Who Let This Spider Cook?! Ch.39 (Patreon)

— Kakuei —

“So you are…” An above average looking woman asked from behind the counter as she eyed me slightly flustered cheeks and a welcoming smile. 

“Just call me Kakuei.” I returned her smile with one of my own. 

Bang

I narrowed my eyes a bit as I looked to my side to see Momonga looking my way with a pout on her gorgeous face. Even though it was altered to look human, she still looked incredibly stunning.

“Then, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Kakuei, and welcome to the Free Guild.” She outstretched her arms a bit. 

“If that’s all, we’ll be going now.” Momonga spoke before I could say anything and grabbed my arm, dragging me away. As we walked toward the exit of the guild, I eyed her with a cheeky smirk.

“Someone’s jealous~”

“Shut up.” She shot back instantly, not even looking my way as she continued to drag me toward the Inn we would be staying at. 

Naberal Gamma, or Nabe was here following us quietly. 

As for where we were, I barely knew myself. 

Thanks to Nishikienrai’s stealth operation outside of Nazarick, he managed to get his hands on a World Map, which allowed us to see not only our location, but the locations of various settlements across the world. 

Though, we were skeptical of the validity of such a map, so we had Nishi go to other countries and secure maps that proved the original map to be true. 

Thanks to Nishi’s work, we learned that the World Map is indeed valid.

Apparently, Nazarick is located in the far east region of the map, just bordering the coast, which honestly puts us in a better place than I could have hoped for. Sure, we’re quite close to a Kingdom which isn’t that far North of us, but having such optimal coverage in the form of the ocean was always a good thing. 

With us learning about the size of the world, our location, and the location of other kingdoms and territories, it was time for us to branch out and start exploring what this world had to offer to us. 

So, we split up into groups and started searching around. The only people excluding our creations that stayed behind within the safety of Nazarick’s walls are: Touch Me, Sayuri, and Saeko. They’re essentially holding down the fort while Touch Me helps his wife and daughter grow stronger. 

The rest of us have scattered around to the various areas of the world. 

The group I’m in, Momonga, myself, Naberal Gamma, Sebas, and Solution, are all in the Kingdom of Blumond. Technically we’re in the same group, but Momo, Nabe, and I are currently posing as Adventurers to learn more about this world and gain the trust and support of what appears to be a wealthy and influential Kingdom. While Sebas and Solution are attempting to sneak into the Nobility of the Kingdom so they can attain access to information that not even we would be able to get our hands on. 

That’s what it all comes down to right about now. Information. 

We don’t know much, if anything about this world, just speculation and assumptions that hold no real weight in planning. We need more knowledge, and the best way to do that is to grow close to the most knowledgeable people here. That way, we can attain that knowledge through deeds and strength.

We arrived at the Inn and Momonga pulled me in and up the stairs with Nabe following behind quietly. We arrived at our room, and Momo pushed through the door before stepping in and looking back at me with an unamused glare. 

My grin only grew larger when I saw that there was no real heat in it. 

“You know you’re adorable, right?” I asked tilting my head slightly and earning a strong blush to rise to her cheeks, but her glare didn’t lessen any. 

I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her waist as I smiled down at her. She looked away, averting my gaze, but I tilted her head back up to me and stole her lips. After a couple seconds of letting me kiss her with no real response from her, she slowly began to kiss me back. It was a kiss that lacked tongue, but still held the love we shared for one another. 

As I pulled back, I squeezed my arms around her in a tight embrace. 

“You and Kaori are all I need, Megumi.” I whispered in her ear, making her body shiver in my arms. 

“Do you mean it?” She asked quietly, earning a nod from me as I kissed her forehead. 

“Of course.” 

She hugged me tighter and we stayed like that for around a minute before my eyes trailed over to Nabe who was watching us from the doorway. Her face was mostly expressionless, but I could see something in her eyes. Something I wouldn’t have been able to see if I didn’t have the Ruler of Nazarick Skill.  

Gently, I pulled away from my loving woman. “Nabe, is there something on your mind?” 

She flinched a bit at me suddenly addressing her and bowed her head. “My Lord and Lady…I must ask: Must you both stay in such a place as this?” 

I looked around the room and honestly it wasn’t that bad. A bit small and dusty with creaking floors and maybe a few mice hiding around, but ultimately it wasn’t anything revolting. 

Momo and I shared a glance before looking back at the black-haired maid. “It’ll do, Nabe. Does it displease you?” 

“I believe it is unfit for ultimate beings such as yourself.” She answered immediately. “But if the Supreme Ones declare it suitable for now, then I will not object.” 

“Good, now then, let’s talk business.” I smiled, walking over to the bed and taking a seat. Momo joined me, sitting to my side while Naberal Gamma stood just in front of us. 

“Right.” Momo placed her hand on her chin in thought. “We’ve managed to infiltrate this kingdom, but that’s only the first step, we still need to rise in rank and reputation.” 

“Indeed, and we must do so without blowing our cover.” I closed my eyes as a frown tugged on my lips. If we ended up giving ourselves away, or compromising Nazarick’s location, we’re fucked. We’d lose more than we’d gain and have to focus more on fortifying Nazarick than anything else. Though, with Nazarick so cleverly hidden both with phsyical obstacles and magical diversions, it should be hard to blow the base’s cover. 

“If we want things to go smoothly, we need to learn and grow fast. We should start taking quests and shoot our way through the ranks as fast as humanly possible.” 

“As fast as humanly possible, my Lord?” Nabe asked with unhidden confusion.

“Yes.” I nodded. “Unlike us, humans require sleep everyday for eight hours if they wish to be efficient and productive, meaning we must do the same, or at least act like we are.” I quickly explained, earning an understanding nod. 

Our creations feel indifference toward humans, so I’m honestly not surprised that Naberal Gamma didn’t even know that much about them. Any information regarding humans either goes in one ear and out the other, or they just blatantly ignore it. The only exception being when we, the Supreme Beings, tell them such things.

“Then, should we start now?” Momo asked, leaning into me and pressing her large bust against my arm. 

“In a little while. We’re acting as hermits who lived in that large forest after all. Such a journey would leave any human tired and in need of rest, so let’s wait a couple of hours before we head out.” 

“Alright, that’s fine.” Momo hummed as she rested her head on my arm and closed her eyes. 

“Nabe, you’re free to go to your room and relax. We’ll come retrieve you when the time has come.” 

“Yes, my Lord.” She bowed and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her and leaving Momonga and I alone. 

“How do you feel, Megumi?” I asked, gently nudging her, causing her to open her eyes and look at me. She gave me a warm smile before leaning back into me. 

“Never better.” 

“Oh?” I asked with a chuckle. “We’re in a strange land building a new life and everything’s fine?”

“Mmm.” She hummed. “We get to play as adventurers, while securing the home we worked so hard to build. It kinda feels like the days back when we first me, doesn’t it?”

“It does.” I closed my eyes and smiled. “Only now, you’re mine.”

“And I couldn’t be happier.”

— Touch Me —

Touch Me watched as his wife and daughter tried their best to take down Lupus Regina who was dodging their magical attacks with little effort. 

A small smile crossed his bug-like face underneath his helmet. In truth, he wasn’t too happy about the two most precious people in his life being weak in a world they knew nothing about, but watching the two have such fun and try so hard to take on one of their creations was both heartwarming and a moment he felt so much pride in watching. 

They were growing, even if it was slower than he’d like. 

With the others out of the Tomb, it was the duty of him and the Guardians present to watch over Nazarick and ward off any intruders. 

While Touch Me doubted anyone would end up actually finding the Tomb, he couldn’t be too careful, so he decided that his family needed to take this time to train, to grow strong, so that way they’d be able to protect themselves. 

That…was a sobering thought for the World Champion. 

In their old world, Touch Me prided himself on being the protector of the family. With them being rich, it wasn’t all that uncommon for someone to try and break into their house and rob them. But it was Touch Me’s duty to keep them safe, his family safe. 

He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he’d killed more than a few people, because he knew what he was doing was right. 

But now…he watched as his wife and daughter, the very people he swore to protect, grew stronger, and soon they’d be strong enough to protect themselves. It made no sense to feel anything but pure happiness, but Touch Me was always an unusual case. 

No, even with their power, Touch Me wanted to ensure they never had to protect themselves or anyone else. 

Was that not the duty of a husband and father? To ensure his family is never threatened? 

Touch Me rose from his seat in the arena and teleported away to the room just in front of the Throne room. He looked at the walls where tens of statues of Golems stood.

“Arise.” He said, and the statues eyes began to glow. Their large, stone bodies began to move and they all dropped to their knees. 

““What is required of us?”” They asked in unison, their heads lowered. 

“Come at me with the intent to kill.” Touch Me ordered, unsheathing his blade. 

““As you command.””

The Golems began to move, and Touch Me readied himself. These Golems were all level 80 and were produced thanks to the Seven Mines that Nazarick held dominion over. Fifty, level 80 Golems that resurrect after a full day of death. They were the second to last defense of Nazarick before the Throne Room where the Pleiadies and Albedo, the Overseer of the Guardians would be the last line. 

As one of the Golem’s slammed his hand down on Touch Me, he blocked the attack before pushing the hand away and rushing one of the the massive golems. 

He didn’t know how long his friends would be gone, but he could spend a few days growing accustomed to his body and skills with these friendly rock boys. 

That way, his family would always be safe. 

— Shalltear —

She walked through the dark green grass with her umbrella hanging over her head. A soft musical hum escaped her lips as she traversed through the forest. 

She had been ordered by the Ruler of Nazarick, Lord Kakuei to explore this forest and examine how powerful the monsters are, so by his command she would see it done. 

“This place is dull for a “lively” forest.” 

Shalltear glanced behind her to see the two humanoid spiders leisurely walking. 

“Well, what did you expect?” The Spider of Black, Ariel asked with a frown. 

“I dunno, maybe some dragons or something.” Spider of White, Shiraori, shrugged in response. 

“The humans did say there was a powerful dragon in this forest, maybe we’ll find it.” Shalltear smiled at the white-haired woman, earning one in return. 

Before entering this forest, the Great Forest of Jura, they came across a group of humans who were about to enter. Insignificant creatures they were, in fact, the first they did upon seeing them was leer. 

A pleased smile crossed Shalltear’s lips as she remembered tearing a few of them limb from limb while interrogating a couple others for any and all information they had on the world. 

Such disgusting creatures wouldn’t be missed, especially if they thought themselves worthy of touching her. 

No, that privilege was reserved solely for Lord Peroroncino. 

So, with the worms dead and a pletfera of information acquired regard not just the world, but the forest in particular, they made their way in. 

Apparently, this forest is home to a mighty dragon, an evil Storm Dragon. Though even as the group of three monsters traversed deeper and deeper into the forest, they couldn’t sense this dragon. 

Could the humans have lied? Perhaps, but she doubted it. They may be insects and utterly worthless, but even the lowest of creatures tended to give in when being tortured. 

They continued walking when suddenly Shalltear stopped. 

“Something wrong?” Ariel asked, eyeing the forest with a bored gaze. 

“Quite the opposite.” Shalltear turned around and smiled before jumping up into the trees.

“She’s gonna make us chase her, isn’t she?” Shiraori asked, glancing at the Spider of Black. 

“Would it be Shalltear if she didn’t mess around?” Ariel answered the Spider of White’s question with another. 

“Hah, damn Vampires.” Shiraori sighed, jumping into the trees with Ariel just behind her. 

Shalltear chased after the scent that had caught her nose. 

Blood. 

Such a thing was unmistakable for one of her kind, a True Vampire, but most interesting was that it wasn’t the blood of an insect, but the blood of a monster. 

Within a couple of minutes, she arrived at the scent and looked down at a clearing in the forest. Her eyes locked onto the forms of two green creatures. 

Could they be goblins? They looked quite a bit different. Less crude if she had to admit, but they still shared some similarities. 

Her eyes locked onto two wolves beside the two ‘goblins’ just as Ariel and Shiraori arrived beside her. 

“Goblins?” Ariel whispered, unamused. 

“With domesticated wolves.” Shalltear added as she looked down at the dead boar that one of the ‘goblins’ was strapping to a wolf. 

“Since when could goblins domesticate dire wolves?” Shiraori questioned with a frown, the gears in her head turning. 

“We’re in an unknown world, anything is possible.” 

“We should report this to the Supreme Ones.” Ariel’s eyes narrowed at the two wolves. 

“No, not yet.” Shalltear shook her head, earning a deep frown from the Spider of Black.

“Why not?” 

Shalltear smiled down at the two Goblins mounting the wolves. 

“Perhaps we can learn more if we follow them.” 

Both Spiders glanced at one another before nodding. 

“Whatever you say, Boss-Lady.” Shiraori saluted. 

As the wolf-riding Goblins began to leave the area, the three monsters followed after them. 

Within fifteen or so minutes, the Goblins arrived at another clearing, forcing the three to stop their pursuit, but as Shalltear’s eyes locked on just what was in this forest clearing, she realized they didn’t need to. 

A settlement of Goblins. As Shalltear’s looked around the fairly large settlement, her eyes locked onto Goblins and Wolves moving around the area. 

Such a place it wasn’t like a normal goblin gathering where there are huts, but instead this place seemed to have a few well constructed buildings…a village of monsters?  

A vicious smirk came to Shalltear’s lips as she watched the same two Goblins from earlier run up to an older looking Goblin.

The existence of such a village…could there be more like them throughout this forest, or even throughout the rest of the world. 

If so, integrating with this world as a whole will be much easier than they could have hoped for!

Oh yes, the Supreme Ones would definitely be pleased to hear their findings.

— Chapter End —

Author’s Note: Shorter chapter than I would like, but I needed to get this out. I apologize for uploading this one so late. I had severe eczema on my hands that prevented me from writing for a while, but it has gone done enough for me to cook again. 

I’ll likely drop a couple Cyberpunk chapters this weekend, so look out for that, and again, The Enlightened One on Tuesday, Spider on Thursday.