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It's time for another episode of the world's HOTTEST reality show - STRATEGIES!

Special thanks to our guest Brendan Gardiner!

Next up: To Arkham and the Stars

Comments

Anonymous

Well, the Bezos theft question has no moral ambiguity whatsoever, provided the orphans can get away with the cool mil. Chad, on billionaires "giving money away," Chris is quite right--it's often sums that seem large to layfolk like us, but not nearly significant enough to effect a meaningful systemic improvement for anyone. The main purposes of charity for the rich are good publicity and, moreso, getting tax breaks so they can keep more of the money than they stand to keep *without* such acts. And that's ignoring that often they donate to an organization they *own,* either directly or through a chain of subsidiaries, and basically none of it is used for actual charity. On the topic of alien contact, I think my answer is a bit similar to Chad's. I'd not so much give advice myself as delegate--I'd direct them to various organizations doing good for its own sake, especially ones that could use more support. Folks who are trying to help others, but are suffering from a lack of resources or lack of a voice--being the contactees of honest to Gods aliens would certainly put them front and center in the media, and give them a platform they otherwise would lack. Maybe Indigenous liberation groups? Aliens befriending the Zapatistas would certainly make things interesting...

Anonymous

I almost choked to death after Brendan said the orphans would have no incentive to be adopted. The only thing that makes me sad is that if I died, no one would know that was the line that did me in.

Anonymous

For the Bezos cash strategy - I'd ask the guy if he needs an assist for another grab, because Bezos missing a million dollars, that just means he can buy one less ivory backscratcher, or whatever his equivalent is. The coffee one is easy too. There's no need to save face - just hold the line that the coffee's awful and maintain an intense stare right at him as I pour it out in the trash. Make him question his reality/taste!

Anonymous

Right now Bezos is using his Washington Post to pump up fear ,keep his company going while destroying small business, he has increased his wealth by 24 billion, so the question is ridiculous. The max adult height of 6'6" is unanswerable due to my max height of 6'7"

Anonymous

It does help that the biggest YouTubers tend to either be wealthy brats that film themselves making fun of a suicide victim or white supremacists who got popular screaming at video games.

Anonymous

For real, who among us hasn't lost their equilibrium and been taken for a ride? If you get a cotton candy out of it, count your blessings and try not wonder what happened to your pretzel.

Anonymous

I just assume I ate it. Why else would I come to with that salty taste in my mouth?

Anonymous

Why give Bezos his million back when you could give him a much cheaper guillotine instead?

Anonymous

He likes to shave his head, so he could use a handy device built for taking a little off the top!

Anonymous

Gents, it sounds like you needed this one. I'm glad you did it. Bezos? I have no sympathy at all for those who hoard wealth. Bleed that dragon and feed the blood to orphans, I say. Aliens? Time for a cultural exchange. Let me live among the aliens for a bit, learn what they're all about, and then I'll have some sense as to how they should proceed. If I don't know anything about them, I'm certain to muck things up. Odds are high I end up nursing a chest-burster or totally mad from the alienness of the aliens, but, heck, if they can make a bad choice by choosing me, I can make a bad choice by choosing to hang with my call homies. Growing? The key here is forced perspective. If I can just keep folks on the proper side of the room, I'll look tiny to all observers. Then I can wear whatever I like. Kiss? Two notches below Princess Bride. Lost love with my jar o' ointment? I lock eyes with her and say, "So it was you. It was you all along."

Anonymous

The Sea Dweller pickup line that works (or, um, so I’ve heard) is “Hey, do you come to Friday’s at the Esoteric Order of Dagon Hall often?” followed by “Are you a friend or anemone?” That one never gets old. Or on Sea Dwellers’ nerves.

Anonymous

I would ask the guy who stole from Bezos what his favourite kind of booze is and go buy that king a bottle of it.