Kaiju Slaying For Death and Profit (WC Evangelion SI) Ch 4 (Patreon)

Chapter 4, where our intrepid possibly hero is forced to withstand a hero's welcome.

Also deal with some of the consequences of his actions, but who cares about those?

=][=

It was very glad for the fact that my implants could interface seamlessly with my  Company phone. This allowed me to keep track of time and gave me an avenue for entertainment. Denying the idiots at NERV the opportunity to make me stew in my own adrenaline. Mainly by keeping an eye on the clock, playing games, and catching up on my reading via my HUD.

As it turns out, if you punch a guy in charge of a secret government organization with infinity funding, you're not given the time to make a dramatic speech about his moral failings.

Whoda thought.

I had been tackled, and while I could have fought back and broken every man and woman that stood between an exit and I, I didn't want to deal with that. I'd still need to kill and bag at least six more Angels, with everything beyond that being pure gravy. And the easiest way to do that would be to have an organization to maintain the giant abominable cyborgs that would facilitate the whole endeavor.

I just wanted to be done. I had to do this job to prove myself. Then likely another one or two so my Patron recouped their investment, and then I could start my multiversal adventure.

I’d probably have to spawn a kid or two along the way. I’d worked hard for my assets, and I couldn’t set one of my future waifus as the recipients, they’d count as my property and would be repossessed on the event of my death unless they went to an heir.

Just because I planned to live forever didn’t mean I wouldn’t plan for the possibility of my death.

Thinking of Waifus, I brought up my Retinue and saw the monster. Sachiel. My first waifu was a genderless inhuman city destroying biped, because fuck my life. Eh, I'd eventually be able to toss it and its brothers and sisters out like Pokémon. So, it all evened out in the end.

I just needed to figure out a way to resurrect it first.

I looked at the clock, going on four hours since I was put in this very comfortable looking room and was asked politely to wait, the door had then been locked.

I wondered if they were going to go for the hard or the soft sell?

Either way it didn't really matter. I’d give my demands, most of them would be met. I’d seen the awe in the faces of all those people. I had just done something that in their eyes was impossible.

Granted, that was thanks to years of experience with maintenance on warmachines that required a melding of minds to work, coupled with a seminar on piloting the various Mechs we might run across in the multiverse.

Still, they didn't know I wasn't some prophesied Chosen One. And I would use that to my advantage to get concessions.

I looked at the clock in my HUD, and with a sigh, pulled up a different book.

Really wished the Company released stuff other than Harem stuff. Yes, there was a surprising diversity in the type of Harem stories told in Company books, but dammit there was such a thing as oversaturation.

I was in the middle of reading about Joseph swearing his love to his third wife in the middle of a climactic fight (seriously I may not be much of a romantic, but even I understand that there is a better time and place) when the door to my waiting room/holding cell finally opened. The brunette and fake blonde from earlier walked in and sat on the couch opposite me.

I kept my mouth resolutely closed, I wasn’t here for games or power plays, but if I had to play them, I was going to play to win.

The silence grew longer, until the brunette sighed. “Shinji, you did very well piloting the Eva. We want you to become one of the Pilots for the Evangelion program.”

I shrugged. “I have conditions.”

Their eyes flashed with surprise and hope before they controlled themselves again. The fake blonde asked. “What would those be?”

I raised my right hand, index finger extended. “I will legally be recognized as emancipated. No longer will I be Ikari Gendo’s son.” I raised a second finger. “I will be allowed to change my name to whatever the hell I like.” I raised a third finger. “I will not be forced to attend school, that’d be a colossal waste of my time.” I raised a fourth. “I will be provided a living space on NERV’s dime for the duration of my employment. And when I specify NERV's dime, this includes living expenses.” I raised my thumb. “My salary will be, in a word, ‘exorbitant.’ Meet these five conditions and I’ll get in your giant deathtrap disguised as a robot and kill your monsters.”

“Shinji, the fate of the world-”

“I don't care,” I cut her off with a slash of my hand. “The world and everyone in it has given me no reason to care, starting with your boss. I was not joking when I said I only hoped to live long enough to see the monster squish Gendo like a grape. Don’t appeal to my nationalistic pride, it’s nonexistent. My love of humanity? It's been quite thoroughly snuffed. My decency? I don't give a shit. I fought that monster yesterday to pay back a debt, the wounded pilot saved my life, I returned the favor. I consider the matter squared. You want me to fight your battles and spout your bullshit? Put me on the fucking payroll.” I opened and closed my raised fist. “And you know my conditions for enlistment.”

The brunette looked pissed, but before she could say anything, the fake blonde said. “Very well, we’ll take your conditions to our superiors.”

“Ritsuko!” oh, so that was her name. “You can't just-!”

“Let's go, Misato.”

I tagged them on my HUD and typed in their names. That would save me from future awkwardness.

Now back to waiting.

I picked back up at Joseph swearing his love to his third wife.

=][=

Ultimately, it took three days. Three days waiting, of reading contracts backwards and forwards.

The first contract they gave me had been the standard one, which held none of the clauses I’d mentioned. They had the NERVe (hehe, geddit?) to tell me that those would be taken care of after I signed.

I informed them that my salary just went up. And would continue going up by the day so long as they wasted my time.

They had ultimately caved. The only things they had remained adamant on were that I keep my current name and attend school. Because that’s apparently important when the world is ending.

They were probably hoping that I’d make emotional connections with people ‘my age,’ giving them some more leverage to use so they could point me at Angels while paying me less.

Joke’s on them, business comes before pleasure.

Still, I was officially emancipated, even if normally that wouldn’t be allowed. But Ikari Gendo had no legal hold on me.

This all played through my head as I headed for school. I had ended up in the same apartment building as Misato, purely a coincidence, I was sure. It was easy enough to spot the agents they had tailing me. They did a fairly good job, the fact being I would not have managed to see them were it not for the grueling training I’d put myself through in Basic.

As I waited for my stop on the metro, I set my HUD to inform me when a group of girls wearing the school uniform of my new school got up to leave, then pulled up the Catalog on my HUD.

Capturing Sachiel had given me sixty Credits to work with thanks to my negotiations with the Company.

After all, I'm a clone with nothing really to live for. Might as well take a risk.

I looked through the options available to me and thought through what I wanted. I did not have enough for the Defenses that would make a difference, not yet, and the fact was that there were plenty of dangers I faced well beyond the Angels.

This world had a lot going against it. The Angels trying to wipe out the current form of humanity. Two opposing incredibly heavily armed forces working together until they succeed in suppressing the apocalypse they didn’t want and not a second more. The world leaders trying for the ultimate ‘fuck you, I've got mine.’ Eager to destroy civilization and salt the Earth so long as they got their own flawed immortality.

Another asshole seeking to sabotage their plan and include all of humanity in the plan to render everyone into soup, in the vague hope that it will reunite him with his functionally dead wife.

And I was stuck at the front lines and watched so thoroughly, that I would not be able to fart without it being in the report of at least twelve agents.

My mission was to capture or kill the Kaiju/Angels. Maybe I'd get to keep an Eva if I finagled things correctly. Though I’m honestly not entirely sure I want one. Way too much goddamn maintenance.

Yes, just about any big robot required a lot of goddamn maintenance. But on most others, if I kept everything on tip top shape, I didn't run the danger of dissolving into the damn mech.

I shook my head. I had a windfall of Credits since I’d captured Sachiel’s Template right as he…she…It died. This was good, Credits were the Company’s currency. With enough of them I could literally gain the powers of a God.

But that was the problem. I was a fuckup who was saved from having a shitty Agent-adjacent job at the Company, purely because I (or, more likely, one of the mes across the Company) had done something that impressed someone wealthy enough to buy out my Contract. And nice enough to give me a shot at the full Agent experience.

Or…well…considering I only got twenty Credits at the start, nice might be the wrong word. But at least I had a shot. The very shot that stupid bitch Stacy took from me.

I shook my head again. Okay, what was the best use for these sixty points? I needed Defenses to be able to pilot the Evangelion without fear. I had a Talent that had made it so I learned a lot about the Eva’s instinctive use of the AT Field in the short time we fought Sachiel. A Talent to better learn to fight would be welcome, or the two Talents that would make me very good at non-esoteric science and technology, as well as Magitech once combined with Soul Talent. Which would combine very well with my Archeotech Mechanicus-Pattern implants and general Imperium and general Mech Tech knowledge (and all the blueprints I’d been able to copy and squirrel away over the one and a half decades working for the Company’s engineering division).

But no. All of those were relatively expensive, and while they would make for incredible investments, that investment would be worth very little to me if I fucking died before I had a chance to collect.

No. I needed to use these Credits to secure my exit strategy. Both out of this gods-forsaken universe and of any FUBAR situation in particular. The value of being able to say ‘yeah no’ to any situation had been drilled into everyone in Basic. I was Out of Context Bullshit, I should take advantage of that.

First things first, secure the exit strategy.

I bought an extra dimensional apartment. There was a sale on at the moment which bundled that with what was essentially a muggle repelling charm, so only those who I brought with me could see and consciously interact with the portal to enter the apartment. I bought Stress Defense to protect my mind from the degenerative effects of piloting the Eva, as well as Information Defense to help obfuscate my true abilities from the numerous agencies keeping tabs on me.

And last but not least, I bought a way to leave this universe, only downside being it would be a blind jump to the next.

It would take time to charge up the power necessary to create that portal, so best get that started now.

This left me with a whole fifteen Credits. Enough to buy a lot of regular people, several people who are professionally knowledgeable in their field, three people who were the equivalent of an Olympic champion in what they did, be that fighting, engineering, or yes, athleticism. Or one Olympic champion and one barely superhuman person.

And thanks to the apartment, I would even have a place to put them!

I could also get some of those Defenses that didn’t apply too well to my current circumstances, I could try that Body Defense power. But chances were, the only ones interested in poisoning me would be an end of the world cult, and the best funded of those needed me alive, so that wasn't something I needed to worry overmuch about.

I ultimately decided to save those Credits, it was always best to keep an ace up my sleeve. And once I got more Credits, I could get another Template. One that would let me act covertly to try and make a start at unfucking the thoroughly fucked situation this world had landed itself in.

Which I could have done now, but at the danger of my new ability being noticed and causing all the vermin to scatter.

My HUD pinged me, informing me that the students I’d tagged were on the move. With a sigh, I stood up and continued my trek to school.

I should have taken a pay cut to not have to attend school. It's not like the money will be any good once I leave for the next universe anyway.

=][=

School was boring.

The teachers droned on, and they at least seemed to have been told about me, because none of them had called me out on my very obvious zoning out, the only one zoning out harder than me was Rei, and she wasn't even pretending to pay attention. All the teenagers in the class kept throwing glances at me, their gossip senses tingling and licking their figurative chops like a pack of starving wolves.

I'd been introduced simply, and last I checked, the Angels were the worst kept secret on the planet, but they remained a supposed secret nonetheless. So, while everyone likely knew that Kaiju were attacking, that a giant robot had fought it off, and that the tall muscular youth who was transferred out of nowhere was likely the Pilot. I was not at liberty to discuss specifics.

Sacred hell, the history teacher somehow managed to make ‘aliens invaded fifteen years ago and started the End Of The World As We Know It’ sound droll and uninteresting. Come on, this is history! We evolved to find this fascinating!

Where’s the danger? The politicking and infighting? The old hatreds set begrudgingly aside?

Where's the drama?

The answer to my unasked question was a monotonous. “In a mere six months, half the human population was lost forever.”

See? That should be a statement of utmost awe-inspiring horror. It should be the visceral capstone to a long, riveting tale of fear, betrayal, bravery and heroic last stands!

Ugh. And I couldn’t fully zone out, because I might get called on to give an answer.

The day sucked until lunchtime. Upon which it sucked even harder, as I was forced to withstand the most stringent of tortures.

Social Activity.

“Hey, Ikari, got a minute?” Asked one of the braver female students in class the moment the bell rang. Rei was putting her things away, slowly, because she only had one mostly uninjured arm.

I blinked and looked at the girl who had spoken to me, my sitting height was almost equal to her standing height. “Yes?”

She was a pretty girl, with dyed blonde hair and pouty lips. I had no idea who she was. She gave me her best attempt at a disarming smile. “So, how come you transferred here when everyone who can is trying to evacuate?”

I shrugged. “Didn't have much of a choice honestly.”

She and her friend, a girl with a button nose and bright brown eyes, with hair as black as a crow’s feathers leaned in. The blonde whispered conspiratorially. “So, the rumor’s true, isn't it?”

I furrowed my brow. “Depends on the rumor.”

The black-haired girl leaned in and whispered so loudly that everyone in the room would have heard it. “Don’t play dumb. The rumor that you're the pilot of the big robot!”

Blonde leaned in. “It’s true, isn't it!?”

The two stared into my eyes like they held the secret to immortality and eternal youth. And considering I had a HUD and Catalog access; they weren’t entirely incorrect.

“I am afraid I can neither confirm nor deny that rumor.” I said in a deadpan.

This, of course, with everyone having been listening-in being teenagers, they cut to the heart of the matter and read between the lines to reach the conclusion they wanted.

It just so happens that this conclusion was coincidentally the truth.

“Ohmigosh you guys I told you he was it!”

“Hey! How’d you get chosen to pilot that thing?”

“Weren’t you scared!?”

“Does it have an ultimate move!?”

I should think up an ultimate move for when I’m fighting the next Kaiju.

I did my best to remain calm, to keep in mind that this was not the trenches outside the Palace. They were crowding me because they’d lived their whole lives in relative peace. They'd never had a Beastman or a Traitor bear down on them with a chainsword. Never felt the men and women next to them die while they fought for their lives.

To them, bloodshed was a fascinating story. They’d never seen the light leave a man’s eyes before he charged them, bayonet leading. Never crushed a woman’s throat until her larynx gave out with a crunching crackle.

I forced the memories and emotions down, fed them into the furnace of my anger, used it to fortify the cold rage that forever lurked beneath the surface.

“Sorry but, I really am not at liberty to confirm or deny anything.” I repeated over and over with an apologetic smile.

“W-Wait! Please, at least tell us this.” Said a girl with light brown hair, her face twisted into a fearful grimace. “What was that monster? Is it some country’s secret weapon?”

She reminded me of Annabelle, the one squaddie I’d gotten along with. She’d died on day one thanks to standing too close to Stacy.

Annabelle had been the one to laugh at my nihilistic jokes. The only one to appreciate my brand of humor.

Maybe that's why I answered honestly.

I sighed, a lot of my strength seeming to leave me with the exhalation. My shoulders drooping as my hands tightened into fists.

“I don't know what they are.” I lied. “They haven't told me much of anything. All I know is that this was the third one, and that more will come.” I gave her a grim smile. “Don't worry too much about it. I may not be good for much, but I’m at least good at fighting. Whenever the alarms happen, just go to a shelter, it might be scary, but at the end of the day, you'll get to go back home. I’ll make sure of it.”

There was a moment of awed silence. The girl who looked like Annabelle stared, her eyes wide and her face flushed.

I winked. “Don't tell anyone I said that, I’m not at liberty to confirm or deny anything.”

This, of course, caused everything to devolve into more questions. For some reason, being jostled left and right didn’t irritate me so much anymore.

A skinny kid slapped a hand on my desk and glared at me, he was just tall enough to be able to look down his nose at me while I sat. “Hey, new kid. Follow me outside.”

“Toji!” Said the bossy girl that had not been trying too hard to get people back to their desk. “You missed a whole week of school without permission!”

“Shaddap!” He spat, then turned his glare back on me. “You, step outside, now!”

I looked at him and tried to remember who he was. He clearly had an issue with me specifically. Still, my answer was obvious. “Nah, I’m good.”

His eye twitched. “What!?”

“Look, Shoji.”

“The name’s Suzuhara Toji!”

“I don't care. Point is, I have no obligation to you, or your wounded pride. I can see by your demeanor that you are angry. You are welcome to seek me out at some point when you won't be a bother on my exceedingly busy schedule. For now, if you'll excuse me, I’m going to go get lunch.” I stood up and headed for the door.

Toji tried to step in front of me, but I outmassed him considerably before one took into account my Company Bought enhancements. Still, points to the guy for being ballsy. Rare is the boy who will antagonize someone a head taller than him and built like a strongman.

My walking into him was enough to nearly send him sprawling.

I looked around, ignoring Toji and his demands that I follow him, and looked for Rei. That girl needed some thanks, hot chocolate, and a hug. And would you look at that, I had all three available in spades.

=][=

Seeing as to I hadn't received my first paycheck yet, I used my Contract Granted food summoning power. Rather than a whole pail of dehydrated tasty food that needed only to be boiled in water for twenty to thirty minutes, I used the second option for generic though still tasty to go food.

I didn’t particularly like this one. The fare was guaranteed to be edible and nutritious. But they were random.

I do not know what apocalyptic hellhole the cricket and cheese sandwich came from, and I don't want to find out.

A few tries netted me a cold cuts sandwich, and a meatball sub.

Tossing the artichoke and imitation anchovies pizza, I looked for the half angel half clone.

I found her on the roof, staring out across the city.

I walked up next to her. “Yo, Ayanami Rei, correct?”

She turned placid ruby eyes on me. “You are Ikari Shinji.”

“Yup. Wanted to thank you.”

She blinked and tilted her head slightly; I took that as an invitation to continue.

“The one that drove off the Angel and allowed me to escape getting nuked. That was you, right? Piloting while wounded?”

“Yes.” She said without inflection.

“Well, you saved my life, thank you.”

She shook her head. “I was following orders.”

“Well, your following orders resulted in you saving my life. So, you have the thanks anyways.” I looked around. “Say, you eat lunch yet?”

She shook her head and pulled out a few pills. “Not yet.”

I looked at the pills in mounting horror. “The hell are those?”

“Vitamins and other supplements.”

“And you don’t eat anything else?”

“No, why would I?”

My horror was matched only by my disgust.

“Yeah no, put those away.” I demanded. “Come on over.”

She must have been inherently used to following orders, as she followed me without complaint. I took a seat in the shade and patted the ground next to me.

“Sit next to me.” I said when she didn't understand the cue.

She did, still looking at me like I was some weird specimen.

“Alright, I've got a cold cuts sandwich and a meatball sub. Which one do you want?” I asked.

Rei blinked and said. “I have never had either.”

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter.

I tore a chunk of the cold cuts sandwich and held it towards her. “Say ah.”

“Ah?” She asked, and I used the opportunity presented to put the bit of sandwich in her mouth.

It is a rare treat to watch someone else discover something for the first time. Her expression did not change much, but it truly didn't need to. She closed her mouth and reflexively chewed into the somewhat bland fair. Her eyebrows rose slightly, she sat straighter, her eyes sparkled as she continued chewing slowly. By the motion of her jaw and cheeks, I could only assume she was rolling the morsel across her tongue. This continued for a while before she finally swallowed.

I tore another chunk and held it out, this time she opened her mouth without prompting.

I fed her the entire sandwich. Then opened my own and took a bite. Her silent, soulful, curious stare was too much, and I fed her a bite of my food for every bite I took.

I could only wonder where she packed it all.

My feeding her lunch would become a habit over the next couple of weeks.

=][=

It worried me that I had gotten used to the smell and taste of ‘L.C.L.’ or as I liked to call it, ‘Angel Juice.’

It was salty and coppery, and warm.

It was blood. It smelled and tasted like blood. Perhaps blood diluted in water.

But as the human brain is wont to, I got used to it very quickly and stopped noticing it because it was a constant.

The plug suit felt like jeans and a tee that were a few sizes too small to be comfortable. It actually was rather ingenious in that it was baggy and several sizes too big, then vacuumed and resized. It left very little to the imagination. The mini-me I’d had before body tune-up had nothing to be ashamed of, but I’d added a couple inches anyway because eight inches was impressive yet not so large as to cause too many issues with the vast majority of women.

Combine that with the fact that I was built like a linebacker, and both Ritsuko and Misato had stared a little longer than was strictly appropriate.

I felt my link to Unit 01 in the back of my mind. She was eager to experience the same closeness. But I decided to keep that for dangerous situations. Doing that had taken a toll, one I wasn’t eager to keep paying.

I kept our bond surface level, pressing a need for patience toward the nascent consciousness of the Eva. And worked at mastering maneuvering while doing my best to keep the bond shallow. I’d have to see if I could make the Imperium Standard safeties work with the Evangelion’s systems, as the creature-mech was…not unresponsive, but delayed oh so slowly. A fraction of a second that, in a fight to the death, could be the difference between life and death.

But by the same token, when I had sunk into the bond, I had run the very real danger of dissolving into the Angel Juice around me. And I did not want that at all.

[Okay Shinji, we’re starting the simulation.]

I sighed and got ready to play this world’s most expensive video game.