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Dungeon Court Cases, Please! (Patreon)

Published:
2022-11-02 13:09:26
Imported:
2023-01

Content

Howdy folks. Humble Bailiff Jake here. The Supreme Crit is convening this afternoon, so submit your (BRIEF, I beg!) cases on this thread and we will bring you swift justice.

Humbly,

Jake

Comments

Anonymous

May it please court and the oily bailiff, i present the case of the scrolling rogue: I’m (she/her) in a heavy rp campaign with five five other people. most of us are really good about seeking each other out for scenes between our characters except one player, the rogue (he/him), who says he’s more into combat. This would be valid, except that he doesn’t pay attention to what’s going on in combat, takes forever during his own turn deciding what to do, and doesn’t listen or participate in anyone else’s rp. In general, whenever the scene isn’t only about him he’s on his phone. When one of us try to find him to rp he only gives our character’s short, non-committal replies. the dm does his best to include the rogue. this last session, before the party woke up from their long rest, the rogue went searching for food in this abandoned building in the middle of nowhere where we were recovering after a boss fight. so four of the five players are all sitting in silence staring at each other as the rogue goes to different rooms and the dm has him roll investigation checks in a place where nothing has been edible for over a millennium. after several minutes of this not going anywhere, i finally speak up, out-of-character, and say, “can you just let him find something or not?” the other players agreed and wanted to move on since our plan was to teleport to a different town where the rogue could just buy himself breakfast. the dm quickly wrapped things up and the rogue went back to his phone for the rest of the session. I feel bad for cutting off the rogue rping, I’m afraid i’m guilty of yucking his yum, but the table was with me and had plot related things we wanted to do together as a party. Am i guilty for insisting that we move on? is the rogue guilty of not being a team player?

Anonymous

No case today, just an update on the DRAMA from last month's episode. Things resolved happily but fair warning - it gets messier before it gets better. So I took y'all's advice and blew the situation up by telling my girlfriend everything about the DM's confession. Thankfully she didn't think I was overreacting, in fact she got a little pissed off I hadn't told her sooner. She found it really creepy that she'd been engaging in romantic roleplay without knowing just how much the DM was getting out of it. Fair point, I apologised. We decided to cut our losses and leave the campaign, so I texted the DM to let him know we wouldn't be back, and that his actions had made us both uncomfortable. He immediately called me. At first he apologised and said he understood, but tried to get us to return to the campaign. After a lengthy conversation where we held firm we did not want to come back, he said I was "overreacting" and asked "if you trust her, what are you afraid of?", at which point I hung up. Later that night, he texted my girlfriend "wuu2". He must have gone complaining to the other players because the next day I got a text from one of them saying I was being selfish and asking us again to resume the campaign. When I refused, he told me I had "ruined his year". I've never spoken to this guy outside of the sessions, by the way. I'm the end we both blocked the DM and the rude player, my GF isn't mad at me anymore, and we've resolved to follow Murphy's Law and find some new friends. Thanks for the advice!

Snugglegurts

All I want to say is that Caldwell might get elected Secretary of State in the State of Kansas due to a run of write in ballots from the NADDPOLES.

Oli

To the blessed priests, priestess and altar boy of dice christ. I have a confession for the church of dice christ for my sinful mistake of casting two spells in one turn in my first d&d battle in 5 years. I had not played d&d in almost 5 years before i joined this party. but i learned a lot of battle strategy and action economy from things like naddpod and dimension 20. so i was very excited to be actually use my skills during this fight. My party was ambushed by a group of spellcasters and soldiers trying to kidnap a eldritch god, we aptly named Jonathan. My character is a 2nd level barbarian and 1st level cleric. I was early in initiative. So in my excitement I casted sanctuary on jonathan with my bonus action and then charged the leader and hit her with inflict wounds. completely forgetting sanctuary is also a 1st level spell. my dm also didn’t realize this until the next round. we discussed it after the session and he said it was a good move. we even joked about me sending this confession in. in the end casting sanctuary saved the god and my party killed the leader. but I still feel guilt of forgetting spell rules and am pleading for forgiveness from the court. I humbly await your decision. blessed be dice christ and this court.

Anonymous

Dice Christ confessional Exalted litigious bishops and Jake – please hear my confession. I have been DMing a campaign with my very close friends for the last few years. It has had many amazing moments of love, heartbreak, family drama, character growth, and - of course - shenanigans. However, I fear it is all built upon a foundation of lies and sin. In our second ever session, the party was travelling through up a mountain with a caravan of traders. I had them ambushed by bandits on horseback, in what I had planned to be a cool chase encounter. Two of the party got the idea and escaped down the river with one of the wagons. However, the remaining player (a first-level rogue) decided to stay and fight – facing down 6 mounted combatants. Frantically trying to think of a way to give her character any chance of surviving, I had four of the bandits chase the other party members, and two remain to try and slay the rogue. The fight that ensued was incredibly tense, the rogue barely scraping through with clever use of the environment. It came right down to the wire, with both the rogue and the bandit leader at 2HP. It was the bandit leader’s turn. I rolled both attacks, knowing that a single hit would fell the rogue – and with no one around to help, most likely permanently kill her. The bandit leader rolled a 2, and then a 19. Already steeped in new DM-sweat, I did the only thing I could think of to keep the game fun and declared that both attacks missed. The rogue killed the bandit leader on her next turn, and it is a fight that the party still talks about to this day. I worry Dice Christ is still waiting for the right moment to punish me. I beseech you holy ones, please forgive my trespasses and save my DM soul. Thank you.

Mac
>>94944755

wow that dm sucks, good block dude. thanks for the update

Anonymous
>>94944755

Congrats man. Always nice to hear open, honest dialogue between reasonable people winning the day. Forget that fool of a DM x

Myles Lee

NO CONFESSION JUST EVIDENCE OF DICE CHRIST My friend just gave me photo evidence of a critical hit on an attack with disadvantage. 2 Natural 20s when it mattered most!!

Anonymous

I need the assistance of a rules attorney in paw: When casting detect thoughts, can you read the thoughts of a creature who speaks a language which you can’t understand yourself? I’d say yes, because magic, but some fellow player disagrees, since it would mean that you’re casting comprehend languages for free (so they claim). Who of us should be executed?

Anonymous

To the honorable justices and J daddy, I am the DM for a campaign and was running a fight where my players snuck onto a pirate ship that was docked at port. One of my players (who always plays as the dumb jock type) ruined the teams plans to sneak onboard quietly by yelling “I’m the captain now” and just walking onboard. A pirate went to grapple/fight him, but he rolled a nat 20 to throw the pirate overboard. I explained that the pirate comically falls into the water (and then he had to take his next turn to get back on the dock and up the gangplank). After two more rounds, my player insisted that he should have taken damage for falling in the water. I said that hitting the water would be negligible from the height (like people dive from high places all the time). My player still brings this up every encounter. Was I right to stand by my initial judgment?

Anonymous

To the Magnanimous Mystery Gang Justices and Mascot Jakey-Doo, may it please the court to hear the case of the slowly falling kobold: I am a player in a campaign playing as a wizard winged kobold with deformed wings. Her name is Bug and she is obsessed with "figuring out how to fly" and looking for her clan, who told her that they would wait for her when they flew off one day and then totally didn't. One strategy that I think is fun and adds some flavor is for her to occasionally leap and use Gust to push herself higher in the air a la Breath of the Wild's Revali's Gale. Before starting the campaign, my DM and I discussed this and essentially settled on "she can glide short distances" but never figured out the mechanics. During a chase scene we were rapidly losing, Bug asked a much larger NPC to pick her up and throw her across a canyon. I started my turn next to the NPC, so said I would use my action to cast Gust under her wings so that she wouldn't splat on the wall. The DM argued that because she cannot fly, she will immediately begin falling, and that Gust doesn't work because she can't cast it on herself. I argued that the language of Gust doesn't mean I can't cast it below myself and direct it upwards and that it can push an object 5 feet. The DM ultimately said that Gust can only be cast away from the wizard, and then made made me do a dexterity check??? I argued for an arcana check and also was not successful. I passed by the skin of my teeth but I am salty that using Gust had essentially no effect, and my wizard skillz were not helpful despite using Gust to gain altitude. I ask of you, oh noble and omnipotent mystery gang and jake, was I done a dirty?

Gregory Mason Hallman

To the esteemed justices and the balif whos name I can't remember. I bring to you the case of the magic exploding beans. Our part of five was in a cave confronting a goblin boss. To initiate combat while we were speaking with the boss, my character threw a bag of magic exploding beans at the boss and his subordinates. Before I had a chance to roll damage he DM states that I do 16 damage total. I say to him that he didn't even make dexterity saving throws (we had previously established that you could make a dex save to avoid half damage from these) for the enemies and that damage should've been mine to roll because I threw the beans. He then states "No that's not how it works". This made me very upset because 16 (each one is a d10) damage on these beans is an extremely low roll and I suspected he altered the damage so that I didn't instakill the boss. I be that upset about the damage if I had been the one to roll it and gotten a very bad set of rolls for myself. We argued throughout the session and never came to an agreement. I ask the esteemed judges and balif, was I dine dirty by my DM?

Anonymous

New DM here, so I have a problem with my pcs and more need advice So I’m my party is a homebrewed mud man with earth genasi with the base for the race and built around it and let him keep the ability to shape earth So my party keeps just having the mud man just make a hole and they start either throwing stuff in or have the rogue half dragon (has wings and flies but only allowed it since he doesn’t abuse it) but he will get perfect line of sight if I say he has disadvantage for trying to arc it into the hole And they even have a nickname for when the enemy is low they look at eachother and just say “the blender” That’s when our hexblade warlock does everything possible to do every bit of damage in that moment as possible and he jumps head first into the hole spinning to make the blender How do I keep my pcs from just making all of my baddies into smoothies Tried using large monsters like a large garlicbread snake and a garlic knot spider to counteract them trying it and finally got a good fight (in the food kingdom rn, similar to crown of candy) Any ideas without nerfing my pcs and ruining their time, help Tldr My pcs keep putting all of their enemies into holes and sending the hexblade warlock in to just shred them with everything he has after the rogue hits them a few times My pcs are making my npcs into smoothies

Anonymous

To the fantasticle, wonderful, and amazing justices. And the guy who plays Hardwon Surefoot. I bring a situation that happened a few months ago but me and my freind still argue about it. I was dming a small campaign with me and 2 other players. My freind was playing a vampiric rouge (homebrew). We made custom rules were he would take damage in water. He wouldn't be affected by light, etc. He was a new player but not his first session. We were playing over discord no map. My one friend who was playing a tiefling got into a fight with some kobolds. My friend asks so climb a tree and hide. So I let him, rolled a 17-18 and I said he jumped and attacked him. But he is now in water and would take damage at the start of his next turn. He got mad and said he didint know the water was there, and rolled high. I told him that I explained the situation and how the tiefling was also fighting in the water. No kobolds were out of the water. Should I have let him take his action back? I am at thy mercy