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Calling for Live Show Cases! (Patreon)

Published:
2023-10-23 18:30:10
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Hey there folks! Not That Lowly Bailiff Jake here. The Supreme Crit is convening this week LIVE in Los Angeles and Portland! Please submit your brief (1-2 paragraphs, I do beg) cases on this thread and we will try you in open court.

Don't forget to let us know which show you will be attending! Write LAX in your post if you will be in LA and write PDX in your post if you will be in Portland.

Also, there are a few tickets still available for this upcoming tour.

Humbly,

Jake

Comments

Anonymous

Hi there! (We will be at the LA live show! Orchestra Right) If it pleases the supreme Crit Justices and the lowly baby bailiff, I bring the double injustice of the case of the bachelor party bards. Many significant things were happening for my friend Henry this past summer. He was about to finish the year-long “oops all bards” campaign he was playing an 11th level glamor bard in. And also, he was getting married. Our friend Billy planned to run a one-shot for the final night of the bachelor party weekend, but the DM of the bard campaign said that since the whole bard party would be at the bachelor party, he should run the campaign’s final session and add Billy and the two other non-campaign members at the party into their campaign finale. Billy agreed, wanting the night to be as special as possible for Henry. About 3 days before the party the DM revealed that the new players would also all be bards — a rival band. That sounded great until he told us (despite knowing each of us were experienced dnd players) that we would all be level 2. We were bummed to not even get a subclass, but dutifully made our characters, planning to bring boy band sass and stacked our spells to mostly buff the rest of the level 11 party. The final insult came when the DM invented a kind of madness to take over each of us. At first this seemed like fun flavor. The DM told Billy that once he popped back up from a healing word he was overcome with insatiable hunger. Billy wondered aloud if going down had turned him into a zombie or something, so to test the theory he narrated that he looked at his bloody, scraped hands and licked his palm. The DM looked taken aback. He replied that Billy’s character was grossed out by this blood and then further determined that that was his action and moved on in initiative. Billy was crushed that his attempt to “yes and” bit him in the “no, butt”. (Not to mention that with 7 players that meant Billy would have to wait 30+ min for his next chance to do anything.) I ask the court: were we wronged to be relegated to doubly-nerfed level 2 bards? And should not licking one’s palms be an object interaction of sorts? Not a player’s entire turn?! I humbly await your judgment.

Anonymous

(PDX) To the 'makes my girlfriend want to listen to NADDPod' justices, and the 'actually, nevermind' bailiff. I present the case of 'Engulf V Fear'. I DM a 5e game for some friends at work and my younger brother (35 yrs old), a rogue. They were in combat on a boat with water elementals that used their 'Whelm' ability to grapple my little brother. Because of the way that it's written, I flavored the ability as surrounding my bro completely, similar to a gelatinous cube. The elemental was forced to run when the bard cast FEAR on it. Because my brother was floating in a magic pool-monster, I had it instinctively run without ejecting him. After the others started arguing that he should be auto-dropped, I gave my brother a free saving throw to attempt to escape. The sessions had all been amazing up till then but that decision seemed to ruin the whole night, and I obviously still doubt myself. Was I right to give in to their bullying, or should I have stuck to my guns? I will say that the 'water' elemental may have become a 'little-bit-of-pee' elemental. I await your judgement! (ps, also don't feel bad if you say my name wrong.)

Anonymous

LAX: To the Supreme Crit Justices, and whatever quantum state of lowliness bailiff Jake exists in tonight, I beseech you -- how far should an enlarged dwarf be able to throw his gnome companion? Two of my PCs have a fun buddy dynamic that predates the party's formation. One is a dwarf runic knight who uses Giant's Might to "get big" during most encounters, and the other is a gnome barbarian named Gnicholas Rage. Gnick has a history of begging the embiggened dwarf to throw him at various creatures, which the dwarf usually refuses. But in one particular fight against a union-busting wizard and his minions, as defeat became assured for the wizard he turned invisible and fled, and the PCs could just see the movement of an empty rail cart speeding out of range. The gnome once again implored his large dwarven friend to pick him up, run forward, then hurl him in the wizard's direction, and for once the dwarf agreed. I was nervous to let this become too much of A Thing, but didn't want to make the wizard's escape a foregone conclusion, and they argued that the attempt should be helped by not only the dwarf's size, but also his 15ft reach shadow tentacles from his Eldritch Claw Tattoo, and his Tavern Brawler inclinations towards grappling and "improvised weapons." So I said they could try it but laid out very difficult stakes to get him the 50 feet needed to close the gap (a DC25 athletics check for the dwarf, an acrobatics check for the gnome to get enough distance from the throw, the gnome taking falling damage on impact, etc). They accepted the terms, since even the max falling damage for that distance wouldn't fully kill the raging gnome. They amazingly succeeded at the throw, but ultimately Gnick failed to stop the wizard after landing (missed on his attack against the spot on the cart where he assumed the wizard was). The gnome still jokingly asks to be thrown sometimes, but they haven't seriously considered attempting it since, and I still question the call I made there. Should I have disallowed such a hefty throw to begin with, or were these reasonable terms for a true Hail Mary pass?

Anonymous

PDX: To the illustrious justices of the Crit and the newly born bailiff (you're doing a great job, baby bailiff), I present the case of the perpetually split party. Severl years ago, I joined a friend's homebrew campaign set aboard a flying brothel - he presented the campaign as the PCs meeting on the ship/brothel, and joining forces to foil a plot which would ultimately lead into a longer adventure. I said I was in, and after many weeks and many sessions our PCs were very much STILL SPLIT. Despite my trying to create opportunities for our PCs to cross paths (the one time it almost worked the DM had an NPC foil my attempt). Finally, we reached a massive battle which lead to the PCs meeting and fighting together as the ship was crashing. I was stoked because I thought "we're finally going to actually play this damn game together!" Nope! The DM split our PCs again and sent them to various different areas of the world and revealed that we'd all be making new characters for each of the three campaigns he was going to be running for our main PCs. I said I didn't really want to play that way, I wanted to play my PC. This ultimately led to the breakdown of the campaign (and the friendship). I ask the court, did I overreact, should I just have continued playing as the DM wanted? I await your righteous judgment.

Anonymous

PDX BALCONY CENTER BACK LEFT ROW II Forgive me archdiocese of dice christ for I have sinned. I was recently playing in a home brew 1920s mob campaign with a brand new DM. I played a Variant Human Barbarian, named Anya Cox, with a great weapon master feat. My DM, being new, did not realize I could only use this feat ability once per turn as a bonus action. I did not correct him and proceeded to decimate a legion of baddy minions with low HP by taking them to 0 HP one by one. Unfortunately my DM loved it and proceeded to plan encounters around the fact that I could whomp a large number of low HP foes. I proceeded to never tell him. Now some party members have moved and the campaign has fizzled out. I humbly accept my punishment from the church of dice Christ and repent for my sins.

Anonymous

PDX BALCONY CENTER BACK LEFT ROW II To the honorable justices Murphy, Afford, and Tanner and the lowly bailiff Josh I have a case about a mean ex and a silent DM. In a previous campaign I was in with my boyfriend (now ex) he accused me of “never role playing” and “just killing” stuff. I had to retort saying that my min/maxed war solider paladin was a fan of “just killing stuff”. I admit I may have gotten defensive in my rational and role playing and improv was not my strong suit at the time. But my ex doubled down and berated me in front of the table for my playing style. Eventually after a few very tense silent moments with a lot of awkward staring my dm stepped in telling him to leave me alone and let me play my character how I wanted. Another player at the table proceeded to “accidentally” hit my ex in the back of the head with a magic arrow from his cross bow. He then proceeded to get very upset and pissed with the party resulting in a lame ass session. I ask you honorable judges, should I have laid down and kept things copacetic for the party? Should my DM have stepped in sooner? Should my friend have not shot my ex with his magic arrow? I leave it up to the courts to decide.

Anonymous

PDX BALCONY CENTER BACK LEFT ROW II To the honorable court justices Murphy, Axfford, and Tanner (also the lowly bailiff Josh). I bring to you the case of the mean ex and the awkward party. In a previous campaign I was in with my then boyfriend, now ex, I played a min/max war soldier paladin named Kara Deez. During an encounter my ex said that I “never role play enough” and “always go in and start killing”. I argued that Kara was a stern soldier who would probably swing first before talking. I will admit I got a little defensive as role playing and improv was not always my strong suit. Also I would never identify as a murder hobo! He then proceeded to berate me at the table as I tried to defend my self. Eventually after a long awkward silence my DM stepped in and defended me telling my ex to be quiet let me play my character. Right after that another party member “accidentally” shot my ex in the back of the head with his magic arrows. Needless to say my ex was pissed and the session ended with a sour taste in everyone’s mouth. Should I have been quiet and kept it copacetic for the party? Should my DM have stepped in sooner? Was it too far for my friend to attack his own party member? I leave it up to the court to decide.

Anonymous

LAX To the illustrious and breathtaking justices Murphy, Axford, and Tanner, and the milquetoast bailiff: I present the case of the suffering skeletal steed. I’ve been running a Curse of Strahd campaign featuring a lawful good paladin. As suggested in the module, I’ve given many spells a spooky flavoring like zombie mage hands and ghostly familiars. The paladin used summon steed to conjure a noble stallion, and as time went on I had the horse slowly become more and more undead looking. Eventually the paladin used a potion of speak with animals to talk to his mount and asked it if it felt ok with all the changes it was undergoing. Thinking it would be a funny bit, I had the horse express that it was in constant pain and that existence was misery. The paladin immediately apologized to it and dismissed it. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but months later the player expressed frustration that he could no longer use his mount. Out of character he told me that his paladin wouldn’t use a spell that causes suffering to the summoned creature, no matter how useful. So I ask, did I take the bit too far, or is my player roleplaying a little too hard and ruining the game for himself?

Anonymous

PDX To the Venerable Justices Murphy, Axford, and Tanner, and the rat bailiff Jake, please preside over the case of the Poo Poo Bandits. Recently in our Redwall meets Game of Thrones campaign, the party freed a pair of hostages from a military fort. The party succesfully saved the hostages without raising a sword by poisoning the Spaghetti Night with a powerful diarrhetic. They rolled well, played smart, and totally whomped me (the DM). During this pasta passing apocalypse, one of the players jokingly referred to themselves as the Poo Poo Bandits. We all laughed and later on, in the recap, I said that the survivors of Spaghetti Night would remember the Poo Poo Bandits. This caused contention because the players argued that a single instance didn't warrant such notoriety, and that only if they did it again, could I deem them the Poo Poo Bandits. Justices, is one cursed caper enough to establish the infamous Poo Poo Bandits? Or must I wait until it becomes a pattern?

Anonymous

LAX- REAR MEZZ To the honorable justices Murphy, Axford, and Tanner along with the actually pretty rad bailiff Jake: I present to you neither a case nor a confession, but rather a simple request; a birthday well wish to my wonderful partner of 10 years. Adriano is an exceptionally thoughtful, talented, hilarious, and passionate person whom I’ve been so lucky to share this past decade with. His wit and charm have brought so much delight to not just myself, but all those around him. Please help me honor his love and tight bod, I not so humbly ask with a shameless bribe of two dozen cookies. (Yes, I made cookies, yes they are gluten free.)

Myles R Harris

Not a case but an update about my cross-campaign session this summer! I ended up taking the advise of I believe Emily or Caldwell who suggested I don't do an direct combat. So I made the event a gathering of all the known BBEGs and major plot characters. They're all parsons basically they represent some ideal or virtue that they naturally embody. While the meeting was being held the party plotted to steal the Maguffin-type item from. The bbeg of the highest level party. But xould only be handled by the lower level party due to it being cursed and them having protections from such things

Myles R Harris
>>120541472

Overall it went great and they managed to steal the artifact and nearly kill the lieutenant of the higher level parties bbeg. Knocking him out as he telephoned away and everyone had a great time. Though I ended up needing to make it a two-parter

Anonymous

PDX This case is brought to you by Marcus H and Josh G in row N seat 23&24 May it please the three spellbindingly fragrant judges, and… “you.” I present the case of the open door genocide. After suffering as a forever DM for a couple years a friend of a friend invited me to play in his first campaign he was starting. I passionately agreed. The world he created was a steampunk world with a faction war of vampires vs werewolves. Our party aligned ourselves with the werewolves and hid in their secret underground society. After a very wholesome roleplay heavy session where we camped out under the stars and all bathed together, the secret werewolf society was ambushed by vampires. The DM’s reasoning for this ambush was that we never explicitly said we closed the entrance behind us. The DM then proceeded to commit mass genocide on these werewolves with only a single, now orphaned, wolf surviving. The party razzed my character as I was the last one through the entrance so I should have closed it. A couple sessions later the campaign ended due to schedule conflicts, never to be touched again. Was I wrongfully razzed? Is it just to kill off an entire civilization because the players didn’t explicitly say they did something? Or am I just a bitch who should have chimed in with closing a god damn door? I await your judgement.

Anonymous

PDX: Neal C, in Floor Row L Seat 4! To the taste-making Justices and their cake-tasting Bailiff, I give you the Case of Holly v. Canyon! In my first ever d&d campaign in high school, our DM started the campaign by giving us a shopping list to pick starting items and equipment from. Our party’s Druid asked for a mule and a large covered wagon which the DM agreed to. En route to our first ever dungeon, we came up to a canyon with no clear bridge across. The Druid quickly jumped in and narrated opening the covered wagon to reveal a “astronomical” amount of Holly sprigs that he had packed into every inch of the wagon, and dumping them into the canyon to create a pile we could cross on. When our DM protested, the Druid said that the sprigs of Holly were on the item list as weighing 0 lbs and therefore he could theoretically pack a “near-infinite” number into the wagon. The rest of the party found it so hilarious that our DM (also a first timer) gave in, and the Holly-Filled Canyon went down in our campaign/friend lore. My question is this: should the party have backed our DM’s initial ruling and preserved their canyon puzzle? Or were we right to celebrate the party getting one over on our DM with a stupid technicality? I humbly await your merciful judgment.

Anonymous

LAX: Gold Circle Left Row H Seat 45 To the honorable crit justices and the other guy (Im sorry, Jake, I'm just trying to honor the rules of the court). I bring you the case of DM v. Gummy I'm the DM of a campaign about the PC’s entering cursed games. In a past session, PCs managed to rescue the soul of a young dragon (Linda) who was wrongfully killed in the material plane and harnessed as a glitch. To save her, the players put her soul into their pet axolotl, Gummy and took her out of the game. Gummy happens to be a tiny dragon that hatched recently. Next session, I wanted them to find Linda a new body, and to put some urgency in this lead, I decided to make Linda’s soul to be too much for Gummy to handle. At the start of the session, I started to do 1 hp of psychic damage to Gummy every in-game hour. I had the PC’s do perception checks, starting at a DC 25 the first night, and lowered the DC by 5 if they didn’t pass. By the time the party found out, Gummy’s scales had lacked luster and appeared fatigued at 10 HP (27 hp total). My players were DISTRAUGHT at the fact I had the nerve to hurt Gummy. All things considered, I don’t think 1 HP of psych damage per hour was all that much. I ask the court, am i the asshole because I hurt a little tiny guy for the sake of plot? or are my players in the wrong for grilling me?

Anonymous

PDX, Balcony. To the highly regarded Justices and the regarded Bailiff Jake, I submit the case of the Witch who stole an adventure to Pyria. I, the DM, run a campaign for a group of 6 evil adventurers who agreed that they eventually wanted to go to the land of Pyria, a realm of dragons in a YA Fiction book. At the start of our 4th session the party was about to travel to a new city, and since our sessions are only an hour and a half we always fast travel. Today the party insisted they wanted horses. I describe a meadow with horses tied up, easy to steal and run off with. Instead, they find the kind old man who owns them, he tells them they aren’t for sale, and they kill him. Feeling a little sorry, the party decides to revive him again. They kill him again, they begin to bring him back to life again, so I have his wife emerge and tell the party she’s willing to sell the horses. The party decides to kill both of them, but now we only have 20 min left and actions require consequences so it turns out she’s a powerful witch that the party must run from. She bestows a curse on them as they run away with the horses. It takes two sessions to shake the witch’s curse and the party only gets 1.5 sessions in Pyria as a result. My party complained a LOT about not getting more Pyria time, and accused me of using the witch and curse to stall. I argue that I took their request, improvved an hour, and created a consequence driven story. Was it unfair of me to give them so little time in Pyria? Was I justified to curse them when they couldn’t take my easy outs? P.S. I run this campaign at an afterschool program for 6 middle schoolers which is why we didn’t have time for more sessions and sessions were only an hour and a half.

Anonymous

LAX To the Honorable Supreme Crit Justices Axford, Murphy, and Tanner; and , I present to you the case of the Tears for Fears. I joined a campaign with a friend who was DMing for the first time. He warned us upfront that it was a horror module, and when we sent him our character ideas, he asked us to add in one of our character’s greatest fears. Then, he asked us to also send him one of our personal greatest fears in real life. Some players were a bit resistant to the idea, and this sparked a debate over whether this was ethical, or fun. The DM caved in the end by the argument that this method could be seen as the “long covid” of D&D game construction. But this is the Crit’s jurisdiction. Should we have sucked it up and faced our fears? Was it best to leave that to our characters? Or should we have opted for the compromise that was floated, wherein we faced our fears in game and then billed the DM for cognitive behavioral therapy? I humbly await your punishment. P.s. When the DM requested it, I sent him my greatest fears immediately before the debate sparked. I had not yet come into the knowledge that he had an unrequited crush on me. Uh-oh.

Anonymous

[LAX - mezzanine!] May it please the court, I seek to be absolved of responsibility for killing my party. We were locked in an antimagic room, with one round before the floor was going to vanish and send us falling into a deadly pit. As the rogue, I needed to lockpick the door so we could escape. I got the door open and ran into the next room so my friends could follow to safety. However, next turn, the DM said the door swung shut and relocked because I hadn't held it open! All the characters inside plummeted to their deaths. The DM showed us that the adventure we were playing said the door was on springs and thus would close and relock unless held. I contend that surely my character would've felt it was a spring-loaded door or had a chance to grab it as it closed. Was my DM being too bloodthirsty, or did I let my party down?

Anonymous

PDX (from Kate O in row F) Dice Christ confession!! To the saints Murphy, Axford, Tanner, and Hurwitz, May you and Dice Christ forgive me for an online game crime I committed. We were playing on Fantasy Grounds and were getting DESTROYED by a monster who we were having no success in doing any damage to. With one of our players on his first death save, and our barbarian reaching critically low HP, I (the party wizard) muted myself after my turn of a failed magical attack and looked up the monster in my own Monster Manual, quickly checking its resistances and immunities. I changed my plan of attack and we managed to get the upper hand after a round of tailored to the monster buffs. I have not done this since, and so I’m hoping Dice Christ and the Holy Rolling Clergy can forgive me.

Anonymous

LA (B37 front row babie) I have a half Dice Christ confession, half case. Look, let’s be honest, Emily is the fave. But not today. Emily, my confession/potential crime is resentment. For you see, once upon a time in Portland, you so threw a magical dice into the crowd, to which my companion caught. But something is amiss. It has the uncanny ability to roll a natural 20 whenever it’s needed, helping us troll our DM or otherwise astonishingly succeed. So I beg of you, how do I find favor in dice christ like this magical Emily dice? I roll natural 1’s like it’s my job. Help.

Anonymous

LAX (Row H) Justin and Neville To the supercalafragilisticexpealadociously delicious justices Axford, Murphy, and Tanner, and Bailiff Jorf (please say Jake if we like him this show), I bring to you the case of The Big Ol’ Shatter and The Second Dinosaur. Me and my party were in a magic potion shop in our campaign when we heard screams come from outside, and chaos ensued. The city we were in had an exotic animal zoo, and some dangerous creatures - namely dinosaurs - had broken free. A T-Rex entered the shop, and combat ensued. We were not in great shape from an earlier combat, so the fight proved difficult, but in an effort to do big damage I upcast a Shatter spell on the T-Rex. The potion shop walls were lined with potions. While the area of effect of Shatter was not near the walls, but instead on the T-Rex, my DM ruled that because the sound is audible up to 300 feet per the spell that the Shatter would effect the potions on the walls, despite being out of range. Dozens of potions fell and caused several negative effects, including but not limited to opening a portal to the Plane of Water. I argued that the spell would only effect something within the damage radius, but he remained firm. He then proceeded to introduce a second t-Rex to the combat. Judges, I humbly ask - was I wrong to think my Shatter would be confined to its radius? Was the second T. rex an appropriate judgment on me for gamifying a big thunder damage spell? I humbly await your judgment.

Anonymous

LAX To the breathtakingly beautiful justices Murphy, Axford, and Tanner and the 6/10 Bailiff James. Just this week, my Level 4 party went into combat with a fire giant who was capturing people to make a human shield and human armor. At the start of combat, the DM explained we could either attack both the giant and a civilian at the same time, and if we wanted to try to hit only the giant, his AC would be higher. Additionally, we could try and remove a person from his armor as an action at a DC of 15. There were NINE people attached to the giant. It would have taken 9 full turns to remove everyone, so we decided to accept the higher AC and try to hit the giant and avoid the people. We announced this before each swing, and despite rolling as high as 21, it still was not enough to hit only the giant. The DM then told us we can still hit with that roll if we decide to also hit a civilian. This put the party in an uncomfortable state as it seemed like the DM was forcing us to attack the civilians if we wanted to take down this giant THEN accused us of being immoral for deciding to hit innocent people. I claimed it was a lame mechanic for combat and the DM claimed we should just use our actions to remove the people from the armor. We eventually compromised by having our cleric use Scorching Ray to burn the ropes tying everyone to the giant, and we continued combat as usual. Judges, I humbly ask, should we have accepted the obstacle the DM provided us or is the DM a dill weed for including such an obstacle in the first place? Yours truly, Scott in Row L

Anonymous

(PDX VIP ROW 1) To the honorable Justices Axford, Murphy, and Tanner and to the Bailiff who’s doing his best I hope, I bring to you the case of Homebrew Theater starring myself versus another player. For the sake of this let’s call the other player Kal. I am currently a part of a homebrewed campaign that has been going on for three years now. The DM is my dearest older sister and the forever DM of currently three homebrewed campaigns that she is running simultaneously. The table of players consists of me, her three coworkers in which Kal is included, and the wife of Kal. Context: When this campaign began the DM, my sister, worked with each of us to give our characters a place in the world that felt like their very own. Because she rolls like Murph and it isn’t getting any better, a lot of her DMing style is based around role play scenarios and situations that have developed from the unintentional holes we left in our backstories. And so, we played for three years with no problems. Until now. Which brings us to why I’m escalating this issue to the Court. At the start of this year, Kal and his wife got a house, which led to his desire to make this home game a Broadway theater production starring only himself. In Kal’s attempts to be an award winning director up for a Tony, he has attempted to hand and force the DM to read a script for interactions with his character that he wrote, ensured his scenes have the perfect lighting and music, attempted to change NPC names, pronunciations, and storylines that were connected to his character and the world, suggested to other players to change their backstories to match or connect to his, and rewrote his character’s society when the society had already been written three years prior by the DM and him. Additionally, there have been moments; such as, interrupting the DM mid explanation for what he believes is a better one, five hours of just him talking at the DM as the rest of the players just stared into space, micromanaging to the point of pulling up character sheets, degrading our choices, even the DMs and his wife’s, in combat, insisting that the DM should always remember all the characters abilities in order to remind the players what they can do all the time, and worse of all telling the DM that combat should be over when he is bored and his character is almost dead. Judges am I wrong to be so upset with Kal’s actions and his blatant disregard of the DM and all her hard work along with my friends' creations? Or should I accept Kal’s attempts to bulldoze over the world we created together in his pursuit to be the main character in his theater production? Thank you and I humbly await your judgment.

Anonymous

LAX (VIP ROW D): to the esteemed judges Axford, Murphy, and Tanner (and the lowly but still charming Jake), I bring you the case of the alcoholic awakened shrub. My partner (here with me tonight for his birthday AND our anniversary) is the DM for me and two of our friends in a campaign we’ve been playing in for almost every week since January. One of our first adventures involved investigating a moon elf shrine, where we ended up fighting a baddie that had enchanted an awakened shrub. After defeating said baddie, the awakened shrub was confused and frightened, so we took them home. Kale became a member of our party that travels with my hexblade warlock tiefling (that wears assless chaps) in a papoose, and they have a chaotic energy, a drinking problem, and a strong fear that everyone wants to steal their berries. Here lies the problem: our entire party has grown attached to Kale so much that, when we wanted to know if Kale had a face, we argued for at least 20 minutes with our DM that they, in fact, should. Our DM is adamant that awakened shrubs don’t have faces, but the description of the awakened shrub in the manual is unclear on this issue, and like, how would they talk then? I pictured him having a Korok face. Who is right about this? Should Kale have a face? Should he have a drinking problem??? In defense of my tragic adventuring companion, I await your decision on this critical matter with a particularly charged glower that my character would surely be providing in this moment :) -Grace

Anonymous

[Los Angeles] Dear the highly respectable judges Axford, Tanner, and Brian. As well as the lowly little guy Jake. I have a short one: My players ask for inspiration points. Not only that, but if I forgot to remind them that they will take damage at the end of the turn due to some ongoing effect, they will remind me that I forgot, take the damage and then say something along the lines of "Do I get an inspiration point for being honest?" No! You don't get rewarded for *not cheating* and you don't get rewarded for playing the game fairly. Are they menaces, or am I just being up tight? Thank you, -Mikeytime PS: I brought one of my players here tonight to shame him on the chance you selected my case.

Anonymous

To the hilarious high crits and the inspiration for my first D&D character Bailiff Jake, I present the case of the repeate session retcon In my very first campaign, I was playing a champion fighter, and some out of character drama caused the group to split. We ran the final fight down three players, and the only negative we took was one of our characters got trapped in a gem. After about a month the group patched up relations and we reran the session. This time around, I lost my arm due to our wizard firing a disintegrate spell that was reflected back at me. I thought the moment was cool, but it made to where I could no longer wield my primary weapon, a maul. I was upset, but rolled with it due to our cleric having access to the regenerate spell, but my DM said it couldn't work on me. At that point I got pretty mad, feeling singled out. The party got to vote for which session would be cannon, and they chose the one where I lost my arm and could not regrow it. Was I in the right to be mad, or was did I overreact to the admittedly cool scene?

Anonymous

Portland: Floor seats, 4th Row Dear Supreme Crit Justices and other guy with the badge. My wife started her first campaign as DM this year and she’s gone balls deep into it. Buying a small library of books, figurines, etc and everyone my wife talks to about this and her various other campaigns (Labyrinth mixed with Suicide Squad, Haunted Disney Cruise Ship, Ninja Turtles etc) wants in just based on her enthusiasm. I haven’t seen her this happy since planning out pirate themed wedding two years ago. It’s been amazing. I say all that cause what she did to one of our players was cold, calculating and quite insidious. She set up a kidnapping plot involving bullywugs and as we traversed their lair, we stumbled upon a large group sleeping. We could have bypassed them or gotten an advantage on them BUT the Dragonborn Bard of our group decided it would be a good idea to cast Tasha’s hideous laughter! This woke the entire room and during the fight, he went into another room and alerted those bullywugs!!! His lack of strategy upset my wife (he also DM’s a campaign we’re playing in and she doesn’t love how he DMs) so she devised a plot. On the next session, we killed the remaining bullywugs plus their king and as we collected our treasures and the kids, a creature called a Babau came out of the shadows and took a surprise attack on the Dragonborn. He went down instantly. She told everyone she rolled and it was a die roll to determine who it hit. But she told me it was specifically him cause she was grumpy. This stressed him out terribly but he didn’t die. It was a hard battle and we managed to defeat the Babau and revive our Dragonborn companion. Ever since, he has played a lot smarter but this whole thing revealed a side of my wife that I can only describe as finding out your partner is secretly a hitman. I never expected this of her. Was she in the right? Do you all think she could plan something like this in the real world and should I lower the payout on my life insurance? Thank you for your consideration.

Anonymous

PDX: Esteemed Justices and tiny wittle infant Jeff in your Playskool play pen, I come to you today to present the case of the hafling's cheeks that could be heard clapping from space. I play in a homebrewed 5e sci-fi campaign, where I am a halfling college of eloquence bard that runs an MLM selling our barbarian's bathwater as a nutritional supplement (Sorry Murph). Our party was exploring this ancient temple detailing a long forgotten war between celestial dragons and aboleths. In the midst of our dungeon dive, my bard fell victim to a magical effect that made him, a fairly lithe halfling, gain 40 pounds. The DM never dictated how this extra weight fell upon my form, so I took the liberty to state that he was now "dummy thicc." She, the DM protested and said that he wasn't, though never clarified nor specified how he was carrying this newfound weight. I ask you, should I be allowed to state that my bard was now so dummy thicc he could clap his cheeks in celebratory fashion of his newly realized curves, or is my DM right to doom me to cheeks so flat they may as well be a month old opened can of soda and never provide any further flavor?

Anonymous

PDX: To the sage justices and also baby, may it please the court. I present the case of the live hydra delivery. I GM for a level 10 5e campaign. The players came across a cave of wonders, which would gift wondrous items in exchange for offerings from the players. The idea was for the party to exchange items they already had for new, improved items. The players, however, decided that the best possible gift they could give was a still living hydra. They had already encountered one in a nearby swamp, so they simply returned to the swamp and brought the beast to zero hit points. The trouble came when it was time to transport the unconscious hydra. The crew had a truck-like vehicle, but I argued that a 20 ft long and 4000 lb hydra would not fit on the back of their truck. They then claimed they could tow the hydra by tying it to the rear of the truck with some rope, to which I said that their rope would not withstand the weight. They then said they would use shape water to freeze the water in the mud below, making it more slippery to drag the hydra across. I said that shape water is for water, not mud. In the end, I acquiesced to a series of enlarge/reduce and levitate spells. I ask you, judges, was I wrong to be so staunch about hydra delivery logistics? Should I have allowed the players to just throw that bad boy on the back of their truck? I await your magnanimous judgement.

Anonymous

Ah sorry just saw this we will be in PDX tonight!!! To the honorable justices and golden mic winner, absolutely jacked, super smart and handsome bailiff Jacob Baby Boy Hurwitz, I plead you to hear my case. I DM a campaign where recently one of the players wanted to approach an encounter via stealth. He proceeded to role-play his elf making a game plan, but the encounter wasn’t really built for it; I can tell you right now his plan would not have worked. Meanwhile our gnome big boom artificer, read the situation correctly, and ran in blowing people up, ignoring the elf’s plan. This pissed off the elf’s player, but we had a healthy discussion about it the next session and decided that I need to make more stealth encounters as my encounters thus far have been pretty one dimensional, the gnome has to consider other players’ wants and inputs in the game, and the elf’s player can’t will a plan into existence from nothing. But, we want blood. Who was wrong?