Nerds! (Patreon)

I know, this has nothing to do with anything. But two things. One, I do want to fulfill my promise of a Thing a Day this month. And I’ve got 19 minutes left before the change of the day Eastern standard time.

Second and this is much more Grand. I recently came into possession of a box of Nerds. Nerds. Like, real, American, two flavors in one box, because I’m old enough to remember what it was like when only one flavor came in one box, fucking nerds. Nerds.

This is probably something that means nothing to you if you’re reading this in the United States. But for me, who lives far away, these aren’t a thing here. So they’re very much a thing.

Before that was a thing they advertised on commercials, where there are two flavors in one box, and now it’s normal? Nerds. Before artificial watermelon, artificial lime, and that artificial blue raspberry, which is a flavor that doesn’t exist in nature, was a thing, Nerds. Nerds.

Take some jack cheese, wrap it in a hotdog, roll it in a pizza, you got cheesy blasters. And then the kids say, “thanks Meatcat,” and then he flies away on his skateboard.

Motherfucking shit, and I know that I’m talking to a lot of people right now who are in their 30s, and older, do you remember what it was like going down to the convenience store, and just literally buying some candy because you had a few bucks in your pocket. And then finding a curb somewhere close by where you and your friends could cross examine the shit that you’ve gotten with their respective few bucks, and you share, and you feel something.

You would feel like you were sneaking something out of the store, even though you just took that shot of high fructose coffee creamer. You bought a drink, so the 15-year-old behind the counter would let it slide. Super squishy. Maximum sugar.

The cooler that had decals that were disguised to make them look like they were extra frosty.

That hotdog when you’re on your way home from the club, and that terrible cheese shit with what could only be roughly described as chili sauce on top. And that always stale steamed bread roll inside that little plastic sack.

Thanks, Apu. 8 minutes left. Apologies for the typos; I’ll repair them tomorrow.

Nerds.