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Open Apology. (Patreon)

Published:
2024-04-09 00:00:49
Imported:

Content

Just let me start with an apology to anyone I might have offended or wronged.

I started going to the psychiatrist because of my bipolar disorder, which is quite severe.

For anyone that does not know I used to go by JohnDoe1970, and I have a good story of deleting my works, thousand of hours in renders and animations mind you, I've made over 2000 animations, each lasting 9 seconds and each taking at least 1 hour to render completly excluding fuck-ups and post-proccessing, some with a greater length, every single one of then was deleted from my harddrive because of my medical conditions.

I can't control myself sometimes and not getting the financial support I wanted did really hurt me not just financially but emotionally as well

I can't get a 'real job' because of my conditions, anxiety, depression, biolar disorder and excessive honestity and all that yadda yadda that a legit 90's kid carries.

I don't have a grudge with anyone that ever supported me, ever, I didn't reply to messages because when I feel under pressure I get very stressed and can't think straight, I never deleted my works as 'I gonna show you!' movement, every single work I deleted made me even more depressed and made me lose even more money, thus creating a feedback loop of depression.

So if you truly like my work I would appreciate a donation, it is the only thing in truth that keeps me motivated.

And as way of showing I'm in fact changing myself I want people to engage with me on the comment section, this include things like likes, it may or not mean anything to most, but giving an artist's work a like does show that you care about it even if you already supporting him financially.

Also plese feel free to leave your requests in the comment section of any of my works, I'm trying my best to restart things but it will be only possible with YOUR help, I can not do this alone.

I will analyze things, see what I should or not include on my works, I'm willing to do anything within Patreon rules, including but not limited to Scat, Fart, BDSM, Dickgirls, Male on Dickgirl, etc...

I know this is tiring, but understand that I'm like most artists, I'm trying to make a living out of art, If i don't get the financial support I'm looking for then I don't see any point in posting, this is the harsh truth about art and artists, most of us enjoy making art, but most end giving up because their expectations aren't meet and not because they lose their love for art, in fact most just end looking back and thinking to themselves 'I wish it did work out'.

And also to prove I'm being honest this post will be pinned, this way you can understand a bit more about me and my past actions, thank you for reading.

Comments

Byro Damus

Being broke myself, I can't give much. Just the wee general support. But I'm rooting for ya. Big success doesn't come quick. But having a public platform to interact with people will help with growth. Keep the workflow steady. Even. Balanced. You don't want to overwork yourself, tossing out as much work as possible, just to burn out when there's no immediate results. Go at a comfortable pace.

FilthyDegenerate
>>134663513

I can try, but I'm really passionate about 3D art, I honestly just feel happy and fulfilled when Blender is open. As for being broke I hope it never sounded to anybody that I was 'demanding' money, I know people have different walks of life and some just help the way they can, I may sound entitled sometimes but is just pent up frustation and not me trying to look down with people that are unable to support me with more.

Byro Damus
>>134663513

And we all want you to continue enjoying it! People here like seeing your stuff! A healthy pace is just good in general regardless. It might be good to look into other potential avenues for money tho. Programming or web design maybe? You can't get a traditional job right? There must be some kind of freelance work you could look into that would help. It might stink but a healthy wallet leads to a healthier mind. But that's just advice that might not work for you. If you didn't want to do commissions. And reliable commissions would need a public presence which is a whole other task. There's a lot of factors to find success on this platform and doing art in general. I wish it was as easy as making Jill's fat ass wobble while she squeezes out a turd. We all love that and you're very good at doing that.

FilthyDegenerate
>>134663513

Due to my conditions this also never worked. In the past I used to accept commissions but people rarely wanted then anyway as $60 dollars is not for everyone, and commissions are really no joke, there is the whole fixing that must be done if you make a mistake that you would usually not fix on a request or general work, you have to spend more time than usual, which is not for me as I like to post daily not because I feel pressured in posting to make more money, but because I really enjoy posting. As for the 'real job' aspect, I tried, being bossed around and having deadlines does not goe well with someone like me, I'm not a team player and never was, besides money is not everything, I want a mix of good income and happiness, making what I like while getting a buck or two out of it, some sort of bragging, but currently I believe I'm one of the best animators in Brazil, I could easily land on a job if I wanted to, but then I would have to stop making NSFW content, which is what I enjoy making, and no money in the world matters to me If i'm not being happy, hence why I've deleted my old JohnDoe1970 works when I was making over a $1,000 a month (VERY good income here), I was unhappy. Trust me, I enjoy making asses shake as the next Blender artist, hopefuly I will be making that again, and soon, just trying to put my head in place and not get ahead of myself.

Byro Damus
>>134663513

Well if you get big enough, you could apply for a Subscribestar (I hear they're quicker when it comes to apps from more well known artists) and then you can make the really weird stuff. Tho it probably has less reach when it comes to getting in new people.

joe cool

really appreciate your candidness, mental health is a huge challenge. I hope that speaking to someone helps you organize things more in your life, it definitely did for me. always loved your work, you have some of the best 3D hyper futa bimbos on the internet. will always support you if I see your work on here, but like you said, you should do it because you want to do it and enjoy doing it, not because you feel external pressure for it. anyways, I'm glad that you are still trying, that's all any of us can do. I really enjoyed your short looping animations from your fanbox way back when, and also your newer, longer animations that you started posting here. whatever direction your work takes, I'll support. (though I am definitely partial to futa/scat animations where the woman is acting serious/not reacting to her body/situation 😅). best

FilthyDegenerate
>>134663513

Oh i'm not thinking about that at all, I'm nowhere near the required amount for then to even consider taking me, I gonna take things slow, what meant to happen will happen, otherwise I'm chill.

FilthyDegenerate
>>134699037

I will experiment with everything I can that is whitin the Patreon rules, so scat is always on the table, as for animations they also on the table, but it will ultimately depend on people requesting then when I reintroduce my 'request' tier with changed rules of course.

FleetAdmiral01

Hey, just now saw this. As joe cool said, your candidness with the mental health discussion was very appreciated. I too get that mental health can be pretty sensitive thing to talk about. I know from experience being on the Autism spectrum + later being diagnosed with clinical depression. In my case I guess it would be safe to say that fetish art was sort of a coping mechanism for me. To use my own experiences for the example. Truthfully I wish I could apply the same level of passion I put into my own fetish creations into my general hobby stuff though, but hey I guess that's how it goes. I don't know what it is but embracing what makes my sexual desires happy really unlocked creativity in my mind as it clearly did for you as well. Like when I create something it isn't just some random 3D render of a big fat chick (sometimes with a penis) blowing a fart, there's almost always a whole backstory behind it. Whatever course you take I wish you luck with it.

FilthyDegenerate
>>134773119

I use most as an distraction, when I'm not making 3D art I do start thinking stuff that a normal human being should not be thinking, so I occupy myself with art, gaming and movies somehow don't have the same effect as I get tired of then, Blender on the other hand can allow me to stay the entire day with my mind occupied.

FleetAdmiral01
>>134773119

I get that. If it's the same routine again and again it can get boring. Honestly I find myself feeling that way about my actual job a lot. I work as a sorter in a warehouse by the way. Blender and DAZ3D occupy most of my free time. But yeah as I previously stated my bizarre sexual/fetish fantasies have resulted in the most creativity I've ever had being unlocked. An example I conjured up a whole Star Wars Jabba the Hutt headcanon where he has an SSBBW slave girl that he treats like a queen because of how fat and gassy she is. Truthfully I do want to do more than just individual images with that concept though. I'd like to do a continuous story series but if I'm being objective, story writing isn't one of my strongest points.

FilthyDegenerate
>>134773119

Tbh there is 'monotony' in the art industry as well unless you are willing to get outside the box, the reason most artists don't do that is because they know that doing anything 'different' can piss off their fanbase, I mean as soon you make something more risque you will loser followers left and right, hence art can be also be repetitive for some artists, that is not much the case for me because I really don't have anything to lose, so I can make anything I want and don't worry about stepping on toes along the way.

FleetAdmiral01
>>134773119

Loosing parts of your audience. I know that feeling. Once upon a time my DeviantArt account was a mix of both my NSFW content and my general interest stuff. But I lost a lot of viewers when I decided to separate those things and make my FleetAdmiral01 DeviantArt account be just focused on my general interests. Still looking for a new platform for my fetish content though. Pixiv looks like it might have taken a turn for the Tumblr. I may try Slushe.

FilthyDegenerate
>>134773119

I predicted the whole Pixiv thing under JohnDoe1970, I bitched and bitched about it but no one heard me, I knew that the moment that one guy got accused of discrimination in his office and got fired from it Pixiv would go down the shitter, it happens with all companies, but that was not the straw that broke the camels back, it was the introduction of AI, which I was very very salty about it and wrote on my works about it's danger, mostly CP, because you knew the moment AI was released it would be used for CP, and there was some sick shit on Pixiv made with AI let me tell you, then it happened the inevitable, Visa and Mastercard demanded to take it down, and since they are incompetent like Tumblr they decided to nuke everything from there, including 3D artists, which the Pixiv staff hates, now recently if I recall they decided to make the VERY smart decision of disabling payment through Paypal, so yeah, Pixiv is on life support sadly, and to think three years ago that site was the safe haven for degenerates like me, now is just another generic dA and Tumblr site. I honestly don't like Slushe, the works there look all alike and I bet the site has some kind of approval system like Artstation, that only 'good' quality works are allowed, dictatorship and art do not go well together.

FleetAdmiral01
>>134773119

Pixiv was quite a disappointment. I heard that StevenCarson the "god" of futa art had his Pixiv account nuked for looking quote "too realistic". Well if you don't think Slushe is a good idea than that has me scratching my head what other options are there then? Geez that makes me wish the site "The Belly Zone" was still around... and had actually gotten off the ground. It's a long story but the short version is it was a forum dedicated to Belly Content lovers but it never took off because several prominent users turned the forum into a warzone scaring everyone away.

FearTheDee

You are making some of the best A.I. works I've seen. Good stuff man.

FilthyDegenerate
>>135851506

Thank you very much! AI makes me more motivated since I can apply (now with Pony) almost instantly my weird ideas, which 3D can not offer me. It is near impossible to run out of ideas with AI, just waiting for a good realistic model to drop so I can go to town.

Big J

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling. I hope things steadily improve and that's why I'm dropping some support. I can't afford much myself but I can spare a few dollars each month for someone so seemingly sincere. Oh and by the way I absolutely love the work you've been uploading both the more realistic stuff and the known characters. I know the AI helps but you're definately talented.

FilthyDegenerate
>>136875564

Thank you for your words! Every dollar helps :p I'm actually did not switch to AI because of money, I was (am) unsatisfied with the effort/time x money I was making with 3D and decided to cold stop making 3D art, it was (is) a dead end 'job' for me, I'm doing AI just to kill time and put my bizarre ideas in place, something 3D can't do unless one dedicates hours of work for a single animation, I post a lot of AI because I'm constantly thinking of something new and with 3D even booting and loading a character already takes a fair amount of time, plus applying clothes, downloading clothes, all that stuff, AI is like a key to my house that I've been carrying for over 20 years of my life, it ain't going anywhere :) Also in theory if AI ever gets there says in 2 years then I can make consistent animations with it make 3D to 'real' conversions.

Madman777

I think you are the best AI artist so far <3