Comment of the week. Part 1 (Patreon)

So, this is something that I think would be cool to start. If at any point it becomes too redundant, let me know.

But here's the thing. As a woman on the internet a (WOTI?), you do, in fact, open yourself up to any manner of lewd, lascivious, strange, inappropriate, and odd commentary. I will say, that since this whole experiment began, of putting myself (busty version) out there, that the majority of the feedback has been... great. The vast majority of folks are inquisitive (which is always appreciated); coy (fun, if done cleverly); conciliatory; supportive; or are at the very darned least, well-meaning.

Still, there are some comments that I stumble across -- the ones that I read, and say to myself: "A human being wrote this. Somewhere, out there in the wide, wide world, a fellow homo sapien sat down, saw something I posted, and decided that, with their command of language (no offense if English isn't your first language -- we're talking intent here), that this was precisely the way to get me to say, 'oh, hi there, Jolly Roger.'"

For me, it's a curiosity. I feel no fear, trepidation, or lack of safety from any of these messages. Nor do I feel a sense of repulsion or ill will toward the authors. People, I suppose, express themselves in odd ways sometimes. And when they do, it's... just weird, like a two-headed goat is weird, or how that new Kanye West video with the square shoulders is weird. You look at it for a second, do an eyebrow arch, tilt you head, and say, "huh."

So, I thought it'd be fun to take one of those quotes every so often, dissect it, and see what it's all about. Names have been withheld to protect the innocent, and all that good stuff.

And, in the off chance that one of these absurd little blurbs is yours... I dunno. Take a Cotillion class, or read a book, or something.

My intent here isn't to insult. My intent is to acknowledge absurdity when it comes across (sometimes close-to-literally) my proverbial desk.

And with that, we lead into this sparkling entry. Re-read the above c&p, and see my response below.

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Dear Commenter,

Firstly, thank you. I find your use of redundant lettering to be quite interesting in an alliterative sort of way (if not by definition, that's how it strikes me in a guttural way). I have always believed that language is a living, breathing, organic artform, so I am thrilled that you've taken it upon yourself to adapt its usage in such a novel format.

I must also take a moment to say thank you for the compliment. I am flattered that you find me to be sexy with two x's; though I can't deny that I must express a slight hint of disappointment over not meriting a third 'x'.

The only point of concern I take with your missive is the comment about my ass. Firstly, I do not know you, and as such, I doubt you can miss me very much. Secondly, I am not a person who is very well-known for her ass — as curvaceous as I am, my backside is not a part of the curvature. It is concave, at best. While I appreciate your intent, I believe you may be factually mistaken.

The last part of your message involved holding, hugging, and kissing, though I'm not quite sure where the "taking" part comes in. If you would like to sweep me off my feet, I'm afraid you'll have to buy me dinner first. I'm positive that you're not referring to kidnapping, as that is a federal offense, and is generally frowned upon in a civilized society.

In any case, Dear Commenter, I thank you for taking the time. This repartee filled me with a sense of curiosity; mostly, I'm concerned that I've been misspelling "fucking" for too long, and have robbed myself of the opportunity to lay it out as "fuckiin," which, I'm sure we can all agree, is a much more emphatic linguistic turn. May we all benefit from your interpolation, and strive to incorporate the organic qualities it represents in our future conversations.

Very Sincerely,

Heather