Technical Post - PBH Outline to Script (Patreon)

Meowdy patrons! It's adi here!

I wanted to talk about how the PBH script evolves from outline to final with one of the earlier scenes in the demo - specifically the very first one!

Outline:

Miho is hiding on an airship as it arrives. A voice announces that they’ve arrived, which means it’s time for her to figure out how to sneak out. She pulls on her hood, and blends in with the crowd effortlessly. It’s been a little while since her last airship journey, but it seems to be the same as always. Getting on is the hard part. They shuffle out into the open area of the port - into Wellington. Miho admires the sky and waters (cg?) and basks in it openly, her hood falling off. She made it! She’s about ready to prance off and realizes that a little up ahead, there’s a shaded area and they’re checking… something. (Immigration.) Hm. She follows the crowd, and as soon as it’s her turn she springs into motion and runs past the checkpoint. She runs with a big smile on her face, ignoring the shouts from behind her.

These days Josh is writing the whole game while I focus on the visuals, but back at the beginning I wrote a lot of the script too. I'm not exactly a wordsmith, so it's kind of barebones but I wrote them with the expectation that Josh would edit them heavily to fit his style more.

I also wanted a very minimal narration style for PBH (like Ace Attorney!) but I realized it wasn't really working out so I've given up on that. Miho's narration is still comparatively much easier to read compared to say... Maddie, for example, so I hope that breezy fun feeling comes through.

Maddie avatar is Josh and the other one with the green is me!

This is the first edit pass Josh did! Josh on average made my 700 word scenes to 1000+ whenever he edited them, and it really helps give the more slow paced healing feel.

And this is the version in the game now! We actually wrote the game up to episode 4 some time mid-last year, but we realized that the story needed some significant changes for character development arcs so we're on episode 3 (out of 5) now. We still have all the previous scenes archived, and we used parts of them that are appropriate in the current script too but most of the scenes have been vastly changed or rewritten, so a lot of the original outline isn't used anymore.

These days the outline looks more like this, because of the time/map system. At the start of each episode, we do a several hours long voice call trying to figure out the timeline. Mixed with Miho's memory thing and the fact that events can happen in different orders, it's a lot to consider!

The post is a little short, so I wanted to share a couple of removed scenes! Tommy's character arc used to be pretty different, and there was a section in chapter one where Tommy would or wouldn't forget Miho depending on when you went to see him.

Tommy first meeting

If I'm going to be out here long term, then I'm going to need supplies to survive. Fortunately, humans have made gathering those a breeze!

Miho: I wonder how many of them even know how to hunt for their own food?

Either way, it’s super convenient for me. All I have to do is go to places with a lot of people.

Miho: Now, where to start…

Miho: Oh?

A little boy stumbles past me, rubbing his face with his arm.

He’s looking around frantically, and no one seems to have noticed him. He seems lost.

...I feel bad for him, but I should get out of here before someone points fingers at me.

Boy: …

I can feel his staring as I start to walk away.

Miho: …

Boy: ...Um…

#miho closed eyes in slight resignation

Miho: ...

#when she turns around she has smile!!

I turn around and walk up to him.

Miho: Heya, you alright?

# looking down…maybe like little fingers grabbing onto his shirt.. pouty...

Boy: ...

Boy: ...H… Hello.

Boy: I… um.

Miho: It’s okay! You can talk to me.

Boy: I’m lost… I don’t know where my mom is.

Miho: Let’s go find her, then! Could you tell me your name? I’m Miho.

Tommy: ...Tommy. Uh - um, thank you, Miho…

Miho: No prob!

Miho: But first…

I lightly brush my tail against his face, wiping away the messy tears.

Tommy: That tickles!

He giggles, and he’s looking much cuter already.

Miho: Feeling better?

Tommy nods.

Miho: Okay! Let's find your mom, then.

I might as well help out, it shouldn’t be too hard. I might find a store along the way too!

Miho: Where were you when you got lost?

Tommy: Um… I was over there… I tried to find my mom.

Miho: Okay!

I take his hand and walk in the direction he pointed at, when I feel a tug towards another path.

Miho: ...?

Tommy: Wow!!! Someone’s playing music!!!

Sure enough, there’s a musician with a case open in front of them. It has a couple of coins inside.

Tommy: I want to see!

He pulls me along.

Miho: Tommy…

This is how you got lost, isn’t it.

Tommy is doing a little dance to the music, laughing and jumping.

I sigh and find myself smiling a little.

Miho: Come on. Don’t you want to find your mom?

Tommy: Oh. Oops.

It's like he totally forgot he was scared!

Miho: Come on. Which way?

Tommy: Uh… that way!

I look at him skeptically, but I let him take us in that direction.

His eyes are wide, his head turning as he keeps on scanning. I can tell he wants to point something else out, but I tug his hand again and he stays focused.

It’s not long before I see a lady looking just as worried as Tommy did earlier.

Miho: Is that your mom?

Tommy: Hm? Where?

I lock eyes with her, and her eyes fall and sees Tommy. Her expression morphs into something I can’t pick apart.

Tommy follows my line of sight, and -

Tommy: Mom!

Without responding to my question, he lets go and shoots forward towards her, crying and waving his arms.

Lady: Tommy!

Tommy: MOM... I was… hic… looking for you… where… Where did you go…

Just like that, he's turned on the waterworks again!

He beats his little fists feebly against his mom's arm, like he's mad at her for letting him run off.

Lady: I’m so sorry…

They don't even notice me. Well, that's fine. It's better this way!

I wave the boy goodbye, but I don’t think he even notices.

In the end, I didn't find exactly what I was looking for, but I've seen most of the area. I think that I'll be able to pick up all the supplies I need without too much trouble.

Tommy second meeting:

#morning

Down by the skyport, I see a familiar face.

Tommy, the little boy from before, is playing around in the dirt. He has a couple plastic monsters, and he's making growling sounds as he hits them against each other.

Miho: Good morning, Tommy!

He sees me approaching and stands up, waving.

Tommy: Hi, Miss Miho.

Miho: You aren't lost again, are you? Is your mom around?

Tommy: Yeah, she's just over there.

He points to one of the ticket booths, where there's a small line of people, including Tommy's mom, waiting.

Miho: That's good! What have you got here?

He holds up his toys to show me.

A couple of them look like dragons, but without any wings. Another one has a really long neck.

Miho: What are these?

Tommy: They're called dinosaurs. This one is my favorite.

He shows me the biggest one. It's scaly and green and mean-looking.

Miho: Whoa! Are they from a television show?

Tommy: Um, I guess. But they lived on our planet a long time ago.

I chuckle.

Kids sure do believe some silly stuff!

Miho: Well, have a good day, Tommy! I just wanted to make sure you weren't lost again!

Tommy: Bye!

He waves again as he goes back to playing with his toys.

#afternoon, remembers

Down by the skyport, I see a familiar face.

Tommy, the little boy from before, is playing around in the dirt. He has a couple plastic monsters, and he's making growling sounds as he hits them against each other.

Miho: Good afternoon, Tommy!

He sees me approaching and stands up, waving.

Tommy: Hi, Miss Miho.

Miho: You aren't lost again, are you? Is your mom around?

Tommy: Yeah, she's just over there.

He points to one of the ticket booths, where there's a small line of people, including Tommy's mom, waiting.

Miho: That's good! What have you got here?

He holds up his toys to show me.

A couple of them look like dragons, but without any wings. Another one has a really long neck.

Miho: What are these?

Tommy: They're called dinosaurs. This one is my favorite.

He shows me the biggest one. It's scaly and green and mean-looking.

Miho: Whoa! Are they from a television show?

Tommy: Um, I guess. But they lived on our planet a long time ago.

I chuckle.

Kids sure do believe some silly stuff!

Miho: Well, have a good evening, Tommy! I just wanted to make sure you weren't lost again!

Tommy: Bye!

He waves again as he goes back to playing with his toys.

#afternoon, doesn't remember

Down by the skyport, I see a familiar face.

Tommy, the little boy from before, is playing around in the dirt. He has a couple plastic monsters, and he's making growling sounds as he hits them against each other.

Miho: Good afternoon!

He looks up as I approach, and stops playing with his toys.

Tommy: Um, hi.

Of course he doesn't recognize me: he's forgotten who I am!

Right now, to Tommy, I'm a total stranger.

I look around and spot his mom standing in a line nearby, which means he isn't lost again.

Miho: Oops, sorry, thought you were someone I knew. Have a nice day!

I wave goodbye and leave Tommy behind. Within seconds, I can hear the sounds of him growling and having fun.