Doritos-Fueled Gamer Rage (Patreon)

Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six Siege was one of those games that you either loved or hated; there was no in-between. But the thing was, people who loved the game, played the game, and people who hated the game played it even more. The game itself was pretty fun; it had all the adrenaline-pumping action that came with first-person shooters, but unlike Call of Duty or Battlefield, there was a bigger element of strategy with the different operators and their respective abilities. The game was played in a 5v5 format, which made it very competitive. Toxicity was so widespread in the game that a reputation system had to be put in place, albeit seven years after its original release. But late was better than never! 

Introduced to it by his girlfriend, Task found himself enamored by the game, his hands sweating on his controller and his eyes glued to the TV screen in front of him. He barely blinked in fear that the millisecond it took for his eyelids to make their quick wipe over his eyes would make him lose any edge that he had on his opponent. It was a 1v1, which meant it was just that much more stressful for him as he sat in a stealthy little corner of the objective, waiting for the enemy to step into the room and face him like a man. The match timer was ticking down from 30 and it seemed like the longest 30 seconds of the deer boy’s life. When the clock reached 15, the music got louder, faster, and more bass-heavy. It blasted into his ears so loud that he couldn’t hear himself hyping himself up anymore. 

“C’mon Task… C’mon… You can kill this fucker...” he locked onto the only doorway that led into the room that he was hunkered down in, aimed down the sights of his assault rifle, and had his left index finger on the L1 trigger just in case he needed to throw a grenade. He spotted the barrel of the enemy’s gun poke through the doorway and moved to aim a little closer to it just to make sure there was no chance of him missing his shot. As soon as he saw the enemy’s head pop through, he held down the trigger and unloaded almost his entire clip. The enemy rag dolled and the winning splash screen came up on the TV. The deer jumped up from the floor and cheered at the screen a little bit louder than he wanted to.

“FUCK YEAH! HAHAHA! GET REKT MOTHERFUCKER.” He pumped his fists into the air before he put his hands over his mouth. Being the night owl that he was, he ended up playing the game from late night until early morning. The sunlight from outside was already leaking through the curtains and he could hear the roads outside of the house already getting busy. His tiger girlfriend was sleeping and he didn’t want to wake her up. With his eyes wide and his hand still over his mouth, he slowly used his other hand to remove his headset and listen for any pitter-pattering of paws that would indicate that the tiger was pulled from her precious slumber. He spent the entire 30 seconds that it took for the game to return to the main menu carefully listening to the ambient sounds in the room. Other than the sound of cars and the sound of the neighbors shoveling snow, it was all quiet on the tiger front. 

The deer let out a sigh of relief, rubbed his sweaty hands on his snowflake-patterned pajama pants, and brushed the little bits of lint and Doritos dust off from his green Christmas sweater that he was wearing to keep himself warm. He plopped himself down on the couch and stared at the TV as he debated playing just one more match before making himself some breakfast. As he pondered between making a Spamwich or entering the quick match queue again, he heard the hinges on the bedroom door creak, which made his ears perk up. He turned to look in the direction of the hallway that led to the bedroom and saw Alex dragging her feet as she made her way out of there and toward the living room. With a worried expression spread on his face, Task greeted his sleepy kibby girlfriend. “Hey! Good morning, gorgeous. Did I wake you? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be loud.” The deer’s ears drooped down as he spoke. He looked a little guilty since he knew how much she enjoyed her sleep. 

Dressed in her red sweater and thick purple pajama pants, the tigress rubbed her groggy squinted eyes and yawned. Her tail swished around behind her as she made her way to the couch where her boyfriend was sitting, slowly plopped herself down next to him, and shook her head. “Mrrrhm… Yeah, I heard you calling one of them a motherfucker.” She chuckled and leaned in to press her snoot into the deer’s shoulder. “Did you win?” she asked and turned to look at the TV screen, which was still showing the game’s main menu. Her boyfriend let out a proud chuckle and turned his head to plant a soft peck on her cheek before he nodded. “Hell yeah, I did.” His lips pursed into the smuggest look the tiger had ever seen. “I won the match 1v1, that other guy had no chance. And it was a Zofia, so it felt extra good…” the smug smile on his face grew larger and larger as he thought back on his big win. He had a lot of trouble going head-to-head with someone who picked Zofia as their operator; she was fast, had a great gun, and somehow almost always had perfect aim. So, when he got to kill her in the last match he played, it was like an extra fresh and succulent cherry on top of an already gorgeous cake.

Task kissed the tips of his fingers in a chef’s kiss and chuckled again. 

The tigress smiled happily and continued to smooch and sniff her boyfriend’s shoulder as he told the tale of how he defeated the evil Polish sister. Her boyfriend smelled a little bit musky since he hadn’t showered yet, and the tigress could pick up a small hint of the Doritos he had eaten earlier, too. Turning her attention from the TV to her boyfriend, she brought a hand to scratch at his scruffy chin and curiously raised a brow. “Did you stay up all night playing?” 

Task tilted his head up to allow his girlfriend to scratch and play with his chin scruff and let out a nervous laugh similar to the one you would hear from a kid whose parents caught them doing something they weren’t supposed to do. He was quiet for about half a minute before he answered her. “Well, technically I started playing once the sun was already up, I was working on commission and comic work before that. So, I didn’t play all night…” he grinned and stuck his tongue out at her. Alex narrowed her eyes at him and shook her head. “You know that’s not what I meant, I was wondering why you didn’t come to bed, you’re usually at least in bed with me for a few hours before I wake up.” The tigress widened her eyes again and stopped scratching her boyfriend’s chin to grab him by the cheeks and tilt his head down so that their eyes met. “I missed you.” She added and made the real-life equivalent of the pleading emoji (🥺) face at him. 

“Awwwww. You could have come and called me. I would have dropped all the work I was doing to come and snuggle you.” Task replied with a smile and leaned his head down to press and rub his nose against Alex’s. “But… I was up playing Siege so that I could be better and maybe be a little bit closer to your level. So technically, I was doing this all for you.” The antlered boy waggled his eyebrows at his girlfriend and planted another one of his quick pecks on her lips. 

Alex furrowed her brows and they stayed that way even after the peck to her lips. She crossed her arms over her chest and smirked. “Are you telling me that your wacky sleep schedule is because you want to get better at Siege and impress me?” 

The deer put his hand on his chin and grabbed a bit of his scruff. He looked up at the ceiling to imitate being in deep thought and nodded. “Hmm… Maybe… It’s my girl’s favorite game, and it’s slowly becoming one of mine. Am I not allowed to spend just a few hours on it, Little Miss 1,700+ hours?”  Task brought his hands to cup each side of the tigress’s face and pinched her squishy kitty cat cheeks, which made Alex let out a soft meow and close her eyes. The cheek pinching and squishing very quickly shifted into the deer running his hand through his girlfriend’s hair. Her hair was soft, even though she had bedhead. As his fingers combed through her wavy locks, he combed it out and tidied it up just a bit. 

Alex kept her eyes closed and started purring as her deer boyfriend pet her head and ran his hand through her hair. After a minute, she opened her eyes and looked into the deer’s own. Seeing the tiny bit of dark circles under his eyes, she was still a little bit concerned. “Do you want me to make you breakfast? So you can go get your sleep? I will do the dishes too. You look so sleepy.” Task continued to pet and comb through her hair with his fingers until it wasn’t as messy anymore. He stopped but kept his hand on her head and leaned down to kiss her on her nose again before he shook his head.

“I am finnnnnne, I still have a few hours in me, plus you’re awake, so I want to spend some time with you.” He chuckled. “Plus, I don’t need you making hot chocolate with just WATER like a heathen.” He joked and quickly leaned his head down to kiss his girlfriend on her lips before she could get upset at the jab he took at her. Alex’s eyes were just narrowing when he leaned in to smooch her, but when their lips met, all her playful anger melted away. They swabbed each other’s mouths with their tongues and swapped saliva. When their lips parted and the only thing left connecting their lips was a string of their mixed slobber, they stared into each other’s eyes, held each other’s cheeks, and both started giggling.

After the giggling died down, Alex drew circles into her boyfriend’s cheek and turned to look at the TV, which was still showing Siege’s menu. She looked back at the deer she was leaning against and reached over the armrest of the couch next to her to grab the extra PlayStation controller and pressed the center button to turn it on. “C’mon, show me what you’ve got after that all-night sieging.” The tigress winked and hopped off the couch and onto the floor, just to get a little bit closer to the TV for that competitive floor gaming edge. 

Task watched as his girlfriend reached for the controller and let out another hearty chuckle. “Alright, alright. Now I can’t promise you I am THAT much better yet. But we can play a few matches and you can be the judge of my skills, sensei,” he said jokingly. He grabbed his controller and followed suit. He sat down behind her, wrapped his arms around her, and stretched his legs out to the side to get nice and comfortable. With his chin on his girlfriend’s shoulder, he used his controller to start the matchmaking process. 

The tiger turned her head to smooch her boyfriend on his cheek as they waited for matchmaking to find them a suitable game. Task smooched her back, too, but on his third smooch, the loud thud sound that indicated that a match had been found played, and they both turned their heads to look straight at the TV. It took a few more seconds before the game mode and map were revealed. 

Secure Area. Presidential Plane. 

“Are you fucking KIDDING ME?” Task let out a groan. Plane was his least favorite map in the entire game; he despised it. Meanwhile, Alex let out a happy cheer and clapped her hands together; it was her favorite map. As much as the deer loved his tiger, he was confidently able to say that she had the very wrong opinion on that particular map. 

“Airforce FUN!” Alex cheered and chuckled at her boyfriend who rolled his eyes at her. At least they were playing as attackers, first, the slightly easier part of playing on that map. As the operator selection screen came up, Task went to his new go-to attacker; Jackal, a man who was able to track enemies by scanning (or sniffing) their footprints. Alex went with her trusty sniper pick; Glaz, one of only two operators capable of shooting through the plane’s windows, something that Task thought was massively OP. And he was right, but it was only OP when you were a defender who was almost defenseless against it. As the game loaded in, the two fell mostly silent as they droned to find the objective. 

“They’re in the press section, 1st floor,” Alex said as she got off her drone and started walking her operator up a ladder to get onto the plane’s wing. Once she was on the wing, she was able to peek through the plane’s tiny windows at any operators running or walking by. And if she timed her shots well enough, she’d be able to pick them off one by one as their thermally-glowing yellow heads popped into her field of vision. Just as she aimed down sights at one of the windows, she spotted the head of one of the enemy team’s players. She pressed the trigger once, fired a silenced sniper shot through the window, and boom; headshot. One down, four more to go. 

“Bullseye…” said the tigress as a smug grin spread all over her face. 

“Nice.” Task replied to her as he climbed up the ladder on another side of the plane to try and catch the enemy by surprise. Activating the footprint scanner on his operator’s helmet, he saw an abundance of footprints in various colors; blue, green, yellow, and red. The colors corresponded to how “fresh” the footprints were, with the warmer colors being the freshest, and the colder colors being the least. He spotted some red footprints as he entered the door in the galley at the tail of the plane and held down the button to scan them. The gaming deer found it unusually quiet for having a fresh set of footprints around, but shrugged it off once his scan was complete and the location of the operator who left the prints started pinging. 

Clash, 30 meters away. 

“Hah. I’ve got a Clash on ping. I’ve got you now, bitch.”  Task held down the button that allowed him to slow walk and reduce the sound that his footsteps made as he ventured through the plane to catch up to the red pin that updated every couple of seconds with Clash’s location. He walked past plane seats, through small doorways, and even managed to aim down sights and peek to check the small corners where she could be hiding. He was getting close to the objective when the ping from his footprint scanner gave him the last update on his target’s location. 

Clash, 5 meters away.  

The red indicator was right in front of him, through a doorway that would lead to the objective. He slowly crept his way to the front of the doorway and looked to the hard left at the corner that was hidden well behind a single business class airplane seat. And there she was, Clash, Task’s sworn enemy. It didn’t matter who played her but if you did and you were up against him, he made it his mission to eliminate you if it was the last thing he did. The only problem was that Clash was a shield operator and he couldn’t just go up to her and shoot her. He had to come up with a plan. With a proud smirk spread across his face, Task hatched a quick action plan. He backed away from the door where Clash was and placed a claymore right in front of it. He then started firing randomly to mask the beep that the claymore made as it activated. Once the blue laser from the claymore was visible to him, he walked through the doorway and started mashing the melee button on her shield to get her riled up. 

“YOU FOOKIN’ MUPPET,” Clash shouted as she used her electrified shield to both slow Task down and to very marginally eat at his health. He pulled on the joystick to walk back out through the doorway where he came from and watched as Clash started to follow him. When she walked out of the doorway and into the claymore’s sensors, it made two noises; a beep, then a boom. 

“AHAHAHAHAHA TAKE THAT YOU BRITISH BITCH.” Task let out a maniacal cackle and pumped his fists into the air. The Clash was dead; two down, three to go. He kept his celebration short and before long he was back in the zone again. Chin still planted on Alex’s shoulder and his eyes glued to the screen, he approached the objective slowly and quietly. 

But he wasn’t the only one who could be slow and quiet. There was an operator that was made just for that. Task heard a soft drop behind him and he went wide-eyed. He tried to spin around to look but it was too late. His operator rag dolled to the ground in slow motion in a similar vein to how the GTA “wasted” screen played. His hands tightened around his controller so much that the plastic creaked. And when the kill cam started to play, he realized he had been out sneaked by the master of sneak herself; Caveira.

“God FUCKIN’ DAMN it. How did that motherFUCKER do that? HOW. Son of a BITCH.” Task let out a frustrated jumble of grumbles, groans, and growls. His eyes watched the kill cam as it played out showing how Cav snuck up behind him and knifed him right in the neck. 

Alex, still on the plane’s wing looking in through the oval windows, spotted Caviera as she ran through the plane after slicing up her boyfriend’s foot sniffing operator, and shot her a few times to kill her. 

Caveira, dead.

Three down, two to go.

When she heard her boyfriend’s Doritos-fueled gamer rage come out, she snickered and tried her best to keep from laughing. “Snrk. Ohmygod. Someone is angy.” She teased. 

The remaining two enemies were killed by the random players that had been put in their team rather quickly after that. And Alex turned her head to smooch her boyfriend on his cheek. “Mwah.” His cheek was burning hot as his narrowed eyes stayed locked to the TV. He pulled up the player list to find out the name of the player who killed him and made a mental note to make them his top priority next round. 

“Hey! Earth to boyfriend, you killed Clash. You did great. Watch me die from something really stupid next round, you’ll feel better.” Alex smooched him again and again and again in hopes that he would lighten up a bit. By the third kiss on his cheek, a small smile started to appear on his face, but his eyes were still glued to the player list on the TV. And when the next round started, he grabbed Jackal again before turning his head to kiss Alex right on the lips. 

“Watch me kill that MoistSosig fucker.” He said with an aura of confidence that spilled over to Alex, too. She showed off her big sharp fangs in a big fat smirk and purred. “Fuck yeah, go get him, tiger.” 

She picked Glaz again, too, because of course she fucking did.

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Art and Task by The-Minuscule-Task