Wedding flowers 💐 (Patreon)

The past few days I’ve just been hanging out with my future sister and my brother helping them plan their wedding. Having them here for spring break has been great, and also really hard. More than I expected.

Seeing what could have been, had I been with someone truly right for me. Had I not wasted my time, had I not let it continue. Even seeing them so young and so happy,, hurts a little. And I don’t want to feel that way. I know I shouldn’t. Realizing I have a bit of resentment for my little brother is not something I wanted to ever have. The things he does for her. The way they speak and banter with each other, it’s amazing. It’s healing and painful at the same time.

The fact that they are adults (my brother is still like 10 in my mind 😬) and understand my pain and empathize is unexpected but wonderful. They know almost everything. We talked for over 2 hours about it.

We figured out her bouquet yesterday, and have extras leftover to do a photoshoot with later this week. She and I talked about love, life, photoshoots and flowers for so long I know more than I needed to about flowers. I love her. I’m so happy she’s joining the family into this crazy life.

This has been the craziest 3 days. I have so much joy and so much pain inside me. So much more hurt has been coming up. I still have a long way to go in my healing journey, but boy are they helping the process.

God I don’t wanna be like him and have so many long text updates like he does but, I appreciate the space to do it. Even if this doesn’t get read.

Hope you all have a lovely day 🌻