IMPORTANT POST (Patreon)

I'm sorry for didn't have posted it already here, as the post bellow will explain my brain is working slowly and I'm forgetting some things I need to do easier.
This post was only on Tumblr (since 15th July) and I totally forgot some of you guys only follows me here. 

Well, some days ago I have posted (And also pinned on my Tumblr) a post talking about I had a panic attack (that wasn't the only one).

Now that I am stable, medicated, and feeling a bit stronger mentally; I’m here to explain everything and also want to talk with you guys about something that was happening in Tumblr that also is making it hard to do cc and also interact with you guys.

ADVICE: May this text be a bit confusing; I’m taking a medication called “Clonazepam” (IDK if the name is equal in English), and because I'm at the beginning of the treatment my mind still adapting.

If I have difficulties to explain I’ll ask someone how talks English and Portuguese to talk with me and them “translate” what I meant to say.

I think who takes this kind of medication understands what I mean, looks like my brain is in low battery hahaha

First of all, I’m feeling very sorry for all the lack of cc, free release, etc.

I’m working on finish a hair already and hopefully today I’ll be able to free release everything that hasn't been released already or at least start to.

ABOUT SIMBLR:

I love to do custom content and also to have this Simblr.

Here is a safe place for me.
Principally because here I can be myself, well, it was my safe place until 2 and half years ago.

Every time I post a new item, I feel so afraid of someone comes and starts to send me anon messages talking about how my cc is trash or myself or even my family; that started to make it hard to enjoy my cc or feel comfortable to say what I want to say.

In these past years, one or more people were sending soo many hate messages that hurt me a lot. There was a month that daily I received hate feedback forms + anon asks, in a point I removed the anon option of Tumblr and I'm almost removing the feedback form in the site.

I tried to ignore it, but my depression won’t let me simply ignore it. Principally because I don’t do this cc only for me, I do it for all of you, and your opinion matters a lot for me.

I pass from a person who loves to share my life to a person afraid of saying something and being misunderstood.

Why I’m talking about it? Because I want to ask you hater, who do it, for stop.The psychologist said to me simple block any anon option for avoid it make me feel even worse, but I wanted to first talk with you guys.

I also need to tell something important to me that I tried to talk about for months and always feel afraid of the reaction of everyone here.

I finally found out last year my gender; for years (for being exact; 21 years) I thought I was cis-gender with some "masculine traits"; but no, I do feel like a man sometimes and sometimes don't, and sometimes both.

In part, I know that I have just denied to me the possibility of not feeling a woman (that's how I was born) because of my family being VERY homophobic... They made me believe I need to look like a woman (with dresses, high heels, makeup, long hair, and all the feminine stereotypes they agree in their minds) and principally heterosexual...

And this is only one of the reasons I don’t speak with a single one of them anymore. Because for me, if someone really loves me, they have to accept me for who I am.

So, I’ll take this opportunity, for the first-time public say I’M GENDER FLUID and PANSEXUAL.

I already have added my pronouns in Tumblr's bio but I don't know if someone noticed it.

Talking about my pronoun; today I’m feeling both male and female, but don't worry I don’t feel offended if you guys call me: he/him, she/her, or they/them. I totally understand that's hard to see online how I'm feeling at the moment.

Now that I understand better myself, I don't feel incomplete or confuse anymore.

I still taking the courage for saying it publicly in my real life, principally because of how the city I live in is very homophobic, at a point people have to hide as cis-gender and not showing affection to their partners in public to find a job and etc.

ABOUT THE PANIC ATTACK AND MY REAL-LIFE SITUATION:

My real life at the moment is a huge mountain of mess high now, I was having problems with a neighbor for months and months (from the beginning of the insupportable noise until the day I got out there were 9 months) until it reaches a point where the hate was mutual.

I tried to be patient a lot, I’m the most patient person in this world haha (I’m feeling like it, really).

But before listening to a lot of things that offended me and my family, too much noise (something like 120dB from 7am to 8/9 pm), etc.

I and my family got sick, incredible or not stress can kill; I started to feel extreme pain in all my muscles, headaches, nausea, chills, and fever... But on 3rd July (the day I have a very bad discussion with her and her family, resulting in her deciding that she needs to do even more noise) appear even more symptoms purple bruises all over the body (which appear on their own), fever, and sometimes anxiety and panic attacks.

Me and Bruno (father of my son) weren’t even eating or sleeping well... We lose a lot of weight and, I look like a zombie until now.

My son is fine; we always tried to convince him to eat well, and now that he is sleeping better, he is fine, just a bit agitated with the new place.

Now, why the anxiety and panic attack?!

Well, we felt afraid, scared, threatened; there was only a thin wood door between them and us, and they started to act aggressive and watch out our movements and listen to every single thing we talk at home, if I cried, they scream to me shut up (or worse) so started to felt worse as the days go by because of similarities with some traumas I have from my past (that also hurts a lot to talk about).

And because the neighbor in question simply wanted us to go out of the apartment immediately (she is a tenant but acts like she owns the building) or she won’t stop the noise, we got to the police, and they only said to me for wait they inquire her.

But as Brasil is, I doubt the process will go ahead. And if goes, will take months and months.

Not only the noise gets us sick but her offenses made me feel horrible; her words were: “you are animals, you should live in the forest, although not even in the forest because you are worse than animals”.

She screamed it for everyone to hear, and the rest of the neighbor simple fake they aren't listening nothing.

And she wasn’t the only one in that neighborhood who treat us this bad... Because of the stress, I am losing my hair... There are already visible bald spots... The children and adults were making jokes, laughing, etc.

At a point, I started to hide my shaved head, after this bullying I was feeling ok with it. But hearing so many offenses started to make me feel ugly, horrible and every time I look myself in the mirror I cry.

And it is only the point of the iceberg, in 4 years living in this same place we never have been at least respected or even greeted, just because we look “too gay”, “too weird” and even because we do not always dress up “as should be”. Or how I prefer to say, not being like them.

All this whole phycological torture ended up in me having to go to a hospital emergency on Friday and Saturday (9th and 10th) because of anxiety crises and panic attacks; I have the longest anxiety crises I ever had in my whole life, hours and hours in total panic and fear.

I am starting part of the medication already, the doctor recommended a sedative for avoiding my body gets more stressed (the Clonazepam I mention before), but my body still suffering the “older” stress + the stress of moving house, and still needing to go to another specialist to see what medication more I need to take or not.

Now that my family is safe, eating well, resting, I am a lot better; today I am in bed again, with pain, nausea, and muscle spasms. But nothing compared to the last few days.

I still having anxiety crises (I am not even being able to figure out what is triggering it) and my depression is making me feel terrible, but I’m trying to deal with it slowly; taking my time for rest and get better.

Right now, we are in another house, slowly moving. My life still a mess, but nothing like a week ago.

My internet was installed only today, so, I'm still looking for what I need to do for free release everything I need to free release. But I'll try to at least release some tomorrow when I woke up, I have done so much things today and my son finally slept.

I'm very sorry for it, you guys know I always follow the 3 weeks early access, following EA's guidelines, but this time unfortunately some of the items were more time in early access.

I'm working on posting as soon as possible, I have already a hair nearly done and my intention is to give it as a gift for all of you, with a special meaning for me, and I hope everyone likes it.

About the hair color swatches, I don't know when I will be able to come back, so I ask for you guys is patience.

Any news or update I'll reblog this post, and also it will be pinned for advice everyone.

Thank you all for the kind and supportive messages, all your support and love. Means a lot for me, really!

I promise I'll try my best to rush a bit and delivery some early access soon as possible.