Ketchup and Mustard (Patreon)

College was supposed to be where you learned about life, made mistakes, partook in something you would regret, and have fun. While that was true, there was always the pressure to pass your classes and get good grades, whether it was to help with a better job in the future or to please your parents who were rooting for you back at home. This was the pickle Alex found herself in, she wanted to have as much fun as she could as a college student, but she also didn’t want to have too much fun that it affected her grades. So when exams rolled around, the tigress’s nose had paper burns on it from being buried in books for so long. She would stay up all night studying for an exam that was early the next morning after which she would be burned out and holed up in her dorm room under a mountain of blankets watching Netflix for a few days straight until her energy was refilled.

This time around, the last day of Alex’s exams was the day before Spring break; the prime time in college to make mistakes. And when Alex very tiredly wobbled through the door of her dorm, her roommate turned from the luggage she was packing. “Alex! Finally done with your exams? Are you ready to par-tay?” said the red panda, Lauré, Alex’s roommate that was a couple of years her senior. She was a lot more relaxed when it came to her studies compared to Alex because of it. The more you progressed through higher education, the less fucks you gave, especially when you were just an arm’s reach away from your degree. While the tigress had bags under her eyes from the lack of sleep, the red panda had bags filled with clothes, swimsuits, and booze ready to be tossed into the car.

Alex closed the door behind her with her foot, staggered her way to her bed, and threw herself face-down onto it. She responded to her roomie but with her face firmly planted against her pillow, the only thing Lauré heard was childlike mumbling nonsense.

“Mmmrnh. Mhhhy mhinm mmmhop mhhip.”

The red panda couldn’t help but chuckle at the tigress. She put her hands at her hips and walked the seven steps it took to get from her bed to her roomie’s. She raised a brow at her, lifted her leg up, and nudged her gently on the thigh with her foot. “Aww, did someone stay up super late studying and now has no energy to pack her bags for the trip? Do you need me to get you a coffee? A Monster?” She pushed her foot against the tiger over and over to shake her and get her to roll over. The more she nudged her with her paw, the more mumbling came from the tigress. Eventually, after enough nudging, Alex rolled over onto her back and groaned. “I am too tiirrrrrreeeed… Can I just stay in bed? You can go ahead without me.”

Lauré took her foot off Alex and shook her head. “Nope! We’ve already booked the hotel, remember? And you HAVE to go, I hyped you up to this zebra guy, told him you were really into zebras. I would be a terrible wingman if you didn’t show.”

Alex let out another groan when she heard that Lauré had hyped her up to some guy she didn’t even know. “Reyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Why would you do thaaaaaaat? I told you to stop trying to set me up! I don’t even like zebras that much… C’mon… Just let me sleep.” The tigress rolled onto her side and pulled one of her side pillows against her to wrap her arms and legs around it in an incredibly tight hug. She closed her eyes and was just about to start trying to get herself to sleep when she felt a pair of strong hands on her shoulders roll her over onto her back and pull her off of the bed and onto her feet. “Hyaaah!” Alex yelped. If she wasn’t a cat, she probably would have landed flat on the floor.

“Chop chop! C’mon, I will help you pack, and after that you can sleep for as long as you want until we leave!” The red panda playfully smacked her tigress roommate on her ass, gave the tigress her empty bags, and walked over to her closet to start tossing her things to pack into them. Bathing suits, underwear, socks, towels, and shoes were thrown in Alex’s direction and she very groggily put them into her bags. Once she was all zipped up and packed, she dropped her bags on the floor and threw herself back onto the bed to catch up on her sleep. With her eyes closed and her head buried into the extremely soft IKEA pillow of remembrance, Alex did her best to fall asleep. But what her roommate said earlier about the zebra boy that would be joining them echoed in her head. After a few minutes of trying to get her brain to snooze, she let out a sigh, rolled over onto her back, and stared at the ceiling. Lauré let out a chuckle, knowing exactly why the tigress wasn’t asleep yet. The red panda zipped up her own bags, tossed them beside her bed, and sat down. “So are you going to ask me what his name is?” There was a hint of smugness in the way the red panda spoke, like she planned this whole thing, even considering how Alex would react all along.

Alex let out another sigh and rolled onto her side to look right at Lauré. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Fiiiiiiiine. What’s his name?”

“Mickey. Hella cute name, but everyone calls him Mick. Fitting, too. He’s a really cute guy.” Lauré snickered. She crossed her legs and leaned back on her hands as she watched the tigress’s increasingly funny expressions as she battled her need for sleep but also her need to know more about this cute zebra boy. Alex looked lost in thought after she was told the zebra’s name and seeing this only made Lauré smile more.

“I call him Big Dick Mick.” The red panda added with a very wide and smug grin stretched all over her face. The tigress’s ears flickered, her face turned red, and her tail tip twitched in a very specific way that correlated with her having very heated feelings. “Like you would know. Last I recall, you were gay.”

“So gay that I’m one of the boys and I see him getting changed all the time. Trust me when I say his bick is dig.” Lauré put her fingers to her lips and did a chef’s kiss before chuckling.

Visibly conflicted, Alex hugged her side pillow. She tried to close her eyes and go to sleep again, but once more, the phrase that came out of Lauré’s mouth stuck in her head and echoed in there so loud that it became impossible.

“Big Dick Mick,” she murmured.

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It was weird to see waves crashing on the shore of a lake; Alex always thought waves were exclusive to the ocean, but with boats, jet skis, and people jumping into the body of water, it made sense. The car ride to their lake trip was a long one, but with Lauré riding shotgun and taking control of the music while her other friend Andrew drove, Alex and Big Dick Mick were singing along the whole way. It was slightly awkward when they first got into the car since Alex’s eyes were always accidentally darting down to the zebra’s crotch. How could she not? Lauré had hyped up Mickey’s dick so much that Alex just needed to see it at this point.

“Wooo!” Lauré shouted excitedly as she set down a cooler full of food and drink in the sand. Dressed in her strapless light blue bikini with her extremely long and wavy hair let loose, she stretched her arms over her head and took in the spring breeze. Alex followed behind her with an umbrella under each arm. She stabbed the umbrellas into the sand and opened them up before she walked over to her red panda friend and took in the views and the breeze with her. The smell of springtime was unlike any other and was second only to the smell of fall. The first flowers blossoming, the cool air slowly transitioning to warmth, and the smell of sweaty and hormonal college students ready to let loose all their frustrations that had built up during the school year; it was perfect. With her paws in the sand and her black bikini and jean shorts on, Alex was ready for a fun spring break.

Andrew set up their table while Mick set up the portable grill they had brought to make burgers and hotdogs for the group to enjoy with their sodas, beers, and hard-liquor cocktails. Once the grill had been set up, Lauré nudged Alex with her elbow. “Why don’t you go and help Big Dick Mick over there with the sausages? I’m sure you two can grill up something hot and tasty.” The red panda turned around to look at her zebra friend as he lit up the charcoal grill. He was shirtless; toned and muscular to the point where one could probably use his abs as a washboard. He was tall, too, probably close to if not six feet. Alex turned around to look, too, and she was glad that she did. Her eyes landed on the bright red swim trunks that he wore, coincidentally one of Alex’s favorite colors. From the looks of it, his trunks were probably half a size too small, or not made for his species at all, Alex could see the faint outline of his sheath and balls quite clearly even from a couple of feet away.

“Well, my red panda friend, you are in luck because I know how to make a mean hotdog.” Alex bit her lower lip and started walking toward Mike and the grill. She turned around once she was halfway there and smiled, “The secret is mustard. A lot of mustard.” Lauré furrowed her brows and shook her head. “Don’t put mustard on mine!!!”

Alex walked up to Mickey and gave him a slightly awkward wave as she tried her best not to stare at his shirtless torso. It was almost impossible, he had so many stripes to look at; and whenever she found herself fixated on one, she wanted to find another, and another, until she found the biggest, blackest one yet. At least she assumed it was black; most zebra dicks that she had seen up to now were black.

“Hey, Alex! You coming over here to supervise me? Did Ray send you or something?” said Mick with a smile as he clicked the tongs in his hands.

“Hey, hey, hey Big Dick Mick!” Alex responded back to him playfully as she approached him and the grill. It took her a couple of seconds to realize that she had a slip of the tongue and she went wide-eyed. The look on Mick’s face did help her realize what she had said a lot sooner; he was shocked, eyebrows raised and mouth slightly agape. He stopped clicking his tongs and just stared at her in silence for a whole five seconds before he chuckled.

“Haaaaah. I guess Ray told you the nickname she has for me, huh? Darn, I was hoping she didn’t. Now there are very big expectations of me.” The zebra boy laughed as he tried to rip open the pack of hotdogs with his teeth. He struggled, as his teeth weren’t exactly sharp enough to puncture the pack without exerting extreme jaw force.

Alex was embarrassed and red in the face but determined to not let a slip of the tongue ruin her chances of making a new friend. It didn’t matter whether or not he had a long schlong, nor was any of this related to her having a bit of a zebra fetish, oh no; she just wanted to make a new friend who just so happened to be a zebra and may or may not have a big dick. Purely a coincidence! Alex rubbed the back of her head and smiled, “Yeah, she did tell me. I do question the validity of it, though, she’s hella gay and I doubt she’s seen your dick.” The tigress watched as the zebra struggled with the pack of wieners, extended a hand, and offered to help. “Here, let me.”

Mickey handed the pack of sausages to Alex and watched her open it with ease. She didn’t even need to use those ultra-sharp teeth of hers. Pure tiger strength. She handed the pack back to Mickey and he started putting the dogs on the grill; they sizzled as they touched the hot metal.

“So.” The zebra clicked his tongs again and turned to glance at the tigress as the dogs cooked. “What else has our lesbian mutual friend told you about my penis?”

“Just that it’s big!” Alex shrugged her shoulders and slipped her hands into the shallow pockets of her jean shorts. “Nothing specific. No ball heft, girth, or anything like that.” She continued and grabbed the extra pair of tongs that were hanging off the side of the grill.

‘Clack, clack!’ she clicked them just like Mick did and helped him turn the dogs over to make sure they weren’t cooked on just one side. “So, what has our homomutual told you about me?”

The zebra shrugged his shoulders and continued to roll the dogs over, moving the ones that looked done off to the edges where the fire wasn’t as strong. “She said your hair smells like green apples and that you use vanilla-scented soap. Oh, and that you’re a tiger.”

“Oh, wow, now I feel like a pervert.” Alex laughed.

A small amount of steam and smoke rose from the grill that made both Alex’s and Mick’s nose wiggle and dance. The smell of cooking hotdogs on the grill topped off the spring smells and made everyone salivate. Alex grabbed the hotdog buns and placed them on the grill to get them slightly toasted on the inside. Once the first dog was cooked and placed into the slightly buttered and toasted bun, Alex reached to grab mustard from the bottle and squeezed the thick yellow liquid all over the dog. After squeezing what was probably too much mustard onto it, Alex brought it to her mouth and took a big bite.

Mike stared at her as she put the sandwiched wiener into her mouth. When he caught himself doing so, he quickly averted his eyes back to the dogs on the grill. Luckily, none of them burned. “Nah, you aren’t a pervert. Lauré is a great wingman, she knows I like girls that smell nice and she knows you like guys with big dicks. Seems like her matching algorithm works.” He chuckled.

Alex chewed on the mustard-lathered hotdog, swallowed it with a loud gulp, and let out a satisfied sigh. “Mhm. Yum. So you are admitting that you DO have a big dick?” she tilted her head to the side and raised an eyebrow.

Mickey glanced at Alex and smirked. “Maybe.”

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“Guys! The hotdogs are ready! Come and get them before they go cold!” Alex shouted out to the group. One by one her friends came over to grab hotdogs, some even came to get more than one. Alex made sure to put only ketchup on Lauré’s when she came over. Once everyone had enough of their hotdogs, Alex made another one for herself, covered it in mustard, and walked over to the water where her red panda friend was standing and enjoying her hotdog. The tigress flung her arm over the red panda’s shoulder and let out a sigh as she waited for her hotdog to cool down. Lauré raised her brows at Alex and turned to look at her. Hot dog in hand, she too was waiting for her wiener to cool down a bit before biting in. “Sooooooo? How did it go?”

“It went alright, you were right, he is totally into me. He said you told him about my shampoo and soap.” Alex chuckled.

“Yeah? He’s into girls who smell really good, so I sold him on the exact thing I knew would make him into you.” Lauré smiled.

“And you told me about his dick because you think I only care about a guy’s dick size?” Alex narrowed her eyes and raised her brows.

“No, if I was going for what you like most about a guy I would have told you he was funny and had balls the size of basketballs.” The red panda laughed.

Alex squinted her eyes further and stared at her roommate. “Does he?”

The red panda laughed even more and shook her head. “Hahaha, nah. Not basketballs, but tennis balls, maybe. Your favorite kind, right?”

Alex playfully punched the red panda in the shoulder and rolled her eyes. She was about to take a bite out of her hotdog when she heard someone call out to her and Lauré.

“Hey, you two! Turn around! I wanna get a picture of you two.” It was Andrew, one of Lauré’s friends with a camera in his hands. He was the photography type. Alex and Lauré turned around to look at the camera that was pointed at them.

“You’re totally going to fuck him, aren’t you?” Lauré asked as she brought her hotdog to her mouth to take a small photogenic bite out of it.

Alex smirked, “Mhmm. I am. I need to see these tennis balls.” She then turned that smirk into a smile for the picture and tiptoed to appear slightly taller than her red panda friend.

‘Click!’

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Art by Sogolina