The judge from hell - Interactive post (Patreon)

Greetings, mortal. If you're here, it means that you probably did something illegal. Did you get in a fight? Or did you drink and drive? Maybe it was some white collar crime, like cheating the IRS, or something more serious, like rape or murder. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you chose to be judged in this court. 

You may have noticed that I don't exactly look like the average judge. And to be honest, I'm not one. I cannot give you a fine, send you to prison or condemn you to death. That's probably why you chose this court, right? Prisons are getting too crowded and the government is looking for alternative punishments, like...oh, I'm not going to spoil the surprise after all.

To get your sentence, please comment below. Tell me who you are and what your crime is. And the sentence I give you will change the rest of your life. Are you brave enough to face my punishment? Or would you rather go to a more orthodox court instead? 

I'll meet the bravest of you guys in the comments.