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Calling for Cases! (Patreon)

Published:
2024-03-22 11:49:21
Imported:
2024-03
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Content

Heya! Bailiff Jake here to let you know that the Supreme Crit is convening this afternoon! Please submit your brief (I do beg!) case on this thread and we will bring you SWIFT justice.

Comments

Cayden Rabe

To the grand crit judges Music Mistress Emily Axford, Goof God Caldwal Tanner, and the DM lord Brian Murphy... and uh... bailiff... Jimbo? My DM was session zeroing us on a new homebrew mechanic that they created, which was somewhat sort of an insanity meter. Every time we were introduced to something completely and utterly bizarre, we'd roll a wisdom saving throw against whatever DC the DM decided depending on the scenario. However, he would refuse to tell us what happens when we failed. Fast forward to 5 sessions in, and I fail for the first time. The DM smiles, and asks for my character sheet, which i hand over. He then proceeds TO RIP A CHUNK OFF OF IT!!! I'm appalled, shocked, and angry, I ask him why? He says that's the surprise mechanic, if we fail we lose access to a part of our character sheet (he'd go and describe exactly what that means, and it was actually a decent idea... I'll give them credit for that). To be fair, after each session, he'd scan photocopies of our character sheets, but does this still give them the right to rip my character sheet? I await thy judgment as I humbly plead my case.

Olivia S

To the highly esteemed justices and the talentless hunk John, I have a confession for dice Christ that has being gnawing me with guilt for the past year In the beginning of 2023 I gave birth to my son. I had been playing in a campaign with my best friend, her husband, and my husband. First session back we went to their house to play. I was holding my 2 month old while playing and about halfway through the game he got hungry so I whipped out a tit to start nursing. My DM a few minutes later asked for a perception check, I rolled a 7. I made a mental note that I rolled a 7. But because I had new mom brain and was in the midst of nursing I totally forgot that I rolled and when the DM asked for my roll I had forgotten that I rolled entirely. I re-rolled and got a 15, so I told him 15. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that I realized what I had done but we had already spotted the knights that were hunting us because I hit the DC with my new roll. Can dice Christ forgive me for my sin? I will acceptance any and all punishments you deem necessary for my negligence, I humbly await my sentencing. PS to the Justice Axford, my sons favorite songs and One Big Bed and Riverboat Shanty, it is the songs that I sing to him before bed and the only songs that will help smooth him when he’s upset (no I’m not kidding). I am forever in your debt for the help your music has brought me and the joy it brings my son :)

Resido

To the regal Crit Justices Ashford, Murphey, and Tanner. (Presumably read by some unimportant stooge who shall remain nameless) May it please the court to present the case of "Deus Ex Your Dead". As a long-time DM, I was excited to finally PLAY an Alchemist crafting build in a Pathfinder Kingmaker campaign. One of the side effects of the build is my character ended up with insane knowledge checks. By level 8, even on a natural 1 I would get a 20 (all RAW). One session my DM narrated I was out purchasing alchemical supplies by myself. I stated I would probably have a lackey handle these types of tasks, but could see he was trying to bring in a story arc so offered "perhaps there was something specific nobody was able to find." I entered the shop to find nobody there, so I left a note and went to leave only to find the door locked. After rolling an 20 on the die for a perception check and failing, an assassin dropped down from the rafters and attacked. After getting a 19 on a con save and failing, the attack straight up ended my character. Furthermore, the assassin used disintegration dust on my corpse to prevent me from being able to be revived. I asked to see the character sheet for this assassin and while legit RAW it would straight-up not be functional in society. The DM clearly made this assassin just to end my character, with no vengeance arc or strings available to find. The other PC's at the table were dumbfounded by this sequence. I ask the court: Was I in the wrong for creating a character with an unintended but awesome side effect? Was Cato so damaging that he needed to be removed from the world? Or did I get godsmote for just playing the character of my dreams. I await judgement from the court.

Dean Rick Sassafrassley Winchester

The the honorable crit justices and Jake too I bring this case I was invited to join an online dnd group by a friend from college. Everyone else knew each other I think and we didn’t use cameras so I’ve never even seen these people. The only person I really knew was really really quiet so sometimes gameplay was a little awkward. One of the other players let’s call them Jake apparently dislikes the spell truestrike and so worked something out with the dm to modify the rules. This was all fine until another player let’s call her Emily was trying to cast the spell as written during combat. Jake interrupted informing everyone that we had decided that was not how the spell was going to work anymore. The thing is, no one except Jake really decided that and it didn’t seem like the dm meant the spell had to be cast this new way every time. Emily tried to move on and say she just wanted to cast the spell and continue combat but Jake kept insisting that this was no longer the spells rules and that the original spell is useless anyways. This went on for about 5 min with Jake sounding confused why we were not on the same page and Emily getting increasingly upset before the dm managed to diffuse the tension and say that we could resolve the issue another time out of combat. The next session the dm informed us that Jake had left the group and felt like he didn’t really fit in. Jake was a bit of a rules lawyer (but wasn’t even very accurate when he was) so I wasn’t too sad about him leaving except that he was the best role player we had and without him there it has been a struggle to get the other players to engage with me other than in combat. It’s made sessions kind of boring. So I ask, should we have tried to get Jake to joint our game again? Could the situation have been handled differently? I throw myself at the mercy of the court.

Mario

To The Hono(u)rable Justices Murphy, Axford, Tanner and the low-priority bailiff/friend Jake (I'm a big fan, please chill), I'm from Australia and once a fortnight I play with my coworkers in the office after work (which is legit fine, you can trust me). I play an insecure smartass perfectionist Paladin named Atlas Poosey, who fled from the convent at a young age when he caught his girlfriend Fiona cheating on him. Anyway we're about half a dozen sessions in, and we ran into Atlas' now ex Fiona praying at the Shrine of Luck in Phandalin. Because my character is a vengeful piece of shit (think comic relief Joffrey but smarter and a bit more pathetic), he cast the Command spell at his ex girlfriend, with the command being "Shit!". I was unseen by Fiona and the shrine was mostly empty. I explained to my DM that my character would yell "Shit!" as he pretended to trip on the uneven ground - so I'd be happy to make a performance check on top of the Command spell to avoid being noticed by any townspeople. I rolled a nat 20 on the Command and passed the performance check - so naturally, Fiona indeed shat herself. But my DM said that her god whispered a punishment in my ear and gave me disadvantage on all skills and ability checks for 3 days (basically 3 sessions - 6 weeks in the real world). This seems a little harsh because of the nat20 and this interaction being mostly flavour. Am I wrong for poking the bear or is my DM salty that I told my ex to shit herself and she did it? Our people need to know.