?

    • How do you feel about them? I personally feel like they've gone pretty well, but curious on your thoughts. More, less, wider gaps, shorter gaps?

  • Tania

    • Hate her? Indifferent?

    • Early chapter in Mesmer's office when she goes ballistic on everyone. Any thoughts on toning that down or does it play into her character?

  • Team dynamics or lone wolf Terry

    • Do you guys prefer Terry as a bit of a lone wolf or would you like to see his development as a team leader?

  • Marcos and Detective Kramer

    • They fell off my radar in part three, but was thinking about incorporating them into the raid on the sanguine. Maybe Terry portals to them, grabs some lamp artifacts and Kramer insists on helping. They join the raid and possibly follow to Topeka?

  • Terry's power arc

    • Already have my ideas on this, but where do you guys see it going? What class does he get/take after his Midmark? Where do his powers trend? Does he focus on light, portals, metal, or jack of all trades? No bad ideas here.

  • Any missed opportunities? Anything where you thought "Hm, could have been done different/better?"

Anyways, that's all for today. Working hard on fleshing out Book 2 ideas and will shoot for chapter 1 tomorrow or Thursday🤞.

No bad ideas everyone, hit me with your thoughts!

Comments

David Burchfield

My thoughts HeroWatch Entries I enjoyed these, but I think they are good in touching on characters that are relevant somehow. The Revenants, and other major characters, all benefit from getting them. I don't think there needs to be a set number of them, but getting them in for major/supporting characters is a plus. Time Skips? Time Skips are fine and in general I like them and think serialized content could use a few more of them. I do think you need to show more things changing/progressing in between them. With the major time skip we got it seem like Terry was right where we left off(emotionally and power wise ect) with him then he immediately began moving a breakneck speed again. Having him have more difficulty with basic uses of his power before the skip, and being more comfortable after it could work. You did a pretty good job of showing his growing familiarity with his team but I think you could have done more with it (have them a little more relaxed, a few more in jokes, emergent inter group dynamics ect). Tania She has grown on me, but I think her introduction was weak and sudden along with the lack in growth and involvement since. I think we need to see her awakening, class details and more just general social interaction with Terry. I felt she was insanely reckless in her interactions with the Emperor and Terry's family early on, the whole demanding an apology and "getting it" didn't ring true to me. Team dynamics or lone wolf Terry I think Terry needs a team and team dynamics to show his character. Lone wolf Terry just doesn't have the over the top larger than life persona to carry a story that is required for that type of story telling. Marcos and Detective Kramer I thought they were interesting. The fact that they haven't been relevant again kind of feels off from a story telling perspective. I could see them dealing with stuff on the side, and maybe having to skip town. However juggling lots of characters can get difficult to, I don't know that they are needed unless you intend to make good use of them. Terry's power arc I can't honestly see how Terry's power could get better than what he has right now is insane and good without being totally overpowered relative to other characters. Having to hunt for specific powers or develop custom ones adds all sorts of story telling hooks and potential for horizontal advancement. Synergies if he pursues them could get very very very strong. It all fits with what he was promised which was his most ideal path. The only thing I could see developing that has already sort of been hinted at by his father is being able to affect other peoples powers or affixations this could have massive implications for his team, Tania, and why he might not become massively famous/stand out himself while still being very important behind the scenes. I think he should stay as an Alterant of the same flavor. Any missed opportunities? I think you killed Flore too quickly, she had very very little screen time and was likable, but it seemed like you didn't want to do much with her since you were planning on killing her soon anyway. She didn't have any cool or amazing moments or accomplishments and key parts in story arcs, so her death while tragic didn't really hit all that much.

Samatar

I feel like Tania's dialogue is kinda over the top? She always so aggresive and shit talking to the point she rarely if ever has any normal lines. I get that's her personality but it gets a bit extra imo. I don't mind Terry having a team but the members do feel underdeveloped. The moment we actually get some background and insight on one of them they get killed off almost instantly like Vlad who's whole backstory of wanting to grow powerful and get revenge etc feels kinda pointless in hindsight.

BeheadedMouse

1: Hero watch is an interesting little thing, but currently it doesn't really do anything for the story. Seeing little tidbits like that are wonderful, but I feel like it should give insight to that characters reason for being in the story... I don't know how to word it that well. Like take for instance Dancers Hero watch. Is Dancer a cunning man, a coward, brave? Any kind light shed on his basic character put before the chapter we meet Dancer could be a great storytelling device. And maybe you are doing this, and my reading comprehension is shit (My reading comprehension IS Actually shit lol) 2:Love a good time skip! Especially when you're trying to really get into the meat of a story. Call backs and flash backs used to show an important moment in that time skipped can be a bitch though, I love reading them, I'm just terrible at writing them (and writing in general 🥲) 3:Titania is a bad ass name for a female lead! But you've only ever used her full name once, when she was introduced. Idk really where I'm going with this, just kinda seems weird, there are plenty of times your full name gets used irl even when you usually go by the shortened version. Maybe just introduce her as Tania and make her full come out unexpectedly like a "oh shit! That's you're real name? No it's beautiful!!! Completely explains the attitude... Stop hitting me" type interaction Honestly, I know you haven't really done any POV chapters, but I'd love to see one on her, and some others i fee like she needs to be fleshed out some more 4: I really enjoyed the "I'm going to be a lone wolf and do this so you guys can be safe", and Titania being like fuck you im not made of glass" attitude. A mix of both, with arguments and being caught trying to sneak out on your own, a tearful confession maybe...idk I just do the reading part, don't have near enough talent for the writing lol 5: leave the detective out of the final fight maybe do circle back to him before everything goes to shit and Terry leaves to involve him in some kind of contact where he can get information from while hes gone, the kid detective might make a good addition to the team though. That's about it from me, sorry if any of my opinions are offensive in anyway. I tried to not sound like a know it all douche... But I probably failed. Good story so far! I'm enjoying the hell out of it!