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Calling for Court Cases (Patreon)

Published:
2022-11-29 15:38:17
Imported:
2023-01

Content

Hello!

Bailiff Jack here. The Supreme Crit is convening this very day. Please submit your (BRIEF, ideally!) cases on this thread and we will bring you your due justice.

Love,

Josh or something like that

Comments

Anonymous

May it please the court, delight the honorable Judges and bemuse the bailiff. I seek your advice regarding the case of the scoffed crit. (I did change minor details for the sake of anonymity) I run an afterschool dnd club at a middle school and out of the many stories I have this one stood out. To set the scene, I was lounging at my desk as four groups were playing. Two table groups over the party was losing a rough encounter: four level one characters against a ghost. Players were going to start to die in the next round, but the rogue crit on an attack, causing the entire group to jump up and cheer. When I looked over at the commotion I noticed one player not cheering. As I watched the player snatched the dice and placed it in their mouth. The cheers immediately stopped, I quickly walked over and made the player spit out and clean the die. They claimed they were trying to “absorb the power of the crit”. The session ended a couple minutes later and I had to have a super uncomfortable conversation with the players parents. I am worried for the group. It was their first game changing crit and it is now tied to this memory. I am also struggling to figure out how to reintroduce this player to the group, or if I even should. Please, I humbly seek your advice.

Crits

Distinguished judges and Tucker's roommate, I humbly present to you the case of the back talking paladin. I'll preface this by saying this is more of a joke argument than an actual dispute: I was DMing a campaign with a lich as the BBEG. One of the PCs was his phylactery/son and the lich (nicknamed "daddy lich") wanted to convince this character to see things his way. So, he gave a heartfelt villain monologue about his motivations. Throughout his deeply personal backstory reveal/father-son moment, the party's paladin, who was known to put his foot in his mouth, interrupted with comments about how his motivation was stupid. After failing to convince his son to join him, daddy lich said he would teleport the party back to their camp because he wanted to give his son one more chance to back down, to which the paladin replied that they would "kick his ass" next time they crossed paths. Annoyed, daddy lich said if the paladin said one more word he would kill him. Right as he began to teleport them away, the paladin said "word" and daddy lich casted Power Word Kill on him. He was later revived by a cleric NPC with Raise Dead, which gives penalty to all attack rolls, saving throws, and ability checks. Although nobody was actually mad about this situation, we still lightheartedly argue about whether daddy lich's reaction was warranted or if I should've let the joke slip. Judges, I await your infallible ruling.

Anonymous

May it please the court, the Ethereal Justices, and the bailiff, long may he serve. I bring you the case of Monk Vs Bard. I DM a group of 4 but this happened between 2 of my players, open hand monk and swords bard in the last session A a couple of sessions back the monk lost an arm in an unfortunate "nat-1-buzz-saw-trap-incident" and so they set off to go find an Automail expert to try build him an arm. They find an armourer artificer NPC I flavoured as an Automail engineer,and they built him an arm. Now how I as the DM did this is i modified the Arcane armour of Propulsion infusion from TCoE, it gives no AC bonus and has no thrown property to the gauntlet, but has the 1d8 melee attack damage. The monk loved it. The problem comes in, in the last session, our monk was doing his "run and hit things alot" routine and wanted to use flurry of blows with one attack using his Automail arm, therefor 1d8 damage, instead of his current 1d6, which then activates his way of the open hand abilities. I though this was a cool and logical idea so I allowed it, but my bard kept arguing that the gauntlet was a weapon and therefore could not be used for unarmed strikes, this led the session grinding to a halt, and me, the monk, and the bard debating it out. I eventually ruled it was fine and that was the end of it. Did I make a mistake here or is it much ado about nothing and the bard is getting sour over nothing? I humbly await your judgement and am ready to meter out any punishment you deem fit.

miguel cantu

Dearest Supreme crit Justices and the guy who isn’t censored next to Amir in China. I prostrate myself before the court with a confession. This happened in our Strahd campaign where we rolled very poorly on an encounter check. We had eight bandits and 23 dire wolves in said encounter. The Tiefling bard cast speak with animals and was after me in initiative order. I held my turn thinking he was going to do a performance check to get all of the wolves to go in a conga line so our wizard could cast lightning bolt and end the encounter quickly. This did not happen. Instead the bard jumped into the middle of the wolves and cast shatter centered on himself to hit the wolves. My character is a domain of light cleric who on my turn readied Fireball just in case the original plan didn’t work, or something else happened. The bard now being in the dead center of the wolves was now in the way and in quite a bit of danger. The DM told me to release my prepared spell, and I told everyone the bard was in the way. The bard shouted, “SEND IT!” Noting that Tieflings have fire resistance. I sent it. The bard went down. Was I wrong to almost kill my buddy? I await the court’s judgement.

Dippity_Dip

To the Justices - beloved as the dawning sun amid the churning sea - and Jerk, I offer my case of the anti-80s rescue. I had been invited to a Curse a Strahd game which had already been started a couple months back. I agreed, and played my first session as a tiefling bard whose instrument was a synthesizer. One of the encounters we had was rescuing a fellow player from a group of cultists; I pulled out my synth and started playing as a distraction but the DM thought it was hilarious and with a good performance check, we were able to defeat the cultists with a group 80s rock number. The issue comes in with the Bloodhunter at the table who, despite all our attempts to involve him, refused to be included. He instead walked away from the group and went into the woods, talking down to our characters when he came back. Even after the cultists were defeated, he remained mad at the rest of us for being silly and was really passive aggressive out of game when we talked about it. I thought we had a really good time at the table and was happy with the session, but I couldn’t help feeling bad about my friend who just wanted to play a serious campaign. Should we have toned down the sillyness, or should that player have loosened up a bit? I leave it to the mercy of the court.

Anonymous

To the illustrious bailiff and honorable robed hooligans, I present...The Case of the Dainty Dice. A fellow PC has insisted on using sets of miniature dice at the table. Each die is roughly 40% the normal size and have ruffled my feathers in the following manner: 1. The dice lack a normal heft, and are not nearly as satisfying to chuck. The clack of baby dice rings hollow in my ears. 2. These freaking tiny dice have equally tiny numbers. This requires squinting at a d20 every time it is rolled to see the outcome. Imagine the postponed joy of a nat 20 as you try to determine what the hell you just rolled! Don't even get me started on the d4s.... 3. Finally, these sinful lil dice are an affront to our Lord and savior Dice Christ™. The holy polygonal light has been hidden under a bushel, the word of the lord constrained to a mere millimeter. Who are we to limit the message of this highest power? Let it be known this PC has not one but TWO sets of regular-sized dice, one of which I gifted them. They say that these mini dice "save space", but I call bullhonky. I play with 3-4 sets of regular dice and have NEVER felt claustrophobic at the table. I seek damages for the strain put on my eyeballs, and a prayer for this sinner's soul. May your wisdom bring peace to this troubled table.

Shakespearmint

To the radiant vessels of Dice Christ's light, I submit to you a confessional on behalf of my party: My group of life-long friends have been playing DnD every Sat for a few years now. Recently we played a loosely-structured monster of the week type episodic adventure wherein we were encouraged to swap out characters and play around with builds more than focusing on storytelling. I created Gidget, a gnome artificer with big brains, little social intelligence. Against all odds, she had won over much of the party, especially the Warforged monk, Chronos. Gidget is overly confident and a mechanical genius, which is often thrown back in her face with my terrible rolls. Despite her preparations, she managed to be knocked out or restrained in the first round of every combat she took part in. The last time I played her, she was paralyzed by a beholder beam and sent back to the ship via teleporter where, unbeknownst to them, her paralysis was completed and she turned into a stone statue. Unable to address this myself, I brought different characters to subsequent sessions waiting for someone to ask about Gidget. Our DM even made references for other players, that they saw the captain of the ship pulling Gidget in a cart down the hall, etc. Nothing. Finally I made one of her quadruplet sisters, Fidget, come looking for her after they stopped receiving reports back home. It was a simultaneously hilarious and gut wrenching scene as she confronted the other characters about her sister's stoney condition. I found the whole situation very funny and understandable but to this day the other players, particularly Chronos, feel very guilty about it. I humbly beseech a pardon on their behalf to assuage their guilt and maybe find a cure someday in the future for the lil stone gnome. P.S. her humunculus is an animated backpack named B-BOE(Big Bag of Everything). Not important, just fun.

Anonymous

To the honorable justices and their... assistant. May it please the court: I played in a home game with my Boyfriend as the dm and two other couples as PC's. We had played for a little over two years and were coming to a conclusion of a particular arc. The arc had included my character, her in-game sister, and the Big Bad of the arc.. I'll spare you all of the details but suffice to say that my character's sister had been corrupted and locked in a weird abusive relationship with the Big Bad and had betrayed her sister and the party. We were finally in the endgame, the battle for the world (the feywild and material plane were merging) but also for the Sister's soul. It was emotional, tensions were high, but it was gearing up to be an emotionally satisfying end. Then it went to shit. Two other players, one of the couples, had fast-tracked the waves of enemies the DM had put in place to get to the powerful object that had caused the planes to merge (and when used correctly could essentially change reality/grant a wish). In the rest of the battle I was attempting to make it to the BBEG and my pc's sister was trying to stop me. The other couple wished the BBEG dead, the planes returned to normal, and then the session had to end because we had gone over time. I felt I had been robbed of an important character moment, as did the player that played my sister. The DM felt bad for having such a powerful item in game and allowing the couple to take the session off the rails and the couple sensed nothing was wrong. We ended up abandoning this campaign for a few other reasons but all related to actions like that. We were wrong for being angry and essentially ending the campaign, or was the couple valid for making the wish to end the combat or is my boyfriend at fault for allowing them to make that choice? I await your judgement and accept any punishment you may deem necessary.

Anonymous

To all y'all, yer mamas n 'em, in the bright-glowin' light of our lawd n kettle-sweet savorer, the flavorsome Dice Christ: I dun fucked up. I used to DM a series of international 5e homebrew 1- or 2-shot games. I would run each story twice, so everyone had an opportunity to play regardless of their timezone. Every session lasted about 5 hours and was centered in the same world around a "Help Wanted" job board, so people could use one character without being obligated to show up to every session, some of which even included music with puzzles in the lyrics I wrote and recorded. I say all of that to make me sound really good before I divulge in my sin. I used a project management tool called Trello, where I built out a DM screen with reference material and a system to track combat. It allowed me to put everyone's HP, abilities, and conditions on stacked cards in labeled lists, like Excel but with drag and drop arrangements. I could drop players' cards into the stack of my NPCs based on their initiative, and move cards to the bottom of the stack after each of their turns. Instead of rolling for NPCs initiative, I would assign them an initiative based on nothing more than where I thought they should go. The BBEG of each fight would start at initiative 20, and their minions would be evenly distributed throughout the order. My players never caught on, but it was rare that more than one PC would have turns sequentially after each other, and the BBEG was always one of the first to go. In an attempt to lessen the burden of my sin, I will leave you with this: Our Dice Christ, who ne'er critically fails, balanced be thy scales. Thy dice box come, thy rolls be done with honesty and without deception. Give us this day our daily crits, as we forgive those who crit against us. And lead us not to temptation, but deliver us from cheating. For thine is the honestly rolled nat 20, nat 1, and even the middling 10, forever and ever. Ramen.

Anonymous

To the honorable justices and their esteemed bailiff. May it please the court… i was running a homebrew and I had a player, which is no longer allowed at my table for a slew of reasons including making others at the table incredibly uncomfortable and railroading combat at every corner. With that ground work laid it was the 3rd to last session of a 2 year game. From the start of the game I told them I told them all there actions had consequences. It was a preparation episode for the bbeg/war that I had been building up to for months. The player decided to kill a blacksmith that was the crowns personal armorer, and who’s children where in the shop. He was so mad that he was arrested and put on trial for this cold blooded murder because the children where able to get the town guard and have him arrested. He was sentenced to death by dice role but he pleaded with his warlock patron for help which he was spared. I then had the other members of the part reach out saying they where not playing with him anymore as he was very rude and disrespectful. Did I make the right choice? I am now humbling awaiting your judgment and whatever punishment you see fit

Anonymous

Long time listener first time commenter. Simple case: In my first campaign I played an Eldritch knight. We had to save a town being attacked by gnolls and then save people taken as prisoners. Turns out the Gnolls were in a cult to a shadow demon. During the final battle I cast burning hands to damage witherling gnolls and then attempted to action surge to cast chromatic orb at the shadow demon. The DM and the other plays scoffed and told me that I could not cast two action spells in a single turn as it would break the single spell a turn rule (unless you cast a bonus action and then a cantrip)At the time I was new to the game so I ended up accepting it. Just a little egg on the face. Later after reviewing the rules there does not seem to be an issue with casting two action spells if you had action surge. The rule only applies to a spell cast as a bonus action I brought it up to the DM and they still do not let me cast two spells with an action surge, even when the spells are low levels due to being an Eldritch knight. I get that the DM generally has the final say, but what are your judgments on saying it’s RAW but they are wrong about the ruling?

Dr. Bearkele
>>96600660

I cannot understand these characters that whine when their party gets stronger. Do you not like winning fights? Uuuugh

Alexander Robinson-Gabel

To the honorable Justices and their makeup artist bailiff James Charles I humbly submit my case. About a year and a half ago I was in a campaign and I was introducing a brand new character. Now I died many times in this campaign before because it was pretty hard-core and I’m a bit stupid but I do try to honestly keep them alive. My little goblin named Loogie wound up rolling terrible wisdom saving throws against a hag and was turned into a one intelligence goblin. The saving throws were due to touching various items in the hags shop (I’m just a lil guy. Very curious). However, instead of helping my character, or even leaving them alone, a different player, character decided to sell my one intelligence goblin player, character to the hag in order to barter for better armor, succeeded on their roll and sold me off. I was promptly forced to flesh out a new character. Feeling a little salty I had a new character and a revenge scheme. So when we were exploring a cave under a house I found some undead residue that was so stinky it had mechanical effects in game. My new character being a rogue, I was able to slight of hand the goop into his pockets. The GM ruled this essentially gave him the poison condition until he rolled a perception check high enough to find it. Wisdom was his dump stat. The stank lasted through 2 different 4hr sessions and then he found it. He took lots of damage and failed just absolutely so many rolls because of it. He was furious. Was I justified in my retaliation as a player? I place myself at the mercy of the court and will allow bailiff james Charles to do my makeup if he so pleases.