Kaiju Slaying For Death and Profit (WC Evangelion SI) Ch 6 (Patreon)

Our intrepid...Hero? Decides he must take some matters into his own hands.

Unfortunately for all involved, his idea of subtly dealing with an issue, is throwing a flashbang at it and dealing with it after it's been blinded and deafened.

The best kind of stealth, is when no one is conscious enough to tell anyone you were there.

=][=

Oh hey, it’s the hospital’s ceiling. Who’da thunk.

I brought my currently all technically deceased retinue up on my HUD. Two Angels stared back at me.

I also had seventy-five Credits burning a hole in my proverbial pocket, so it was time to do some purchases and with my exit strategy secured and charging, take the first steps in hopefully unfucking things here.

My main issue was that I didn't have anyone I could trust and work with. To get all the Angels would be relatively easy, all I’d need to do to complete my mission was to fight and kill the Angels. When the world ends, bring along anyone I happened to like enough to bring along. Boom, mission accomplished.

But a small, shriveled up part of me wanted to be the Hero. I wanted to stop the conspiracy put in motion by sociopathic rich assholes to doom the entirety of their species to get flawed pseudo-immortality as unsapient goo.

But I couldn't do that, not alone. I'd never be allowed in a room with the ones in charge. I'd never be able to sneak away to try and find them. I was watched too closely. Monitored far too harshly. And if I used the Stamp overtly the perception filters might very well fail, NERV was already looking for mystical bullshit, a bit of slaving mind control might not get past them.

I needed a team, a group I could trust, enough to sneak into NERV and get names and locations. To build equipment for my eventual battle against two or three separate factions trying to end the world.

I didn’t have a team. And I didn’t have enough Credits to purchase one either. But there was one advantage to being from a Recruitment world. Our one claim to fame being that our minutely powerful psychics received visions of parallel worlds and used them as inspiration for their works. And I knew just who would be able to wade through the numerous issues and secure me the heads of the fuckers I needed dead.

I went into the Companions tab on my phone and looked for the agents of the Callidus Temple. Any of them could be trusted with the persecution of my war against the idiots in charge.

I made my purchase, forty-eight credits disappearing in an instant. I had her. Delivered to my Interdimensional apartment.

I was fairly certain that my actual apartment was heavily bugged, as was the school, and any place I’d frequented. I’d have to be careful about meeting up with my new assassin. It was paramount that she remained an unknown until I was ready to go loud.

I heard footsteps approaching long before the door opened. Rei walked in, her face betraying no emotion, but I could see a smidge of relief in her eyes.

My plan to crawl into her heart via her stomach was working well.

“Shinji, there’s a vehicle waiting for you.” She said, turned around and left.

I stared at the door for a few seconds and coughed a laugh.

“Glad to see you too.”

=][=

As it turns out, not being able to disappear into my extra-universal apartment made it difficult to meet my new, extremely dangerous waifu.

Thankfully, due to my having a HUD, my head had a literal ring tone.

I called the PC in my apartment and schooled my features, wouldn’t want the assholes watching me in the car to think something was up.

That I couldn’t find anyone watching didn’t mean they weren’t there. They merely were better at hiding than I was at spotting them.

The call was picked up in the third ring. The glowering black mask that showed up in my HUD sent shivers down my spine.

M'shen, legendary Assassin of the Callidus Temple, Heretic’s Bane, Fleetfoot.

Godslayer.

Her Tier was equal to the monstrous Kaiju that were destroying Tokyo-3 and the world. And while they commanded far greater power, there was no doubt in my mind that where they had so far failed, she would succeed.

[What is thy bidding, my Lord?] The woman in my HUD asked with a shallow nod. Her voice was deep for a woman’s and dripped down my auditory nerves like liquid sex.

The mere sound of her voice went past my thinking mind and straight to my crotch as I felt the overwhelming urge to breed with the owner of that wonderful voice.

I fought back that idiotic urge.

The good thing about having a HUD, was that I could broadcast my thoughts into the call. Cheapo telepathy for the win. +I’ll set the portal down so you may leave, though I cannot promise it shall remain in that location. Your mission will be to find and infiltrate the secret organization named SEELE, and kill their top executives. I’ll still need the organization to run relatively smoothly, but if you think you’ll need aid in making that happen. Now is the time to bring it up.+

She suppressed a scoff. [It should not be a problem.]

+Good. Try to keep casualties to a minimum, but you have the freedom to do what you must.+ I instructed, then set down a portal on the street. +Keep me informed of your progress as you best can.+

M'shen nodded and cut off communication.

When we finally stopped the car, I didn't thank the driver, he worked for NERV which automatically made him an asshole, a cultist, a patsy, or all three at once.

When I got out, I saw we weren't at my apartment, I had been brought to NERV HQ.

“Ffaaaaaan-fucking-tastic we’re back here again.” I said, scratching my head as I stepped inside and followed the secretary that asked me politely to walk after her, she took me all the way to Misato’s office. The woman of the hour and supposed person in charge of field operations.

“You disobeyed my orders.” She said without preamble.

Wow, don’t treat me so softly Misato, I’ll be spoiled.

I sighed. “Your orders would have led to a longer drawn-out fight with more collateral damage and two dead civilians.”

Her eyes narrowed to slits. “We had retrieval teams ready to extract them. You should have done as you were told. Shinji you got hurt because you didn't follow orders!”

I sighed again. “The big rifle is useless, the Angel’s AT Field laughs at it with the same contempt it would laugh at paper balls. The Angel began targeting them specifically. Had I retreated when you told me to, to continue with the same inefficient tactics, all we'd have to show for it would be more destroyed buildings and two dead civilians. I said as much during the fight, I didn't get anywhere until I engaged it in melee and cancelled its AT Field.” I glared right back at her. “You’re at the command center, yes, you have access to data analysis and other ways of support. But I was the boots on the ground and I perceived information that would have taken too long to relay back to you during combat. And I fully believe that, if I had followed orders, we'd be in a worse position than we ended up in, with greater collateral damage and a couple dead idiot civilians to boot.”

Misato glared at me for almost a whole minute before she clicked her tongue. “Go write up your report for the mission, get out of my sight.”

Well screw you too.

I stood up and left, reaching into my jacket pocket and summoning a sandwich. This one was salami, pepperoni, cheese and guacamole.

Actually, pretty alright, eight out of ten.

I went to my ‘office’ at NERV and typed up my report on the Kaiju fight as I best recalled it. As I did that, I thought about my situation.

I had twenty-seven Credits I could spend, and a further one-hundred and seventy-three I couldn’t until I got my third Capture.

The Contract didn’t specify that the third Capture had to be an Angel. But by the same token, I didn’t want to just Stamp any random person in particular. The moment I did, that person would be my responsibility. And frankly, so far the only person I’d run into that I liked enough for that was a half-alien clone that was the key to the apocalypse.

…

Now that I thought of it that way, Stamping Rei was probably a moral imperative.

Thinking of that, didn’t NERV have an aquarium full of Rei clones? Did that mean that they could start the end of the world even if I Stamped Rei?

I didn’t want to explode the aquarium, that would likely kill all of those clones. Those clones of Rei were probably the only members of this horrid organization that were entirely without sin.

But they didn’t exactly have anywhere to go. I could try adopting them, but I’d need to upgrade my apartment to at the very least a Mansion to fit them all. And that was a not insignificant expense.

I pulled up the Catalog on my HUD and looked for any missions that people from the wider Company had that I could accomplish for some quick Credits.

There weren’t many. The Company preferred to harvest Evangelion worlds. After the cyclical apocalypse, there was simply a lot of materiel and product that was free to simply grab and resell at almost pure profit.

Everything from perishables in super markets, to abandoned chickens in chicken coops, to skyscrapers. The Company harvested the world down to the bedrock. It was then reset and the tragedy played out again.

Missions like mine were a bit of an exception to that, but then again, if I fucked it up, my boss would still get their Angel Templates for the Blood War and the world would still be harvested.

Which was why the mission I found, dealing specifically with the Rei clones came as a surprise.

An eccentric client with very specific tastes wanted maids. He wanted them identical, and able to do all the things maids should. Cooking, cleaning, sucking a cock or licking a slit unobtrusively.

I had to stop and shake my head at that. Fucking Company, ‘Slutlife’ indeed.

I’d get to keep the end product, the Company just wanted a set of Templates they could clone cheaply from to sell at exorbitant prices.

Point being, the Credits for accomplishing the task would be just enough to reimburse me for buying the Home, buying the Mansion would make it a net loss. Though to make sure things worked out smoothly, I’d need to get the Teaching and Inculcation Talents.

The bonus objective of Capturing Rei and putting her through the same training would cover most of the cost of those two Talents.

So while taking the Mission would definitely result in a net loss for me, it was a sacrifice I was willing to make to both save the innocent clones’ lives, get a personal maid staff, and ruin Gendo’s day.

Being honest, if only with myself, the third point played a larger than thirty-three percent role on my accepting the mission.

I finished my report and started to head out of NERV. I was going to Stamp Rei at first opportunity. I needed access to the rest of my budget if I was going to have the space to put all the clones in.

I had to find the time to get away and work on some Meltabombs. It wouldn’t do to leave NERV with the ability to make more Rei clones after I rescued the current batch.

Except, to rescue the current batch, I’d first need to know where they were.

Goddammit.

I changed directions and headed towards a particular office. If I was going to pull off the rescue, I’d need someone on the inside. And this was someone I didn’t much care for.

But she was a bitch who may well doom the world in the name of a man who didn’t love her back, so fuck her with a rusty rake. I’d just sell her to the Company when all was said and done. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

I barged into Bottle Blonde’s office, making her jump in fright. With all the fucks I didn’t give, I loomed over her and glared down my nose at the bitch. “So, whose cock I gotta suck in order to change how this idiot private military is spending its money?”

Her eyebrow twitched as she stood up and began to walk around me. “Mister Ikari—”

I slammed my right hand on the wall next to her face and walked into her personal space, trapping her against the wall. She looked up at me defiantly, but I could see the pulse point in her neck speeding up.

“I believe I told you not to call me by that name.” I growled, summoning my Stamp to my left hand.

She stood her ground. “Very well Shinji. I do not enjoy being condescended to.”

“Then stop being a goddamn idiot.” I cut her off, looking for the best opportunity to deploy the Stamp.

She eyed the open space to her left, but deduced I wouldn’t let her leave in that direction. “What is it you want?”

I leaned down and got right on her face, close enough that anyone walking in would definitely mistake what was happening. “I told you already. I have a disagreement in how this idiot organization is spending its money. And while I operate under the assumption that the government is thoroughly misusing my hard-earned cash they steal. Normally that’s just the cost of doing business, but I’m forced to care when their fuckups are likely to get me killed.”

“That was not very helpful Mister Ik—” She cut off as my glare intensified. “Shinji.”

I curled my lip into a sneer. “Then I’ll make it crystal fucking clear in the hopes that you get a thought worth having in that smooth brain of yours. I just turned in my report of my last Angel fight. I wrote in excruciating detail the many flaws of the idiot rifle. But I know how that song and dance goes.” I stepped closer to her, stopping as I pressed my front gently against hers. “The hell does that kid know? He’s just a kid, we’re the men with decades of experience killing other people. He needs to sit down, shut up, and do what we tell him. Then the next monster will come along, I’ll go out with useless weapons again, and maybe this time get killed. Well, not this time. I’m fucking nipping this in the bud.

“I’ve now killed two of those things which I’m guessing is more than anyone else has ever managed. That makes me the expert.” I pressed closer, Ritsuko pressed her hand to my chest in an attempt to push me back. I took her hand and pressed the Stamp to its back. “I’m informing you of that report. You will shove it up the ass of whoever the fuck you need to and stop wasting money on worthless shit. I refuse to die to salve the pride of stubborn idiots. You have the report, do something about the flaws I pointed out.”

Her jaw worked, chewing on her words carefully before she spoke. “And you come to me, why?”

“Katsuragi is an idiot. She won’t see past my questioning her authority. You at least have enough brain cells to rub together to look past your pride and see that, as the one killing the damn monsters, I just might have a fucking point.”

Her glare intensified at my insult. But still she showed no fear.

Too bad she was rotten to the core, I might have enjoyed her chutzpah otherwise.

“If that’s all this was.” Ritsuko said through grit teeth. “Then why are you cornering me like this?”

I let my smirk widen, leaned forward and whispered into her ear. “That bit I just threw in for fun.” I saw goosebumps form on the back of her neck as my breath tickled her ear. I leaned back and figuratively released her from captivity. “Well, I look forward to more sensibly designed weapons. I’ll be happy to sit on the meeting and exposit why the current designs are stupid.”

As I left Ritsuko’s office, I brought her up on my HUD and changed the location of the Stamp to the top of her head.

In three days I’ll get back to bottle blonde and see about getting all the information I need to get to the Clone Storage.

Or whatever weird pretentious bullshit they call it.