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Lots of rambles, especially in the first half. For all of you that are feeling lonely, especially during this pandemic <3 

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Elle_Lixir

First of all, thank you for opening up about yourself and sharing your perspective. I know it's not easy to talk about struggles with loneliness, but I think it was very admirable of you to start the conversation and provide comfort. I actually have social anxiety too. I often find myself in a cycle of attempting to break out of it but wind up self-sabotaging by isolating myself from others. Not only do I find myself afraid of being negatively judged by others, but I'm extremely hard on myself for mistakes I made in the past where I've lost friends. I've learned from those mistakes, but I still hold it against myself to a point where I struggle to form close relationships. I can relate to your definition of loneliness, though there are some differences between our experiences. I typically have little problems interacting with strangers. I can read a room pretty easily and initiate a conversation - more often than not by using humor. I've grown accustomed to putting on a mask of confidence and hiding behind a smile. Sometimes, I wonder if the motivation to help others and make them smile or laugh stems from overcompensation of some sort. To me, loneliness is less about devaluing relationships and more about not being able to establish or maintain really close connections with others. I'm the type who has plenty of acquaintances, and a decent amount of good friends - but I don't currently have a best friend, and haven't had one in years. The anxiety and fear I experience really comes to fruition when it comes down to others getting close to me. I love helping others, and I genuinely enjoy being a person others can depend on for support. But I'm too afraid to reach out to anyone should I need help dealing with issues of my own. And there's a lot of outcomes I'm afraid of if I were to let myself be open and vulnerable: repulsing others, accidentally hurting others, disappointing others, feeling like a burden, being ignored, etc. I often tell myself that by keeping others at a distance, I'm sparing them the trouble of putting up with me. And while I know logically that there's nothing wrong with being vulnerable - I even encourage others to open up so they can feel better - I still choose to keep things bottled up because my fear of being perceived negatively outweighs the potential emotional benefit or connections I can make by being more open. It's a challenging internal conflict to deal with, but I'm sure there's others out there who have it much worse. Either way, thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with loneliness! It's comforting and you provided an encouraging environment for others (like myself) to share their experiences with loneliness too. <3

Defrosted

Thank you so much for your well-thought out response and for opening up <3 Being vulnerable is incredibly difficult especially if it's someone close and you're worried about pushing them away. I can understand how hard it is to get close to someone when you're always holding yourself and arms reach away with that vulnerability. I've done that a million times where I've firmly established myself as a listener of emotional issues, but never as a talker.