This one’s... (Patreon)

... for all of the folks who say I look sad all the time. I don’t think it’s sad, per se... maybe more “in thought?” Some gals have resting [insert quality] face; I guess I just have resting sad face.

Hey, real quick: I’ve said this in private a lot lately, but I just wanted to say it to all of you, because it means something.

I actually don’t have a very huge Patreon following. I’ve been informed, by close friends and distant acquaintances alike, that this following could be absolutely enormous, if I just went the normal route. But... eh. Those of you who have read back to the very beginning of my posts know why I tend to veer away from the usual cam-girl thing. Instead, with every month that rolls by, I’m consistently flattered and shellshocked by those of you who choose to remain. That you showed up for the boobs, but you stuck around because of… the girl behind them.

So many of you have written me and said that you’ve been able to identify with some of the stuff that I’ve written on a visceral level. So many of you have communicated to me that I am your only subscription on this site, which is actually pretty huge for me in an I’m-doing-something-right kind of way. A decent number of you have iterated that you really, really like my tits, and that’s cool too — some of you who stick around tend to communicate that with a sense of indulgence, which beats the hell out of the usual meretricious stuff (and shit, I do value honesty... nobody knows that I have massive jumblies better than I do). That actually means a lot to me, in ways that I never would’ve been able to express… Well, not too long ago. So, very first, thank you. That means a lot.

The reason I mention this is because it just hit me today that it’s been just about two years since my first Instagram post. I remember what that was like. My last growth spurt was only about a year before, and while I was supremely overjoyed that the whole “uncontrollable growing” part of my life was apparently put to bed, I still had to deal with the aftermath. It’s not easy to be 30, with C cups, and then have life throws you a curve ball like it threw me.

But, I persisted. First, on IG, then here... A bit of a personal social experiment, if you will. And I can’t tell you how many relationships I’ve developed in that time, because I decided to do that. I had become a hermit, but in putting myself out there a little bit, I came out of that shell more than I would have otherwise. It’s been a back-and-forth, sure... I’ve gotten more dick pics that you can possibly imagine, and if I had a nickel for every time I’ve had a milk bottle emoji thrown at me, I would probably be a millionaire by now. But overall, it’s been great, and I am thrilled to say that I’ve grown (in other ways, and) on my own terms.

For the past week, I’ve been in a fairly depressed state, I don’t mind saying. There are things that depress me. Relationships with family and friends, feeling that I’m not doing enough, going to bed at night, regretting all the things that I COULD have done that day... do you ever get that? You’re on your way to sleep, and then your body shocks awake with some innocuous regret that’s weeks old? God, that’s the worst. But for me, at least in the last week or so, it’s more of a “state of the world” malaise.

I was talking with a good friend of mine the other day, and he helped put it into perspective. “It’s easy,” he said. “Society is fragile, and we are fragile. You might never go to Chipotle, which is fine, because diarrhea. But for some reason, knowing that you can’t go to Chipotle is much worse. It’s going to take us a long time to figure out why that is.”

There are a lot of layers to what he said, and I paid a lot of attention, because he’s a smart person, and wise, and when smart, wise people put complicated issues in terms of poop, I tend to listen. I’m only a little smart, and only a little wise, and I have a brain like a 13-year-old, so when somebody says poop, I pay attention, and the rest of it kind of sinks in to the periphery of my head.

I’ve been wondering lately about how a lot of you are doing. Some of you I know well, some of you only a little. And if you’re reading this right now, that means that you’re one of not very many. But, the reason you’re still here, is because you like what I have to offer; in exchange, I like you, because you are chill. For what it’s worth, we’ve actually established a bit of a community in these weird times. Isn’t that crazy? Denizens of the internet, and all, united in the mutual strangeness that is everything?

I’m getting damn close to rambling. And frankly, all of this is just kind of freely pouring out of my head. The fun thing, is that I have five more pictures from this set, that I will be posting over the next five days. Hopefully, by the time I get to the last picture, I will have actually figured out a way to say, in all of my wordiness, what I want to say.

I don’t know what the long version of that is yet, but I do know that the short version is: you are welcome here, and thank you, and we are all in this together, aren’t we.