Bloody Hands & Mental Scars 1 (Hazbin Hotel, Commission) (Patreon)

Children crying, their souls pulled from their bodies, as gently as possible, but still too young, they don't understand what is happening. I try to keep my voice calm and warm, I try to explain, to make it less painful. Sobs, pain, confusion are the answer. Pleading, begging for me to send them home, to their mothers and fathers.

I don't, I can't. All I can do is gently usher them on, to their afterlife, their blood added to the oceans that already stain my hands.

My eyes snap open as I sit up, tears in my eyes and a choked sob making it so I can't breathe. After a moment, my throat loosens, and I can breathe again. Gulping down air, I try to remain as quiet as possible, while I simultaneously compartmentalize the nightmare.

It was an older one, but far from the worst of my regular nighttime visitors. By comparison to most, it was downright pleasant: I wasn't in the midst of battle, and upon waking up I could remind myself of the positive effects that had come about from it.

“Az?” the gentle voice of the woman in bed with me pulled me from the memories.

I turned, seeing the concern on her face, and tried to give her a reassuring smile. I'm pretty sure I failed.

“Sorry for waking you,” I said.

Her hand came up, cupping my face for a moment, before she sat up, scooting so she sat against the headboard and pulled my head into her lap. She was warm, soft, comforting, safe.

“I wish I could do more for you,” she murmured softly. I lay my hand over the one she still had on my cheek, lacing my fingers with hers.

“You do more than I can put into words,” I told her, gently squeezing her hand. “I have slept better these last few months than I have in the last four millennia. And that's only the start of it.”

She snorted, leaning down and kissing me. A kiss I returned, chaste but overflowing with the emotion we felt for the other. When the kiss broke, I glanced at the clock, and could tell that it was late enough that there was no point in trying to go back to sleep.

With a sigh, I stood up, stretching with a groan and yawn. I hear my girlfriend get up as well, and I turn around to give her a smile.

“You are beautiful in the morning,” I  say honestly.

She gave me a look that was part annoyance but mostly amusement and fondness before answering with, “I'm wearing a baggy shirt nearly as old as I am and sweatpants, my hair's a mess, and it will be an hour before I can get my fur into a semblance of control. You have odd tastes in what constitutes as beautiful.”

Not for the first time since meeting her, I wished that I was better with words, so I could try to explain it to her. A soft smile on her face, she walked forward and took my hands in hers. For a time, we just stood there, gazing into each other's eyes.

Still, much as I’d like to spend all day with her, there was a lot to do today. So as she made her way to the bathroom to shower and get her fur combed, I headed to the kitchen unit to start fixing breakfast. Day old rice mixed with eggs, not quite egg fried rice, but something simple and filling.

The smell of cooking food filled the room, and I was able to hear the water turn off as my girlfriend got out of the shower. Plating up the rice and eggs, I placed them on the table as she joined me, drying her fluffy white hair with a towel.

Pulling out the chair for her, she directed a smile at me as she sat down. Once I was sitting, we began to eat.

The silence was broken when, in the middle of the meal, I noticed she seemed distracted by something, her gaze distant and a somber look in her eyes.

“Everything okay?” I asked her, a small jolt running through her.

“Sorry,” she said, brushing some of her hair out her face. “Just… I died in the late forties, and ever since I’ve been looking for my brother here in Heaven. I haven’t found him, and lately I can’t help but think that he might have…”

I reached across the table, taking her hand in mine, running my thumb over the back of her hand. It wasn’t technically allowed, but if I spoke to some people to get a leave of absence, I could…

“I can’t promise anything quite yet,” I said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “Let me talk to some people, but I might be able to head down and have a look around in Hell, see if I can find him. Is there anyone else you want me to keep an eye out for?”

She hesitated for a brief moment, before saying, “The main one I’m concerned about is my twin Anthony, but if you can find out if our older brother Jonathan is there too I’d appreciate it. I don’t care if my dad’s down there, if I don’t see him for the rest of Eternity I would be happy.”

I nodded, “I’ll do what I can, Molly.”

Giving me a smile, returned the gentle squeeze on her hand, before going back to her food.

[hr][/hr]

“There is no need for you to go to Hell, Lord Azrael, matters there are well in hand,” Sera said, sitting behind her desk.

Narrowing my eyes under my hood, I stared at the seraphim who was my technical superior, my voice in the cool, icy monotone that I was well known for, “I was unaware of any event that would require that particular choice of words. Unless there is something that you are not telling me?”

“Nothing so malicious, Lord Azrael,” she immediately responded. “Merely an incident during the last Extermination.”

I raised an eyebrow, my posture unchanged, even as I was puzzled by her explanation. What Extermination? The last I’d heard, the biggest shake up in Heaven and Hell was a few thousand years ago during… times I didn’t like remembering.

With a sigh that made me refocus on her, the High Seraphim relented, “But if it would appease you, I will grant your request. Provided you do not entirely leave Heaven should your presence be necessary.”

“Very well,” I said, mentally grumbling in annoyance. “I will inform Adam.”

She might have meant for me to simply watch from Heaven, but I had a way to be in multiple places at the same time. I just hated doing it, because controlling multiple bodies simultaneously was extremely difficult and it hurt worse than the time I’d had to deal with the ruler of that one city, Atlantis or R’lyeh or whatever the humans were calling it now.

Leaving Sera’s office, I flew out to the training grounds. Hundreds of angels were running through drills and exercises, and despite having been the ones to train them, I still winced upon seeing their showings. Humans and Heaven’s enemies may have called me the Angel of Death, but I really hated the reminder that I suck at teaching.

It wasn’t like there was any real purpose to having an army in Heaven anymore. The only way for demons to enter Heaven was if they were specifically invited, and the few dozen wars at the beginning of Creation wiped out the majority of the other threats, with the only conceivable one kept asleep by Michael, Gabriel, Uriel, and the others of our ‘generation’ sans myself and Lucifer.

Landing near the main building, I pulled my wings into my body and entered. Adam would be in his office, projecting his image to the counterpart in Hell. From the sounds echoing through the hallway, he was in the middle of some guitar based song.

I couldn’t help but muse that if Adam stuck to music, and let someone else write his songs, he’d be a lot more tolerable to be around. Instead of being an egotistical jackass that occasionally made me mentally recite how much paperwork would be involved if I cut his head off with my sickles, and the odds of sliding back into my habits from before I took the name Azrael.

Putting that thought aside, I caught the tail end of whatever song he was singing as I reached his office, “-ack in six months!”

Entering the office, I shouted over his guitar riff to make sure that he heard me, “ADAM!”

The first man jumped, his guitar flying from his hands as he turned around, “Hey, Big Az! Ready to start up the training for the day?”

“I will be unable to supervise the training for a time,” I told him bluntly. “Instead I will be traveling to Hell for a separate purpose. A purpose that you do not need to know about.”

The last sentence was said with much more intensity than Adam was used to me using, floating back with his hands raised in a placating gesture, “Hey, I know the role of Operational Security, Big Guy. You say I don’t need to know, then I don’t need to know, no matter how curious I might be. But if you’re going to Hell anyway, I might have an idea.”

My eyes narrowed under my hood, and I reluctantly ground out, “Go on…”

“See, I just got off the holo-talk with Lucifer’s crotch spawn, she’s got this fucking hilarious idea of being able to redeem Sinners,” Adam began to explain. Personally, from what was being explained to me, I heartily approved of what my apparent pseudo-niece was attempting to do with this Hotel idea. But what Adam was suggesting…

Cutting through the general Adamness of his words, I condensed it down to, “You wish for me to disguise myself as a Sinner and infiltrate Princess Morningstar’s hotel?”

“A bit of a boring way to phrase it, but basically, Big Az,” Adam agreed with a nod.

“Very well,” I said, stepping back and bracing myself for what I was about to do.

Lucifer could create any number of duplicates of himself cleanly, smoothly, and without any loss in control or power. My particular talents did not allow for me to do so, my duplicates were ugly, ragged things, but equally relevant was that the process took a full minute and was even more painful to witness than it was to do.

To an observer, each and every part of my body (skin, bone, wings, everything) warped and bubbled with the sound of bones snapping repeatedly like each one was trying to drown out the sound of the rest. Then, with a sound of wet, tearing meat, there were two of me, my skin in ragged, torn chunks over slick muscle, but not a drop of blood to be seen, even if my robes didn't completely cover my body.

“Dude, did you have to do that here?” Adam asked as the two of me stood up.

I didn’t answer, instead manually turning both bodies around and departing. It was hardest to control multiple bodies when they were in close proximity, and the end result was both bodies moved with sharp, jerky movements like poorly controlled puppets.

One body, the one that still had my halo over its head, would remain in Heaven, specifically Molly’s apartment so I could spend time with her. The other would go down to Hell, to find Molly’s twin and figure out just what the heck was being kept from me. I was the oldest being currently residing within Heaven, since Father began his slumber after Creation, and I was beginning to wonder if there were things that Sera and Adam were keeping from me.

I also wanted to meet Lucifer’s daughter. I hadn’t realized that I was an unofficial Uncle, and I needed to find out how many birthdays I owed her for missing. Lucifer also needed a talking to, for not inviting me to any of said birthdays.